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Pre Marital Sex help?

Discussion in 'General Struggles' started by Mdog123abc, Aug 28, 2018.

  1. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    My girlfriend and I have decided to wait till marriage to have sex. However, we find ourselves messing around doing almost everything else but intercourse. How can we curve these thoughts and actions, we have already tried a few things, but it seems we both feel this way very often. What or how can we change this mindset. Thank you.
     
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  2. Saucy

    Saucy Fear is faith in the enemy. Supporter

    +15,183
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Hello!

    Yes, this is a major problem for a lot of people. The best way to prevent it include not spending alone time in each other's home. Go on double dates. You're ultimately in control of your actions. Pull back when you know something is about to happen and don't let it take over.
     
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  3. JIMINZ

    JIMINZ Well-Known Member

    +1,650
    United States
    Charismatic
    Married
    Well the mindset is called LUST, and every time you two get into a close proximity to each other it happens.

    Keep this in mind, if you don't stop putting yourselves into situations where you are alone in order to do everything else, then guess what will eventually happen,......Right that's it, it's the getting alone that should be the alarm bell for you both, you don't end up alone by mere chance.

    How far away is your Marriage?
     
  4. salt-n-light

    salt-n-light Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,433
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    Rule #1: You have to actually want to change. And believe that you can change. Not because you want the guilt to go away, but because it is the right and needed thing to do. And that it will take the guidance of the Holy Spirit to get you there, no shortcuts. Have faith that when God said you can overcome the flesh, it doesn't matter what, you can overcome the flesh.

    People tend to skip to the other two rules to expedite things, but it always backfires, and they get discouraged to the point where they are in a worst position than before. They don't walk in faith.

    Rule #2: Change your environment. Are you suggesting things or putting yourselves in situations where that temptation can creep in? Are you listening to music, or reading books, or watching stuff that would provoke that. Remove it.

    Rule #3: Pray to God for strength. If you did step one and two, you will probably realize that you're time is more freed up. This is where you are most vulnerable, in the "now what?" stage. Fill your time now doing things that edify God. Try a new hobby together. Find better role models to be friends with. Find a mentor. Now that your time is not being wasted, you can make it fruitful instead.

    Those personally you have to do first, and your mind, and bodily urges, will follow. It will start to fade until it doesn't cross your mind.
     
  5. joshua 1 9

    joshua 1 9 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,363
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    If you want to over come the flesh you have to die to self so you can live for God. You have hormones that are being produced and you need to quit producing them. You have to turn the faucet off because it is difficult to control once the faucet is turned on.
     
  6. Hazelelponi

    Hazelelponi Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,743
    United States
    Baptist
    Married
    +1 on never be alone together. It's really the best way..

    #2 pray, read scripture, exercise a lot.. in general do other things so your not thinking about it so much.
     
  7. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +8,239
    United States
    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Republican
    Good for you..

    If I hang around the hot oven too long I will probably get burned.

    While the devil tells me you can just go a little ways.

    Sin is always knocking at the door.

    M-Bob
     
  8. JIMINZ

    JIMINZ Well-Known Member

    +1,650
    United States
    Charismatic
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    .
    Just one bite, that isn't eating it.
     
  9. RaymondG

    RaymondG Well-Known Member

    +2,958
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Only thing that will stop the lusting after the flesh, is the start lusting after the Spirit. Become poor in spirit. When God become the most important "person" to please, you will not care that must about pleasing yourself or your GF. You wont have to hid from it...you wont have to stop being alone. You will be happy pleasing God and waiting till marriage to please the flesh.

    If you believe in Hellfire, this could be a useful tool to curb desires. I never considered myself the most luck guy in the world....so I just knew that it would be during my first act of fornication, that Christ would crack the sky and all my living before that point would have been in vain........I would then have fire and brimestone to look forward to......
     
  10. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    For the most part, the in person temptation is limited. We are at a long distance for a year, which I see her about once every week and we are usually out and about in public. I feel a major problem with my generation is the constant bombardment of sex in music, TV, etc. At this point having lots of sex is shown as liberating, I do believe it is the devil at work. Any ideas on how to preach this to others, hard to do when mentioning the devil as people will write off your opinion as loony.
     
  11. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I like this perspective, I feel this in myself if my gf turns away my urge or vice a versa there is a sense of I displeased my partner. Not worrying on pleasing each other and solely on God would be beneficial.
     
  12. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Yes I try to implement reading some scripture each morning and switching my music choices to those praising God.
     
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  13. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I'm not understanding, how one can quit producing hormones. These are essential to ones health.
     
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  14. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    It's not just in person temptation, these days we are out and about in public given our situation. At this moment much of it is in the form of sexting. I am in my last year of college and she has finished, we both have goals to pay off our debt and save money living at home before we marry.
     
  15. Mdog123abc

    Mdog123abc New Member

    18
    +9
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    How do you recommend I explain this to my gf, without it being empty words like previous times. Great post thank you.
     
  16. Soyeong

    Soyeong Well-Known Member

    +3,032
    Messianic
    Single
    I don't know whether or not there is more to your relationship, but a good relationship needs to be deeper than just sexual attraction. It is not rare for two people to get married and then find out that they are living with someone that they hardly know personally. So perhaps focus more on getting to know each other better, such as with sharing your hobbies, praying together, studying the Bible together. Going double dates or hanging out with a group of friends and doing some sort of activity would be a good way build friendships while curbing the sexual temptation.
     
  17. salt-n-light

    salt-n-light Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,433
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    This is something you have to change and decide for yourself, not for the sake of the relationship. She may agree with it, and there's a chance where she won't. Someone who has it in their mind to honor and follow God, wouldn't be sway because their partner doesn't feel up for it. Its just a matter of communicating the boundaries you want to set in the relationship and whether or not she desires the same.

    So simply be upfront, tell her for now on for the sake of honoring God, these are the limits im setting. And then its just a take it or leave it. None of those steps I've stated in my mind are up for negotiating, they are what needs to be done in order to get where you need to be.
     
  18. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

    +15,826
    United States
    Messianic
    Married
    US-Others
    God does not allow us to "turn off" hormones. They are His design.

    The only way we can do that is to cut certain body parts off; but that has a bad effect on other bodily systems and functions.
     
  19. joshua 1 9

    joshua 1 9 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,363
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Of course He does and Job tells us how:

    “I made a covenant with my eyes
    not to look lustfully at a young woman." Job 31:1

    "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

    They are his design for animals. Adam and Eve had a higher calling. This is why we are to be born again and a new creation in Christ. WE put off the old and put on the new.
     
  20. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

    +15,826
    United States
    Messianic
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    That says nothing about how to make the endocrine system and the glands stop working.

    IMO since it is a God designed and given system, it would be a SIN to even ask. That is tantamount to telling God he built us wrong.
     
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