Questioning my salvation

Heath18 · Mar 17, 2018

When I was young, I stumbled across inappropriate contentography on the internet. As time passed by I progressively started to view it more and more. Around this time I went to a service at a local church, and when they asked for people who had never given their hearts to Jesus to come to the front, I went. Ever since I can remember I have always believed that the entire Bible is true.

Soon after that I started to realize that maybe viewing inappropriate contentography was a sin and I needed to stop. Throughout middle school and high school, I tried over and over to stop viewing inappropriate contentography but every time the temptation of it was so strong that I would get pulled back into it. For awhile I made the habit of praying for God to help me to permanently stop watching inappropriate contentography, but I never broke free of it. I never stopped believing that the Bible was true though. I began attending a church regularly during my senior year of high school and I once again tried to break my addiction but I always failed. I also start to try and read my Bible regularly, but I didn’t feel any deep connection with it.

After I graduated, I eventually stopped attending church and I stopped fighting against inappropriate contentography. I talked with my brother about the Bible and I told him how Jesus said that anytime you look at a woman with lust you commit adultery in your heart. He said that it must mean something different because he can’t help the way he looks at women. I agreed with him and said that it must mean something different, even though in my heart I knew it was true.

As the days went on, I started to become extremely afraid and question if I was going to Heaven or Hell. I came across articles about the unpardonable sin and I was completely terrified that I could have committed it when I doubted the Bible with my brother. I started to read article after article about it. I began to feel doomed and eternally damned and that no matter what I did, I was going to Hell. I read many articles about repentance and I tried my best to confess everything to Jesus multiple times and I genuinely wanted to repent but I felt that something deep down inside of me was wrong because I remembered how I could never stop watching inappropriate contentography.

Then I questioned if I truly believed in Jesus and I thought that maybe I have never been truly saved and born again, even though I always thought I was. Even after feeling all of that I continued to not be able to stop watching inappropriate contentography. I have read the meaning of Christ's death on the cross but I don't feel any gratefulness or joy, and I am terrified because I feel that I should and I want to feel grateful so bad. I want to be overcome with emotion about it, but I don't feel any connection to it.

What should I do...?

mukk_in · Mar 17, 2018

He whom the Son sets free, shall be free indeed. You have already been set free son. But you have to start believing and accepting it. Only the power of the Holy Spirit can break those yokes. Don't worry about your salvation, because you're saved. But, do spend more time in prayer and His word. Faith only comes by being in God's word. There're some forums here for such addictions. Also, have an accountability partner to help you manage those urges. Hope that helps. God bless

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Theophan · Mar 17, 2018

If you are open to it, I can help you understand yourself, with the grace of God. I have journeyed along a very similar path. Send me a private message if you are interested.

Not me · Mar 17, 2018

You are in the school of Christ. He is bringing you to a place where you see that you have no help but from Him alone. So that you come to the place that Paul did when he cried out “oh wretched man that I am” Your freedom from sin(s) will come when you learn what it means to “reckon yourself dead”.
For when Christ died you died. It is your death in Christ that sets you free. For consider;

How could you be guaranteed never to sin again? It is if right this second you died. If you died you would be freedom from all sin. Well, you have died when Christ died. It is seeing this truth that sets a person free. It is grasping your death in Christ as your only hope to be free from sin, (which it is.) But people (Christians) are failing to see this truth that is why they are constantly failing. It is when a person comes to the place where they would rather die than sin. It is than that they grab onto the life line that Christ has given “reckon yourself died” for when He died we died. Ask God if there is any truth in these writing. For there is help to all that are in bondage to sin and self in the understanding of these words “reckon yourself died”

Much love and prayers, Not me

R. Hartono · Mar 17, 2018

Its not easy to bear the cross of Jesus which means we must deny our lust and dignity and prideness, we may fall again and again but we must get up and carry on with the cross until the end. Be grateful that we are given a chance to bear the cross of Salvation of Jesus Christ.

salt-n-light · Mar 17, 2018

Its gonna sound like a harsh response, but its needed...

You need to actually give your life to Christ. That requires you self to die first, and for you to then be born again in Christ. You can't skip steps.

From reading the post, you sound like you knew of Christ, you did the religious practices without any true understanding of who God was personally, you saw value but never believed in it, you heard God's promises but never trusted it, and it set a stage for you to be easily swayed by the words of your brother. The foundation wasn't established well, so when time to stand against harsh condition, it blew off like paper. Harsh words, but you have to first be real with yourself in this walk, and examine whether or not you actually want to deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Him. If you don't, then nothing will change.

Think about it, all this was done while you were in the midst of hearing the Word. So now, actually seek after the Word, and know who God is and what he said about it and why. Then make your decision. That's the bottom line. At the end of the day, its either you are pursuing Him or running away from Him. He laid out the promises for those who seek after Him and His righteousness, its either you turn from the sin, obey, and trust it, or stay in it, rebel, and don't. You can go to church til kingdom come, but its either you are actually His, or you're for yourself.

This walk is a covenant, if you want God to help you, you gonna pull your end of the bargain. I pray that you seek after that and ask God to help you do that. If you go after Him, He will come to you. But actually go after Him.

salt-n-light · Mar 17, 2018

Jesus never told them that, they decided within themselves to repress, which Paul told Timothy that it's foolish to be legalistic in your approach to the things of God (1 Timothy 4:1-3). But if they want to be eunuchs for God, then God will honor it (1 Corinthians 7:25-40). So in short, my opinion, no need to legalize celibacy, but celibacy is honorable. If they deviated from that, that because they trust themselves more than God, that simple.

Who said to pray the sexuality away? lol. God is not a genie, God gave us Jesus to pave the way to overcome sin, God gave us grace, the Holy Spirit, and the Word to guide us through how to deal with these urges, and it's up to people to decide whether they actually want to take that opportunity and run with it, obey and understand and overcome, or if they wanna cut corners and decide in their own mind how they wanna do things.

Spoiler alert: DIY never works, you always come up short one way or another.

Idk, anytime someone says " you can't pray the sexuality away" automatically shows me three things:

1.They don't know what God said about sexuality is and how it works, what its design for, the responsibilities, etc.
2. They don't know what prayer is and how it works.
3. They see feelings of man more of a truth that the promises of God.

Gonna know what the Word say about it man.

dqhall · Mar 17, 2018

You should not be going to inappropriate content sites. There ought to be something better to do with your time. Even if you learn to avoid inappropriate content sites, there may be temptation to have inappropriate content images in your memory unless you make efforts to block the images. Sexual morality is important. Someone taught me a simple formula: Celibacy as a single, fidelity in marriage. Always remember you should not get a woman pregnant out of wedlock. Some of those who did not are paying court ordered child support payments. In some states people who did not pay court ordered child support were jailed on felony or misdemeanor charges of desertion and failure to support. There are deadly diseases being passed around, including HIV, hepatitis, HPV etc. Some bisexual men passed diseases associated with homosexuality to heterosexual women. This is another reason Paul preached against fornication.

It is not easy being moral. While doing online dating, I met a woman who told me she divorced her third husband for not giving her enough sex. She told me she wanted premarital sex. In spite of temptation my mouth said, "No." The good Lord seemed to be moving my hand to block her from contacting me in the dating service. I deleted her name and number from my phone contact list. I did this because I meditated on Biblical teachings against fornication more than on inappropriate content.

discipler7 · Mar 17, 2018

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For a start, read my summary of the Bible or Word of God.

0. God is Omnipotent, Omnipresent and Omniscient. God has His throne in heaven.(EZE.1, REV.4) Satan and his demons rebelled against God.(ISA.14:12, EZE.28:17, REV.12:4-9)
....... God-in-heaven desired to replace the spiritual rebels with S'piritual humans. Earth is like a test-bed for this purpose.

1. On earth, all humans are born sinful/evil/satanic because of Adam's Original Sin = unclean/dirty/unholy = bound for hell when they die.(ROM.5:12)

2. No humans on earth can see the true face of God and live.(EXO.33:20, JOHN.1:18 & 5:37)

3. To save fallen humans, God-in-heaven endeavoured to come down to earth in lesser forms as the invisible Spirit or as the visible human(= Angel of God or Jesus Christ). (JOHN.8:58/EXO.3:14, JOHN.1:1 & 14, 1TIM.3:16, 2COR.3:17, ISA.9:6)
....... As the Spirit, God-in-heaven gave His Law to Moses and the Jews, in order to curb humans' inborn tendency to commit sins/evil-deeds/satanic-deeds.(DEUT.28)
....... As Jesus Christ, God-in-heaven gave the apostles and Christians the sacrificial Lamb of God on the Cross(JOHN.1:29), in order to save them from hell when they die = the free gift of salvation or the kingdom of heaven through faith.(JOHN.3:16, MATT.4:17, GAL.2:16)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

A good analogy of our One and Only God is our one and only sun.
... God-the-Father-in-heaven sends His invisible Spirit and His visible Son-Jesus to earth to sustain immortal life = the sun-in-outer-space sends her invisible warmth/heat and her visible light to earth to sustain mortal life.
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The Bible or Word of God can be broken down into 2 parts, the Old and New Testaments/Covenants, ie,

(i) if you wanna have a good n long life on earth, you need to keep the Law/Word of God.(DEUT.28, MATT.19:21, ACTS.15:24-29, cf; 1COR.5:1-5 & 11:30, 1JOHN.5:16-19),

(ii) if you wanna go to heaven when you die, you need to be saved from hell by Jesus the Christ/Messiah/Savior.(MATT.5:27-30, ROM.5:12, LEV.17:11, HEB.9:22, JOHN.3:16, 1COR.6:9-11, REV.22:12-15)

Christians should aim to achieve both, ie to gain both blessings from God, eg MATT.19:23.
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Bc of our inherited Adam's Original Sin, we have the dual problems of INVOLUNTARY satanic/evil/sinful thoughts, eg immoral lust, hate, anger, greed, selfishness, jealousy, fear/worries, doubts, etc, ...and VOLUNTARY satanic/evil/sinful deeds, eg blasphemy, idolatry, murder, adultery/fornication/rape, stealing, lying/cheating/defrauding, etc.
....... The former resulted in being cursed/sent to hell when we die(GEN.3:14-16) and the latter resulted in being cursed by God with a sad and short life on earth. God's Law solved the latter and God's Son solved the former.
....... Usually, before someone committed murder, he/she had originally harbored hate or greed or lust or jealousy or etc in his/her heart and mind.(source is spiritually from Satan - JOHN.8:44, MATT.16:23 & 23:27, MARK.7:21, 1JOHN.3:8)) IOW, all humans are born satanic/evil/sinful/unclean, from their hearts to their feet.
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At ACTS.15:24-29, God/Jesus requires Gentile Christians to begin their born-again lives of the Spirit by keeping 4 easy or non-burdensome laws of Moses, ie avoid eating blood, strangled animals, foods sacrificed to idols and sexual immorality = minimum legal requirement. They r then given time to learn to gradually keep the other laws of Moses which are not a burden, esp morality laws, eg the Ten Commandments at EXODUS.20, LEVITICUS.10:9, DEUTERONOMY.18:9-14, etc.
....... In comparison, Jewish Christians are required by God/Jesus to continue to keep Moses Law, as many as possible, because it is not a burden to them.
....... Eg, Gentile Christians should still avoid homosexuality and continue to eat non-kosher foods because the former is not a burden but the latter is a burden(ie it's a burden for them to keep the food laws).
... Faith in God's Son, Jesus = faith in God's Word/Law/commandments because JOHN.1:1 says the Son is the Word and is also God.

We need to properly differentiate between involuntary satanic/evil/sinful thoughts and voluntary sins/evil deeds, and between involuntary or inborn Gentile and Jewish Christians.

Analogy about involuntary evil/satanic thoughts and voluntary evil-deeds/sins - black crows often squawks noisily over our heads but we should not let them build their dirty nests on our heads.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

About the lust in our hearts at MATTHEW.5:27-30 -48, Jesus Christ was telling the Pharisees and stubborn Jews that if they continued to reject Him as their Messiah/Christ/Saviour but still wanted to be saved from hell, then they would have to pluck out their eyes(= can't see women = can't lust in their hearts and minds) and chop off their limbs, turn the other cheek, love their enemies, walk the extra mile and lend to all who ask. The keeping of Moses Law could not save them from hell.
....... Since Christians have already accepted Jesus as their Christ/Messiah/Saviour(= saved from hell when they die - JOHN.3:16), they do not have to do such foolish things.
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P S - Young unmarried people watching inappropriate contentography and masturbating may likely not be a sin/evil-deed/law-breaking, as long as no harm results, eg avoid excessive marturbation. Sex is a biological need, similar to the need to eat and drink - "Go forth and multiply". Sexual harassment, rape, hedonism, mindless fornication, adultery, homosexuality, incest, prostitution, etc are sins.
....... Of course, it's better for a boy to have a gf or wife and to remain faithful until they die.

Ματθαίος · Mar 17, 2018

Find a wife.

LovebirdsFlying · Mar 17, 2018

MOD HAT ON

This thread is closed for review.

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FreeinChrist · Mar 20, 2018

MOD HAT

This has had a clean up and is being reopened. Please stay within the site rules.

Kristen Davis · Mar 21, 2018

Well what helped me is the fact that I did not fathom the idea of wanting to fill my mind as the type of woman that inappropriate content portrays. In your case you don't want to be the type of man that permits immoral sensuality given to a woman because you have moral values.
Lastly remember the bible verse in Thessalonians protect and guard your vessel (body) from sensual immorality (anything related to inappropriate content or sensual immorality in general)

FutureAndAHope · Mar 22, 2018

You mentioned the fear of the unpardonable sin, I don't believe you have committed it see Is there an unpardonable sin, what is blasphemy of the holy spirit. for reasons why.

As for your struggle with inappropriate content, it can be overcome. It is a matter of being forceful, building attitude of obedience regardless of the temporary pain it causes your emotions. The bible also says "Pray that you enter not into temptation", that does not mean a one off prayer will stop you sinning, rather abiding in God's word and presence will help strengthen you against sin.

Make a choice live by it.

tundrawolf · Mar 22, 2018

One thing my recent struggles have taught me that how I feel and understand things in life can be diametrically different than what is going on with God Basically how I "feel" has no bearing on reality. But more than that, I have come to witness that the single most powerful force in existence is the ability of God to honor the contract of salvation with us... Even if we do not feel saved or good that never changes the incredible grip He has on our souls...

Recently God showed me I have been a few in the palm of His hand through every moment of my life, even kept safe during my rebellion, although I did open myself up to the enemy and have had to endure the torment of that, it did not change how secure I was. The power of God is just that, the power of the almighty God, so powerful that nothing can take us out of His hands regardless of how we feel.

Kristen Davis · Mar 22, 2018

Yes the lord will never leave you nor forsake you as long as you shall live!

Sarah Alias · Mar 24, 2018

I grew up in church and I also struggled with sin. It wasn't inappropriate contentagraphy, but it was similar in that no matter how many times I asked God to forgive me and no matter how many times I tried to do better I just couldn't. I began to feel more and more convinced that I was not a real Christian and I was terrified. For two weeks I prayed fervently every night that God would forgive me and everyday I tried to do better, but I actually got worse and worse, until one night I was so desperate, because I was convinced that the very next day would be my last and I would be in hell for my sins. So that night I continued to pray late into the night and all I felt was that God was angry with me, and I did not think he forgave me at all. I remembered the story about Jesus and how he gave his life and died on the cross for our sins, so that we could be forgiven, and I began to doubt if that it was true. I didn't feel forgiven, and I thought, "what if the story of forgiveness in Jesus is just a myth? What if there is nothing that could make up for my sins and what if everyone goes to Hell when they die and any hope in salvation and in going to Heaven is a delusion?" But then I remembered my pastor and people from my church and evangelists I had seen growing up and how they had such a genuine smile every time they spoke of Christ and how there was so much hope and confidence in their eyes, and I was convinced that there must be something true to what they said, and that Jesus must be real and have really saved them. So then I thought, if Jesus is real, then God has to forgive me, because it wouldn't be just for him to send me to Hell if I believe in him. So I prayed again, "Lord, please forgive me for my sins, please forgive me, please forgive me," and by the third time I said, "Please forgive me," I stopped, because I knew that God had heard and answered. For the first time in my life I had real joy and was so happy I could not even explain it. It was almost as if I could look up and see God smiling (not literally, but I could feel his presence and his love and his glory surrounding me). At that moment the sin I had, which was bitterness and hatred, was gone and instead of hatred I felt love and my sister who I had hated so much that I wished she was dead I now loved and wanted her to know God's love too. At that moment I knew that God would welcome me into Heaven, and I almost didn't care anymore, because I was too happy just to know God's love and holiness, and I worshipped God in a way I never had before. It was then I knew that I had been born again and was really a Christian.

For a long time afterward I wondered why God hadn't revealed himself to me sooner, and why it took 2 weeks of desperate prayer before God heard and forgave me. I think now it was because I had not really put my trust in Jesus until that night. God forgives sinners, but he only forgives us because our sins are atoned for by his son Jesus. Until we put all our hope in Jesus and not in any ability we have to change ourselves, we will not be saved. I used to believed that Jesus died for me to have a second chance and then it was up to me to stop sinning, but this is not true. Jesus died to pardon all the sins I ever committed as well as all the sins I would ever will commit in the future. In fact, apart from him, I did not even have the power to stop sinning.

I do not believe you have committed the unforgivable sin. "For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt." (Hebrews 6:4-6) If you had committed the unforgivable sin, then it would be impossible to restore you to repentance, but you do not seem like someone who is unwilling to repent, just someone who is unable to free himself from his sin. God is not waiting for you to straighten up and stop looking at inappropriate content before he forgives you. Place your hope in Jesus and in him alone, and he will save you from the punishment of your sin and also the power of that sin, and will help you to walk in his ways.

Sarah Alias · Mar 24, 2018

P S - Young unmarried people watching inappropriate contentography and masturbating may likely not be a sin/evil-deed/law-breaking, as long as no harm results, eg avoid excessive marturbation. Sex is a biological need, similar to the need to eat and drink - "Go forth and multiply". Sexual harassment, rape, hedonism, mindless fornication, adultery, homosexuality, incest, prostitution, etc are sins.
....... Of course, it's better for a boy to have a gf or wife and to remain faithful until they die.[/QUOTE]

I contend that sex is not a biological need. If one does not eat, one will eventually starve to death; If one does not drink, one will die of thirst; If one does not have sex, one may feel horny or uncomfortable but will not die from it. The body has natural ways to release sexual tension, even unconsciously (e.g. wet dreams). If you believe sex is a biological need, then your mind will convince you that you need sex, even though it is possible to live without sex. I would also caution against getting into a romantic relationship just to fulfill sexual desire. Not everyone has the luxury of having a wife or husband, and sexual purity is still a command. inappropriate contentography is harmful because it harms and degrades women and supporting such an industry is not good.

discipler7 · Mar 24, 2018

That's the difference between boys and girls, ie it's a biological need for unmarried boys to touch periodically and for unmarried girls to excrete menstrual blood or feel sexy moon-monthly.

Wet dreams = release sexual tension unconsciously = no need masturbation ,
Masturbation = release sexual tension consciously = no need wet dreams.

Also, at GENESIS.3:14-17, Eve and her female progenies have been cursed by God with the emotional need to fall in love with a husband or bf and to bear children in pain, whereas boys do not really fall in love but have been cursed by God with the economical need to slog for a living(unlike the birds and the bees).
....... Both have been cursed by God to be at enmity with the devil/serpent and to mortally die, ie could not partake of the tree of life = no immortal or eternal life.

Hence, some girls end up being emotionally bullied/abused by their husbands/bf's, eg Rihanna and Chris Brown in 2009.

Mountainmanbob · Mar 24, 2018

Questioning my salvation

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