question about engagement

lutherangerman

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So two days ago me and a woman I met fell in love. It's love big time and I think of her as a gift of God.

But I want to do this the christian way. We have already decided that we would not jump into bed but that we would date for at least a year or so. We already desire each other a lot, but I really want to do this in God's way. I want her to get to know me deeply so that she will know what she is doing. And I also want to get to know her really well before I really commit myself.

My problem is, due to some bad experience I often have this fear that my girl would abandon me eventually. That I am in love big time and that she will not feel completely the same. I think this is a turn off for a woman to have a man who fears this, but I dunno, I can't help it away completely.

I really really love this girl. We fit together so well. We have the same outlook on life, love family, love nature. She is not a christian yet but she has already said she will become one, and that she will want to go to my church with me every sunday. I was not always a christian either, and the signals I get are really good. This girl is ALWAYS honest with me, even when it's uncomfortable or puts her in a bad light. She is so kind with me.

Can you recommend a good book for christian dating? Have any more advice?
 

NiobiumTragedy

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She is not a christian yet but she has already said she will become one, and that she will want to go to my church with me every sunday.
That's a red flag, mate. She needs to find God for herself with no strings attached, not because of you or a relationship. What happens if you two don't make it? You'll break up and she will leave God as well because she was basing her faith on her relationship with you.
 
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lutherangerman

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Well the bible says a husband must guide his wife spiritually. And she is accepting what I tell her. I have already told her that I would not jump in bed with her before we marry. She found that a little strange at first but she has accepted it now. I also told her I would only marry her if she becomes a christian, and again, she has accepted this. I'm not entirely sure if we will really become a couple, but she is really really really sweet and trusting to me. So I am hopeful. I am aware that I must be vigilant and principled, but it's not a problem so far. We are only dating and courting. In fact this girl loves it that way, it's a world she has never known, her ex drank and beat her and she is really blooming if I show her kindness. She has a wonderful heart.
 
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Windmill

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So two days ago me and a woman I met fell in love. It's love big time and I think of her as a gift of God.
I am sure that you very much like her, a lot. You will like her a lot. Right now, she will be your favourite person in the world. And you'll be wondering how could it ever be any different to this?

But the truth is, you need to pace yourself a bit. Its difficult to impossible to control your emotions/feelings. But you need to remember in your head that what you're feeling isn't love. Love is something exceptionally powerful. And it is something that is built up over time. You barely know her, you have only known her for two days! You sound extremely attracted to her, which is good. But this is not the same as love. You love her appearance: but you do not know who she really is. No matter what deep talks you have had, two days doesn't even lightly graze the surface.

So don't make any rash decisions, okay? :) Don't do anything like propose, get engaged, or anything. Don't do anything just because you feel you're in-love. Because when this "honeymoon" period ends, she'll no longer be as exciting. It is then, when you start seeing her faults, that it will become known if you are in-love with her or not.

She is not a christian yet but she has already said she will become one, and that she will want to go to my church with me every sunday
This is not good mate. From a Christian perspective, this is terrible. The point of Christianity is to believe in Christ. What this means is she will go through all of the Christian rituals, including talking about God and going to church, all for your sake. It will be a lifestyle, not a belief, and that won't save her! Its her choice either way, but its never a good idea for anyone to "convert" for the sake of someone else: it is empty and she'll one day get sick of keeping up the rituals.
 
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Deacon

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lutherangerman,

Let me ask you something, man to man...how long have you known her? If you've known her for a cpl of days, then you're not in love with her. You're not even smitten with her yet. Those are hormones that are talking.

Now on the other stuff....I am really getting tired of the bad advice given by people. We're suppose to be Christians (to be like Christ). So where is the love and compassion people show?

I say you do this lutherangerman. Sit her down, and tell her about your faith (seriously)....and then if she has questions you can't answer, be prepared with a list of things from your pastor of your local congregation. Have her meet with the pastor, as well. It'll be better in the long run.

This is a chance to be a Witness...don't let it slip by, because someone on a forum said....wooooooah nelly, she's not a Christian, you can't date her!
 
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Avniel

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lutherangerman,

Let me ask you something, man to man...how long have you known her? If you've known her for a cpl of days, then you're not in love with her. You're not even smitten with her yet. Those are hormones that are talking.

Now on the other stuff....I am really getting tired of the bad advice given by people. We're suppose to be Christians (to be like Christ). So where is the love and compassion people show?

I say you do this lutherangerman. Sit her down, and tell her about your faith (seriously)....and then if she has questions you can't answer, be prepared with a list of things from your pastor of your local congregation. Have her meet with the pastor, as well. It'll be better in the long run.

This is a chance to be a Witness...don't let it slip by, because someone on a forum said....wooooooah nelly, she's not a Christian, you can't date her!
I agree with you.

Even when I first met my fiancée and I first met in orientation class freshmen year 2 week I wouldn't say I was in love with her when we first met. But I did get a strange feeling that she was different :confused: what that feeling was but it wasn't love. I had that feeling, then I grew to know her but it took me about 2 years to fall completely in love with her.
 
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I agree with you.

Even when I first met my fiancée and I first met in orientation class freshmen year 2 week I wouldn't say I was in love with her when we first met. But I did get a strange feeling that she was different :confused: what that feeling was but it wasn't love. I had that feeling, then I grew to know her but it took me about 2 years to fall completely in love with her.

Agree with you also :) I know that strange feeling, but I don't believe in love at first site at all. Love requires getting to know each other and developing a deep sense of understanding and care and commitment for each other. That cannot happen instantly or in two days. I think it takes at least a couple months.
 
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CoachR64

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I don't think anyone should be telling this man that this isn't love. Love IS powerful and can overcome any concept of time. It doesn't take God time to grow a love for us. It doesn't take a parent years to develop a love for a child. Why would you limit the power of love when it comes to relationships?

I knew I loved the girl I am with after about 3 weeks. It was something that consumed me and something I could not control. Love really is uncontrollable. I am not entirely sure we choose who to love, it just happens. The best I have heard it said was "we choose who we date, but we can't choose with whom we fall in love. So choose wisely the one you date."

Coach
 
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