Question about my pastor who locked my phone

[Strong in Him]

Hi,

I have a question that I would like to ask you guys. My pastor is very concerned about the technology within the church and he said that we needed to have our devices locked so that way there would be some form of control over what we do on our devices.

I don't actually think it's any of his business.
Preach about the dangers of the internet/online games/gambling; sure. But he should be able to trust people to make their own decisions and control how much they uses their devices.

I followed along believing it was the right thing to do and that it would prevent temptation and hoping my husband would follow along because he has problems with his device. Well, I started to notice about a year ago that some of my conversations or even things I would talk about to my spouse or someone on the phone was being repeated word for word over the pulpit.

Sounds fishy.
Did you ask the Pastor about it?

It has really started to bother me and make me think something is not right and I am beginning to wonder if my phone could have possibly been tapped?

Trust your instincts.

How could I find this out?

I don't know much about technology, but round here, there are places that will unlock your phone.

My hubby keeps saying it’s God speaking through our pastor.

I doubt that God would reveal details of what's on your phone to the whole congregation.

I believe God does reveal things to pastors and they do have discernment but I don’t think it should be this often and for things that are not concerning.

Exactly.

Like I listened to some tapes called the good old days and it talked about how people lived back when there was no electric and people walked to school and things like that and I was preached to that I wouldn’t really want to live on the old days when there was no electric and that I need to get out of the past and stuff like that.

With that particular example, if the sermon was to the whole congregation, it could be a coincidence, or that something had happened to make you, and the Pastor, think of the past. If so, it spoke to you especially because you had been having the same thoughts. (And it COULD have been God telling you to let go of the past, or whatever.)
If, however, your pastor came to you and said, "whatever you think about today, you wouldn't have wanted to have lived many years ago ..." that is a little more worrying.

The last straw was last Sunday when my pastor called out over the pulpit something I said to my kids when I was upset before church and it floored me again and my husband was there and he said it’s God talking to you.

Sounds more like the Pastor being a nosey whatsit, breaking the data protection act, confidentiality etc.

I don’t want to cause problems within the church

What about the problems the Pastor's causing you?

My pastor took an hour to lock my device and I didn’t see what was done on my device. He did not lock my husband’s device.

That is the most tell tale, and concerning, bit of all.
IF it was important to your pastor that your phone be locked, he should have told you how to lock it/where to go to get it locked and not touched it himself.
I wouldn't have thought it would take an hour to lock a phone.
This sounds like manipulation, spying and, as I said, breaking confidentiality and the data protection act.

Personally I'd say find a new church. If you don't want to/can't because of your family, either get your phone unlocked and get any spyware, or whatever, taken off it, or get a new one.
If your pastor says anything, you'll know that he was using your phone to try to manipulate you. I'm sure there must be someone further up to whom you could report him - it's unethical, possibly illegal and is a dreadful thing for a Pastor to be doing. It's also worrying that he has collared you and not your husband.

 

[Strong in Him]

My pastor has had problems with people just up and leaving in the past

They might have upped and left because HE was the problem, and he refused to see it.
In which case HE is the cause of division, not you.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Hi,

I have a question that I would like to ask you guys. My pastor is very concerned about the technology within the church and he said that we needed to have our devices locked so that way there would be some form of control over what we do on our devices. I followed along believing it was the right thing to do and that it would prevent temptation and hoping my husband would follow along because he has problems with his device. Well, I started to notice about a year ago that some of my conversations or even things I would talk about to my spouse or someone on the phone was being repeated word for word over the pulpit. Or even things I would have listened to that I never talked to with anyone about. It has really started to bother me and make me think something is not right and I am beginning to wonder if my phone could have possibly been tapped? How could I find this out? My hubby keeps saying it’s God speaking through our pastor. I believe God does reveal things to pastors and they do have discernment but I don’t think it should be this often and for things that are not concerning. Like I listened to some tapes called the good old days and it talked about how people lived back when there was no electric and people walked to school and things like that and I was preached to that I wouldn’t really want to live on the old days when there was no electric and that I need to get out of the past and stuff like that. I was almost floored when I had heard that preached because there was no way anyone heard me listening to that and I hadn’t talked to anyone that day. The last straw was last Sunday when my pastor called out over the pulpit something I said to my kids when I was upset before church and it floored me again and my husband was there and he said it’s God talking to you. I don’t want to cause problems within the church but this is really bothering me. I was willing to have my device locked but I wouldn’t want them to hear conversations I have with my husband and things like that. My pastor took an hour to lock my device and I didn’t see what was done on my device. He did not lock my husband’s device.

Get tapes of those sermons and go to the Police. If he is spying on you it is illegal wire taping. And, that Pastor should be held accountable to the law. After the Police investigate your phone, take it back to the phone store to have it cleaned. Check with them if removing the battery would wipe your phone clean.

 

[EHum92]

Hi, It's me again on the phone issue with my pastor. There is a lot that has went down since the last time I posted. I have changed my phone to a different type of phone, phone number, and carrier altogether. I have not given him my phone and he has stopped locking phones of the women in the church. He never locked my husband's phone even though my husband had issues with inappropriate content (my husband still got on the platform too, but he loves my husband like a son). I have talked with my husband over and over that I have wanted to leave this church, but he would not. I don't have a job and have 3 kids, so I have no choice but to stay. My pastor still seems to know things I am doing on my phone, which I do not understand how. I had been listening to a missionary preach on my phone and my dad was telling me to watch his church on youtube. My pastor got up over the pulpit and said he does not want us to listen to other preachers (naming who i was listening to), because we should get our needs fulfilled through his preaching. It seems like my pastor is emboldened by me having to remain with no consequences to his actions. I started doing a lot of research on narcissism, and my pastor fits it completely. A narcissist has no care for boundaries. I have involved my dad too, and he told me go to the police. It has been the hardest thing to go through this. It caused me so much pain, and my pastor has turned everyone against me, even though I have not spoken about this to anyone in the church. He tells me to stay away from my family too, because not all of them are living for God. I feel isolated. One more thing, my pastor belittles women a lot. When he's angry he runs the women down into the ground. He says that women are the ones to cause trouble in the church and are stupid and is really demeaning at times.

 

[Strong in Him]

I don't have a job and have 3 kids, so I have no choice but to stay.

Sorry, but I don't understand what this has to do with the church that you attend.
If your husband doesn't want to leave the church, can you leave and go to another church - or stay at home?

The thing is that WE are the church; Christians.
We meet together each week to worship, to encourage and build each other up in the faith, to pray for one another so that we are able, and spiritually strengthened, to go out and witness to our non Christian neighbours.

It seems that your church community is not like that. Whatever other members are like, it is watched over by a controlling Pastor who runs you into the ground rather than builds you up, isolates you from your friends and thinks he has a right to keep you from your family.
Whatever the issues with your phone, it doesn't sound like this man has ever tried to help you, pray with you, encourage you in your faith and help you on your daily Christian walk - so why stay? It's not his church and he doesn't own you.
Church attendance is voluntary; we should want to go to meet our Christian brothers and sisters and worship God. If you are being criticised, hurt, run down and talked about every time you go; why go?

My husband and I go to different churches and are both preachers in our different denominations.

 

[coffee4u]

No, that is not a Christian teaching. People don't tell you what to do, only God does. Read the scriptures, know them well.

While the pastor may have good intentions technology itself is not evil. The same way a knife is not evil, it is only an object. An evil deed can be done with a knife when a person uses it with bad intent but that same knife can also be used with loving hands to prepare a meal. Likewise technology can be used for good or ill.

 

[Chris35]

If your stuck i suggest, that you try to push the church to set a date for some sort of church praying for leaders, where people can prayer for God to transform, or move it into a direction of love, community and righteousness..

For example they can set a day, or a night, that people know in advance, so that they can if they choose, to fast beforehand, and come into church and pray as a group or individually over the church leaders, or even sit in a corner and pray if they feel anxious.

Perhaps even write out their prayers and have someone else pray it, if they feel intimidated.

However im not sure if your church would allow it so id also ask God to bring that day to come to pass in the church.

You said alot of woman are being belittled, perhaps you can get alot together and start praying for the church, or get a petition going for a day of prayer for the church and its leaders.

I dont think whatever argument you bring will move or change the mind of the leaders, but i do believe prayer is powerful and God can indeed change things.

 

[EHum92]

Sorry, but I don't understand what this has to do with the church that you attend.
If your husband doesn't want to leave the church, can you leave and go to another church - or stay at home?

The thing is that WE are the church; Christians.
We meet together each week to worship, to encourage and build each other up in the faith, to pray for one another so that we are able, and spiritually strengthened, to go out and witness to our non Christian neighbours.

It seems that your church community is not like that. Whatever other members are like, it is watched over by a controlling Pastor who runs you into the ground rather than builds you up, isolates you from your friends and thinks he has a right to keep you from your family.
Whatever the issues with your phone, it doesn't sound like this man has ever tried to help you, pray with you, encourage you in your faith and help you on your daily Christian walk - so why stay? It's not his church and he doesn't own you.
Church attendance is voluntary; we should want to go to meet our Christian brothers and sisters and worship God. If you are being criticised, hurt, run down and talked about every time you go; why go?

My husband and I go to different churches and are both preachers in our different denominations.

My husband would not allow that. Plus, I do not believe we should attend seperate churches. That would cause problems in my marriage and with my children's spiritual lives. I believe it would destroy my children, because a house divided against itself cannot stand. I have prayed and fasted many times. I just am at a dead end. I feel as though I am scarred deep inside. I have locked myself in my closet many times crying out to God, and many times have left puddles of tears on the alter. I feel now as though I cannot pray that way anymore. It seems as though my tears have all dried up, and my heart has torn to many pieces, because this has went on so long. There is so many facets to this problem that I cannot tell you everything. I will admit that I have had anger and bitterness in my heart over this and I am wrong for that. I have not always been kind like I should either.

 

[Strong in Him]

My husband would not allow that.

I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry that you are so obviously unhappy, yet he has no answer to the dilemma.

Plus, I do not believe we should attend seperate churches. That would cause problems in my marriage and with my children's spiritual lives. I believe it would destroy my children, because a house divided against itself cannot stand.

If you feel it's wrong and would cause you problems, I'm not going to say otherwise.
But you are not divided with your husband; you would simply be choosing to go separate buildings for corporate worship. You are both Christians, and there's nothing to stop you from having family prayers/devotions with your children; if you don't already do so.

I just am at a dead end. I feel as though I am scarred deep inside. I have locked myself in my closet many times crying out to God, and many times have left puddles of tears on the alter. I feel now as though I cannot pray that way anymore. It seems as though my tears have all dried up, and my heart has torn to many pieces, because this has went on so long.

That's the problem. You are so unhappy with the church and the Pastor's behaviour that it could be making you ill, and certainly very sad - yet your husband won't allow you to leave and you feel that you have no choice but to go to a place every week knowing that you'll feel 10x worse afterwards.

Like I said, I can't say anything and certainly can't make you do anything - but what is this doing to your relationship with God? And your children; what do you think they will think of a church that is making their mum so unhappy?

I will admit that I have had anger and bitterness in my heart over this and I am wrong for that.

Maybe - but that's understandable, and I know God understands.
A pastor is supposed to care for you in the faith; to encourage, counsel, pray with and so on. He doesn't seem to be doing that - so on a basic, human level, he is not doing his job; nor would I say that he has an effective ministry.
If the circumstances were different, you could leave - he does not own you and has no right to treat you, a voluntary member, that badly. But it seems that leaving may cause you other problems, so you are reluctant to do that either.

I really hope you might be able to talk to your husband and sort out some kind of compromise; or that he might stick up for you with the pastor. Like I said; have prayers at home with your husband and children, to show you are not abandoning the faith.

 

[Lost4words]

Jesus loves man and woman. A true man of God would not belittle women.

 

[Healing with Jesus]

My husband would not allow that. Plus, I do not believe we should attend seperate churches. That would cause problems in my marriage and with my children's spiritual lives. I believe it would destroy my children, because a house divided against itself cannot stand. I have prayed and fasted many times. I just am at a dead end. I feel as though I am scarred deep inside. I have locked myself in my closet many times crying out to God, and many times have left puddles of tears on the alter. I feel now as though I cannot pray that way anymore. It seems as though my tears have all dried up, and my heart has torn to many pieces, because this has went on so long. There is so many facets to this problem that I cannot tell you everything. I will admit that I have had anger and bitterness in my heart over this and I am wrong for that. I have not always been kind like I should either.

My dear sister. How can you be kind under such oppressive circumstances?

I feel it's my responsibility to share that I am noticing a far more oppressive authority figure in your life than your pastor: your husband.

Correct me if I'm wrong, please.... but a husband's role is to protect and provide for his wife. The wife's role is to respect and support her husband. This is my basic understanding of a successful marriage.

How can you truly deeply respect a man who is failing in his basic duty to protect you? This church is so obviously reeking of ungodliness. I mean, it sounds like there is very little Jesus in the place. Now you're being targeted and he's going to do what? Nothing?

My sister, I stayed with my ex-husband for a decade with our three kids to try to make this kind of thing work. It didn't involve a church and it didn't involve phones. But do read through some of my posts, if you're so inclined, to see if you can relate. My separation was summer 2019, so around that time might have some interesting posts...

I have been living away from my husband for two years now. I can't even articulate how much dysfunction in our family I enabled, just because I wanted things to work. My deeply entrenched religious beliefs. Which are sadly often echoed loudly through church halls and these posts.

I didn't start to realize the level of dysfunction in our marriage and family till I was out for a couple weeks. And even now I am still having my eyes opened.

Every week my kids come back to my house from his, they come to a different culture. My culture doesn't deny reality. It doesn't enable falsehood. It doesn't squelch the expression of big scary emotions. I can go on...

I am praying this is helpful for you. It's just a snippet of my story. You have your story and I would love to hear more of it.

 

[miamited]

deleted: old thread

 

[Ceallaigh]

Personally I'd start spending a lot of time looking up things on my phone about privacy laws and spying, and agencies that deal with that sort of thing. Let him look through all that to see the message.

 

[Rescued One]

Hi, It's me again on the phone issue with my pastor. There is a lot that has went down since the last time I posted. I have changed my phone to a different type of phone, phone number, and carrier altogether. I have not given him my phone and he has stopped locking phones of the women in the church. He never locked my husband's phone even though my husband had issues with inappropriate content (my husband still got on the platform too, but he loves my husband like a son). I have talked with my husband over and over that I have wanted to leave this church, but he would not. I don't have a job and have 3 kids, so I have no choice but to stay. My pastor still seems to know things I am doing on my phone, which I do not understand how. I had been listening to a missionary preach on my phone and my dad was telling me to watch his church on youtube. My pastor got up over the pulpit and said he does not want us to listen to other preachers (naming who i was listening to), because we should get our needs fulfilled through his preaching. It seems like my pastor is emboldened by me having to remain with no consequences to his actions. I started doing a lot of research on narcissism, and my pastor fits it completely. A narcissist has no care for boundaries. I have involved my dad too, and he told me go to the police. It has been the hardest thing to go through this. It caused me so much pain, and my pastor has turned everyone against me, even though I have not spoken about this to anyone in the church. He tells me to stay away from my family too, because not all of them are living for God. I feel isolated. One more thing, my pastor belittles women a lot. When he's angry he runs the women down into the ground. He says that women are the ones to cause trouble in the church and are stupid and is really demeaning at times.

That pastor is evil.

2 Corinthians 6
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

Pray for an escape.

Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

I repeat, Pray for an escape.

Proverbs 3
5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

God delivered me from some bad situations when I was a child. I pray He will do the same for you.

 

[Aldebaran]

Personally I'd start spending a lot of time looking up things on my phone about privacy laws and spying, and agencies that deal with that sort of thing. Let him look through all that to see the message.

Or stage a conversation with someone pretending to be an FBI agent about how they're about to do a raid on the pastor's house. That would be one way to mess with him by using his own spy tool against him. If he wants to hear what you're saying, then have him hear things that will make him regret hearing it.
On a more serious note though, you could look through all the apps installed on your phone and see if there's any you don't recognize. I doubt any good spy app would be named as a spy app, but rather something innocent, such as calculator, or clock. Uninstall any you don't use, including innocent-looking ones you don't use.

 

[Neogaia777]

@EHum92

All I can tell you that if it's really all as bad as you say, then there is always a "choice", etc, it may be a very hard difficult choice, but there is always a choice, etc, if it's really truly and genuinely as bad as you say, etc...

I am curious though as to what church you go to and it's denomination though, and if it is really all that healthy that you and your children stay there, etc...?

But there is always a "choice", etc, so weigh it (all) out accordingly and with all real true genuine sincerity and with the most genuine of truth, etc...

And then, "choose" and/or make and take steps, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Thomas White]

Hi,

I have a question that I would like to ask you guys. My pastor is very concerned about the technology within the church and he said that we needed to have our devices locked so that way there would be some form of control over what we do on our devices. I followed along believing it was the right thing to do and that it would prevent temptation and hoping my husband would follow along because he has problems with his device. Well, I started to notice about a year ago that some of my conversations or even things I would talk about to my spouse or someone on the phone was being repeated word for word over the pulpit. Or even things I would have listened to that I never talked to with anyone about. It has really started to bother me and make me think something is not right and I am beginning to wonder if my phone could have possibly been tapped? How could I find this out? My hubby keeps saying it’s God speaking through our pastor. I believe God does reveal things to pastors and they do have discernment but I don’t think it should be this often and for things that are not concerning. Like I listened to some tapes called the good old days and it talked about how people lived back when there was no electric and people walked to school and things like that and I was preached to that I wouldn’t really want to live on the old days when there was no electric and that I need to get out of the past and stuff like that. I was almost floored when I had heard that preached because there was no way anyone heard me listening to that and I hadn’t talked to anyone that day. The last straw was last Sunday when my pastor called out over the pulpit something I said to my kids when I was upset before church and it floored me again and my husband was there and he said it’s God talking to you. I don’t want to cause problems within the church but this is really bothering me. I was willing to have my device locked but I wouldn’t want them to hear conversations I have with my husband and things like that. My pastor took an hour to lock my device and I didn’t see what was done on my device. He did not lock my husband’s device.

He had it for an hour? He convinced you to let him do it? That's beyond manipulative. He's trying to control you.

 

[Thomas White]

Thank you! I have really been trying to figure out what to do in this situation. I thought about confronting him but what would they say? I really am bothered by it because I don’t want to cause trouble within the church. My pastor has had problems with people just up and leaving in the past and I do not want to be the cause of division. I think it is a worry of his that my family would just leave like the others but really he should not go to this extent to make sure we wouldn’t. I know Satan wants to destroy our pastors within the church. I have a lot of resentment that is building up inside of me because of this and it has caused spiritual issues because I don’t know whether to trust that what he is saying is not just from listening to my device or really from God. There are so many instances that I could say where I was literally floored because I was being preached to very specifically about something I had said or done that day. I really don’t want to speculate but I can’t have all these spiritual problems stacked up on my shoulders and not talk to someone about it. I have only told a few people about it but no one within the church. I do not believe in causing division because God speaks very badly about this. I really want him to know that this is just a trick of Satan to make him fall if he is really doing this and justifying it.

This isn't a trick of Satan. Your pastor is manipulating you. He might even be spying on you. Don't give him a way out and don't excuse his evil by blaming it on Satan. I garuntee that he's not just doing it to you. He is hurting others as well.

 

[Neogaia777]

Accidentally hit the post button when I wasn't meaning to, lol...

Stupid phone...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Bobber]

I'm not sure I understand. Your Pastor requires you to give him your phone in the service time but gives it back later? You're not claiming that he doesn't actually give it back?

At any rate....it's ridicioulus......no spiritual leader should be demanding a member of their flock to hand over their phone even for a short time. Just silly.

And sure if I understand correctly even a place you bought your phone could be checking all your apps to see if there's a strange one. If there is have them delete it.

And what if he insist you give it over again. Well just don't and say sorry my days doing that are over. I would say your husband should be very clear on this too if this happened to my wife I'd tell the Pastor no way...my job is to protect and see after the best interest of my wife and that is what I'll do.

I'd keep all these conversations in LOVE however and if the Leader there says that they really need to have compliance then I'd say, "Well I'm sorry then.....it just maybe the time therefore that my wife and I need to seek another direction of where if any place we go to church and we wish you all the best." God exhorted spiritual leaders NOT to put the flock under a spirit of compulsion. 1 Pt 5:1-3 and that's what that Pastor is doing. Could they still be good people? Perhaps.....we don't always have to question that BUT there are some lines that sorry....as far as we're concerned should not be crossed.

Taking someone's iphone sounds like something a parent might do to their kid for an hour while they know they need to do their homework. You are NOT a child you're a full grown adult and adults' need to be treated like ones....if not THEY'RE NOT walking in LOVE towards the flock. It's called your right to have basic dignity and respect.