Privacy

[Avniel]

My question is what is privacy's place in marriage?



My marriage has no privacy, but I don't to much mind it. I knew my wife since my freshmen year and she has always been my best friend. So its not really any secretes between us.

My cousin was visiting and my wife couldn't find her cell phone or her cell phone died so I just gave my wife my cell phone(I don't like for her to ride without a phone).....She checks my emails and I check her's not for snooping reasons but just for business and she might ask me to send an email to someone and I might ask her.....or maybe I didn't check my emails....ect. It blew my cousins mind. She's in the bathroom I come in brush my teeth, I'm in the bathroom she comes in and shaves her legs.

He said that men and women need their individual privacy.

I never thought about not having any privacy....It didn't feel like that till I thought about it....then it didn't bother me.


SO do you guys have privacy? Is privacy a good thing?

 

[BlueJay83]

I think what you are describing in your Marriage as very healthy and shows you have a great deal of trust for one another, it shows a complete union.

Now, there are SOME boundaries.. such as toilet time, feminine hygene type things... but for the most part e-mals and facebook should be 100% transparrent in my opinion.
... I think most couples should be able to discern from body language (or a friendly verbal request) that their partner needs a little privacy.

 

[hijklmnop]

I'm fine with respecting each other's privacy as desired unless there are trust issues. Then transparency is required...a natural consequence that can help restore trust over time.

Also, I see a difference between privacy and secretiveness....going out of your way to make sure your spouse doesn't find out your email password...kinda sketchy imo... Not wanting someone in the bathroom while you're doing your business...totally fine imo? Not wanting your spouse to read your journal...? Totally fine imo as well.

I guess it all depends on individual comfort levels and the health of the marriage. Boundaries need to be allowed, but trust needs to be present too.

 

[Johnnz]

We are obsessively private in our modern society, uniquely in history it seems. That has wide ramifications, many of which don't square that well with quite a few biblical concepts.

You two are going just fine.

John
NZ

 

[c1ners]

I think it's good that you and your wife are so open with each and trust the other with such things. Although (for me) there are certain times when the bathroom is off limits. I don't mind being in there brushing my teeth when he urinating, but bowel movements and feminine hygiene are a little more private. But that's just me. If you're comfortable with it, I think it's great!

 

[Niffer]

I think what you are describing in your Marriage as very healthy and shows you have a great deal of trust for one another, it shows a complete union.

Now, there are SOME boundaries.. such as toilet time, feminine hygene type things... but for the most part e-mals and facebook should be 100% transparrent in my opinion.
... I think most couples should be able to discern from body language (or a friendly verbal request) that their partner needs a little privacy.

I agree 100 percent, remi and i know all of eachothers passwords, and have no issue with checking eachothers facebook/emails etc.

though your feminie hygine type things, does that mean buying? cuz' remi buys me pads, tampons and now nursing pads without batting an eye.
Is that weird??

 

[JaneFW]

Don't let your cousin confuse you. You and your wife have an open and trusting relationship which is something to be hugely grateful for. In other words - if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

 

[dallasapple]

I have needed more privacy than comes natural to me because of specific set of circumstances..and that was the dysfunctional way IMHO..I "needed' privacy IOW when it was violated..but in general..

We must be odd..we ALL pee with the door open..(myself /husband AND our sons that are still home)..showers obviously private..(from children and pooping all private)..My husband has access to all my stuff..I dont like him 'organizing my purse" that one of course is crossing the line..but he can go in my purse to get 'my keys' (I have the keys to the SUV and soemtimes he needs it ..has the grandbabies car seat and sometimes he needs the room in the back)..

He has NO issues and its "common" for me to ask him to get me pads when hes at the grocery(he does a lot of the grocery shopping)..My female cycle its ridiculous for me to try and make that some sort of taboo secret..COME ON! Its 6 days out of every month I bleed what the heck ???I've even had him pick up some hair coloring treatment before ..and mascara..(I give him the old tube so he will be able to find the right one LOL)...

I dont think people should 'spy" though..or barge into a territory that your spouse has ASKED you not to..thats when its innapropriate ..and its a "need" not being respected.Or do things like "search your car" and all that..usually though thats an idicator of ISSUES..

Dallas

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, the having no privacy thing in marriage didn't bother me any ... actually, I initiated it to be that way.

 

[JRSut1000]

I figure with the whole "one flesh" idea in Scripture, that there really isnt much privacy in marriage. Why do we insist so much on individualism and space and privacy? Most cultures don't function that way. We know each others passwords to just about everything. It does NOT mean that we barge in on each other when going to the bathroom of course, but brushing teeth together or him showering while I need to put make-up on, etc - thats fine.

 

[JaneFW]

I figure with the whole "one flesh" idea in Scripture, that there really isnt much privacy in marriage. Why do we insist so much on individualism and space and privacy? Most cultures don't function that way. We know each others passwords to just about everything. It does NOT mean that we barge in on each other when going to the bathroom of course, but brushing teeth together or him showering while I need to put make-up on, etc - thats fine.

We all need personal space and some privacy. You may want to be in the bathroom with your husband, I do not. There's nothing wrong or right with either of those perspectives. As for individualism - i would fight for my right to be an individual, rather than a part of group-think or sameness.

 

[Sailor_A]

We all need personal space and some privacy. You may want to be in the bathroom with your husband, I do not. There's nothing wrong or right with either of those perspectives. As for individualism - i would fight for my right to be an individual, rather than a part of group-think or sameness.

Agreed there. I may be married but I need personal space also and thank God for individualism because the group I would have belonged too... ugh!

 

[c1ners]

We're a little strange I guess. We don't share passwords, bank accuonts, bills and stuff like that. He has his things and I have mine. I think it did bother me in the beginning, but after over 20 years of not sharing I guess I just stopped caring. (or noticing)

But we have no problems in sharing the bathroom with each other. Aceepting for pooping. That just goes a little too far. We don't pass gas in front of each other either.

 

[Johnnz]

We all need personal space and some privacy. You may want to be in the bathroom with your husband, I do not. There's nothing wrong or right with either of those perspectives. As for individualism - i would fight for my right to be an individual, rather than a part of group-think or sameness.

That is a heavily encultured view.

Theologically three words are relevant - Trinity, mutuality, differentiation.

God is Trinity, three beings in one. They are totally open with each other (Son has no secrets hidden from the Father) and each member never operates independently or without consent of the other (mutuality), yet all are distinct (differentiation). The 'naked and without shame' in Genesis speaks of that total openness, now broken by sin, but encompassed again in our salvation. There will be no privacy in the next life, nor independence as we understand that in our society. As beings 'made in God's image' that is our calling, to participate in and reflect the life of the Trinity. The 'one flesh' also contains that concept - total unity - as we learn to increasingly interpenetrate each other in our lives together.

I don't find that comfortable, but that's how I see scripture. I am very much a work in progress.

John
NZ

 

[JaneFW]

That is a heavily encultured view.

Theologically three words are relevant - Trinity, mutuality, differentiation.

God is Trinity, three beings in one. They are totally open with each other (Son has no secrets hidden from the Father) and each member never operates independently or without consent of the other (mutuality), yet all are distinct (differentiation). The 'naked and without shame' in Genesis speaks of that total openness, now broken by sin, but encompassed again in our salvation. There will be no privacy in the next life, nor independence as we understand that in our society. As beings 'made in God's image' that is our calling, to participate in and reflect the life of the Trinity. The 'one flesh' also contains that concept - total unity - as we learn to increasingly interpenetrate each other in our lives together.

I don't find that comfortable, but that's how I see scripture. I am very much a work in progress.

John
NZ

You may believe that we should be a mass of Daleks, but I just don't. That doesn't make me any less of a Christian, it just means that I am an individual with my own thoughts and experiences. If you want to be part of groupthink/groupspeak, go right ahead. Just count me out.

 

[Johnnz]

You may believe that we should be a mass of Daleks, but I just don't. That doesn't make me any less of a Christian, it just means that I am an individual with my own thoughts and experiences. If you want to be part of groupthink/groupspeak, go right ahead. Just count me out.

Our understanding about God contains our theology. A serious consideration of the Trinity, which is currently widespread in many Christian circles, does have a biblical basis. You have neither understood what I had written, nor given any doctrinal underpinnings for what you hold too. Biblical concepts, not personal preferences, are to form the basis of all our thinking as Christians.

John
NZ

 

[JaneFW]

Our understanding about God contains our theology. A serious consideration of the Trinity, which is currently widespread in many Christian circles, does have a biblical basis. You have neither understood what I had written, nor given any doctrinal underpinnings for what you hold too. Biblical concepts, not personal preferences, are to form the basis of all our thinking as Christians.

John
NZ

I'm fully aware of what the Trinity is. But that is One person - God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. That suggests to me that being a whole person is vitally important. But I see zero expectation that a couple is called upon to "never operate independently or without consent of the other." I don't even see how that would be realistic. You would be glued at the hip. You wouldn't be able to leave home without asking for permission, which is not practicable.

In heaven, we won't have the lives that we have now, and that's fine, but on earth, I don't believe that we are called to be living in each other's pockets, asking for guidance and permission.

So, I'm glad there is widespread consideration going on .. but call me when you figure out the practical implications.

 

[Johnnz]

The two terms I used are important. Differentiation means I am an independent being. Mutuality means my individuality does not override my ability to interrelate with another. That describes the Trinity, a total unity of Beings, distinct but so mutually submisisve and cooperative that they are also One.

Thus, it's not being joined at the hip incapable of independent choice or existence, but being someone who functions in a relationship of mutuality. Modern individualism, insofar as its origins are non biblical, falls far short of the Christian calling.

John
NZ

 

[dallasapple]

Our understanding about God contains our theology. A serious consideration of the Trinity, which is currently widespread in many Christian circles, does have a biblical basis. You have neither understood what I had written, nor given any doctrinal underpinnings for what you hold too. Biblical concepts, not personal preferences, are to form the basis of all our thinking as Christians.

John
NZ

Regardless..I dont think that means there is something wrong with someone not wanting to pee with someone else watching them..I just dont even think about it I got in a habit being the stay at home mom now everyone thinks they can pee with the door open so oh well..

And poop? I dont know about heaven but I hope to God I dont have to endure the odor of a bunch of peopels poop either..that doesnt sound very heavenly ..

Dallas

 

[Johnnz]

Although there is continuity between this life and life in a redeemed earth, Paul tells us that reality is beyond our imagining. We mustn't get too concerned about details, and lose sight of the great hope we have and that it will be truly wonderful.

John
NZ