- Sep 6, 2004
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PretzelMonger (my sister, Briana) passed away on September 28, 2020. She was sick with something that the doctors never diagnosed. She was having problems managing her secretions, she couldn't swallow without aspirating, she had reflux from her stomach even when she had PEG tube feedings. Yet, all she wanted to do was eat by mouth, so she chose palliative care at the very end.
I was not able to see her since October 2019. At first, I did not have a job or money to go visit her and then COVID happened, so I wasn't allowed to visit her.
She was looking so well and it was only a few days after I last chatted with her on Facebook and all we really got to discuss was her getting registered for absentee voting. She said she would get help.
She chose to be on palliative care, but her being special needs, as well, doesn't take away the feeling that I failed her even though I couldn't have done anything.
Only afterwards does it look like she MIGHT have had bulbar polio, but that's not certain because I don't think they tested her for that, but I don't know.
She did have a spinal tap back in March or April 2019.
It is so super complicated grief. I am sure she is in heaven and reunited with our parents and the three grandparents, a couple of uncles, and all kinds of other relatives and tons of dogs and friends . . . and ultimately, with Jesus and with God which has to be the best, but the whole being the big sister, feeling like I needed to take care of her, not being able to be t there for her, not being able to give her hugs and cuddles . . . all of that hurts.
She was in a nursing home in Plaquemine, Louisiana. I was evacuated (and still am) up in Tennessee from hurricanes Laura and Delta (and now we're watching another hurricane) from Lake Charles, Louisiana. Plaquemine is a two to three hour drive from Lake Charles as is.
I feel so bad and I also feel so alone - I'm the only one now left from our immediate family. I don't have a husband or a boyfriend. I don't have any children.
I need a lot of prayers. This is very difficult.
I was not able to see her since October 2019. At first, I did not have a job or money to go visit her and then COVID happened, so I wasn't allowed to visit her.
She was looking so well and it was only a few days after I last chatted with her on Facebook and all we really got to discuss was her getting registered for absentee voting. She said she would get help.
She chose to be on palliative care, but her being special needs, as well, doesn't take away the feeling that I failed her even though I couldn't have done anything.
Only afterwards does it look like she MIGHT have had bulbar polio, but that's not certain because I don't think they tested her for that, but I don't know.
She did have a spinal tap back in March or April 2019.
It is so super complicated grief. I am sure she is in heaven and reunited with our parents and the three grandparents, a couple of uncles, and all kinds of other relatives and tons of dogs and friends . . . and ultimately, with Jesus and with God which has to be the best, but the whole being the big sister, feeling like I needed to take care of her, not being able to be t there for her, not being able to give her hugs and cuddles . . . all of that hurts.
She was in a nursing home in Plaquemine, Louisiana. I was evacuated (and still am) up in Tennessee from hurricanes Laura and Delta (and now we're watching another hurricane) from Lake Charles, Louisiana. Plaquemine is a two to three hour drive from Lake Charles as is.
I feel so bad and I also feel so alone - I'm the only one now left from our immediate family. I don't have a husband or a boyfriend. I don't have any children.
I need a lot of prayers. This is very difficult.