Pray for me please

[peacechild4]

I can relate. We are in very similar situations except that I'm the wife depending on the husband's income, and he is the one walking away from the marriage and having an affair. It's very difficult to figure out what to say and do in each situation when the marriage is in trouble and we want to fix it so badly.

Tonight my dh wanted to cry on my shoulder because his new relationship is stormy. I wouldn't let him cry to me about it, and I didn't try to help him feel better either. I want to reconcile and we need his financial support, but I won't sell my soul to get it. I've decided that my self-respect and the well-being of my children is a top priority. I'm not playing dh's games or getting involved in his drama.

Tonight I reminded him that I loved him and will forgive and take him back if he decides that he wants that, but I couldn't talk to him about this issue. I know he needs a friend, but I'm his wife and the mother of his children first. It was difficult for me to hold my ground, and I'm not completely sure that what I said and did was the right way to go, but I am at peace about it. I just pray that God will help me with my words and guide my actions, so I'm as least pleasing Him. And if dh decides to cut back our financial support, then I will do what I have to do without giving up my godly values. When my kids are adults and ask me how this all went down, I want to be able to truthfully tell them that I am proud of how I handled myself.

My prayers are with you.

How precious is the stand that you have taken for your family.. Precious because it is painful but yet you are looking to God and not fighting back with hate but love..

I will pray for you and your family too.. I know I don't have the answers.. but God does..

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thank you Kanga. I have friends supporting me here ... telling me to let go and let her make her decisions, but keep praying for the marriage.

I know she is probably thinking that she's the one being wronged, and she has to escape the drama of our relationship. I have compassion for that, and it tears me up to think that I was unhealthy for her, but I am changing and I wanted to sand for the marriage.

Praying for you, Kanga.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I just got bad news today that I may not have many more referrals available for my counselor. Please pray that the insurance company relaxes on this or that I can find a financial source to allow me to see him longer. Thanks!

 

[MaidforHim]

If your counciling situation dries up maybe your pastor can take up where your councilor left off.

 

[peacechild4]

When there are no councellors... God is there 24/7... I think that our sources dry up so we go straight to Him and find Him as our hiding place... the place where we are safe, at peace and comforted!! Then we find He is enough for everything..

I continue to pray.. \0/

 

[MaidforHim]

When there are no councellors... God is there 24/7... I think that our sources dry up so we go straight to Him and find Him as our hiding place... the place where we are safe, at peace and comforted!! Then we find He is enough for everything..

I continue to pray.. \0/

Amen. I agree.

May God make His presence known in your life in a real and glorious way. In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

He really did, last night, but I think the counseling work I've been doing played a big part in my ability to reach out.

I know that I need to work on that relationship - that support and love from Him is the foundation to all of our self-assurance.

 

[BigNorsk]

Insurance companies tend to be rather inflexible. You should get your policy out and read it. It might say so many visits per year, it might say so many visits period, or it might say so many visits for a particular problem.

There is also the thing that some policies differentiate from counseling for mental illness or counciling for some difficult situation like divorce.

You might be done with your visits for your original reason, but you might be entitled to a certain number for say marriage counseling. Or if you started with it for marriage counseling. If you were diagnosed with a mental illness that might be considered another problem.

Thing is, almost without regard to what you say, most insurance companies, if you try to stay with the same counselor will treat it as if you are just trying to continue and deny benefits.

Would your counselor accept a lower payment from you? Some do, some don't.

Can he recommend someone that would be available that would counsel for less that he can forward your case to and tell them what your situation is?

Your current counselor should be aware of some ways to help you receive continuing help even if you aren't in a position to pay for it.

You might end up making the decision between eating and counseling. You wouldn't be the first.

Marv

 

[BigNorsk]

I almost forgot, being in the Air Force, you should have access to some counseling services through them that aren't available to the general public.

There should be some sort of counseling center available to you, might have a lot of different names, family support, life skills support, those types of things. Call the base chaplain.

Marv

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks Marv. Life Skills is currently referring me to him, but it's a cost center for the base hospital that they are scrutinizing. I will discuss things with a chaplain, and I will look for some pastoral counselors, but most of all I want to continue seeing David. I might just tighten my belt to afford one visit a month at least for the next year - I've always wondered what I'd look like with a 30in waistline! Seriously, if I scrimp on business trips and my wife's new business prospers, I will be able to squeeze out enough for two visits a month once I get a larger allowance during the separation.

Please pray for my wife's business. Aside from the financial, she's pouring her heart into it and I don't want to see her get hurt. This is something she could be really, really good at, but she could also be devastated if she isn't prepared.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thank you all for your support. I'm expecting a sleepless night because of some panicky feelings and the meeting with the lawyer. Last nite, I was very ense and sleepless, but I really feel like I connected with "Daddy God" - in fact, I ddn't want to get out of bed this morning. I'm hoping to do that again tonite. I'm not looking for whizbang emotional fireworks, just peace and a sense of His presence, the attention of the Comforter.

Peace to you all tonite.

 

[peacechild4]

Like you would slowly pry a childs hand of something that they are tightly holding that you know is not good for them..

Gently release each burden to the Lord before you lay down to sleep or even when you are laying down in bed before sleeping..

These things are not problems... they are Gods!! You will get a good nights sleep as you rest in Him and His great love and remember His resources are never ending!! He is already in your tomorrow!!

Continuing to pray... \0/

 

[fitmom]

Hi AFT, I have been following your thread, and I will pray for you to have a peace filled night. Fill that God shaped hole in your heart with HIM. He is the only one that fits.
Have a good night, God BLess, J

 

[AirForceTeacher]

thank you so much ...

 

[klynnmiller]

Praying for you still, AFT. I just wanted you to know that I am still thinking about you and your wife and the kids. I pray that God will give you peace in your heart and turn you to the person (counselor or otherwise) that can help you most and give you peace.

Lots of love and prayers from your sister in Christ,

Kel

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thank you ... I'm still praying for change in me and change in her so we can be reuinted. However, I've also prayed that God bless her relationship with this other man as is His will. I do pray that it ends so she can work on herself and possibly look at me again in 6 months, but He has His will and plan.

 

[Autumnleaf]

AFT, is there anything your wife could do or say to convince you she is wrong to leave you and you are wrong to focus so much energy in enabling her to leave you? I wonder how you would treat her if she came home and jumped in your lap. Such are the musings I have when perusing your posts. Volunteering for a 3-4 month deployment while your wife is intent on leaving you... Cut the flow of support to her and she'll come to you.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Ummm ... she is wrong to leave me,just not entirely at fault. It's obvious that it's not all about me since she was dating someone elase less than 2 weeks after she said she wanted a divorce - a man that she insists was just a good friend before. I thnk she believes that, which is sad.

The hard sell doesn't always work, AL. I know where my neediness has gotten me, but shoving her always makes it worse..

As far what I would do if she came over and jumped in my lap? Rejoice, talk about how to move on and love her - after we put our clothes back on.

 

[tp65]

AFT, Just wanted you to know that I am adding you to my prayers. I am sorry that I didn't notice this thread until today. I have tried to read through much of it but haven't been able to figure a few things out. Still trying to figure out who Molly is and what horrible things you feel you have done to bring this on. (I understand the clinginess part) Since your wife professes to be a Christian I would ask her to please refrain from seeing anyone, any kind of relationship, until a divorce is final. Doing so before then constitutes adultery, out of respect for God I would at least ask her. Being truly alone might make a difference for her, as opposed to jumping into another relationship. Anyway, I will keep trying to read to catch up, you have been a source of encouragement to me in the past and I want to be there for you. T

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I've asked to no avail. Like I said, the guy I was insecure about, the guy she got mad about me being jealous of, the guy that was "just a good friend", she started datting less than two weeks after she made her decision to divorce. That river's been jumped, I can only pray that she thinks ahead sometime and realizes that if he'll go after a married woman, what will he do to her?

About being alone, we had a "business" conversation a few mnutes ago. I brought up to her something I've been thinking about. Both of her life insurance policies (that cover her life) are attached to my policies. One is military provide and I can't do a thing about it - her coverage ends with divorce. The other is with a private company and is also available to her because she's married to a military member. I told her I would do everything I could do to keep that from lapsing, and if I had tom I would pay the premiums anyway and she can reimburse me. For some reason, she just stopped talking. I said he name a few times and she finally said I'm here. I said what's wrong, she was obviously shook up - I don't know why - but I think the discussion of guardians for the kids and beneficiaries and the thought of being uninsured did something. She sounded like she was really shook up.

On other thing she's upset about is that she feels like she can't talk to any of our friends about or her mom because I talk to them so much. I must accept responsibility for that, and I am backing off from certain people so she can regain trust and friendship with them. In my defense, the people I spoke to still disagree with her actions, and only told me what they did out of desire to help the marriage and in some instances, protect me.

Thank you tp - I hadn't realized I had encouraged you so, and I will keep praying for you.