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Prayer needed for familial separation

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Hurting2019, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. Hurting2019

    Hurting2019 New Member

    My parents are in their 70’s, they ‘tried’ to raise us to beleive in God, but did not raise us in a home of peace that reflected Gods love. My mother was violent towards my father, they fought violently all of the time, my dad tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized twice, they were emotionally abusive to all 3 of us children, and very physically abusive to my older brother as well. They try to compensate ( May have blocked what they did) now that he is a 47 year old addict and a thief , childless with 2 failed marriages, and lives in their home . They enable him ( my parents take a lot of strong meds, including morphine, OxyContin, t3s, Xanax, etc) they will give him drugs for ‘headaches,’ and ‘nerves ,’ although his family dr nor the hospital will prescribe him any, he used to be on methadone, and he was also previously in a rehab facility that he was kicked out of for using, they drove 7 hours to pick him up, and made excuses for him. Which they continue to do. He says crude, rude things to every female he meets, including to myself, and my daughter. He asked my 6 year old grand daughter If she knew that there were people called ‘faggots’, and has said other very inappropriate things around her. My parents defend him, my mother says ‘he’s just a kid’. In January we had a falling out because my mother claimed my son in law is physically abusing my grand daughter. ( his step daughter) she made the same claims about my husband regarding our son, years ago. I was furious that she was doing this again and told her that was untrue and left. My daughter and I agreed to sit down to discuss 4 months ago, but my parents just yelled and screamed, my dad held up a bible as soon as walked in and said ‘we are christians’, he yelled about premarital sex ( my daughter is not yet married, they are engaged) and they just kept shouting accusations and my daughter had a panic attack and she and I left , my brother calling out ‘good riddance’. ( my mother volunteered to me years ago when I first moved out of the home that she and my father had pre marital sex, I never told my father she told me this)
    They defend my brother, even though they know he steals, I caught him in my closet last year stealing pills out of my moms purse, and we caught him stealing an expensive tool from a worker at my parents house, but they did not turn him in despite knowing he did it, and the worker asking them about it.
    I blocked my dad, because he sends hateful, antagonizing messages to me, the last one again, accusing me/ us of not loving or knowing God, and they decided we should just end our relationship. They have already ended their relationship with my sister, her children and grandchildren about 15 years ago. I do not have a relationship with my sister because of them. At that time my dad blamed my sister for the abuse claims they were making against my husband, he told us all sorts of terrible things she allegedly said, then would tell them things we allegedly said, until we no longer spoke.
    My parents do not have relationships with their families at all, until they are on their death beds, then they go to the hospital and their funerals afterwards. My moms mother died in their home and she woulD not let us tell any family that she had passed away, needless to say when they found out everyone was upset. There was no funeral, her ashes are still in the box they came in. I do not know what to do. I’m sad, because I love them despite their behaviour, and if you could reaD the things he sends me , you woulD wonder why I care, when it seems they don’t. They make up stories ( always have), they hate people, they gossip and judge, I’ve never seen such judgemental, hateful people, they are the ‘christians’ that non believers base baD judgements on. What I need is prayer for our situation. I have asked them to apologize to my daughter ( who they told her they disowned, she did nothin* wrong), my daughters fiance ( for makin* such serious untrue claims) , and to myself for the horrible things they have said to me. I told them we just want a sorry, and I also tolD them previously that I did not want my brother to come with them every time they come over ( he gets stoned and nods off the whites of his eyes rolled back...anD when awake he says awful things, even in front of my little grand daughters, i don’t trust him anD do not want him around the girls) I need some prayer to break through to them. I still love God in spite of them, not because of them. I know how God has worked in my life in many, many ways, I left my home at 16 due to the chaos in my home, and made some dangerous life choices that God protected me during. It’s been 8 months, I do not want my parents to pass away with us separated, but I need them to stop trying to run my adult life, I need them to apologize and stop repeatin* the same hate. Please pray that something gives and God gives them a wake up call. Everyone I know has advised me to just cut my losses, but my daughter is hurt by this, I am hurt by this anD my grand daughters miss them and don’t understand. I don’t know how to grieve my living parents, and I don’t want to. I need advice and prayers please.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Newsgurl

    Newsgurl Always here to help

    United States
    Sending prayers your way that everything will work out
  3. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Hello and welcome to CF.

    I'm so sorry to hear of this situation. It sounds terrible. Prayers for your family.

    I did want to let you know, since you're seeking advice and also prayers, that we have forums specific for that. Sometimes questions in the Intro area don't get as much input and prayer, since this is basically an area to greet newcomers.

    Here is the prayer wall of you want to post there - Prayer Wall

    And the advice forum - Christian Advice

    Normally we need to limit posting the same thing in many areas (that would be considered spamming the forum) but if you want to use the same post you can copy it into those two (maybe take off the part about asking advice if you post on the prayer wall because that's against the rules when someone posts there asking for prayer for people to show up and offer all kinds of advice - because it can be hurtful if people want prayer).

    Again, welcome to CF. And prayers for your family. I wish I could offer advice but all I can think is that sometimes we need to protect ourselves and our family from damage, while we pray for and learn to forgive those who hurt us so badly. Progress can happen but it usually takes at least some cooperation on the other side as well. God be with you all.

  4. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    United States
    Welcome to CF, I hope you find comfort and direction here.

    I also had a toxic family environment, one that took a deep toll on me. I went back and forth for years, avoiding them or trying to make it work, until finally there was a 'last straw'. At that point the decision was clear and easy. I walked away and have never regretted it in the least. I have regretting having to do it, but never the doing itself. Today I appreciate all my parents did do more than ever, but I could not remain a part of it.

    I hope you too will reach that point of clarity and peace. It sounds like this situation might be having adverse effects on the younger generation as well.
  5. Ana1234

    Ana1234 New Member

    United States
    I am so sorry that you are experiencing this pain and separation. Please know that you are not alone in this struggle.

    I can tell that you have a very caring heart, especially because you want to keep your relationship with your parents. Your response is completely right to take it to God in prayer. Only He can change people's hearts and minds.

    I am praying for you and your family, dear friend. Keep the faith and remember that God is always with you. I would love to share one of my favorite passages with you, which is Philippians 4:4-7:
    Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.