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Pre-nuptial agreement - Should it exist for a Christian couple?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by joolsonline, Apr 7, 2006.

  1. Redguard

    Redguard Make It So, Number One!

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    I'm not a fan of pre-nups either as they display a lack of trust in the individual that you're supposedly vowing to spend an eternity with.

    What I think is even MORE sad is the idea that two people can marry, bringing their own assets into a marriage, and yet one or both of them can have the NERVE to try to take the other's assets after the marriage has dissolved.

    In the example of older individuals with established assets getting married, how dare someone try to take that from you just because you're supposedly "legally" entitled to it.

    I think it's mean and heartless.
     
  2. HeatherJay

    HeatherJay Kisser of Boo-Boos

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    I agree. :)
     
  3. HeatherJay

    HeatherJay Kisser of Boo-Boos

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    WHY is there a link to some generic insurance website in my post up there???? Does anyone else see that?
     
  4. Redguard

    Redguard Make It So, Number One!

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    You probably have some wierd advertising software downloaded on your computer that searches for key terms and provides weblinks.

    You said "insurance policy", so it probably hyperlinked the term and added a hyperlink.

    BTW, I don't see it. But I think I'm familiar with what you're talking about.
     
  5. HeatherJay

    HeatherJay Kisser of Boo-Boos

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    That's probably it...I'm at my mom's house (due to the tornadoes and bad storms moving through last night) so it's probably something like that on her computer. Thanks. :)
     
  6. PastorMikeJ

    PastorMikeJ combat veteran

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    when you do prenups aren't you saying that the marriage won't last? aren't you cursing it? If you need a pre-nup should you be marrying that person?? it doesn't seem that you trust them very much.. shouldn't marriage be based on trust and love and friendship?

    I wouldn't have one....if I felt like I needed one I wouldn't marry that person...
     
  7. JoannaJoy

    JoannaJoy Well-Known Member

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  8. Mrs. Enigma

    Mrs. Enigma Transformers was awesome!!!!

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    I would not want to sign a pre-nup. It would make me feel like the guy was not one hundred percent commited, or that he was thinking that he may want to leave me. I only want to be married to someone I can trust completely.
     
  9. Cright

    Cright Veteran

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    I've been thinking about this, and I think that I do know one person who had one that I didn't think it was so bad.

    A distant relative of mine was married for 40 some odd years and had kids, after his wife passed away, he re-married. They agreed that to sell their previous homes and buy one together, the left over equity was to go to their kids after their death or if marriage disolved, and they're retirements would do the same, since they both had enough to support themselves. So they decided to put it in a pre-nup. I think it was double covered in a will later.

    I still think it was unessary and a lil overkill... but can kinda understand it when your marrying in your 80's.
     
  10. 4jacks

    4jacks Village Idiot =þ

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    WHERE's THE POLL ?!??!?!?

    I actually think there should be laws for everyone not just christian, where if one spouse cheated on the other, they lose parental custody and other stuff... I think that would help with the divorce rate...

    anyhoo, i was/am dirt poor, so we couldn't afford to have one written up if we wanted to , which we didn't.
     
  11. Romanseight2005

    Romanseight2005 Guest

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    Again, if you do this, you are saying, there is a possibility of divorce.
    If you are old, then you don't have that long to live with this person that you married, so why would you ever be thinking of divorce. If divorce is even a tiny possibility in your mind, then you shouldn't get married.
     
  12. Romanseight2005

    Romanseight2005 Guest

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    we could just go back to the old testament law and stone them.:D
     
  13. Cordy

    Cordy “In case I don't see ya…”

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    I think pre-nups are often a good idea.

    Do I believe in divorce? No. But does it happen? Yes. Can people predict whether or not they will divorce? No (with exception, of course, at least I would hope!). I can think of a few people who have made laudable statements (and actions) regarding their love and fidelity and how they could “never” cheat and “never” get divorce, but they fall. We are human.

    You can only be responsible for yourself. The only person that you can speak for in terms of commitment is yourself. Although we know our spouses well, we cannot know their heart completely. Just because you are committed, doesn’t mean your spouse is, or always will be. You can't make someone mean their vow, or make someone stick to it. I don’t say this to be negative, but to be real about things.

    I hope Christians don't have to use their pre-nup agreements, and I hope they never get divorced. But some might get divorced, sometimes for no fault of their own, and it can be very messy. Having an agreement that can help them when everything else is falling apart is probably good idea.
     
  14. lin1235

    lin1235 Jana's mommy!

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    I'm not all that clued up on American law, obviously, but we did sign an agreement prior to our marriage. It will play a role if we get divorced (which I do not believe will ever happen) - that's not why we signed it. We signed it because it protects our assets if one of us should be declared bankrupt. So if my husband starts his own business, for example, he can put the house in my name and if the business fails, there would be no claim on the house. The fact that it may play a role in a divorce for other couples has no bearing on it for me - that played no role in our decision. It was purely a financial safety decision for both our sakes.
     
  15. MoodyBlue

    MoodyBlue Veteran

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    Just being realistic. I'm pretty sure that most people get married believing they won't get divorced. Unfortunately, divorces happen - frequently, to Christians and non-Christians. If you get married there is the possibility of one or both partners wanting out of the relationship at a later date. This happens to people in their 20's, and I've seen it happen to people in their 60's. Recognizing that marriage is not risk-free and putting a financial plan into place doesn't seem like a bad idea to me.
     
  16. Ashlynn

    Ashlynn Mrs. Paria

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    Something I cannot stand to hear is: Im not going to get a pre-nup because, I dont plan on getting divorced.

    Tell me, who the heck plans on getting divorced?

    I dont think people who have been divorced got married planning on it.

    I just think it's a silly thing to say, think, believe.
     
  17. MaraPetra

    MaraPetra WARNING! Uncoated observations dispensed here.

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    Lin, that's an interesting concept, and very savvy!

    The whole point of a pre-nup, like a living will, is to have an agreed contingency plan of action, should things not happen as planned.

    I'm still trying to figure out how ppl think that signing a pre-nup, especially between older couples with assets, or between younger couples with an inheritance, constitutes an "expectation" of divorce in the future.

    Let me put it this way...A living will is a legal document which states your wishes, in the event that you are so ill or injured that you cannot make decisions regarding your own health care. For example, I have a "DNR" living will...The DNR stands for "do not resuscitate". Mine also states that I'm not to be put on life support, and that I am to become an organ donor should the above orders cause death. Copies of that living will were given to my spouse, my primary physician, and my parents.

    Now, one could say, I suppose, that I'm "willing" those circumstances to happen. But that's not the case. Simply put, in the event that I am so injured that I cannot make those decisions, then...Well, I have already made those decisions, put them on paper, had them notarized, and in the hands of those people who are most likely to make a decision regarding my care.

    There's not going to be a question of what my wishes are, even when I'm unconscious, brain-damaged, in a coma, whatever.

    But at the same time, it's not something I wish to happen.

    A pre-nup is of the same ilk, in many ways. It's a contingency plan, not a clue as to how committed a person is to the marriage.

    We can be as high-minded and ideological as we like, but the truth is that (in the US) half of couples in first marriages WILL DIVORCE. Sixty percent (60%) of couples in a second marriage will divorce, as well. From what I've seen in real life, as well as on this board, not every Christian couple stays together. And not every Christian couple "plays nice" during a divorce. Amicable divorces are very few and far between, and it's foolish to pretend that it won't "happen to me".

    It's the result of living in a fallen world. Even a Christian can, and does, fall, and there's no guarantee that even the most pious marriage won't fall apart. It happens. I'd love to say that pre-nups aren't necessary, and in cases with no assets, it's not necessary because there's nothing to allocate. But for those with assets, it should be done...Otherwise, in case a divorce does happen, it's already decided.

    Now, one last thing. When my uncle married, his wife brought in a sizeable amount of assets into the marriage. A pre-nup was signed. When she died of breast cancer thirty years later, they were still together, never needing the pre-nup. They used her living will, of course, but not the pre-nup. But my uncle always said it was money well spent, because his love was for the woman, not a lust for property.

    And my aunt? She once made the comment that, even though she knew she could leave at any time and retain her assets (and therefore support herself and her four kids), it didn't tempt her in the least. She was content to be with my uncle, and him with her. Theirs is a love story that belies the notion that "pre-nups fail a marriage before it even begins".
     
  18. Missing

    Missing Senior Member

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    In American law, a prenup is more seen as a document that says 'if we get a divorce, I don't want you to take me to the cleaners so sign this paper before we get married saying if we get a divorce you can't get any of the money or assets I brought into the marriage.' It seems to be something that more men (in general) want than women, but it's not limited to men wanting them and it seems to be used more when one person has more money/assets than the other when they get married. It used to be thought of as something only the rich do, but now it's becoming more common. Hope that offers some insight!:wave:
     
  19. Oblivious

    Oblivious Matthew 7:12

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    I don't think they should exist in any marriage in my opinion.

    It's like early preparation for divorce or something. Where's the trust in the relationship?
     
  20. freedom4all

    freedom4all Well-Known Member

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    My bf and I both want to.
     
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