Pre-nuptial agreement - Should it exist for a Christian couple?

[BGallagher]

Okay, I'll be the odd man out. I don't agree with pre-nups in general, so my answer would be no. To me it's like saying "well if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce" which I have heard many times and I think is 2 strikes against your marriage from the beginning. It displays a lack of committment on some level and a lack of faith in your spouse. If you don't believe your spouse will be fair to you if you ever get a divorce (which you shouldn't be thinking of to begin with as far as I am concerned), then why are you marrying this person? There is obviously trust issues on some level that should be re-examined before you ever say 'I do'. Personally, I have never known anyone who has considered a pre-nup.

/$.02

I couldn't agree more with this. I know a couple who don't have a pre-nup, but do have seperate bank accounts and pay for things by splitting it 50/50. To them, it's a way of ensuring if anything goes wrong, I still have something.

As previously stated in the quote, it's a trust issue and if there is any hint of distust in a couple who are not married, they really need to reevaluate thier relationship before saying "I do". I understand that things happen and marriages don't work out, but I feel a lot of times there are resolutions, but it's easier to just give up and get divorced. I feel that our society has become so loose in the concept of marriage / divorce that it's just easier to walk away than to work things out.

By having a pre-nup, it's like saying, not if, BUT WHEN our marriage fails, I'll have something to fall back on and you won't be able to take all of the stuff I had accumulated before we were together.

Also just my 2 measly cents...

 

[Autumnleaf]

I was going to say prenups are no good all around but I've changed my mind after reading some of the thoughtful replies. When we got married my wife and I had nothing so it wasn't an issue. If I were a widower with lots of dough and I eventually chose to remarry a poor woman I can see how I might be concerned about the possibility of her tricking me and marrying for the money.

This reminds me of a joke I heard...

Joe is a wealthy seventy year old bald fat guy who recently married a 25 year old hot blue eyed blonde who is curvy in all the right places. He shows up at the weekly card game with her on his arm attentive to everything he says. She is clearly enamoured by everything about Joe. Eventually she goes to the ladies room and his buddies ask him how he got so lucky to marry such a catch. Eventually he admits he lied about his age. His friends ask if he told her he was 50. Joe says, "No, I told her I'm 90."

 

[ClaireZ]

Great joke! Had to go tell that one to hubby too.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

pre-nups are just another way of saying "im not really sure this is going to work out and i dont want you to get any of my stuff" what kind of love are you showing your significant other if you offer or sign a pre-nup. it's over before it beings.

 

[SoldierOfTheKing]

There is such thing as too much trust in a relationship. Personally, my absolute trust is reserved for God alone.

 

[InTheFlame]

Interesting info about pre-nups

I do agree with SOTK somewhat... I don't assume hubby is always going to be perfect. I don't assume I'M always going to be perfect, either. We have contingency plans for some lapses that we think are particularly possible. A prenup wasn't necessary in our case - we both married with minimal assets.

 

[joolsonline]

WHERE's THE POLL ?!??!?!?

Nah! Doesn't need one, plus I am more interested in personal feedback rather than 50/50 statistics.

I never knew the topic would be THAT interesting. But really... how much trust can you give to someone. We are all human, Christian or non-Christian. Even Christians have mishaps in marriages with various circumstances.

I'm guessing that once you marry, both the husband and wife form a joint bank account. On occassions, the house may be joint... but you can never determine how long the marriage will last. After reading the responses so far, I am more likely to NOT sign a pre-nup - I think the HARDEST thing to do is find a good partner (notice I didn't say perfect as it doesn't exist in this world).

jools

 

[Joykins]

I like the traditional approach, which I believe Miss Manners has recommended.

The couple is mostly kept out of the process while their elders and lawyers negotiate an agreement that will protect both of them and their property, not only in the case of divorce, but for throughout their marriage (e.g. what kind of money a non-working wife should get for her own use, who inherits what, trusts for the children, etc.). This was traditionally called a marriage settlement and entered into by couples who had a property to protect.

Sounds prudent for people of property today no less than in the past.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I like thinking outside the square with this one...

There are some issues most Christians (or anyone for that matter) tend to ignore when the shocking words 'pre-nup' come up.

I've seen ones used for the following - all of which had to do with the death of one of the partners, rather than divorce:

* Grandparents of the bride owned a company with a substantial income. They wanted to make sure that the assets from this company were given to the children, rather than any member 'marrying into' the family, to ensure the company remained in the family, should the family member 'next in line' died, leaving a spouse. It was written to ensure the children of the union received the company, rather than the spouse.

* My parents had an agreement (as they'd been married before) that when my stepfather dies, the assets he had that belonged to his first wife, went immediately to the children of that union, rather than to my mother. Same with me - I receive the things my mother has that were my fathers, rather than them being divided between me and my stepsiblings.

* Any lasting family heirlooms of a particular family are passed on to the children, rather than the spouse.

Although a lot of this could be said in the will, it also makes sense to have it written and signed in agreement prior to this event, to make sure everything is 'upfront' so to speak.

Of course a lot of what I mentioned there could also occur due to divorce, but there's also death to consider.

As for us, neither of us had anything of outstanding value that came into the marriage, so it wasn't really a concern. If however, there had been some gift given to me that was part of our family, I would have definitely made sure it was to either return to my mother in the event of my death, or to our children, depending on the situation.

Sasch