Prayer for Understanding Wife Divorcing

[-=H=-]

For some reason I don't have privileges to post to the marriage forums, and 20+ years ago CF helped me in a previous situation and people asked me if my ex back then had borderline personality disorder and that really made a difference.

Finally in December last year I re-married and for 3 beautiful months it was the most Godly marriage, no conflict, talking about stuff that came up and getting unity before it became an issue.

Then suddenly 3 months to the day after we were married she files for divorce. Saying she was double minded, and she had been lying saying she loved me (I know she did), and that she had to file for divorce to correct her disobeying God.

Fast forward to the last week, God has been moving on her heart, talking to her about self sabotage, that she uses control to protect her heart from being vulnerable, that she doesn't let love in, and that she pushes people away. Her heart was softening and God was answering prayers, and separately He told me what was happening in her heart and mind, a lot traces back to her father in her childhood.

She was trying to force me out of our marital home and while God has been speaking to me (and confirming through pastors, counselors, missionary friends and trusted brothers and sisters in Christ), I had originally made backup plans to fly to Australia just in case the miracle doesn't come.

The miracle appeared to be on the way, there were a lot of loving hugs, gentle loving talks, openness and transparency. I went to change my flight to Australia so I could stay here in Dallas and continue to fight for our marriage on my knees and be available. Suddenly she hardened her heart again and is determined to sign the divorce papers on May 27.

She has continually said she is double minded, believes that she was disobeying God years ago when she went to the UK to work for Christ for the Nations, and now she is saying she was disobeying God in marrying, even though every prayer for a husband and what she wanted has been answered by God and God worked miracles to bring us together.

All of the pastors, counsellors (some top ones from Focus on the Family), family, friends, missionary friends, no one can make any sense of what she is doing or why she is behaving this way.

I have done family ministries school and have training in family counseling, and yet I can't make head nor tail of what is going on except spiritual deception. I don't see anything in the DSM-IV or V manuals that indicate any disorders.

I am at a loss as to why she is running. She has accused me of hating myself and others, of being afraid of being rejected by people, of lying and a host of other things that are neither my heart nor are they my character. She seems to be projecting her hatred of herself and the things she is doing off onto me.

I don't know what to do. God has said He is fighting for me, not to be afraid, not to be discouraged. To rest in Him. Yet she moved out of home again and has gone back to her 13 year ex's place, a man who is a drug and alcohol addict. I have 7 days before I have to leave for another city to catch a flight to Australia and divorce will be finalized on May 27 unless God works a miracle.

How can this happen? What is happening? Why is she behaving this way? I don't understand and no one around us understands why she is acting this way.

 

[Servant78]

For some reason I don't have privileges to post to the marriage forums, and 20+ years ago CF helped me in a previous situation and people asked me if my ex back then had borderline personality disorder and that really made a difference.

Finally in December last year I re-married and for 3 beautiful months it was the most Godly marriage, no conflict, talking about stuff that came up and getting unity before it became an issue.

Then suddenly 3 months to the day after we were married she files for divorce. Saying she was double minded, and she had been lying saying she loved me (I know she did), and that she had to file for divorce to correct her disobeying God.

Fast forward to the last week, God has been moving on her heart, talking to her about self sabotage, that she uses control to protect her heart from being vulnerable, that she doesn't let love in, and that she pushes people away. Her heart was softening and God was answering prayers, and separately He told me what was happening in her heart and mind, a lot traces back to her father in her childhood.

She was trying to force me out of our marital home and while God has been speaking to me (and confirming through pastors, counselors, missionary friends and trusted brothers and sisters in Christ), I had originally made backup plans to fly to Australia just in case the miracle doesn't come.

The miracle appeared to be on the way, there were a lot of loving hugs, gentle loving talks, openness and transparency. I went to change my flight to Australia so I could stay here in Dallas and continue to fight for our marriage on my knees and be available. Suddenly she hardened her heart again and is determined to sign the divorce papers on May 27.

She has continually said she is double minded, believes that she was disobeying God years ago when she went to the UK to work for Christ for the Nations, and now she is saying she was disobeying God in marrying, even though every prayer for a husband and what she wanted has been answered by God and God worked miracles to bring us together.

All of the pastors, counsellors (some top ones from Focus on the Family), family, friends, missionary friends, no one can make any sense of what she is doing or why she is behaving this way.

I have done family ministries school and have training in family counseling, and yet I can't make head nor tail of what is going on except spiritual deception. I don't see anything in the DSM-IV or V manuals that indicate any disorders.

I am at a loss as to why she is running. She has accused me of hating myself and others, of being afraid of being rejected by people, of lying and a host of other things that are neither my heart nor are they my character. She seems to be projecting her hatred of herself and the things she is doing off onto me.

I don't know what to do. God has said He is fighting for me, not to be afraid, not to be discouraged. To rest in Him. Yet she moved out of home again and has gone back to her 13 year ex's place, a man who is a drug and alcohol addict. I have 7 days before I have to leave for another city to catch a flight to Australia and divorce will be finalized on May 27 unless God works a miracle.

How can this happen? What is happening? Why is she behaving this way? I don't understand and no one around us understands why she is acting this way.

1 Corinthians 7:15 says if unbelieving spouse wants to leave let her leave !

There are thousands of unmarried women seeking husband and all you need to do is to introduce yourselves that you are single and wealthy enough to support a family, tell your Friends and relative to introduce you to a decent female.

Don't try to force somebody who doesnt love you, its a disgrace to you.

 

[-=H=-]

1 Corinthians 7:15 says if unbelieving spouse wants to leave let her leave !

There are thousands of unmarried women seeking husband and all you need to do is to open yourselves that you are single and wealthy enough to support a family, tell your Friends and relative to introduce you to a decent female.

Don't try to force somebody who doesnt love you, its a disgrace to you.

Your post is not helpful, I'm seeking to understand what is behind my wife's behavior. I am not doing what you are assuming.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Sometimes we just have to stand.

Sounds like you have access to quality fellowship so I would suggest gathering together with a select few and committing to fast.

I would assume if you can then gather, the holy Spirit will direct your prayer. Likely you will be inspired and empowered to break whatever is opposing - fear seems to be a driver.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

I pray for you for help and direction from the Lord, for his rich blessing and guidance in Jesus name.

 

[GodJesusAndChocolate]

Praying!

 

[-=H=-]

Sometimes we just have to stand.

Sounds like you have access to quality fellowship so I would suggest gathering together with a select few and committing to fast.

I would assume if you can then gather, the holy Spirit will direct your prayer. Likely you will be inspired and empowered to break whatever is opposing - fear seems to be a driver.

Carl, thank you. Yeah that has been happening, and just got off the phone with parents in Australia. Tears flowed firstly over my grief, but then it changed into tears of empathy for the pain she has experienced in her life.

I do believe you're correct (and led by the spirit) that it is fear being the driver. She has said that.

I do have an unexplainable peace, today was tough though. I'm taking what you shared to heart and prayer.

 

[Cute Peonies]

God has said He is fighting for me, not to be afraid, not to be discouraged. To rest in Him. Yet she moved out of home again and has gone back to her 13 year ex's place, a man who is a drug and alcohol addict. I have 7 days before I have to leave for another city to catch a flight to Australia and divorce will be finalized on May 27 unless God works a miracle.

I saw your other threads but didn't reply because of lack of details. Now that you mentioned the ex, the reason behind the divorce is clearly obvious. She's choosing her ex over you. He may be a drug & alcohol addict but she has feelings for him. You cannot compete with a man she's in love with. Of course she loves you, otherwise she wouldn't have married you at all, but she also cares for her ex.

My only advice is RUN. You deserve to be married to someone who appreciates you.

Praying for you.

 

[returntosender]

1 Corinthians 7:15 says if unbelieving spouse wants to leave let her leave !

There are thousands of unmarried women seeking husband and all you need to do is to introduce yourselves that you are single and wealthy enough to support a family, tell your Friends and relative to introduce you to a decent female.

Don't try to force somebody who doesnt love you, its a disgrace to you.

I appreciate your opinion.
God bless you for trying to help

 

[-=H=-]

I saw your other threads but didn't reply because of lack of details. Now that you mentioned the ex, the reason behind the divorce is clearly obvious. She's choosing her ex over you. He may be a drug & alcohol addict but she has feelings for him. You cannot compete with a man she's in love with. Of course she loves you, otherwise she wouldn't have married you at all, but she also cares for her ex.

My only advice is RUN. You deserve to be married to someone who appreciates you.

Praying for you.

You know at first when I read what you shared, I was like no she doesn't, but then I thought back to what her mechanic said, and the fact she keeps running back to him. She keeps running back to him for money, when she came back she kept talking about him. She had dinner with her sister and her ex and his mother recently.

She is still enmeshed with him. This makes sense, even though she divorced 13 years ago, because of her sons 16 & 19 she keeps going back. He is an extreme conspiracy theorist and literally insane. She says she knew she shouldn't have married him, and he abused her, and violated her physically.

I need to pray and ask God to guide me, he has given the verse a dog always returns to it's vomit. God has also been leading through the story of Hosea. She wrote a novel and screenplay on Hosea and Gomer. God has been trying to speak to her for years. My heart breaks for her, she needs to be set free.

Thank you for speaking the truth in love. I'll be seeking God further over what He wants me to do.

 

[Blade]

Praying

 

[Joined2krist]

I pray your wife changes her mind.

 

[Chris35]

8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

She said she is double minded, She keeps changing her mind between you and her ex.
If she is doing it to you, she is probably doing it to him as well. My guess is that your both getting hurt.

In my opinion she needs prayer, deliverance, and needs to work on her double mindedness before she can have any type of stable relationship..

I dont know who she will choose in the end, but it sounds like the problem.

 

[William J]

I pray that God would work in your wife's heart and you would be reconciled. I also pray that God would reveal your wife's motivations so you can understand why she is acting the way she is.

 

[-=H=-]

8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

She said she is double minded, She keeps changing her mind between you and her ex.
If she is doing it to you, she is probably doing it to him as well. My guess is that your both getting hurt.

In my opinion she needs prayer, deliverance, and needs to work on her double mindedness before she can have any type of stable relationship..

I dont know who she will choose in the end, but it sounds like the problem.

Here's the thing, she was abused by her ex, and she has said before she doesn't want to deal with him anymore, yet she keeps returning to him when she is in need. It's unhealthy and it seems there are soul ties there that haven't been broken.

You are so right about the need for prayer, deliverance and need to work on her doublemindedness before she can have any type of stable relationship. I know God has been at work, especially in the last week, until she hardened her heart again. At the root of the doublemindedness is doubt that God has led her, the enemy has deceived her telling her that serving God in missions was done outside of God's will and also marrying me was outside of God's will.

But if we look at the fruit, it's anger, pain, hatred, destruction, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions etc. That is not from her but forces of darkness that have a foothold. The battle is against the spiritual forces of darkness.

Tonight my heart is so soft, waiting patiently for God to move, just like Hosea was with Gomer and how God is with us. I have 4 days left after this evening before I start to travel. I don't understand the process, yet God is saying He is at work. When He speaks I end up in tears, because I know His voice so clear and that road of absolute trust is so hard, yet it's right.

 

[Chris35]

Hardest thing to do is examine yourself, if God has said he is at work, and you truly believe that this has come from God. God can't fail.

), I had originally made backup plans to fly to Australia just in case the miracle doesn't come.

A red flag that i see, is that you have put a time limit on God, by saying if you dont do it by this time, im leaving. Thats what im seeing from your post anyway, but i dont fully understand the situation.

You are the best person to judge this.
Is you moving away coming from your flesh out of negative emotions?
Has God told you that it is best that you move away?

We are to live by faith not by sight, and it sounds like your basing the situation on what you see happening, by sight rather then faith.

 

[-=H=-]

Hardest thing to do is examine yourself, if God has said he is at work, and you truly believe that this has come from God. God can't fail.


A red flag that i see, is that you have put a time limit on God, by saying if you dont do it by this time, im leaving. Thats what im seeing from your post anyway, but i dont fully understand the situation.

You are the best person to judge this.
Is you moving away coming from your flesh out of negative emotions?
Has God told you that it is best that you move away?

Chris, I really appreciate your questions, please I can encourage you I haven't and am not putting a time limit on God. She says she signing divorce paperwork on May 27, unfortunately legally I have to leave the house if she does finalize it. God has been working the last week or so and I went to change my flight to Feb 2023 and said I wanted to be sensitive to her needs and would find a place locally if needed so I could be here to fight for our marriage, and she got extremely angry and left the home again. I am praying for a miracle in the next few days, and God can definitely do it, the only option outside of the miracle practically is having a roof over my head in Australia and work available to me, she has had an interest in going to Australia, so God may actually do something there.

In terms of going back to Australia for a time though (maybe a couple of months), my parents both came very close to dying last year, my Dad is a kidney transplant recipient and the kidney started to reject and he had multiple sepsis infections and about 2 weeks ago he came down with COVID and due to anti rejection medication for his kidneys the vaccines have been ineffective to produce antibodies. He has just left the danger zone and but he has been super at risk of dying. My parent's dog has a mass in her belly and may need to be put to sleep in the next few weeks, their dog has been their everything the last 8 years. My mum had a minor heart attack last year. My nephew and his wife lost their premature newborn baby (nephew and his wife don't have a relationship with Christ) and they are struggling. I haven't seen family in 6 years, and was supposed to go visit for Christmas in 2020 but a move to Los Angeles and then COVID shut everything down.

Practically speaking the airline didn't re-book my flight or re-issue the electronic ticket for next year, and then my wife's reaction and behavior 2 nights ago to me staying in Dallas was pretty extreme. My car died back in January, and I'm literally out of time and options financially right now, I will end up on the streets homeless if I don't go visit family in Australia. I am still trusting God and if He opens a way for me to stay and give me work in the next 72 hours I'll stay. He has prepared me for the possibility of death and resurrection of the marriage, so I'm prepared for the divorce to happen even though I don't want it, yet I'm still deeply in love with my wife and am committed to our marriage and will be continuing to trust God for Him to do the work. I sent my wife another love letter tonight and I have a sense she may come back visit home again, but her heart is hardened so we will see what God does.

I have put a lot of my film production equipment into storage at my friend's film production company here in our city and I will be returning. I do appreciate your question though. I'm not making the decision to fly to visit family out of emotion, I'm at total peace and still head over heels in love with my wife and I am confident God is at work and will heal our marriage, even if she signs divorce paperwork.

Good trustworthy mature Christian friends, missionaries and leaders have all encouraged me that the end is not the end, to God he still sees us as married in His eyes, even if the state gives paperwork. I'm not abandoning our marriage, even if I'm across the other side of the Pacific. Another good friend who is a missionary and ran Orphanages in Cambodia and Madagascar is also fighting for his marriage, and they have been divorced for 7 years. Their story involves witchdoctors and his wife slept with the witchdoctor and there have been all sorts of spiritual curses. God is breaking through on their situation and they are currently working at restoring their marriage.

Right now my heart is that I don't want to go back to Australia even to visit. I am still praying and hoping for reconciliation and healing to happen in the coming days. I'm praying for the best yet being wise and preparing for the worst. The flight is currently set for a less than 2 weeks from now, and the only cost effective transport to Los Angeles is a train that leaves Wed next week to get me there in time for the flight.

But God is saying He is fighting for us and to rest in Him. When He says it, I end up in tears. I trust Him and know He isn't lying. (I have a high standard for confirmations on hearing from God, it's not emotion, it has to be verifiable from multiple ways, He is great at that).

Thank you so much for what you've shared and for the prayers!

 

[HARK!]

MOD HAT ON

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[SANTOSO]

For some reason I don't have privileges to post to the marriage forums, and 20+ years ago CF helped me in a previous situation and people asked me if my ex back then had borderline personality disorder and that really made a difference.

Finally in December last year I re-married and for 3 beautiful months it was the most Godly marriage, no conflict, talking about stuff that came up and getting unity before it became an issue.

Then suddenly 3 months to the day after we were married she files for divorce. Saying she was double minded, and she had been lying saying she loved me (I know she did), and that she had to file for divorce to correct her disobeying God.

Fast forward to the last week, God has been moving on her heart, talking to her about self sabotage, that she uses control to protect her heart from being vulnerable, that she doesn't let love in, and that she pushes people away. Her heart was softening and God was answering prayers, and separately He told me what was happening in her heart and mind, a lot traces back to her father in her childhood.

She was trying to force me out of our marital home and while God has been speaking to me (and confirming through pastors, counselors, missionary friends and trusted brothers and sisters in Christ), I had originally made backup plans to fly to Australia just in case the miracle doesn't come.

The miracle appeared to be on the way, there were a lot of loving hugs, gentle loving talks, openness and transparency. I went to change my flight to Australia so I could stay here in Dallas and continue to fight for our marriage on my knees and be available. Suddenly she hardened her heart again and is determined to sign the divorce papers on May 27.

She has continually said she is double minded, believes that she was disobeying God years ago when she went to the UK to work for Christ for the Nations, and now she is saying she was disobeying God in marrying, even though every prayer for a husband and what she wanted has been answered by God and God worked miracles to bring us together.

All of the pastors, counsellors (some top ones from Focus on the Family), family, friends, missionary friends, no one can make any sense of what she is doing or why she is behaving this way.

I have done family ministries school and have training in family counseling, and yet I can't make head nor tail of what is going on except spiritual deception. I don't see anything in the DSM-IV or V manuals that indicate any disorders.

I am at a loss as to why she is running. She has accused me of hating myself and others, of being afraid of being rejected by people, of lying and a host of other things that are neither my heart nor are they my character. She seems to be projecting her hatred of herself and the things she is doing off onto me.

I don't know what to do. God has said He is fighting for me, not to be afraid, not to be discouraged. To rest in Him. Yet she moved out of home again and has gone back to her 13 year ex's place, a man who is a drug and alcohol addict. I have 7 days before I have to leave for another city to catch a flight to Australia and divorce will be finalized on May 27 unless God works a miracle.

How can this happen? What is happening? Why is she behaving this way? I don't understand and no one around us understands why she is acting this way.

May be she was acting in fear. And that she can’t relate fear— fearing that she will be ridiculed and hated.

So understanding her fear, brought shame and guilt on her.

I considered that you not knowing is preferable for her, that you understand that not knowing not her past or weaknesses or failure,that you love her despite all that, would give her much assurance and courage, and a place where she can come to you, without being judged.

I consider that your assurance that there is such a place in you, in your heart for her— shall bring her much courage, that she finds hope, and is encouraged.

Beloved one, let your faith express in love. May you find the love of Christ strengthen you, that you can continually provide her home where she longed for, that her hungry soul will be satisfied and that she knows that she find good things, being with you.

To God the Father be all glory and thanksgiving through Christ. Amen.

 

[-=H=-]

May be she was acting in fear. And that she can’t relate fear— fearing that she will be ridiculed and hated.

So understanding her fear, brought shame and guilt on her.

I considered that you not knowing is preferable for her, that you understand that not knowing not her past or weaknesses or failure,that you love her despite all that, would give her much assurance and courage, and a place where she can come to you, without being judged.

I consider that your assurance that there is such a place in you, in your heart for her— shall bring her much courage, that she finds hope, and is encouraged.

Beloved one, let your faith express in love. May you find the love of Christ strengthen you, that you can continually provide her home where she longed for, that her hungry soul will be satisfied and that she knows that she find good things, being with you.

To God the Father be all glory and thanksgiving through Christ. Amen.

That is amazing, I was just on the phone to my friend Matt and had such an encouraging time and God was speaking in my mind the last few days about all you just shared! Thank you thank you thank you for your sensitivity to God, and the confirmation!