That's interesting, ValleyGal (about the likelihood that similar personalities will make more stable relationships over time). Do you have any idea about whether that would be true also for, say, similarity over Myers-Briggs type traits?
(One thing my husband and I learned, when we both did Myers-Briggs, is that on one measure we're extremes apart... and we realised that that difference fuels most of our disagreements and tension. Over time we've learned to navigate it better, but I can definitely see how it would be easier if we were more similar in that regard).
I'm not so sure it's about similar personalities so much as it is about specific qualities such as work ethic, optimism/pessimism, upbringing, class (yes, this factors into marriage on a subconscious level), values, etc. With personalities, I would think it is more about the ability to accept, love, and cherish the differences and using them to enhance the marriage rather than criticize the person for being different - especially if the criticism is about character. Because my mobility is challenged, I think someone who values daily fitness would become bored with me because I walk so slowly, for example. However, my friend has a chronic illness, and her husband is a fitness fan. But he treasures her spiritual beauty so much that her physical challenges become meaningless.
As for Meyers-Briggs, I think how the traits can be useful in identifying areas that might need more attention - as you experienced. But it should not be done without discussion as to how important those traits play out in the day-to-day dynamic in the relationship. As you say, over time you learned to navigate them better, and Gottman teaches about this in his seven principles. He says that every single marriage will have about 5 - 7 core conflicts that are unresolvable. He says to solve the solvable ones, and for those that can't be resolved, they must be navigated each time - and those times of navigation can actually help the marriage deepen. He gives the example of one couple who will have an argument every few years. Once they realize it's the same old argument, he sits in his chair and reads a paper, and she goes out shopping. They don't talk about it anymore, and every time, it just works itself out. One or the other might not be happy about it, but they get over it, and it's not always the same spouse that ends up unhappy.
Back to Meyers-Briggs, if a couple can take the assessment, and talk honestly about how much they value certain traits that might become a problem, they can be proactive in laying out how they will handle the issue when it happens in the future. Or they can choose not to marry, if they haven't already. As a very serious person and one who is focused on career and professionalism, it's hard for me to let loose and be myself in a fun-loving way. I would welcome someone who could help me to do that. But I also know that someone who is similar to me in this area would make me wonder if our entire lives we would ever laugh again. Then again, I also know that having been a very positive person with an optimistic view all my life (except the last few years), that I need to be with other optimistic people and would choose that in a partner (not that I'm considering anything, as I am still legally married). Bottom line: Meyers-Briggs is a good conversation to have.
Myers-Briggs is also fairly comprehensive, though... I would be more inclined to go with one like Personality Plus by Florence Littauer. This method breaks down personalities into only four categories, making it a little easier to explore more fundamental differences. For example, one type is "choleric" which is the boss, manager, and can keep things running and can delegate, but who also might become a workaholic and become too bossy and demanding at home. How might that personality type play out with the more passive, peaceful "phlegmatic" who will do anything to avoid conflict (iow, do as the boss says) but then later harbor resentment because of it. Or how might the more depressed melancholic personality react to a choleric workaholic? Likely by emotionally withdrawing, reinforcing the workaholic's tendency to stay at work. Or take the fun-loving sanguine who nags the melancholic to go out and party, then still goes out anyway, leaving the melancholic at home to wonder about whether to trust the sanguine's faithfulness. That's a big conversation, and that's only touching the tip of the personality iceberg.
When I wrote my marriage preparation program, this was one of the sessions.
