Problem forgiving

[IzzieStevens]

I have always lived with anxiety because I lived in an abusive household. My father was always working never there to defend us from my brother, the main abuser and my mother who would just stand by. Also my father never supported me in anything, he would only support my sister with study expenses, trips, anything she needed. I was the youngest and was always told by my mother to just wait, and years would go by and nothing happened, no one in my family approached me to help guide me, I just had a generalized education, all of my life I felt perpetually lost, I was ignored, I felt I was in prison, finally at 21 years old I had the opportunity to leave home and I did, I went to another state to study. But it was difficult when I left home to find a place to live, I did everything by myself, it's almost impossible for me to ask for help because I feel like I don't deserve it. Now five years after I left home I've also had no guidance, I've just been trying the best I can to survive, to go to school, my father had an accident and I went home to help him cope for a month and all he did was wish me the best like a stranger does... This week I was diagnosed with lumbar spine trauma, a disk is hurting my nerves which is making my leg go numb due to all of the stress I put in my body to move from a place to another, working too much to pay for my studies and housing. I just feel angry all the time... I could have been great, I could've been an artist, a dancer if only they'd invested some time in me. Now I'm in pain, alone, going to physical therapy after school three times a week to work on the damage to my back and nerves which is irreversible and degenerative and I'm only in my 20's. I just wish I could forgive so that I could lead a better, happier life, but I can't... I feel miserable, I feel like they won... Any advice on coping with these feelings and moving on? thank you

 

[LaSorcia]

IzzieStevens, you need and deserve many hugs and prayers. I'm praying for you.

And welcome to CF.

 

[brinny]

Bless yer heart Izzie, praying for you. Welcome to CF (((hug)))

 

[Korean-American Christian]

I extend a very warm welcome to CF

You might want to edit your post a little and repost it here Christian Advice

More people can help you there

I recommend that you edit your post a little because reposting the same exact content on different threads violates CF rules

 

[Bluerose31]

I have always lived with anxiety because I lived in an abusive household. My father was always working never there to defend us from my brother, the main abuser and my mother who would just stand by. Also my father never supported me in anything, he would only support my sister with study expenses, trips, anything she needed. I was the youngest and was always told by my mother to just wait, and years would go by and nothing happened, no one in my family approached me to help guide me, I just had a generalized education, all of my life I felt perpetually lost, I was ignored, I felt I was in prison, finally at 21 years old I had the opportunity to leave home and I did, I went to another state to study. But it was difficult when I left home to find a place to live, I did everything by myself, it's almost impossible for me to ask for help because I feel like I don't deserve it. Now five years after I left home I've also had no guidance, I've just been trying the best I can to survive, to go to school, my father had an accident and I went home to help him cope for a month and all he did was wish me the best like a stranger does... This week I was diagnosed with lumbar spine trauma, a disk is hurting my nerves which is making my leg go numb due to all of the stress I put in my body to move from a place to another, working too much to pay for my studies and housing. I just feel angry all the time... I could have been great, I could've been an artist, a dancer if only they'd invested some time in me. Now I'm in pain, alone, going to physical therapy after school three times a week to work on the damage to my back and nerves which is irreversible and degenerative and I'm only in my 20's. I just wish I could forgive so that I could lead a better, happier life, but I can't... I feel miserable, I feel like they won... Any advice on coping with these feelings and moving on? thank you

I am sorry you are going through so much pain. I will pray for you. Try your best to stay close to God during this hard time and it will help you. Be gentle on yourself as your body heals.

 

[Pilgrim]

God bless you Izzie. Welcome to Christian Forums. I am praying for you.

 

[paul1149]

I just wish I could forgive so that I could lead a better, happier life, but I can't... I feel miserable, I feel like they won...

Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision, an act of will. Are you willing to forgive? If so, you can go to God and ask Him for strength. And keep doing so until you own it.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to place yourself back under the abuse. You have infinite worth in God's eyes, which He proved at the Cross, and you should not submit to abuse. It also doesn't mean that you approve of what happened. Essentially it means you've done what you can to help the situation and now place it in God's faithful hands. He will do what is necessary.

The feelings of forgiveness - peace, freedom, etc - will come in time, but at the beginning it comes down to the decision to forgive, and you might have to make that decision in the face of the bad feelings. Forgiveness literally means "to send away". You are choosing to send the judgmentalism, bitterness and unforgiveness away. Don't think that because you have the feelings, you can't forgive, or haven't forgiven. Make the choice to forgive, and then whenever bitter thoughts surface, "say No to ungodliness" (Titus 2). "Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (2Cor 10). This is a process. You will need to be both persistent and patient. But you will overcome if you are diligent. Christ has already overcome the world.

Once you do that, you can begin to start your new life in Christ, with nothing from the past to drag you down. It will start with a change in attitude. Then better health. With more energy you can start to investigate new paths for yourself - all in Christ. God doesn't need a healthy family of origin to make you a success. But what is necessary is faith. It begins with the first step of forgiving and letting go of the past.

 

[Breve]

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you had a horrible upbringing but your life isn't over. Focus on healing, God and your studies. Look into counselling at your school or through a church - One of those recovery programs may help. You still have your whole life ahead and you have much to do and accomplish. God is not going to drop you and give you a "nothing life"!

Forgiveness is a decision not a feeling and you may have to do it more than once. I made the decision to forgive someone who was abusive to me. But even a few years later I still felt the hurt and anger towards them whenever I thought of them. That's when i learned that forgiving someone may take several times.

To move away and set yourself up in a new life shows courage and determination. These are excellent character traits to have. Keep strong and remember the past is like the rear view mirror in a car. You glance at it but most of your attention is looking ahead to where you're going.

 

[IzzieStevens]

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you had a horrible upbringing but your life isn't over. Focus on healing, God and your studies. Look into counselling at your school or through a church - One of those recovery programs may help. You still have your whole life ahead and you have much to do and accomplish. God is not going to drop you and give you a "nothing life"!

Forgiveness is a decision not a feeling and you may have to do it more than once. I made the decision to forgive someone who was abusive to me. But even a few years later I still felt the hurt and anger towards them whenever I thought of them. That's when i learned that forgiving someone may take several times.

To move away and set yourself up in a new life shows courage and determination. These are excellent character traits to have. Keep strong and remember the past is like the rear view mirror in a car. You glance at it but most of your attention is looking ahead to where you're going.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kind words. I started going to therapy a few weeks ago but your idea about looking into help through a program at church sounds even better, I hope I can find something like it.

 

[christianforumsuser]

I could give some encouragement and sweet words but you need to learn and believe God's Word as it's written with its intention. How is your heart and spirit? Do you have sin in your heart? Who is wicked?