- May 5, 2012
- 143
- 30
- 60
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Republican
I am really sticking out my neck here for some clarity and consolation. I pray all will be encouraging and compassionate with empathy as I bear my soul and share what is on my heart.
I have struggled with my sexuality since I very young age. But I hid it in my mind. I guess you might as well say I have been in the closet for a very long time with almost no contact sexually with other guys my age.
As a teenager in the 1970's era, I did my research with a dictionary and my King James Bible, so I know very well what the Bible says. That is one of the reason I kept it hidden out of guilt and shame.
I had a spiritual experience with Jesus at the age of 18 and was born again. It was a mountain top experience. I do not remember how long but gradually came off that mountain and had to deal with my flesh once again. That did not go so well.
When I was 24 I went to a 2 year bible school and met my first wife. I felt so guilty over the years keeping this from her. we divorced in 2002. I went through the same thing when I remarried in 2010. We divorced in 2019.
Now that I have learned some hardknock lessons I will remain single. A part of me though will always be curious about guys I guess. I do not know what to make of all this. I confided to my sister who told me that she has always known. She is not a believer but good to have her on my side.
At times I do wonder about my heavenly home? I do not doubt my salvation. I am 57 years old. I do wonder if there is any freedom on this side of heaven?
If this is the cross I must carry for the rest of my days, or the thorn in my flesh, I just do not understand that....if my thorn is a abomination?
Thanks for allowing me to share. If anyone wants to message me in private please do not desitate to do so.
I have struggled with my sexuality since I very young age. But I hid it in my mind. I guess you might as well say I have been in the closet for a very long time with almost no contact sexually with other guys my age.
As a teenager in the 1970's era, I did my research with a dictionary and my King James Bible, so I know very well what the Bible says. That is one of the reason I kept it hidden out of guilt and shame.
I had a spiritual experience with Jesus at the age of 18 and was born again. It was a mountain top experience. I do not remember how long but gradually came off that mountain and had to deal with my flesh once again. That did not go so well.
When I was 24 I went to a 2 year bible school and met my first wife. I felt so guilty over the years keeping this from her. we divorced in 2002. I went through the same thing when I remarried in 2010. We divorced in 2019.
Now that I have learned some hardknock lessons I will remain single. A part of me though will always be curious about guys I guess. I do not know what to make of all this. I confided to my sister who told me that she has always known. She is not a believer but good to have her on my side.
At times I do wonder about my heavenly home? I do not doubt my salvation. I am 57 years old. I do wonder if there is any freedom on this side of heaven?
If this is the cross I must carry for the rest of my days, or the thorn in my flesh, I just do not understand that....if my thorn is a abomination?
Thanks for allowing me to share. If anyone wants to message me in private please do not desitate to do so.
