Post here when you feel like cutting (2)

[captinshiny]

hello urge to do silly things, scared and alone, don't like it at all
trying to fight but it's difficult
hate feeling like i'm doing this on my own.

 

[graciesings]

I want to make a good start to my 18th year. I haven't hurt myself since before my birthday.

Now, I want to. I'm frustrated with schoolwork and I can't even focus to do it because my mind is obsessing over other things.

I should know cutting won't help but I sure want to...

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Sounds like you're doing great at taking care of you and staying strong. Hold on, and keep doing what you've been doing to not self harm. You can do it!

 

[graciesings]

^ I made it through that day without giving in. Today is 11 days since I last cut.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Way to go!

 

[abovetheclouds]

Am struggling with these thoughts of self harm. So angry all the time. Don't know where to take my anger

 

[graciesings]

It's day 16 and my winning streak is over. I've been wanting to pull my hair out all day, I can't do that - too visible. I'm doing to have to cut myself as soon as I get home I hope I get home alright because some friend problems added to my spiritual struggles have me wayyyy too upset to drive.


But I have to get home somehow. I have no choice.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

abovetheclouds, is there anything that has helped you when you've been angry in the past besides SI?

graciesings, you can hang in there. Be strong. Grab some ice, or do some drawing or throw a tennis ball at the wall until your arm hurts.

 

[graciesings]

Thank you, Kristen... I'm afraid I saw that too late? idk.

I don't know if I can make it through tonight without cutting or not. I hope it improves through the week.

I tend to get stuck in a cycle when things like this happen because it's addictive I hope hope hope that God will bring me through.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Even if it's too late, you can start over again today. Stopping SI is a learning curve. Each time it gets better and better. Not always easier, but we can find more and more success in managing.

 

[graciesings]

I didn't even KNOW the exam was take home, I thought it was in-class this week. Now I have 4 hours to try to contact the professor and get him to send it to me, study for it, AND take it.

I can't it's too hard, and I don't even know any of the material.

I think I need to eat something... if the blood sugar boost doesn't make me feel better I'm going to hide in the bathroom and cut myself... I hate to self injure but I've got to live somehow.

 

[graciesings]

Cutting again. what else to do when I'm so upset and anxious that I can't drove home?

 

[Darling Deedee]

Lost inside my head a lot lately. Got an appt with a counsellor on Friday. She's checking with me daily until then but I just feel so sick to my stomach. Want to cut so badly that I can't stop crying. Haven't yet but just... fighting it. Thought I could rely on a friend but he's having a meltdown as badly as I am. Feel like there's no one to trust with this burden - of wanting to cut. Just lost inside my head and it feels like there's no way out.

 

[graciesings]

I don't feel like it... yet. But I'm going to be under a lot of stress later today and it may trigger me :/ please pray that won't happen.

 

[graciesings]

I'm ok but I'm tense... I'm tempted to cut, not because life is bad but just for stress relief.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Hang in there. You can make it through. Do you like to color? I find coloring intricate pictures with fine tip markers very soothing.

 

[graciesings]

Hang in there. You can make it through. Do you like to color? I find coloring intricate pictures with fine tip markers very soothing.

It helps but I never have time for that even as it is my crayons (what I use) are buried in the mess in my bedroom. And they don't do me any good when I'm in town...

 

[FoundInGrace]

feel like cutting at the moment.

 

[graciesings]

I've made it for at least two weeks now... But idk if I'll make it through tonight.

I have so much emotion that I can't seem to let out or deal with. Too much hurt and stress... And restlessness.

I want to cry but I don't have tears. I want to try to let it out through music but... Well that didn't work out.

Forgive me, Lord, for what I do and think tonight.

 

[graciesings]

I wish I'd done it sooner.

My holding out didn't do any good and it probably made this episode worse. And, I could be done with my homework by now if I'd been able to start it two hours ago... As it is I spent those two hours too miserable to study.

I need a better way out but other things just don't do it.