Question to all married peoples!

O_Sky20

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Hello married peoples!

I am single, but I feel this is the most appropriate place to ask. I am in need of your help!

I have a friend (she is also a Christian) and we have some different opinions on how one can recognize a future spouse. She says that when she meets her future spouse, she’ll know right away (like on the very first day of them meeting each other). She says because she’ll be able to feel a really good connection and she’ll feel it in her heart that he is “the one” for her.

I told her I don’t believe it works like this for all couples because her reasoning sounds very “emotional” to me. I believe that love is based more off of a decision and actions; therefore I believe you have to talk to the person for longer than 1 single day in order to find out if they are someone that you would marry.

My question is for these two groups of married people:

1.
How many people knew right away (like on the first day) that they were going to marry their current spouse?

2.
How many people found out after the first day of meeting their current spouse? If you apply to this group, did you ever once think that your current spouse was NOT marriage material in the beginning before you married him or her?
 

MoodyBlue

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My future wife and I had a pretty good first date, but no way would I have thought we would later be married. I think it was a few weeks before I was infatuated with her, but not totally convinced we were in it for the long haul for probably a couple of years. I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to claims of "love at first sight" - one may have a strong attraction, sure - but, "love"?
 
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BereanTodd

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I certainly didn't know right away, it took awhile - though by rights we did do things quickly. We were engaged after 5 months, married at 13 months together.

But I think there is a problem/issue with qorrying about who is THE right person. I think you should be more concerned with finding the right KIND of person. Find someone with a strong walk with the Lord who has and exhibits the right qualities. From there you will figure out if it is THE right person.
 
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WolfGate

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I met my wife one evening when she came by a party we had where I lived during college.

The next day she came back and brought her roomate.

I dated her roomate for about 3 months. During that time my DW and I became very close friends. It also became clear that her roomate and I were going to be nothing more than casual dates - so we stopped dating.

Not long after that, my wife and I started dating. We've now been happily married almost 20 years.

I think your friends view on her future spouse comes from watching too many Disney Princess movies :p
 
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bliz

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Neither of us knew right away, though he knew before we started dating - we had been friends for several years.

But I know several people who say they knew right away the first time they met and they have been happily married for decades now. Of course, I know a whole lot more people who knew right away as soon as they met... but it still did not happen.
 
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snoochface

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I did not know right away.

But -- the very first time I laid eyes on my husband, I thought to myself, "I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with a guy like that?" I had that thought because he was so obviously a kind, gentle, genuine guy. He wears it all over his face. And I had never been in a relationship with a really nice guy before.

So in that sense, I knew he was a good one right away. I knew I would like to marry him quickly after we started dating, but I didn't know that I would marry him until he asked about three months later.
 
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FaithfulWife

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My question is for these two groups of married people:

1.
How many people knew right away (like on the first day) that they were going to marry their current spouse?

I did not know the first day that I was going to marry my spouse. Honestly when I first was aware of his existence, we were both on a forum for dealing with a spouse that had an affair and divorced us. So on that forum, I pretty much spoke in private PMs with other ladies to avoid tempting either myself or a fella! But I was aware he existed and we did write in public and respond to each other's threads etc. Thus I knew some things about him before I even considered a relationship! I knew he was smart as a whip and funny as Monty Python--I mean SHARP witted! :p I knew he was a Christian and that he was dedicated to his children. I had a general feel for the sort of man he was, the sort of person he was, and some of the qualities he had.

Thus...by the time we did finally admit to having feelings for each other and consider a relationship, I'd already known of his existence and knew enough about him to think highly of him!

2.
How many people found out after the first day of meeting their current spouse? If you apply to this group, did you ever once think that your current spouse was NOT marriage material in the beginning before you married him or her?

I do fall into this group technically. I did not "know" on the very first date but
I knew VERY SHORTLY that he was the sort of man I'd consider seriously. I never once thought that he wasn't marriage material, because I didn't tend to date men twice whom I didn't consider marriage material. (Oh by the way, that's not as awful as it sounds. I like men and had plenty of men who where friends, but I wouldn't ask a fella to date me unless I already had a bit of a thing for him and at least knew enough about him to hold him in high regard--know what I mean? ;) )

For me it was not like being struck by lightening but rather more like this:

He's really intelligent (+ brownie points)
He's SUPER FUNNY (+ brownie points)
He's dedicated to his children (+ brownie points)
He's a christian (+ brownie points)
He's demonstrated commitment and responsibility (+ brownie points)

...the brownie points kept adding up until I thought "Hey, he'd be someone I'd date!" So when he asked me out I said yes. From that date, we were engaged in four months and married in just under 12 months.
progress.gif
 
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hsmommyofmany

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stormking,

i myself did not even like my husband when we first met. i thought he was a dork. after about a year of dating we both knew that we were going to get married. we got married 7 years after we met. i think the most important thing to remember is that know matter how you "know" , marriage is a choice, a commitment and should be lifelong. the passion fades quickly and if you are not careful there may be nothing left after that. it is definately not something to enter into lightly.
 
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katautumn

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For the first year I never assumed I would marry my husband. Since we were both divorced, we were a bit cynical about marriage. It came as a shock to me when Jim proposed. I put off marrying him for almost a year. :)
 
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darkshadow

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My question is for these two groups of married people:

1.
How many people knew right away (like on the first day) that they were going to marry their current spouse?

2.
How many people found out after the first day of meeting their current spouse? If you apply to this group, did you ever once think that your current spouse was NOT marriage material in the beginning before you married him or her?

This is going to sound odd, but I actually had a dream of what my wife looked like years before I met her. Both our first year of college we went to the same college, hung around the same friends, went to the same outings, and did not meet until our 2nd year of college. I was dating one of her friends and met her with the friend at my dorm, and the dream I had had years earlier came back to me. I literally had déjà vu. We have had some bad times, but I know that she is the one that God chose for me for a reason. Oh forgot to mention we were married 6 months later and have been married for 13 years. Defiantly love at first site.
 
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sdmsanjose

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  • How many people knew right away (like on the first day) that they were going to marry their current spouse?

I did not know I was going to marry my wife until after a year of dating







2.
How many people found out after the first day of meeting their current spouse? If you apply to this group, did you ever once think that your current spouse was NOT marriage material in the beginning before you married him or her?

I did not think about marriage in the beginning


I would be scarred to death to make a life long decision about an intimate relationship with a person that I only knew for a day, a week or a month.

My wife and I will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary this December.
 
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Rebekka

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Hello married peoples!

I am single, but I feel this is the most appropriate place to ask. I am in need of your help!

I have a friend (she is also a Christian) and we have some different opinions on how one can recognize a future spouse. She says that when she meets her future spouse, she’ll know right away (like on the very first day of them meeting each other). She says because she’ll be able to feel a really good connection and she’ll feel it in her heart that he is “the one” for her.

I told her I don’t believe it works like this for all couples because her reasoning sounds very “emotional” to me. I believe that love is based more off of a decision and actions; therefore I believe you have to talk to the person for longer than 1 single day in order to find out if they are someone that you would marry.

My question is for these two groups of married people:

1. How many people knew right away (like on the first day) that they were going to marry their current spouse?

2. How many people found out after the first day of meeting their current spouse? If you apply to this group, did you ever once think that your current spouse was NOT marriage material in the beginning before you married him or her?
My husband knew right away, on the night we met.

I felt an instant connection, too, but didn't have romance on my mind so I didn't see him as a potential boyfriend, let alone husband. I did know the second time I saw him, the minute he arrived at my door. That was on our first date, six days after our first meeting. So from the moment that we started dating I never thought that he was not marriage material - I knew he was the one before the door of my apartment was closed, LOL. But before he called me to ask me out, I didn't think of him as marriage material.

It's different for each person, so I would never say that a relationship that isn't developing as quickly as hours (engaged 8 days after our first meeting) is doomed.

We got married on the first anniversary of our first meeting. We've been very happily married for 4 years and 4 months.


I knew pretty much rightaway with my husband, and he with me, but in the career field I still haven't a clue about what I want to be when - I mean IF - I grow up. :sorry:
 
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Antje

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I spent the first few months of our relationship thinking that we were going to break up any day. (I'm kinda silly and paranoid that way, that's just me.) After about a year, I realized that nothing we'd gone through had broken us up yet, and that probably meant that we could stay together through anything, and that probably meant we would be getting married someday.

So it took me about a year to realize that we were going to marry each other. We got engaged after 2 years, and married at 2.75 years.
 
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felinity

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My husband and I met online, and we became friends over a couple of months. My initial impression of him as I got to know him online was that he definitely wasn't my type. It took a little more getting to know him, and a bit of soul-searching on my own, before I decided that "my type" was the completely WRONG type, and that I'd never met a man like my (future) husband.

By the time we met in person, about six months later, I was pretty sure he was the person I wanted to spend my life with. I knew, I think, in the first day we spent together, that I wanted to marry him, but it took a lot of getting to know one another while apart before I got there.
 
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