PLEASE READ MY STORY, in DIRE need of guidance!!!

[NeoGenesis92]

in 2011 I dated a woman in an on and off relationship to 2014.

In 2014 during one of our breakup I had relations with her best friend. That year I proposed to her. During that time we sought marriage counseling and was told not to marry instead wait a year.
A year later in 2015 we sought counseling again and were told still not to marry. We got married anyways.

2016 she asked me for a divorce because she couldn't forgive me for what happened before the marriage. I fought it for months. She woke me up with tears one day asking for her life back and telling me she cheated.

I went to court. Signed the papers. She then told me she didnt cheat yet. but she will.

i stopped loving her in order to cope with the pain of divorce.

she eventually moved out and returned to get her things. she then stated she cheated with someone finally.

I was not hurt. My heart had already let go.

2 weeks later i slept with someone. I anguished for it. After I moved on with another woman and fell in love with that woman.

that month the ex wife texted me we both cannot move on because the marriage wasn't fully dissolved until we sat before a judge.

I anguished over it, cried and broke up with the person i was with and tried to reconcile with her out of fear that i didn't have the right to move on. My whole heart was not in it. We came together, confessed and forgave each other. It wasn't genuine in my heart. It was out of fear. We even slept together. The depression took me and i eventually admired i was in love with someone else. I was to hurt and already gone to forgive her for what happened. It eventually lead to the divorce being finalized.

I eventually moved on with the other woman. this is just the first part. There is more to my story

 

[NeoGenesis92]

She spent the next two years from 2016 trying to reconcile with me and I couldn't. Now she is pregnant with another mans child. I blame myself. I anguish over it. I failed to be like Christ over and over claiming to be a christian but my fruits showed I did not have forgiveness in my heart.

People tell me to move on but I don't see how. What right do I even have now when i couldn't stay for better or for worse. When she did me worse i chose to let go, hard-hearted I refused to reconcile.

Where do I go from here.

 

[Dropout_Theologian]

I'm sorry you've gone through this NeoGenesis92. You are welcome here and thank you for sharing, truly. I can't remember where but some parts of the Bible recommend getting back together with your wife if you can, but at least one other place implies that a man shouldn't or wouldn't get back together if his (former) wife has already been with another. These words don't do your full situation justice; it's the little I can offer you. May God relieve you of your suffering, brother.

 

[royal priest]

in 2011 I dated a woman in an on and off relationship to 2014.

In 2014 during one of our breakup I had relations with her best friend. That year I proposed to her. During that time we sought marriage counseling and was told not to marry instead wait a year.
A year later in 2015 we sought counseling again and were told still not to marry. We got married anyways.

2016 she asked me for a divorce because she couldn't forgive me for what happened before the marriage. I fought it for months. She woke me up with tears one day asking for her life back and telling me she cheated.

I went to court. Signed the papers. She then told me she didnt cheat yet. but she will.

i stopped loving her in order to cope with the pain of divorce.

she eventually moved out and returned to get her things. she then stated she cheated with someone finally.

I was not hurt. My heart had already let go.

2 weeks later i slept with someone. I anguished for it. After I moved on with another woman and fell in love with that woman.

that month the ex wife texted me we both cannot move on because the marriage wasn't fully dissolved until we sat before a judge.

I anguished over it, cried and broke up with the person i was with and tried to reconcile with her out of fear that i didn't have the right to move on. My whole heart was not in it. We came together, confessed and forgave each other. It wasn't genuine in my heart. It was out of fear. We even slept together. The depression took me and i eventually admired i was in love with someone else. I was to hurt and already gone to forgive her for what happened. It eventually lead to the divorce being finalized.

I eventually moved on with the other woman. this is just the first part. There is more to my story

1. Read your Bible and pray daily.

2.Start attending a church with a Pastor that is obsessed with the Gospel and is involved with his flock.

 

[NeoGenesis92]

1. Read your Bible and pray daily.

2.Start attending a church with a Pastor that is obsessed with the Gospel and is involved with his flock.

I read my bible and pray daily. Multiple times throughout the day. I read about 5 chapters a Day. But God is not pleased with me. If only I gave her a chance when she asked for it it would've have happened his way. I failed God to show mercy. it isn't in my heart towards her, especially now. I know God is forgiving but there is this anguish on me that I can never be accepted by God truly. I feel like I committed murder on a person who was asking for mercy. How do I go through life pretending to be a christian like this when I failed my covenant?

 

[royal priest]

I read my bible and pray daily. Multiple times throughout the day. I read about 5 chapters a Day.

What about #2?

 

[Dropout_Theologian]

This could be a potential situation to pose to a professional Christian counselor if you have not already. Just having someone listen in person or online could be helpful over time.

 

[angeltrue]

She spent the next two years from 2016 trying to reconcile with me and I couldn't. Now she is pregnant with another mans child. I blame myself. I anguish over it. I failed to be like Christ over and over claiming to be a christian but my fruits showed I did not have forgiveness in my heart.

People tell me to move on but I don't see how. What right do I even have now when i couldn't stay for better or for worse. When she did me worse i chose to let go, hard-hearted I refused to reconcile.

Where do I go from here.

That's somewhat tangled - have you tried sitting down with a counselor? Something that has helped me when I had a mish mash of emotions was to write it all out. Journaling helped me to get my emotions sorted out. For example: I had a friend and every time I talked with her I was left with a bad feeling and didn't know why. So I journaled and one day I figured it out through journaling. I sorted out that this friend was acting superior to me and I decided for my own peace of mind to not talk with her anymore. It turned out to be a good decision because I no longer gave her the opportunity to inflict her superiority on me.

So I would encourage you to get it all out on paper. A counselor may help but I think that no one knows your own feelings like you do. Sometimes counselors can help but I've found that some don't know what they're doing and it's a waste of time and money. But, I have gotten good solid advice just by bouncing off of other believers on here - more so than speaking with a counselor. I have also asked pastoral advice that helped. Good luck! I hope you untangle this. Be careful with negative self-talk - the enemy is called "the accuser" for good reason.

 

[Steven Wood]

She spent the next two years from 2016 trying to reconcile with me and I couldn't. Now she is pregnant with another mans child. I blame myself. I anguish over it. I failed to be like Christ over and over claiming to be a christian but my fruits showed I did not have forgiveness in my heart.

People tell me to move on but I don't see how. What right do I even have now when i couldn't stay for better or for worse. When she did me worse i chose to let go, hard-hearted I refused to reconcile.

Where do I go from here.

I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation with my first wife. I didn't cheat but she did and i could never come to forgive her fully even though I stayed with her. I shut her out and made her feel unloved to the point that she left me and our 3 children to live with a man she knew for 2 weeks prior because he paid attention to her. Over a decade we talked about getting back together because we still loved each other but the timing was always wrong. I went on to have 2 other children with 2 different women and she had 1 other with a terrible man that eventually led her to take her own life by an overdose so our chance never came.I will tell you this. Yes you are supposed to forgive everyone as God forgives you everything, this is much easier said than done. As Gods word says that it also says better to live on the corner of your roof than with a quarrelsome wife and nothing starts fights quicker than lack of trust. Jesus also tells us that its better for man not to marry and if you divorce a woman and she later remarries, then divorces and gets back with you, you have caused her to commit adultery. I honestly think this is so thought is put into the decision and nothing is done rashly. God also told Hosea I believe that he married a prostitute and he knew it so don't throw her away because she was being a prostitute so the idea of remarrying the same woman after she has been with someone else is not a definite in my opinion. I've probably confused you more but I'll say this from experience. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to forgive instantly and if you can reconcile do it but make sure the past stays in the past because it is better to be alone for the rest of your life than to put each other through the misery and heart break of a bad marriage.

 

[ValleyGal]

If you are currently married, stay with your wife. If you are not married, take some time and be on your own.

You had relations with her best friend. That must have hurt her to the core. Even if you were broken up at the time, being with her best friend is a terrible betrayal by both of you. And you have trouble forgiving her for her adultery. You need to work on forgiving yourself, making amends to your wife, and then after you do all that, then maybe you can forgive her. I don't think you will be able to forgive her until you have true sorrow and repentance for your own betrayal.. that is, turn from your sin out of love for Jesus. When you understand that he died for your sexual pleasure outside of marriage, that he died for your betrayal of your wife, that he died for your lust... then you will understand the sorrow that your sin cost Jesus his life... and he did it because of deep love for you. Turning from the sin he died for.. that is how we can love him back. When all this is working itself out in your heart, you will experience the holiness of the mercy seat... and then maybe you will be able to extend that same mercy to her.

Turn your eyes towards Jesus and off of these women who are causing you such grief. Jesus will take that heavy burden and let you carry his light yoke.

 

[Persis]

in 2011 I dated a woman in an on and off relationship to 2014.

In 2014 during one of our breakup I had relations with her best friend. That year I proposed to her. During that time we sought marriage counseling and was told not to marry instead wait a year.
A year later in 2015 we sought counseling again and were told still not to marry. We got married anyways.

2016 she asked me for a divorce because she couldn't forgive me for what happened before the marriage. I fought it for months. She woke me up with tears one day asking for her life back and telling me she cheated.

I went to court. Signed the papers. She then told me she didnt cheat yet. but she will.

i stopped loving her in order to cope with the pain of divorce.

she eventually moved out and returned to get her things. she then stated she cheated with someone finally.

I was not hurt. My heart had already let go.

2 weeks later i slept with someone. I anguished for it. After I moved on with another woman and fell in love with that woman.

that month the ex wife texted me we both cannot move on because the marriage wasn't fully dissolved until we sat before a judge.

I anguished over it, cried and broke up with the person i was with and tried to reconcile with her out of fear that i didn't have the right to move on. My whole heart was not in it. We came together, confessed and forgave each other. It wasn't genuine in my heart. It was out of fear. We even slept together. The depression took me and i eventually admired i was in love with someone else. I was to hurt and already gone to forgive her for what happened. It eventually lead to the divorce being finalized.

I eventually moved on with the other woman. this is just the first part. There is more to my story

"I blame myself. I anguish over it. I failed to be like Christ over and over claiming to be a christian but my fruits showed I did not have forgiveness in my heart.

People tell me to move on but I don't see how. What right do I even have now when i couldn't stay for better or for worse. When she did me worse i chose to let go, hard-hearted I refused to reconcile." --

NeoGenesis, I am so sorry for your pain, brother..

I just have a simple question for you..

Did Jesus know you..know what your whole life was going to be.. and all your sins --before He died on the cross?

..............................
Psalm 139:13
13 For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Ephesians 1:4
He hath chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love

Isaiah 64:6
For we have all become like one who is unclean [ceremonially, like a leper], and all our righteousness (our best deeds of rightness and justice) is like filthy rags or a polluted garment; we all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away [far from God’s favor, hurrying us toward destruction].

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Titus 3:4-8
4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
6 Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;
7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Romans 8
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Luke 23:39-43
The Thief on the cross -- “Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!”
43 And He said to him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.”

...........................................................

The answer is .. Yes, isnt it ? : )

You are grieved and have acknowledged your sin and repented.. Receive God's forgiveness and His grace and mercy, so you can start to heal, and move to the next steps in recovering your life.

He's there with you, brother, more than you could ever know.. Come home to His Embrace.

 

[LoricaLady]

Well, if this is leading to you considering getting back with your wife, the Bible does say not to remarry the ex spouse if you have had an intimate relationship with another person after a divorce. Also, it sounds like you and you wife have such a painful history that you wouldn't ever be able to have peace and trust anyway.

You need to get closer to the Lord and take the Bible seriously in what it says about fornication and adultery. You can expect more heartbreak if you do not. Get close to Him for comfort,healing, guidance. If you are very healthy, a once a week 24 hour water fast for healing and guidance can work wonders.

 

[NeoGenesis92]

I sought therapy today from a christian psychologist. She was the same one that provided me with marriage counseling before I got married and Advised me not to get married twice and wasn't ready but didn't listen. She had a lot of wonderful words for me. I am trying to get on this path of healing. I am doing what I can to get better from this. First of many sessions. I can be hardheaded. Please continue to pray for me.