Pre-Teen Question???

[Kathey]

I have 2 sons ages 9 and 12. They are both wonderful kids, but my 12-year-old is beginning to try me. Everything seems to revolve around him. Sometimes I get the feeling that I should do everything he wants me to do and he should just do what he feels like doing. I'm guessing this is a normal thing?

How do others deal with it. Some days I feel like I can handle it and other days it really upsets me. When we have mornings (like today) I worry that it will affect his whole day at school, and it usually does.

Any suggestions?

Kathey

 

[JillLars]

I can tell you what its called, but I'm not a parent, so I don't really have suggestions for you.

It is normal, its called adolescent egocentrism (which basically means "the world revolves around me")

Try not to get angry with him, just let him know that the world doesn't revolve around him, don't give in, and don't take it personally, everyone goes through this, some worse than others.

 

[Crofter]

My two are 11 and 13.. my daughter started her periods when she was 10 but has always tested our patience and so I think we are used to dealing with teen issues. We have the idea that we must be very clear about the boundaries of behaviour, and not assume these are always meaningful to our children. we try to be prepared to discuss issues she disagrees with... but providing she will do so in a respectful way. If she wants more money she can earn it... but can earn less by not completing her normal chores.. but to respect their age my children now have an allowance paid into their account by standing order and the amount per year and what they need to buy has been discussed as this is for most of their expenses. This works well with my son who likes to buy us an ice cream on a trip out ( but he is still sweet 11 ) but it seems a good way to show we recognise their growing maturity and the skills they need to develop for adult life.

.. but on the moods we just lay down the law and say this is a family and in any community we all have to consider eachother.. and if she is not prepared to act as a member of this small community she must excuse herself from it and can not eat tea with us or watch a film with us etc...

I suspect your son has been and is more respectful than my daughter though... I'm sure he must be! lol! My daughter has refused even to call me 'mum' since she was three... she has always been tricky. So my final tip is laugh! See the humour in situations cos your boys will be just fine in the end... this is just a normal prosess kids go through. Keep communicating, keep laughing together keep remembering to tell them the qualities you see in them that you are so proud of and so on.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Teenagers evolve to try the patience of saints. as very few of us are candidates for beatification we have to deal with them as best as we can!

I think you have to try to think back to when you were just about to enter your teens Kathey, how did it make you feel? This will give you some indication of what your son is feeling. When the hormones kick in you feel confused and often mad at the world. Your parents don't seem to understand and they are constantly ruining your life by preventing you doing the stuff you want to do!!!!

My advice is to cut him a little slack over the minor, less important stuff, so he feels he has a bit of control, but insist on firm boundaries over the stuff that really does matter. Crofter is so right, you need to preserve your sense of humour, difficult at times, I know, but it does get better, I promise you! When you are a granny you might take a little satifaction when your son's kids behave in the same way towards him, or is that being too mean? LOL!!!!