ptsd from religious ocd and scrupulosity?

[Kris8585]

Has anyone experienced feelings that after suffering years of really bad ocd (in my case intrusive thoughts, fear of unpardonable sin, making vows etc and constant fear of sinning, confessing.....) that you can´t deal with anything faith related anymore? I am so traumatized by years of torment that fear seems to be main thing that associates with my faith at the moment. If i try to think about God or Jesus or try to pray or listen sermons I get shaky and anxious or feel numb and depressed, like my mind tries to block any feeling. I am so tired of trying and some days even angry that God greated me, like I am trapped. So has anyone been in the situation where your faith is also source of ocd and is there any way to change that? Any success stories? And yes, i am on anxiety meds.

 

[Dave G.]

Speaking here as a brother. I can honestly see OCD leading to that ( what you are saying). But what should be kept in mind is that Jesus wants simple child like faith. He will understand more than anyone else could and even instructed on dropping religious obsessiveness to a level of simply understanding we are All sinners and trusting in Him. He has reminded even myself of this several times in my life and I'm undergoing it yet again as I type this. He understands your condition and has grace and mercy for that. Believe it and just keep it that simple, simple faith in Him. And live your life, let religious performance go, just shed it all together.

 

[Lawrence87]

God's mercy is beyond anything we can comprehend. Consider the life of St. Paul the Apostle. He was actively persecuting Christians. He was there at the martyrdom of St. Stephen when they were stoning him to death. Christians were terrified of him. But he turned his life around and repented of these things and became the leading contributor to the New Testament. Christian's all over the world quote his words. If God can mercifully accept the repentance of St. Paul who prior to his conversion instilled fear and terror in the hearts of Christians then he can surely have mercy on you. Do not ever allow yourself to fall into the notion that your sin is greater than God's mercy it is not. God accepts us like the father accepts the prodigal whenever we turn to him and ask for his mercy. Any thoughts that you will not be granted forgiveness and mercy are temptations from the evil one, and should be ignored. The love that God has for you is beyond anything you can even begin to imagine.

God is not a tyrant who awaits any little slip that we make, eager to condemn us. He is a loving Father, who recieves us with a warm embrace when we come before Him with a contrite heart and say 'Lord, have mercy on me'. I would put forth that any sermons, or preachers who portray God as a tyrant are not to be listened to. We should not be paralyzed with fear over every thought and action. God knows our weakness and our faults, and He is merciful to those who acknowledge their sinful nature and humbly approach Him asking for His mercy.

I feel like your problem is partially medical, for which I would advise seeking treatment, but it is also largely to do with various misapprehensions about God that you have taken on board. I don't know which denomination you belong to, but I think that if your church is causing you to feel this way towards God then you need to go to a different church and to take spiritual counsel from someone who does not make you feel depressed, anxious, and obesessive with fear in regard to your spiritual life.

 

[Jeshu]

Has anyone experienced feelings that after suffering years of really bad ocd (in my case intrusive thoughts, fear of unpardonable sin, making vows etc and constant fear of sinning, confessing.....) that you can´t deal with anything faith related anymore? I am so traumatized by years of torment that fear seems to be main thing that associates with my faith at the moment. If i try to think about God or Jesus or try to pray or listen sermons I get shaky and anxious or feel numb and depressed, like my mind tries to block any feeling. I am so tired of trying and some days even angry that God greated me, like I am trapped. So has anyone been in the situation where your faith is also source of ocd and is there any way to change that? Any success stories? And yes, i am on anxiety meds.

Yes, i have even suffered from O.C.D tendencies but i know who healed me Jesus healed me teaching me to grow the good seed and to let Him burn up the weeds. Faith in God's love does quells O.C.D tendencies as we can relax and trust Him to do what our O.C.D wants us to do.

So make your faith - non religious - and only place your faith in God's loving truth - not what religious opinions have made of it.

His perfect love casts out fear and comforts us the fearful one.

Be of good courage and place your faith in God's love even today so that the torture of your O.C.D tendencies cannot plaque any longer.

Peace.

Isaiah 61:1-7
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.


They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.


Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

 

[Kris8585]

Thank you all. Just it is so hard to ignore those doubts that what if (endless what ifs) the teachers who mostly warn about the harsh side of the God are right (in the scripture you can find those parts too," continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling" comes to mind for example). It`s like I don`t dare to go easy on myself though it always leads me into same dead end. Worst part at the moment are the thoughts that tell me to confess stuff and i dont know if its is from God or ocd. Sometimes I feel like the only option is to take a break from everything God -related.

 

[Dave G.]

Kris, boil it down to staying in the faith till the end. We contend for the faith but we don't beat ourselves up. The letters of the law are fulfilled in Jesus. We have grace and we live by grace in this age which is the age of grace. His mercy is new every day. .Why ? Because we need it ! My wife is in heaven today by believing with an indescribably simple faith.

 

[Lawrence87]

Thank you all. Just it is so hard to ignore those doubts that what if (endless what ifs) the teachers who mostly warn about the harsh side of the God are right (in the scripture you can find those parts too," continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling" comes to mind for example). It`s like I don`t dare to go easy on myself though it always leads me into same dead end. Worst part at the moment are the thoughts that tell me to confess stuff and i dont know if its is from God or ocd. Sometimes I feel like the only option is to take a break from everything God -related.

I think there is a balance point between not having any regard for God whatsoever, and being paralyzed with terror over displeasing God on the other extreme. Some degree of fear is appropriate, after all it is God who grants us life, and can take it, it is He who will ultimately judge us. However because God is merciful we can muster up the courage to approach Him, and say 'Lord, in my weakness I have sinned, forgive me and have mercy on me'.

What we should fear is allowing our temptations to overcome us to the point where we no longer approach God, to allow ourselves to let go and stop trying to please Him and follow His commandments. We should fear what might happen if we turn our back on God. But we also need to bear in mind that it is not possible for us to live without sin. There was only one man in history who did not sin. We will never be free from sin. As the Psalms say 'I know my iniquity and my sin is ever before me'. God values our realisation of this matter, He values humility. It is this humility that drives us towards the realisation that we need Christ and His mercy, for we will never earn our salvation through virtue and good works, because we continually fall into sin despite our best efforts.

We tend to think of things in dichotomies, that it is either faith alone that saves us, or works on the other hand. But I feel like the Christian life lies in a mysterious third option that does not conform to this pattern. Just as Mary brought a mysterious union between virginity and motherhood. The Christian life is neither being so assured of our salvation by faith that we don't bother to even try to follow the commandments, nor is it earned by our works. We try to please God to the best of our efforts, but we continually come before Him when we fall, made bold by our faith in His great mercy.

Fear of God is appropriate, but we should also be emboldened by His great love and mercy towards us.

 

[Dave G.]

Fear of God in the bible is described in Str ongs as a healthy kind if reverence towards Him.

 

[Larissa007]

Hi Kris,
I want you to know that I can relate 100% to what you are saying. I first started having these similar thoughts about five years ago when I was a new Christian and got a pretty good hold on them after a year. I still struggled but was able to manage, but now they are creeping back. I want to share with you a few helpful things. The main issue with ocd is that we judge the intrusive thoughts we have. So when we engage in these thoughts they actually become worse. For someone with ocd, it's very difficult to dismiss these troubling thoughts. Someone without ocd can have the same thought and dimiss it more easily as they don't engage in the thought and try to figure out the meaning behind why they thought it.

I have also thought the same thing about walking away from God to get this all to stop however that won't solve the problem. Ocd likes to attack our core values and make us doubt ourselves and beliefs. If you walk away from God that doesn't solve the underlying issue, which is dealing with intrusive thoughts in an unproductive way.
I recommend 2 resources for you: "The OCD Workbook" second editon by Bruce Hyman and what I am currently reading "You Are Not a Rock" by Mark Freeman. The first book is a more scientific approach and goes through different types of therapy to help with the compulsions. The second book actually helps to normalize intrusive thoughts and not see them as scary. It teaches you how our brains can think certain things but we don't have to interact with those thoughts. It has great reviews and I have hope this will help me overcome this once and for all.

My heart goes out to you, please know you are not alone. God wants us to fear Him in a healthy way, but ocd takes that healthy fear and twists it into something totally unbiblical, scary, and tormenting. I hope this helps, please don't hesitate to reach our for any more advice!

Your sister in Christ

 

[Mari17]

Hi Kris,
I want you to know that I can relate 100% to what you are saying. I first started having these similar thoughts about five years ago when I was a new Christian and got a pretty good hold on them after a year. I still struggled but was able to manage, but now they are creeping back. I want to share with you a few helpful things. The main issue with ocd is that we judge the intrusive thoughts we have. So when we engage in these thoughts they actually become worse. For someone with ocd, it's very difficult to dismiss these troubling thoughts. Someone without ocd can have the same thought and dimiss it more easily as they don't engage in the thought and try to figure out the meaning behind why they thought it.

I have also thought the same thing about walking away from God to get this all to stop however that won't solve the problem. Ocd likes to attack our core values and make us doubt ourselves and beliefs. If you walk away from God that doesn't solve the underlying issue, which is dealing with intrusive thoughts in an unproductive way.
I recommend 2 resources for you: "The OCD Workbook" second editon by Bruce Hyman and what I am currently reading "You Are Not a Rock" by Mark Freeman. The first book is a more scientific approach and goes through different types of therapy to help with the compulsions. The second book actually helps to normalize intrusive thoughts and not see them as scary. It teaches you how our brains can think certain things but we don't have to interact with those thoughts. It has great reviews and I have hope this will help me overcome this once and for all.

My heart goes out to you, please know you are not alone. God wants us to fear Him in a healthy way, but ocd takes that healthy fear and twists it into something totally unbiblical, scary, and tormenting. I hope this helps, please don't hesitate to reach our for any more advice!

Your sister in Christ

This is a great response!

How have you been doing lately, Kris?

 

[angelsaroundme]

If you go to the gym and injure yourself, doing too many reps, too much weight, whatever it is, then the best thing is to stop going to the gym for a while. Then when you are healed you can go back and take it slower, not push yourself as hard.

What a lot of people with scrupulosity do is like getting injured at the gym and then doubling down on spending time there and working out till they get hurt worse. They put so much pressure on their faith by thinking about it twice as much as before. Everything starts to feel like a sin. One woman said walking by alcohol in a store, because it was in the middle of her next item, made her feel like she'd angered God. A lot of scrupulous believers become atheists as a result of trying to escape the pressure.

My point is with scrupulosity, the OCD makes you feel like being extreme is protecting your faith, when really you are risking your faith by doing so. It's like going to the gym non-stop until you damage your body, causing you to quit the gym forever.

Dave G. said it well in the second post. Observe a simple faith and relax in the grace of God.

 

[Mari17]

This analogy is really helpful for me! Thank you for sharing! Would it be possible for me to share it with others?

 

[angelsaroundme]

This analogy is really helpful for me! Thank you for sharing! Would it be possible for me to share it with others?

If you are referring to my post, then yes, you could share the analogy. ^-^

I heard it from someone else who was applying it to general OCD. I thought it made sense for scrupulosity.

 

[Mari17]

If you are referring to my post, then yes, you could share the analogy. ^-^

I heard it from someone else who was applying it to general OCD. I thought it made sense for scrupulosity.

Thank you!!