Problem between wife and mother

[Doubleflip7]

My name is David. I'm 31 and I've been married 5 years and have 1 boy and 1 more on the way! We are really excited

I'm really conflicted with what to do about a pretty big issue. My wife is very flamboyant, and can go from 0 to 100 very fast. I believe she gets angry pretty quickly, but she would say that's just her personality.

My mom and her sisters rotate taking care of my grandparents. So my mom was talking with her sisters trying to coordinate when my mom would be taking off to come help us once our 2nd child is born. In that conversation she said that she "might need to take off earlier than expected because the dr thinks the baby might come early." My wife never told my mom not to share that, but she didn't want that shared and thought that would be kept secret from extended family. When my wife found out that this was shared, she sent my mom a bunch of very aggressive texts. My mom read them as "attacks" (and I can see why) but Sara was just expressing her hurt and fear that my mom will continue to share more private information.

My issue is this... I want to be 100% behind my wife and support her as ONE team. But I feel like I'm lying to her and my parents b/c the truth is, I agree more with my parents than my wife in this situation. Yes, my mom shouldn't have shared this information, but she apologized and the response from my wife was SO disproportionately severe given the offense.

How do I handle this? I want to be honest with my wife and tell her that her texts to my mom were mean and hurtful and that I agree with them in some areas, but I know that that would make her angry and she'd feel like I'm siding with them. Should I just side my with wife an keep my concerns quiet???

 

[pescador]

My name is David. I'm 31 and I've been married 5 years and have 1 boy and 1 more on the way! We are really excited

I'm really conflicted with what to do about a pretty big issue. My wife is very flamboyant, and can go from 0 to 100 very fast. I believe she gets angry pretty quickly, but she would say that's just her personality.

My mom and her sisters rotate taking care of my grandparents. So my mom was talking with her sisters trying to coordinate when my mom would be taking off to come help us once our 2nd child is born. In that conversation she said that she "might need to take off earlier than expected because the dr thinks the baby might come early." My wife never told my mom not to share that, but she didn't want that shared and thought that would be kept secret from extended family. When my wife found out that this was shared, she sent my mom a bunch of very aggressive texts. My mom read them as "attacks" (and I can see why) but Sara was just expressing her hurt and fear that my mom will continue to share more private information.

My issue is this... I want to be 100% behind my wife and support her as ONE team. But I feel like I'm lying to her and my parents b/c the truth is, I agree more with my parents than my wife in this situation. Yes, my mom shouldn't have shared this information, but she apologized and the response from my wife was SO disproportionately severe given the offense.

How do I handle this? I want to be honest with my wife and tell her that her texts to my mom were mean and hurtful and that I agree with them in some areas, but I know that that would make her angry and she'd feel like I'm siding with them. Should I just side my with wife an keep my concerns quiet???

You need to be honest and say what needs to be said. You should not be afraid of your wife, who seems to control situations by her anger. Which is more important to you, truth and honesty or keeping your wife calm?

 

[Root of Jesse]

My name is David. I'm 31 and I've been married 5 years and have 1 boy and 1 more on the way! We are really excited

I'm really conflicted with what to do about a pretty big issue. My wife is very flamboyant, and can go from 0 to 100 very fast. I believe she gets angry pretty quickly, but she would say that's just her personality.

My mom and her sisters rotate taking care of my grandparents. So my mom was talking with her sisters trying to coordinate when my mom would be taking off to come help us once our 2nd child is born. In that conversation she said that she "might need to take off earlier than expected because the dr thinks the baby might come early." My wife never told my mom not to share that, but she didn't want that shared and thought that would be kept secret from extended family. When my wife found out that this was shared, she sent my mom a bunch of very aggressive texts. My mom read them as "attacks" (and I can see why) but Sara was just expressing her hurt and fear that my mom will continue to share more private information.

My issue is this... I want to be 100% behind my wife and support her as ONE team. But I feel like I'm lying to her and my parents b/c the truth is, I agree more with my parents than my wife in this situation. Yes, my mom shouldn't have shared this information, but she apologized and the response from my wife was SO disproportionately severe given the offense.

How do I handle this? I want to be honest with my wife and tell her that her texts to my mom were mean and hurtful and that I agree with them in some areas, but I know that that would make her angry and she'd feel like I'm siding with them. Should I just side my with wife an keep my concerns quiet???

Do it gently, but you do need to talk to your wife. Tell her she's putting you between a rock and a hard place. I've been in the same boat, the other way, and told my mom that my wife came first, and to keep her unfounded comments to herself. Now, when my wife remembers 20 years ago, I have to remind her that it was 20 years ago, and to let go.
You might need to have a talk with your mom, too. You are supposed to cleave to your wife...

 

[Doubleflip7]

You need to be honest and say what needs to be said. You should not be afraid of your wife, who seems to control situations by her anger. Which is more important to you, truth and honesty or keeping your wife calm?

Thank you for the response. I agree that the truth is more important than my wife getting upset. I will figure out how to lovingly talk to her. Thanks!

 

[Doubleflip7]

Do it gently, but you do need to talk to your wife. Tell her she's putting you between a rock and a hard place. I've been in the same boat, the other way, and told my mom that my wife came first, and to keep her unfounded comments to herself. Now, when my wife remembers 20 years ago, I have to remind her that it was 20 years ago, and to let go.
You might need to have a talk with your mom, too. You are supposed to cleave to your wife...

Thank you for the advice. I think I do need to talk with my wife, like you said, or else I'm defending her against my parents without actually being on the same page as her. Thank you for sharing your experience in this area

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

My name is David. I'm 31 and I've been married 5 years and have 1 boy and 1 more on the way! We are really excited

I'm really conflicted with what to do about a pretty big issue. My wife is very flamboyant, and can go from 0 to 100 very fast. I believe she gets angry pretty quickly, but she would say that's just her personality.

My mom and her sisters rotate taking care of my grandparents. So my mom was talking with her sisters trying to coordinate when my mom would be taking off to come help us once our 2nd child is born. In that conversation she said that she "might need to take off earlier than expected because the dr thinks the baby might come early." My wife never told my mom not to share that, but she didn't want that shared and thought that would be kept secret from extended family. When my wife found out that this was shared, she sent my mom a bunch of very aggressive texts. My mom read them as "attacks" (and I can see why) but Sara was just expressing her hurt and fear that my mom will continue to share more private information.

My issue is this... I want to be 100% behind my wife and support her as ONE team. But I feel like I'm lying to her and my parents b/c the truth is, I agree more with my parents than my wife in this situation. Yes, my mom shouldn't have shared this information, but she apologized and the response from my wife was SO disproportionately severe given the offense.

How do I handle this? I want to be honest with my wife and tell her that her texts to my mom were mean and hurtful and that I agree with them in some areas, but I know that that would make her angry and she'd feel like I'm siding with them. Should I just side my with wife an keep my concerns quiet???

as follower of God your number allegiance should be towards God and the truth

if your wife did not tell your mom not to say anything, how ON EARTH does your mom suppose to know that?

has she previously expressed she would like to keep things within immediate family only?

either way, you wife did not make it clear and your mom apologized

this is just how I see the situation.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

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[Kit Sigmon]

My name is David. I'm 31 and I've been married 5 years and have 1 boy and 1 more on the way! We are really excited

I'm really conflicted with what to do about a pretty big issue. My wife is very flamboyant, and can go from 0 to 100 very fast. I believe she gets angry pretty quickly, but she would say that's just her personality.
She's deflecting...your wife needs anger management.
Control could be another issue also...

My mom and her sisters rotate taking care of my grandparents. So my mom was talking with her sisters trying to coordinate when my mom would be taking off to come help us once our 2nd child is born. In that conversation she said that she "might need to take off earlier than expected because the dr thinks the baby might come early." My wife never told my mom not to share that, but she didn't want that shared and thought that would be kept secret from extended family. When my wife found out that this was shared, she sent my mom a bunch of very aggressive texts. My mom read them as "attacks" (and I can see why) but Sara was just expressing her hurt and fear that my mom will continue to share more private information.
Yep, anger and control issues...and there be the over-reacting.


My issue is this... I want to be 100% behind my wife and support her as ONE team. But I feel like I'm lying to her and my parents b/c the truth is, I agree more with my parents than my wife in this situation. Yes, my mom shouldn't have shared this information, but she apologized and the response from my wife was SO disproportionately severe given the offense.
You are seeing the issues as well.
Your mom had no clue your wife didn't want the information shared.
There nothing to be lying about and nor do you have to take sides,
the truth will make itself known to others.

How do I handle this? I want to be honest with my wife and tell her that her texts to my mom were mean and hurtful and that I agree with them in some areas, but I know that that would make her angry and she'd feel like I'm siding with them. Should I just side my with wife an keep my concerns quiet???

Your wife knows her texts weren't appropriate and she know she's got anger problems and maybe even some control issues etc.
She's gotten into over reacting to things that's out of her control... she probably meant to tell her MIL not to share the information but forgot and after the information was shared, she went volatile and blasted off all those text messages to her MIL.

Anytime the subject comes up, speak truth...remind your wife that your mom didn't know the information she shared should of been kept secret and remind your wife that your mom did apologize.

Question:
What's your wife's background and home life like when she was growing up?

At this time, love and take care of your pregnant wife who's soon due to
have a baby.