Pray for my marriage | Sexless Marriage

[bw99tn]

I'm very weak and in need of prayer. In a world full of truly horrible things I realize this doesn't even compare to being that bad but it's emotionally destroying me and making me bitter and now have a horrible view of marriage which is supposed to be beautiful by design.

My wife and I have been together 25 years. Dated 9 of those years and married the rest. For the last decade or so I've been in a sexless marriage maybe having sex 2 or 3 times a year. For the last 3 years or so we haven't had sex at all. She stays busy with activities and volunteering for things. She has always signed herself or our children up for literally everything school and church related. I constantly tell her the church will function if she doesn't make it to whatever women's event comes up. She also puts our children first about everything but that's a whole other long post.

I don't have a problem with being involved but doing so much takes away from us, it takes away from our private family time like hiking, canoeing and other fun things we used to do as a family or couple. I have tried for years to get a date night set up but she always has something to attend. When she is at home she's constantly on Facebook joining events on there or clicking she's interested in events. She reads people's posts, talks about their lives and constantly scrolls her news feed. I'm not kidding when I say this but she's literally attached to her phone. I honestly hate phones and social media because it takes so much precious time away.

I'm trying my best to not sound like some sensitive weenie but she never hugs, touches or holds my head. She has never initiated sex. Never has sent a random text telling me she loves me or checks on me ( hour commute) when the weather is dangerous. What hurts most is I'll see her leaving posts to old friends or classmates on FB, asking how they've been or Happy Bday etc. and here I was driving through a tornado.

I'm always the one who pursues and chases her. I will try to cuddle and she pushes me away or says not now. Now keep in mind I'm not some ogre with horrible body odor. Im in decent shape and take care of myself. I've gotten so depressed lately and weak I've been considering leaving her and finding someone who will acknowledge my existence and touch me.

 

[Dave G.]

I don't know that anyone can counsel you without hearing her view as well. There are many scenarios that might apply.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I'm very weak and in need of prayer. In a world full of truly horrible things I realize this doesn't even compare to being that bad but it's emotionally destroying me and making me bitter and now have a horrible view of marriage which is supposed to be beautiful by design.

My wife and I have been together 25 years. Dated 9 of those years and married the rest. For the last decade or so I've been in a sexless marriage maybe having sex 2 or 3 times a year. For the last 3 years or so we haven't had sex at all. She stays busy with activities and volunteering for things. She has always signed herself or our children up for literally everything school and church related. I constantly tell her the church will function if she doesn't make it to whatever women's event comes up. She also puts our children first about everything but that's a whole other long post.

I don't have a problem with being involved but doing so much takes away from us, it takes away from our private family time like hiking, canoeing and other fun things we used to do as a family or couple. I have tried for years to get a date night set up but she always has something to attend. When she is at home she's constantly on Facebook joining events on there or clicking she's interested in events. She reads people's posts, talks about their lives and constantly scrolls her news feed. I'm not kidding when I say this but she's literally attached to her phone. I honestly hate phones and social media because it takes so much precious time away.

I'm trying my best to not sound like some sensitive weenie but she never hugs, touches or holds my head. She has never initiated sex. Never has sent a random text telling me she loves me or checks on me ( hour commute) when the weather is dangerous. What hurts most is I'll see her leaving posts to old friends or classmates on FB, asking how they've been or Happy Bday etc. and here I was driving through a tornado.

I'm always the one who pursues and chases her. I will try to cuddle and she pushes me away or says not now. Now keep in mind I'm not some ogre with horrible body odor. Im in decent shape and take care of myself. I've gotten so depressed lately and weak I've been considering leaving her and finding someone who will acknowledge my existence and touch me.

Its time to sit down and have a serious conversation about the marriage. You may want to start by writing her a letter and laying it all out LOVINGLY. End the letter with, "we need to talk". If you get it all down in writing, the letter can be the map that allows you to address the issues. As you write the letter remind her how much you lover her. Additionally you must "self analyze". I can not stress how important this is. What are you doing to contribute to her frigidness. Women are much deeper than the act of sex. Anyway, that's my advice and by all means, do not venture on to other opportunities, this will destroy the entire family. I will pray for you.
Blessings.

 

[LoricaLady]

There is nothing small about your concerns. Sex is a vital part of marriage, often the glue that holds it together. Of course you want physical signs of affection and to be told you are loved. Of course it hurts a lot if you are deprived of any of those things.

There is no way from here to know what is going on with your wife. As someone above suggested, have a serious sit down talk with her.

This is just me but if I were in your situation and nothing else worked, I would say something like, "If you want to quit evading this issue, and not deal with it, not tell me what is gong on with you, then I am going to pull back too until we get this worked out. Sex is normal and desirable in marriage! Physical and verbal affection are needs everyone has!" What tasks does sbe count on you to do that aren't vital to the operation of your household? Let her do them or just let them go undone. But that's me.

If she does have some complaints well maybe they are valid and should be seriously considered and worked on. Here is an off the wall thought, but it happens. Sometimes someone who has had some trauma in their past, especially in childhood, may have something trigger them that makes them start to pull away and get too busy with this and that for real relationships. Just a thought.

I pray that you will get the advice that counts, from your Heavenly Father, and that your marriage will be restored with great sex and lots of affection.

 

[Mydreams]

Lord bless bw99tn, and this prayer request. Lord solve the problems in bw99tn's marriage. Lord please bless and you be glorified, in Jesus loving name, Amen!

 

[Joined2krist]

God bless. Are you kind to her? kindness turns most females on unless they have medical problems. Very few women can resist a man who is kind to them so please examine yourself. It is unusual for a woman to go that long without sex when she is married to a kind husband.

Praying for your family

 

[Kate30]

I'm very weak and in need of prayer. In a world full of truly horrible things I realize this doesn't even compare to being that bad but it's emotionally destroying me and making me bitter and now have a horrible view of marriage which is supposed to be beautiful by design.

My wife and I have been together 25 years. Dated 9 of those years and married the rest. For the last decade or so I've been in a sexless marriage maybe having sex 2 or 3 times a year. For the last 3 years or so we haven't had sex at all. She stays busy with activities and volunteering for things. She has always signed herself or our children up for literally everything school and church related. I constantly tell her the church will function if she doesn't make it to whatever women's event comes up. She also puts our children first about everything but that's a whole other long post.

I don't have a problem with being involved but doing so much takes away from us, it takes away from our private family time like hiking, canoeing and other fun things we used to do as a family or couple. I have tried for years to get a date night set up but she always has something to attend. When she is at home she's constantly on Facebook joining events on there or clicking she's interested in events. She reads people's posts, talks about their lives and constantly scrolls her news feed. I'm not kidding when I say this but she's literally attached to her phone. I honestly hate phones and social media because it takes so much precious time away.

I'm trying my best to not sound like some sensitive weenie but she never hugs, touches or holds my head. She has never initiated sex. Never has sent a random text telling me she loves me or checks on me ( hour commute) when the weather is dangerous. What hurts most is I'll see her leaving posts to old friends or classmates on FB, asking how they've been or Happy Bday etc. and here I was driving through a tornado.

I'm always the one who pursues and chases her. I will try to cuddle and she pushes me away or says not now. Now keep in mind I'm not some ogre with horrible body odor. Im in decent shape and take care of myself. I've gotten so depressed lately and weak I've been considering leaving her and finding someone who will acknowledge my existence and touch me.

BW are you sure that your wife is only attached to her phone and doing all those other activities and nothing else. You might like to search a little deeper

 

[Christian4Jesus]

I'm very weak and in need of prayer. In a world full of truly horrible things I realize this doesn't even compare to being that bad but it's emotionally destroying me and making me bitter and now have a horrible view of marriage which is supposed to be beautiful by design.

My wife and I have been together 25 years. Dated 9 of those years and married the rest. For the last decade or so I've been in a sexless marriage maybe having sex 2 or 3 times a year. For the last 3 years or so we haven't had sex at all. She stays busy with activities and volunteering for things. She has always signed herself or our children up for literally everything school and church related. I constantly tell her the church will function if she doesn't make it to whatever women's event comes up. She also puts our children first about everything but that's a whole other long post.

I don't have a problem with being involved but doing so much takes away from us, it takes away from our private family time like hiking, canoeing and other fun things we used to do as a family or couple. I have tried for years to get a date night set up but she always has something to attend. When she is at home she's constantly on Facebook joining events on there or clicking she's interested in events. She reads people's posts, talks about their lives and constantly scrolls her news feed. I'm not kidding when I say this but she's literally attached to her phone. I honestly hate phones and social media because it takes so much precious time away.

I'm trying my best to not sound like some sensitive weenie but she never hugs, touches or holds my head. She has never initiated sex. Never has sent a random text telling me she loves me or checks on me ( hour commute) when the weather is dangerous. What hurts most is I'll see her leaving posts to old friends or classmates on FB, asking how they've been or Happy Bday etc. and here I was driving through a tornado.

I'm always the one who pursues and chases her. I will try to cuddle and she pushes me away or says not now. Now keep in mind I'm not some ogre with horrible body odor. Im in decent shape and take care of myself. I've gotten so depressed lately and weak I've been considering leaving her and finding someone who will acknowledge my existence and touch me.

Oh dear brother. My heart goes out to you and will pray to Dear Jesus to help you. I myself am 60 years old with a high sex drive and my wife is 64 years old, complete hysterectomy and no more sex drive. Hardly any affection sometimes. Can't sleep with me because of her bad back. It hurts when the wife will not shower us with affection. I know. No sex is miserable. I would like to offer some comfort and encouragement from God's word the Bible. I have memorized many of God's Power Scriptures, and will now share some to help you.

But my GOD shall supply ALL your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4 : 19

This is one of my favorite scriptures. Our Heavenly Father is literally telling us that He has made Dear Jesus our provider to fill our needs. Sometimes the need is filled quickly and sometimes takes time. I know what this feels like, too. Don't let your heart be troubled, Dear Jesus counsels us in John 14:27, where He gives us His peace. But rest in faith that He will help you. Check out this cool scripture! Took me 40 years to find and memorize...

"For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand," saying unto thee, "Fear not; I will help thee."
Isaiah 41 : 13

Our Heavenly Father and Dear Jesus will help us through anything. The secret I've found, is to love my wife, give her space and practice constant forgiveness for her sexually neglecting me. This works really well. I do projects around the house during the day (I'm retired) to keep my mind off of her. At night I have to relieve myself because she will never again due to her complete hysterectomy. She has no libido any more. So don't feel guilty if you have to relieve yourself because your wife won't touch you. This is a sin ruined world. Some need to, some don't. The Apostle Paul did not need the natural use of a woman, so he could do his missionary work. In any case, Dear Jesus is well aware of your situation. Here is another remarkable scripture...

Pray without ceasing.
1 Thessalonians 5 : 17

Pray and cling to Dear Jesus with all your might, dear brother. Practice praying to Him every hour as I do until it becomes a good habit. There are many coping skills to learn, and Dear Jesus will help you learn them, as He has helped me. Stay focused on Dear Jesus, is the secret to keeping your mind strong. These scriptures give you power, love, a sound mind, perfect peace and the everlasting strength from God...

For GOD hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1 : 7

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.
Trust ye in the LORD forever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
Isaiah 26 : 3, 4

Cool, huh? Took me years to memorize these to help me with my grief. That's what we are dealing with. So hang in there with Dear Jesus. All heaven is interested in your welfare. We are each assigned a guardian angel to help us here on Earth. I suffer, too. So are many others. Soon our Heavenly Father will send Dear Jesus to come get us and take us to heaven. Endure to the end. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. There is a saying in the Marines...Improvise, Overcome and Adapt. As Christians, we must do the same with the help of Dear Jesus guiding us. The more scriptures you memorize, the more you can pray them to our Heavenly Father and Dear Jesus. They help, believe me. Well, gotta go dear brother. Hang tough, try these coping skills, pray prayers of forgiveness for your wife, cling to Dear Jesus and be loving and kind to your wife as Dear Jesus would want you too. May Dear Jesus richly bless you.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I seem to recall this before, like months before in a place like Christian Advice. I think I said before that I don't think your wife actually likes sex or intimacy in general, and that she is using ministry as an extra excuse to avoid it. Which is really interesting if you look at the advice the Bible gives on men who are married and neglect their family, that actually invalidates their ministry,(You can't be an overseer, elder or deacon unless you manage your family well and cannot be divorced etc.) and I'm pretty sure that least applies to women, especially if you have any conservative or traditional bent... (Really the pastor or whoever should not even let her minister if she is going to do this).


I think in the previous thread I advised you to begin talking to her relatives, your pastor etc. and work on some kind of intervention. This sort of thing bothers me, because men are often raked over the coals for their negligence etc. A woman would be filing for divorce or threatening it if the situation was reversed, and they usually do (85% of the time).

But you only got 3 options

1) Accept this and live with it.


2)Make her life uncomfortable and get to the bottom of this no matter how unpleasant or whatever the reason is. IF you fail in this you may need outside help. You may need help from church friends and other folks that don't want to see you two split up if she is avoidant or difficult. E.g. if you fail the first two times talking to her by yourself have the third time is done like a drug or alcohol intervention with Christian friends, a pastor, maybe some of her relatives.


3) An option the forum doesn't want discussed.


Option 2 is the only real chance you have of fixing things. With option 3) You most likely will lose primary custody of the kids and only be seeing them on weekends, holidays, and days she needs off.


Well anyway, I will pray for you but I doubt that alone will solve this. Work on option 2 if you can.

 

[Blade]

I Know your pain very well. Not going to say much if anything. To many advice's here. Some I do not agree with. And I would just be adding to confusion. You might not like the answer.

I know what Gods words says about marriages. Whats mine whats hers so forth so on. He showed me something in the middle of a huge fight. I think back and.. we really look at the flesh. I am remembering now and I never noticed before. It was a huge bad fight.. but He went showed me her heart. Wow.. if we think we truly know someone by how they act.... wow when He said man only sees flesh I see the heart.

I had this love.. I have never in 59 years felt this love. I truly believe now things like "love your enemy".. it comes from Him. All I wanted was to love her.. SO STRANGE.. it was like getting something you have always wanted. It was such a JOY to love her. I wonder right now "remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” Well I didn't want anything what so ever from her. If she was this way for the rest of our lifes.. I could care less. If she never touched me again.. I had more joy in knowing loving her every moment..showing her this.. wow. But about 20 seconds later if was gone.

Oh I remember it like yesterday. I am human.. a man I KNOW what I want and lol believe I deserve. Thats thinking of self. In this world DUH thats the norm. So put what I want what I expect.. just toss it out.. yeah some times its like on a string I can get it back lol. No really.. what is love? This is not something I learned over night. I DO NOT LIKE sharing this part of my life. NEVER do. Very short is.. I know this pain for over 20 years. Most of those years were every day.. every day.

So being still marred.. I cry now thinking.. how in the world can I say thank you lord. About 30y pasted before He showed me this. Why? I never in my heart asked. He will never force you to do anything.

So.. maybe you can see an answer here.. or not. But for me I learned something in this I never saw before.