Prayers for my Boss (and my job)

[Bessie]

Hi All,

Things are not so good here at my workplace. I don't know exactly where the disconnect is between my boss and I, but we can not get on the same page and it is a real problem. I don't really want to go into details about the issues because I think the result would be my being uncharitable, but I will say most of our issues seem to stem from communication (and lack of it) between her and I.

I am so fortunate to have a good job with a great company right now, and I really don't want to lose it or have to walk away from it. I am afraid that if nothing changes and I can't figure out how to please her I am going to lose my job. The last two people in my position were fired by her, also.

If you all could please please pray for me to find peace with my boss and find success here in this great company I would really appreciate it.

My bosses name is Candi.

Thank you very much!

 

[Dorothea]

I'm sorry you're going through such stress at work, Bessie. I know what that feels ago (years and years ago when I worked in an office). I will be praying for you and Candi.

 

[MariaRegina]

My prayers for Candi and you Bessie.

 

[Protoevangel]

Prayers.

With the past two people in your position having been fired, and you having difficulty pleasing Candi, perhaps you should schedule a one-on-one with her and discuss her expectations. Of course, this will require a level of professionalism on her part; I have seen these meetings lead to nowhere (possibly due to the attitude of both parties entering the meeting). Usually though, meetings like this, initiated by the employee, are productive, and shows your desire to do what is necessary, and your initiative (being willing to confront and change what your boss sees as your weakness). The purpose of this meeting is to get a clear understanding of the boss' expectations, and to ensure the boss that you are fully committed to meet those reasonable expectations. Sometimes, the boss will have unreasonable expectations; how to approach these can be complicated, and depends a lot on the corporate structure of your company, and the personality of your boss. At the very least, you should have a more clear understanding of the challenges you face.

 

[Bessie]

Hi Proto -

Actually I tried to do that. I asked for a lunch meeting in the next week to discuss my concerns regarding our communication. She told me she could do lunch that same day, but I was not prepared to meet with her, and told her I would be free the next week for lunch. Instead she told me she wanted to meet with me immediately and pulled me into a conference room for three hours. She told me I can expect to receive a negative performance review, that I rated myself too highly in my own self evaluation and told me a laundry list of problems she has with my performance and personality.

I feel many of her expectations are unreasonable (she does not want me to follow up with her on anything or to ask too many questions etc. the list goes on but perhaps that is better for a PM), but I am not sure what to do about it because one of her complaints with me is that I justify myself too often. She does not want me to respond to her accusations or complaints or to explain myself unless she directly asks, so it is difficult to combat her complaints and concerns.

I work in a very large law firm, and my position is very low on the totem pole. I don't really feel I can approach HR or her supervisor, and since she is the office manager I am in a bit of a bind.

But, any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[MariaRegina]

Oh, Bessie.

I have been in similar situations.

In one job, I was told to take mind control classes as all the people in the business, were albeit, "good Christians" but were into Sylvan Mind Control. I finally quit the job and took another position.

It seems like some of the most cut throat women who are in upper management were able to get into those positions because they were ruthless. This I was told by a very good woman who was badgered and who finally gave up her position in a parallel transfer. Both were Orthodox Christians ... go figure. I was thinking of working in that department, but was advised by her not to.

In our church, we have a lot of people who need to repent, but they do not know that.

 

[Sothron]

This does not sound like a healthy relationship. It sounds as if she literally wants you to do things that make your job harder and then not even complain about it or voice a concern. If you can not get a chance to talk to her one on one then I would go to HR or her supervisor. Your mentioning of the two previous people in your position being fired makes me think this is more her problem than yours.

 

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Lord have mercy on thy handmaiden!

 

[Protoevangel]

Both Maria and Aothron make good points. I have known managers like this, and sometimes, there is little you can do except make a choice... Do what is expected, including being the punching bag, or to leave (voluntarily or by being forced out).

Maybe, simply acknowledging your bosses criticism (without actually agreeing with it or defending yourself - "yes ma'am") may help to relieve tension. A controlling personality wants to be heard.

I've had experiences with unreasonable bosses. Rarely will it turn completely around... Until the boss or I move on, anyway. Hopefully you can find a way to relate to this person that is... livable.

I'll be gone for a few hours, but if you need to get this off your chest in a PM, I'll listen. I can't guarantee I'll have any better advice, because every situation is unique, but if you want, I can offer what has worked and what has not, for me, if I've encountered the same things.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Lord have mercy!

Your mentioning of the two previous people in your position being fired makes me think this is more her problem than yours.

tru dat

 

[Bessie]

Thanks everyone! I think it's probably true that the problem is more hers than mine, but I am still trying to figure out a way to please her because I'd rather not be the 3rd one to go out the door... and because I think she must be really unhappy, you know?

Anyway, she thinks I am an idiot (maybe I am... it's possible I am not seeing the big picture here) and not capable of doing my job, whereas I think she just isn't understanding what I am actually doing and has some unreasonable expectations. Hopefully with your prayers and mine (as well as my effort) we can come to some sort of understanding!

 

[MariaRegina]

My prayers, Bessie.

 

[Thekla]

Make a journal if you can.

Start with past events and rough dates ( a history of sorts) and then continue with a daily description. Keep your descriptions fact based (do not record your opinions or feelings on the matter). If your boss's behavior becomes finally unbearable (to the extent you determine to quit) or you are fired, present a copy of your journal to HR.


Her behaviour may be typical of workplace bullying (hence the other fires).

A decent company will not want to have this happening.