- Dec 15, 2008
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- Faith
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Let me start off by saying that I was given a choice as a child when it came to what I believed. My family was ex-Mormon and ex-Catholic having been excommunicated for several reasons. By the time I was born, they had converted to non-denominational, Biblical Christianity and still claim to be to this day. They never wanted to force my salvation. The way my father put it, he wanted my faith to be "organic". As I grew, I naturally wanted to be a part of what my family was, so I claimed to be a Christian and believed in it wholeheartedly.
However, this all changed when I turned sixteen. I got into playing in a Ska/Reggae band with my high school friends, became more interested in other religions and philosophies, stopped reading the Bible, and eventually stopped praying altogether. In March of 2007 (several months after my sixteenth birthday), one of my best friends offered me some pot. I knew virtually nothing about marijuana, because at the point I had avoided all drugs, especially alcohol. This was a point in my life where I was very susceptible to temptation, and I took him up on his offer.
My first high was a very immature, child-like adventure that blew my mind. Needless to say, I enjoyed it very much and became a "stoner" very quickly. I was living in Arizona at the time (it is a FELONY there!), and the weed there is imported from Mexico in brick form. It's low in THC levels, has pesticides and if I knew the exact details of how it got to Arizona, I would probably vomit. But I was stupid. For the next year I experimented with alcohol (which I still do not like very much) and tobacco. Much like alcohol, tobacco seemed useless to me, and still does. But all the while, I was still smoking weed.
Now THIS is where it got complicated for me. All of my life I was taught that marijuana was an evil "drug" that killed brain cells, caused cancer, made you mentally challenged, damaged the body's reproductive system, was physically addictive, automatically made people jump to hard drugs and was the icon for rebellion against all that was good. Even the Bible spoke indirectly about hemp, with the command to stay sober. Remember, during this time I was bouncing back and forth between flimsy Christian, to full blown adherent to Jesus. I was flip-flopping with my faith. In reality, it wasn't faith at all simply because I flip-flopped so much.
Life continued, I ended up dropping out of high school (classic relation to marijuana, right?), and moved to Portland, Oregon to visit my older brother just three months ago. Let me just say, Oregon was a life changing visit for me. Oregon has been claimed to be a drug haven. Marijuana there is cheaper and (according to many, many people) better than what California has to offer, which is saying A LOT. Clean, almost pure LSD is prevalent there, as is Oregon-grown psychedelic mushrooms, salvia divinorum, and extacy. Cocaine I know very little about, seeing as I have never tried it and don't intend to. Same with methamphetamines, heroin and crack. I've even heard of traditional opium being grown there.
On the brink of my failing faith, I turned in every which way to find "truth". I studied Buddhism, Hinduism and New Age philosophies, reconstructed my entire philosophy on life, and at one point was brought down to complete agnosticism. Never would I have been an atheist, but I was an agnostic for sure. One direction I went in, was in the direction of psychedelics. Marijuana was the first "psychedelic" that I tried (if you can call it that) and at that point it was old news. I took a HUGE leap and defied all of my logic and tried Extacy. Extacy was a very psychedelic drug for me. It made me very introspective and made me aware of my own social anxietys and how I need to work through them. I considered this to be very positive for me. However, I understood that extacy is a very neurologically damaging drug, and after one more use (I took "Molly" which is pure extacy not cut with speed) I was done with it for good.
Psychedelic number three was one of the most influential. Mushrooms. I got homegrown mushrooms that were apparently "rare" and potent. I took an eighth of them which was a mistake, as I was not prepared for the intensity of the trip. The trip was a grand conglomeration of introspective thought and humor. Everything was cartoony for half the trip, and the other half was beautiful and chock-full of intense self-examination. At the end of the trip, I had been brought down to size and realized that I indeed still believed in God. I actually prayed to God during my mushroom trip, asking for forgiveness, wisdom and direction.
Psychedelic number four was...and I'm ashamed to say it, cough syrup. DEX. Vile, disgusting and childish. It's what the kids did in high school that I NEVER wanted to do. And you know what? After actually doing it, I STILL don't ever want to do it again. DEX was a series of vomiting, lack of sleep, depression, fear, lack of appetite, and utter self-loathing at exactly how dumb I was to do it and how horrible it made me feel. The ONLY thing positive about doing too much cough medicine...was the realization of exactly how stupid it is. This trip was not profound, nor helpful. Never again.
Psychedelic number five. LSD. The "king of psychedelics" as my brother puts it. It was the one drug I never ever thought I would do. I swore up and down that I would never do acid. I was a hipocrite. I took one dose of acid, and had the most intense and profound trip of my entire life thus far. Acid brought me down to the very very core of my personality, and showed me how weak I am, how small I am, and how much I do not know. It was the most intense introspective trip I could have had at the time. I tripped for ten straight hours, getting lost in my thoughts and freaking out. In my own mind I asked myself the big questions. "What will you do with your life?" or "Who do you serve, yourself or a Higher Authority?" and questions such as, "How well do you know yourself?" and "Why did you abandon your faith?"
After the LSD had run it's course, everything stopped moving. Visual distortions were gone, fear and paranoia left, and everything was still and quiet. I had never experienced such a calm...such a silence in all of my life. And as soon as the still came, so did the answers.
The Truth was in front of me all along! I went so far away from it, that I just made a HUGE circle! I believed everything the Bible had to say, I believed that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Saviour! The Trinity, the Crucifixion, the virgin birth, Jesus rising from the dead. Everything! Everything everything everything! It was so blatantly clear. I thanked God over and over for showing me the obvious Light. I asked for forgiveness for acting so foolish (I am still asking!). The Holy Spirit certainly worked through the psychedelic drugs that I ingested, and brought me back to my faith.
Needless to say, I still struggle IMMENSELY with my life as a born-again Christian (perhaps it was the first time I was truly saved???), but I have made leaps and bounds in reclaiming my faith.
I still smoke marijuana from time to time...but I'm slowly but surely removing that from life. I don't need it! And on top of everything, I've lost complete interest in all psychedelics.
This is the first I've told anyone but God all of this...
I would love some feedback. Perhaps some prayer? I have such a hunger for Him...and I'm still riding the boundaries, unfortunately.
However, this all changed when I turned sixteen. I got into playing in a Ska/Reggae band with my high school friends, became more interested in other religions and philosophies, stopped reading the Bible, and eventually stopped praying altogether. In March of 2007 (several months after my sixteenth birthday), one of my best friends offered me some pot. I knew virtually nothing about marijuana, because at the point I had avoided all drugs, especially alcohol. This was a point in my life where I was very susceptible to temptation, and I took him up on his offer.
My first high was a very immature, child-like adventure that blew my mind. Needless to say, I enjoyed it very much and became a "stoner" very quickly. I was living in Arizona at the time (it is a FELONY there!), and the weed there is imported from Mexico in brick form. It's low in THC levels, has pesticides and if I knew the exact details of how it got to Arizona, I would probably vomit. But I was stupid. For the next year I experimented with alcohol (which I still do not like very much) and tobacco. Much like alcohol, tobacco seemed useless to me, and still does. But all the while, I was still smoking weed.
Now THIS is where it got complicated for me. All of my life I was taught that marijuana was an evil "drug" that killed brain cells, caused cancer, made you mentally challenged, damaged the body's reproductive system, was physically addictive, automatically made people jump to hard drugs and was the icon for rebellion against all that was good. Even the Bible spoke indirectly about hemp, with the command to stay sober. Remember, during this time I was bouncing back and forth between flimsy Christian, to full blown adherent to Jesus. I was flip-flopping with my faith. In reality, it wasn't faith at all simply because I flip-flopped so much.
Life continued, I ended up dropping out of high school (classic relation to marijuana, right?), and moved to Portland, Oregon to visit my older brother just three months ago. Let me just say, Oregon was a life changing visit for me. Oregon has been claimed to be a drug haven. Marijuana there is cheaper and (according to many, many people) better than what California has to offer, which is saying A LOT. Clean, almost pure LSD is prevalent there, as is Oregon-grown psychedelic mushrooms, salvia divinorum, and extacy. Cocaine I know very little about, seeing as I have never tried it and don't intend to. Same with methamphetamines, heroin and crack. I've even heard of traditional opium being grown there.
On the brink of my failing faith, I turned in every which way to find "truth". I studied Buddhism, Hinduism and New Age philosophies, reconstructed my entire philosophy on life, and at one point was brought down to complete agnosticism. Never would I have been an atheist, but I was an agnostic for sure. One direction I went in, was in the direction of psychedelics. Marijuana was the first "psychedelic" that I tried (if you can call it that) and at that point it was old news. I took a HUGE leap and defied all of my logic and tried Extacy. Extacy was a very psychedelic drug for me. It made me very introspective and made me aware of my own social anxietys and how I need to work through them. I considered this to be very positive for me. However, I understood that extacy is a very neurologically damaging drug, and after one more use (I took "Molly" which is pure extacy not cut with speed) I was done with it for good.
Psychedelic number three was one of the most influential. Mushrooms. I got homegrown mushrooms that were apparently "rare" and potent. I took an eighth of them which was a mistake, as I was not prepared for the intensity of the trip. The trip was a grand conglomeration of introspective thought and humor. Everything was cartoony for half the trip, and the other half was beautiful and chock-full of intense self-examination. At the end of the trip, I had been brought down to size and realized that I indeed still believed in God. I actually prayed to God during my mushroom trip, asking for forgiveness, wisdom and direction.
Psychedelic number four was...and I'm ashamed to say it, cough syrup. DEX. Vile, disgusting and childish. It's what the kids did in high school that I NEVER wanted to do. And you know what? After actually doing it, I STILL don't ever want to do it again. DEX was a series of vomiting, lack of sleep, depression, fear, lack of appetite, and utter self-loathing at exactly how dumb I was to do it and how horrible it made me feel. The ONLY thing positive about doing too much cough medicine...was the realization of exactly how stupid it is. This trip was not profound, nor helpful. Never again.
Psychedelic number five. LSD. The "king of psychedelics" as my brother puts it. It was the one drug I never ever thought I would do. I swore up and down that I would never do acid. I was a hipocrite. I took one dose of acid, and had the most intense and profound trip of my entire life thus far. Acid brought me down to the very very core of my personality, and showed me how weak I am, how small I am, and how much I do not know. It was the most intense introspective trip I could have had at the time. I tripped for ten straight hours, getting lost in my thoughts and freaking out. In my own mind I asked myself the big questions. "What will you do with your life?" or "Who do you serve, yourself or a Higher Authority?" and questions such as, "How well do you know yourself?" and "Why did you abandon your faith?"
After the LSD had run it's course, everything stopped moving. Visual distortions were gone, fear and paranoia left, and everything was still and quiet. I had never experienced such a calm...such a silence in all of my life. And as soon as the still came, so did the answers.
The Truth was in front of me all along! I went so far away from it, that I just made a HUGE circle! I believed everything the Bible had to say, I believed that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Saviour! The Trinity, the Crucifixion, the virgin birth, Jesus rising from the dead. Everything! Everything everything everything! It was so blatantly clear. I thanked God over and over for showing me the obvious Light. I asked for forgiveness for acting so foolish (I am still asking!). The Holy Spirit certainly worked through the psychedelic drugs that I ingested, and brought me back to my faith.
Needless to say, I still struggle IMMENSELY with my life as a born-again Christian (perhaps it was the first time I was truly saved???), but I have made leaps and bounds in reclaiming my faith.
I still smoke marijuana from time to time...but I'm slowly but surely removing that from life. I don't need it! And on top of everything, I've lost complete interest in all psychedelics.
This is the first I've told anyone but God all of this...
I would love some feedback. Perhaps some prayer? I have such a hunger for Him...and I'm still riding the boundaries, unfortunately.