This has haunted me a long time, and I can't think of any way to set everything back to normal. Bear with me through the story:
I was raised Southern Baptist, and at 17 started learning theology to learn why I was Baptist and not another denomination. I eventually ended up accepting Reformed Theology as Scriptural and joined a small PCA church that seemed really traditionally Presbyterian. I was there for 3 years faithfully following everything they taught, but ended up falling away at 20 due to the New Age movement. I was completely unprepared to be able to defend myself against it's deceptive misinterpretations of Holy Scripture, and left the church and was honest with the elders about why I was leaving, as I didn't want to be secretive or get others under that church to follow my beliefs at the time.
3 years later, I came back to my senses and was truly repentant, and cut out all the evil from my life. I was so happy to return home, and likened it to the Prodigal Son returning home, with the father joyfully accepting his son back. That's not at all what happened: I was under discipline for failure to uphold my vows, and barred from communion. Not a single person at the church wanted to be seen near me, and the elders blamed me for their son falling into New Age ideas (he left it behind quickly, but the bitterness was still there). I didn't cause it, and didn't advocate anyone to accept anything I believed: I kept it to myself and the elders.
After a few weeks there with the most uncomfortable and stilted reception they gave communion, and this is when they told me about be barred from communion: the elder told me, then passed over me. I left the church immediately and balled my eyes out. I knew Jesus had forgiven me, and He longed for me to be forgiven here too. I liken it to the Adulterous Woman 'Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.' I left and never went back, and never could join a Reformed or Presbyterian Church again because they will not accept my membership because of my old church.
I then began to see Protestantism itself as inherently flawed. This was a heart-wrenching time in my life, and I was alone and confused about what to do. I started to study church history, read the saints, and joined a Catholic RCIA class (Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults). They welcomed me lovingly and seemed more Christlike in my eyes than my Presbyterian Church was. I didn't finish the RCIA class because I started to realize Catholicism is no longer what once was: they betrayed their own traditions for postmodernism, and were told to submit to an antichrist in Pope Francis, and I just couldn't do it.
I left for Eastern Orthodoxy, and nearly finished the conversion process, and left after I realized that all the traditions the Orthodox held were not Scriptural, but stunk of paganism. I became a member of no church but Christ's body, but held to my Reformed convictions yet again. I want to go to a faithful church again, but I would never be able to partake of communion again unless I went to a non-Reformed church, and I refuse to believe that what that former church did was charitible, loving, or Christlike, I love, cherish, and make Christ the center and end of my life, finding forgiveness in Him, but man-made traditions make it near impossible to ever have proper fellowship again with like-minded brethren, that I may not forsake the assembling of ourselves' together.
I'm torn and broken: Christ has healed me, but men refuse to accept Christ's judgement on this matter. Please help me to be able to find the proper way to overcome this sad reality I now live in
I was raised Southern Baptist, and at 17 started learning theology to learn why I was Baptist and not another denomination. I eventually ended up accepting Reformed Theology as Scriptural and joined a small PCA church that seemed really traditionally Presbyterian. I was there for 3 years faithfully following everything they taught, but ended up falling away at 20 due to the New Age movement. I was completely unprepared to be able to defend myself against it's deceptive misinterpretations of Holy Scripture, and left the church and was honest with the elders about why I was leaving, as I didn't want to be secretive or get others under that church to follow my beliefs at the time.
3 years later, I came back to my senses and was truly repentant, and cut out all the evil from my life. I was so happy to return home, and likened it to the Prodigal Son returning home, with the father joyfully accepting his son back. That's not at all what happened: I was under discipline for failure to uphold my vows, and barred from communion. Not a single person at the church wanted to be seen near me, and the elders blamed me for their son falling into New Age ideas (he left it behind quickly, but the bitterness was still there). I didn't cause it, and didn't advocate anyone to accept anything I believed: I kept it to myself and the elders.
After a few weeks there with the most uncomfortable and stilted reception they gave communion, and this is when they told me about be barred from communion: the elder told me, then passed over me. I left the church immediately and balled my eyes out. I knew Jesus had forgiven me, and He longed for me to be forgiven here too. I liken it to the Adulterous Woman 'Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.' I left and never went back, and never could join a Reformed or Presbyterian Church again because they will not accept my membership because of my old church.
I then began to see Protestantism itself as inherently flawed. This was a heart-wrenching time in my life, and I was alone and confused about what to do. I started to study church history, read the saints, and joined a Catholic RCIA class (Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults). They welcomed me lovingly and seemed more Christlike in my eyes than my Presbyterian Church was. I didn't finish the RCIA class because I started to realize Catholicism is no longer what once was: they betrayed their own traditions for postmodernism, and were told to submit to an antichrist in Pope Francis, and I just couldn't do it.
I left for Eastern Orthodoxy, and nearly finished the conversion process, and left after I realized that all the traditions the Orthodox held were not Scriptural, but stunk of paganism. I became a member of no church but Christ's body, but held to my Reformed convictions yet again. I want to go to a faithful church again, but I would never be able to partake of communion again unless I went to a non-Reformed church, and I refuse to believe that what that former church did was charitible, loving, or Christlike, I love, cherish, and make Christ the center and end of my life, finding forgiveness in Him, but man-made traditions make it near impossible to ever have proper fellowship again with like-minded brethren, that I may not forsake the assembling of ourselves' together.
I'm torn and broken: Christ has healed me, but men refuse to accept Christ's judgement on this matter. Please help me to be able to find the proper way to overcome this sad reality I now live in
