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Protestants, Catholics To Resolve Differences In High-Stakes Mario Kart Tournament

Discussion in 'Clean/Christian Jokes' started by redleghunter, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. redleghunter

    redleghunter Abide Boldy my friend Supporter

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    Protestants, Catholics To Resolve Differences In High-Stakes Mario Kart Tournament

    VATICAN CITY—After centuries of theological disputes, Protestants and Catholics have agreed to resolve their differences in an exciting, non-violent way: a high-stakes Mario Kart tournament, with the winner taking all.

    The side that wins the tournament will get to dictate Christian doctrine on justification, ecclesiology, the sacraments, and sainthood for the next 500 years.

    Pope Francis has agreed to represent the Catholic side. The Pope is reportedly very competitive as Yoshi, with an aggressive playstyle that focuses on hanging around in the middle of the pack, grabbing strong items, and then rocketing to victory at the last second. He has been criticized for practicing social justice on the track, however, allowing those less fortunate racers who fall behind to pass him up in what he calls an "act of mercy."

    John MacArthur has been selected to represent evangelicals in the tournament after a strong showing in an interdenominational qualifier. MacArthur showed himself to be a brutal, vicious contender, blasting competitors like J.D. Greear, Rick Warren, and Kevin DeYoung with well-timed Blue Shell blasts at the most opportune moments. However, he refuses to use any fire-related items, calling them "strange fire," and absolutely will not play as Princess Peach, Rosalina, Daisy, or any female character.

    He is, however, reportedly a "fiend" with the banana peel.

    An Eastern Orthodox representative was scheduled to participate but failed to qualify as his controller kept getting tangled up in his massive beard, according to insiders.

    Protestants, Catholics To Resolve Differences In High-Stakes Mario Kart Tournament
     
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  2. redleghunter

    redleghunter Abide Boldy my friend Supporter

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  3. LaSorcia

    LaSorcia AOE Queen Staff Member Red Team - Moderator Supporter

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    They're lucky I'm not competing!
     
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  4. redleghunter

    redleghunter Abide Boldy my friend Supporter

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  5. redleghunter

    redleghunter Abide Boldy my friend Supporter

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  6. Radagast

    Radagast is a Trinitarian Christian

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    Solid gold!

    Later reports indicate that Mainline Protestant churches refused to participate, claiming that the word "kart" should be interpreted metaphorically, and not as an actual physical vehicle (also that the traditional "Mario" was a textual corruption for a hypothesised original μαραίνω, meaning "to have a miserable end").
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
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