Proposed options for life after divorce

Ocean_Soul

Member
Aug 16, 2022
7
4
36
Cheshire
✟15,577.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Separated
I hope I have posted in the correct area. I would really value a sounding board for some concepts I'm finding it difficult to discern.

I am separated from my husband and he has filed a petition for divorce. It's not fully completed yet. However, he has said he wants to carry it through to its end.

My husband wants us to divorce but doesn't know what the future holds. For now, he doesn't want us to make a go of it. He didn't rule out a future reconciliation between us and said couples reconnect after being with other people but he's certain he never wants to marry again. He said no amount of preaching will convince him otherwise and that marriage is a piece of paper.

He believes that if I do not want to be in a relationship with him because of divorce, then it's not love. He believes that we should be together for love, not because the law says we're married.

I am finding this problematic because even if we were to reconcile in the future, he would not want to be married to me. If I was not a Christian, I think I could tolerate this and believe that it didn't matter what our legal status is. However, I can't unravel the values I've been taught from my upbringing and what I believe in the Bible about marriage. I feel devalued at the idea of going from marriage to divorce then an undefined relationship with none of the protection or sanctity.

I can't entertain the idea of him being with other people then reconciling in the future. I know people reconcile in a situation like this but for me I see it as purposely polluting the waters and I can't see any way back to him if he pursues this option. Perhaps he will think again that I don't really love him if this is my opinion.

My husband is a skilled talker so I find it difficult to distinguish truth after conversations with him. I would really like to read what other Christians think about my husband's proposals for life after divorce: possible but not guaranteed reconciliation with no marriage prospects.

I hope that makes sense.

Thank you.
 

Allen of the Cross

Active Member
Apr 25, 2020
202
317
25
Kentucky
Visit site
✟26,064.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Your husband has fallen from the faith. If hes serious hes walking in hypocrisy. It's common, but heartbreaking, and leaves me full of sorrow for you. I'm sorry you're going through this! :( Divorcing just to marry another is adultery. I know this is a hard and difficult time for you, so I will speak with love and compassion.

This could be an opportunity to seek out greater fellowship with Jesus. Let me tell you a bit about myself so you see where I'm coming from:

I'm 24, and single, without intentions to marry a woman. Why? I'm seeking greater union with Jesus. Paul taught us that a single person cares for the Lord, but a married person cares for their wife/husband.


Sister in the Lord, hear me out: you are guiltless from your husband wanting to divorce you. God is not mad, go in peace. Lean on Him in these hard times.

So here's my advice, sister, in life after divorce. These are not commands or ordinances but merely what I would do.

  • You could dedicate your life to prayer and bible study
  • You could volunteer at a soup kitchen
  • You could get more involved at church
  • You could become a missionary
  • You could go back to school and get a better career
  • You could share your faith to others
  • You could join a charity
  • You could seek out treasures in heaven
  • The possibilities are endless.
If he divorces you, then do not go back to him. True love wouldn't divorce you. True love doesn't 'love even if we're not married.' That's adultery. Drop him off at the dog pound, because hes a hound if he does this.

Pray for strength, guidance in your life, peace, joy, contentment, and wisdom in life. The grace of God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

Hope this helps. I've never been through anything like this although my parents are divorced. This world is passing away, but the next one is just about here. Prepare accordingly. I love you
 
Upvote 0

Ocean_Soul

Member
Aug 16, 2022
7
4
36
Cheshire
✟15,577.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Separated
Thank you very much for taking the time to reply.

You have been very compassionate and kind, thank you for speaking with such love. Your suggestions for life after divorce bring me a sense of peace. It's been difficult to not become increasingly reclusive but the thought of taking this time to get closer to the Lord and considering some of the things you would do gives me joy.

I'm sorry to hear you also have experience of divorce through your parents.

It feels so contrary to something inside me the things he has suggested. To me as a Christian.

It does really help. Thank you again.
 
Upvote 0

atpollard

Well-Known Member
Jun 18, 2017
1,792
857
62
Florida
✟116,285.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I would like to add that my husband is a Christian.
No he isn’t.

Actions speak louder than words:

Galatians 5:16-24 [NASB95]
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

So which of the “fruit of the Spirit” is he showing with his plan?
 
Upvote 0

dqhall

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jul 21, 2015
7,547
4,171
Florida
Visit site
✟766,603.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I hope I have posted in the correct area. I would really value a sounding board for some concepts I'm finding it difficult to discern.

I am separated from my husband and he has filed a petition for divorce. It's not fully completed yet. However, he has said he wants to carry it through to its end.

My husband wants us to divorce but doesn't know what the future holds. For now, he doesn't want us to make a go of it. He didn't rule out a future reconciliation between us and said couples reconnect after being with other people but he's certain he never wants to marry again. He said no amount of preaching will convince him otherwise and that marriage is a piece of paper.

He believes that if I do not want to be in a relationship with him because of divorce, then it's not love. He believes that we should be together for love, not because the law says we're married.

I am finding this problematic because even if we were to reconcile in the future, he would not want to be married to me. If I was not a Christian, I think I could tolerate this and believe that it didn't matter what our legal status is. However, I can't unravel the values I've been taught from my upbringing and what I believe in the Bible about marriage. I feel devalued at the idea of going from marriage to divorce then an undefined relationship with none of the protection or sanctity.

I can't entertain the idea of him being with other people then reconciling in the future. I know people reconcile in a situation like this but for me I see it as purposely polluting the waters and I can't see any way back to him if he pursues this option. Perhaps he will think again that I don't really love him if this is my opinion.

My husband is a skilled talker so I find it difficult to distinguish truth after conversations with him. I would really like to read what other Christians think about my husband's proposals for life after divorce: possible but not guaranteed reconciliation with no marriage prospects.

I hope that makes sense.

Thank you.
You may need a lawyer to defend your right to financial gains produced during your marriage. Living alone is not cheap. If there are children involved, they must be cared for. Not easy for a divorced mother to take care of her children. Divorce is not good.
 
Upvote 0

Ocean_Soul

Member
Aug 16, 2022
7
4
36
Cheshire
✟15,577.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Separated
No he isn’t.

Actions speak louder than words:

Galatians 5:16-24 [NASB95]
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

So which of the “fruit of the Spirit” is he showing with his plan?

Thank you. This too was helpful. I value your response and it's given me much to meditate on.
 
Upvote 0

disciple Clint

Well-Known Member
Mar 26, 2018
15,258
5,990
Pacific Northwest
✟200,679.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
I hope I have posted in the correct area. I would really value a sounding board for some concepts I'm finding it difficult to discern.

I am separated from my husband and he has filed a petition for divorce. It's not fully completed yet. However, he has said he wants to carry it through to its end.

My husband wants us to divorce but doesn't know what the future holds. For now, he doesn't want us to make a go of it. He didn't rule out a future reconciliation between us and said couples reconnect after being with other people but he's certain he never wants to marry again. He said no amount of preaching will convince him otherwise and that marriage is a piece of paper.

He believes that if I do not want to be in a relationship with him because of divorce, then it's not love. He believes that we should be together for love, not because the law says we're married.

I am finding this problematic because even if we were to reconcile in the future, he would not want to be married to me. If I was not a Christian, I think I could tolerate this and believe that it didn't matter what our legal status is. However, I can't unravel the values I've been taught from my upbringing and what I believe in the Bible about marriage. I feel devalued at the idea of going from marriage to divorce then an undefined relationship with none of the protection or sanctity.

I can't entertain the idea of him being with other people then reconciling in the future. I know people reconcile in a situation like this but for me I see it as purposely polluting the waters and I can't see any way back to him if he pursues this option. Perhaps he will think again that I don't really love him if this is my opinion.

My husband is a skilled talker so I find it difficult to distinguish truth after conversations with him. I would really like to read what other Christians think about my husband's proposals for life after divorce: possible but not guaranteed reconciliation with no marriage prospects.

I hope that makes sense.

Thank you.
sounds to me like your husband wants what is know as an open marriage, that would not be in keeping with what God wants. Stick to your values.
 
Upvote 0

Bob Crowley

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Dec 27, 2015
3,000
1,859
69
Logan City
✟747,349.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
I would like to add that my husband is a Christian.

I think your husband is a complete hypocrite, and that's speaking as someone who hasn't always behaved very well myself.

His opinions are all double talk.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: atpollard
Upvote 0

com7fy8

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2013
13,649
6,108
Massachusetts
✟583,430.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
If he claims to be a Christian and one who trusts God's word >

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

So, if both spouses are Christians, there is no option for divorce. Because God is able to correct His children. In prayer you can be with God so He has you get better in His love, so that then you are eager to get back with each other so you can see how God has you doing better.

So, do you have a church with real Jesus people who help you to grow in Jesus and His word? If you do, you can pray together and find out how God has you agree to take care of this.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Ocean_Soul

Member
Aug 16, 2022
7
4
36
Cheshire
✟15,577.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Separated
If he claims to be a Christian and one who trusts God's word >

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

So, if both spouses are Christians, there is no option for divorce. Because God is able to correct His children. In prayer you can be with God so He has you get better in His love, so that then you are eager to get back with each other so you can see how God has you doing better.

So, do you have a church with real Jesus people who help you to grow in Jesus and His word? If you do, you can pray together and find out how God has you agree to take care of this.

Thank you, this is solid wisdom. I have an older female in my life who does devotionals with me and prays with me and I really thank God for her. I go to church but I would love what you describe here, to be part of a chruch family that will pray with me and help me to grow. To help me know how to take care of this situation.

My husband hasn't ruled out future reconciliation with me but has told me it won't involve marriage, that it is a piece of paper and does't show love if people have to be married to be together. It's probably unfair of me to speculate, but from our conversations I infer and I suspect he's also thought of the possibility there might be someone out there that could be a better match for him. He seems such a different person.

I love what you say here and I will pray for my correction too and that I will know how to grow better in love.
 
  • Winner
Reactions: com7fy8
Upvote 0

com7fy8

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2013
13,649
6,108
Massachusetts
✟583,430.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I have an older female in my life
And you can be good for her, too . . . plus with us, in how you share honestly and in a godly manner and encouraging us. All children of God have the ability to minister God's good to one another, however God pleases. And plenty of us do this while we ourselves are trusting God with impossible situations.

So, it is good to have you, and welcome to Christian Forums, by the way :)

I have known a couple who has been very nice with me, including while I was not very socially accepted where I was living. But one day I met them and she said something like, that marriage can be a lousy deal. I don't remember what I said, but it was something about how yes it can be very different to be actually married to someone. But that person can be the best person for you, but you need to find out how to relate so you can benefit from being with each other. In a close relationship you can discover how to love genuinely after you have been finding out the real truth about each other. So, I wouldn't sell out who you have, just because I or someone else seems nicer after just a few conversations. Because . . . ones who have gotten closer to me have found out I am not like they were expecting :)

And I have crossed the line into immorality and living with the person. As soon as I did it . . . the next morning I deeply was not right: I knew I was in trouble, and I did not like looking my Jesus people in the eye at church, knowing that in secret I was not honoring how we understood we would behave and live in God's way. And I did not get out, right away. And it got worse and worse; because I can not fool myself into being in a right and good love spirit, and at the same time be in what a wrong spirit has me doing.

I got more and more homesick to be back in the blessing way I knew I could be in sharing with my Jesus family people. And God had mercy on me and got me out.

Now, it might be that your husband will not get into real deep loving with you; but if you invest in being ready to have real love sharing with him . . . this will be in God's love, at least for you. And God's love will have you benefiting from genuine loving with a variety of Jesus people. You will reap love.

And . . . have you fed on 1 Peter 3:1-4? This shows how Christian wives can win any disobedient guy, I understand. How do you get this? :)
 
Upvote 0

Ocean_Soul

Member
Aug 16, 2022
7
4
36
Cheshire
✟15,577.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Separated
And you can be good for her, too . . . plus with us, in how you share honestly and in a godly manner and encouraging us. All children of God have the ability to minister God's good to one another, however God pleases. And plenty of us do this while we ourselves are trusting God with impossible situations.

So, it is good to have you, and welcome to Christian Forums, by the way :)

I have known a couple who has been very nice with me, including while I was not very socially accepted where I was living. But one day I met them and she said something like, that marriage can be a lousy deal. I don't remember what I said, but it was something about how yes it can be very different to be actually married to someone. But that person can be the best person for you, but you need to find out how to relate so you can benefit from being with each other. In a close relationship you can discover how to love genuinely after you have been finding out the real truth about each other. So, I wouldn't sell out who you have, just because I or someone else seems nicer after just a few conversations. Because . . . ones who have gotten closer to me have found out I am not like they were expecting :)

And I have crossed the line into immorality and living with the person. As soon as I did it . . . the next morning I deeply was not right: I knew I was in trouble, and I did not like looking my Jesus people in the eye at church, knowing that in secret I was not honoring how we understood we would behave and live in God's way. And I did not get out, right away. And it got worse and worse; because I can not fool myself into being in a right and good love spirit, and at the same time be in what a wrong spirit has me doing.

I got more and more homesick to be back in the blessing way I knew I could be in sharing with my Jesus family people. And God had mercy on me and got me out.

Now, it might be that your husband will not get into real deep loving with you; but if you invest in being ready to have real love sharing with him . . . this will be in God's love, at least for you. And God's love will have you benefiting from genuine loving with a variety of Jesus people. You will reap love.

And . . . have you fed on 1 Peter 3:1-4? This shows how Christian wives can win any disobedient guy, I understand. How do you get this? :)

Thank you for welcoming me so kindly.

And thank you for sharing your story. I feel humbled that you have been able to share this part of your life with me and I feel encouraged and built up by your words.

It's feels difficult to walk this path but I would like to hold in my heart what you have said, that even if the outcome is that my husband will not invest his love in me then I can always be ready to show God's love, which will surely only reap goodness. I have tears in my eyes in my eyes in a good way because even though it's painful, this is a truth which feels in my heart and it gives me hope through the hurt.

I think I do need to lean on the Lord with the verse from Peter, so I can be a wise and loving support with a gentle spirit.

This has given me much to meditate on and I thank you for being there for me.
 
Last edited:
  • Friendly
Reactions: com7fy8
Upvote 0

com7fy8

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2013
13,649
6,108
Massachusetts
✟583,430.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Thank you for welcoming me so kindly.
You are welcome :)

It's feels difficult to walk this path but I would like to hold in my heart what you have said, that even if the outcome is that my husband will not invest his love in me then I can always be ready to show God's love, which will surely only reap goodness.
Bless your husband and this will do good, howsoever God pleases. And your loving will bless others, even if he refuses. Jesus so loved all people, on the cross > ones refused Him, but His blessing went on to others . . . no waste!

1 Corinthians 15:58

Because we have Jesus praying for us according to His faith > Romans 8:34.

And why did Peter become a bold witness who could strengthen his brethren? > Luke 22:31-32

I think I do need to lean on the Lord with the verse from Peter, so I can be a wise and loving support with a gentle spirit.
amen

This has given me much to meditate on and I thank you for being there for me.
May God bless you to be encouraged and in peace in sharing with God and us. Amen. And you will discover how God will win and make His good use of everything.

We have how horrible things happened to Joseph; yet, the LORD used all that evil for Joseph's good and even so Joseph could help many people and even rescue his brothers who had done such evil against him.

Genesis 37-50

Because God is all-loving in how He blesses us: He brings us His good in His way so that others are blessed, also.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums