Please pray for my childhood friend's source of identity

Oct 16, 2016
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I'm a girl in high school, and the trend going on in public schools is that you have to conform to what society tells you about your sexual identity/orientation and how you can't be happy if your lifestyle or sense of identity/purpose doesn't accommodate or at least experiment with the label they give you. Literally, identity traps everywhere, in everything, and I'm terrified for my childhood friend who's in the middle of it. We've known each other 7 years, and growing to love and help him introduced me to what complete love truly is-I still love him but never told him how I felt- I guess my emotional investment drives my worry for his life, but I have this unnerving fear that something's been wrong for a long time. He's 16, known God all his life and chose to be baptized/accept Christ in his church less than a year ago but seemed to care about God less and less afterward, has a lack of connection and approval from his father that is reflected in a dependency on guys, he was bullied as a kid and is now fixated on keeping up this 'straight guy' image to keep his friends though ironically has argued against gender stereotyping a couple times, he talks of homosexuality often to his mom (who is a God-loving, praying woman I look up to, but I fear might be tiptoeing around or overlooking true needs out of fear or 'political correctness' or just lack of knowledge about the subject) but to others he speaks of avoidance of seeing gay PDA or avoiding having friendships with gay people and expresses negative or morbid jokes/opinions or just general disgust about it, his interest in girls has faded to misogyny and insecurity and refusal to date, breaks rules and sneaks out to hang out with guys of all ages and has no remorse, and he lies CONSTANTLY. I suspect a struggle with same sex attraction/experimentation with homosexual behavior that has been both perpetuated and shamed by society's oppression on teenager's journey to identity development. I've talked to him about Biblical-centered/unbiased scientific truths about homosexuality multiple times before, but he puts up his 'straight guy' front and says he doesn't care and doesn't approve of homosexuality anyway, and thinks the world's guesses are more logical. I don't want to do too much, I've also given him some space, and we haven't talked in a while, but I worry still, have lost all but this one drop of hope. Please pray for him and how he shapes his identity, etc and also pray that he doesn't get caught up in inappropriate contentography or destructive behaviors.
 
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~Anastasia~

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Hello NeedtoSurrender, and welcome to CF!

Your concern for your friend is evident, and may you be blessed for seeking prayer for him. You and he both have my prayers.

I work in the school system, and to be honest, I am VERY concerned about the spotlight being put on young people's sexuality and it seems to me that our current method of dealing with things is introducing a great deal of confusion.

I'm not sure what you mean about "Biblical centered unbiased scientific truths" about same-sex attraction or other matters, but I will briefly share something with you.

Same-sex attraction and activity have been around since before the time of Christ, so the Church has always had to deal with it in some sense. Our Church (Orthodoxy) goes back to the time of the Apostles and in some ways has different ways of looking at things. Christ did not come into the world to establish a set of moral laws, to punish people for their sins, or any such thing. Sin is like a sickness in the world - it infects the entire world since the fall, and all of us. When we sin, or when someone sins against us, it hurts us in various ways. Christ came to heal us from those hurts, from the effects of sin, and to eventually restore us to the healthy, whole people in both body and spirit that God created mankind to be.

Same-sex activity/intercourse is a sin. However, same-sex attraction is a form of temptation. Temptations themselves are not sin - it's what we do with them that leads to sin and damages us. And further, same-sex activity is not a special class of sin - those who commit adultery, are prideful, tell lies, steal or cheat, and so on are just as much sinners. So basically none of us has any business pointing a finger at or concerning ourselves with anyone else's sin. We all have our own to deal with.

Because same-sex attraction can be such a powerful temptation, and there is no legitimate outlet for it according to God, we consider it in fact to be one of the heaviest crosses to bear. But on the other hand, I also know myself that some have dedicated themselves to God in such a condition and become some of our most respected and honorable holy people.

These are all things that I wish I could tell a young person who struggles with such ideas, whether they identify same-sex attraction in themselves or have a problem thinking of it in general when they consider other people. A compassionate Orthodox priest could offer helpful support in such a case, because of the way the Church views this matter.

I just wanted to mention these things to you. It can be difficult to help someone in such a situation, and it can be a crisis because it seems to strike close to the heart of one's very identity, and then the schools in turn focus so much attention there. My heart aches for so many young people thrown into confusion, shame, resentment, and other emotional states because of this issue.

You both have my prayers. God be with you.
 
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God is good

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I'm a girl in high school, and the trend going on in public schools is that you have to conform to what society tells you about your sexual identity/orientation and how you can't be happy if your lifestyle or sense of identity/purpose doesn't accommodate or at least experiment with the label they give you. Literally, identity traps everywhere, in everything, and I'm terrified for my childhood friend who's in the middle of it. We've known each other 7 years, and growing to love and help him introduced me to what complete love truly is-I still love him but never told him how I felt- I guess my emotional investment drives my worry for his life, but I have this unnerving fear that something's been wrong for a long time. He's 16, known God all his life and chose to be baptized/accept Christ in his church less than a year ago but seemed to care about God less and less afterward, has a lack of connection and approval from his father that is reflected in a dependency on guys, he was bullied as a kid and is now fixated on keeping up this 'straight guy' image to keep his friends, he talks of homosexuality often to his mom (who is a God-loving, praying woman I look up to, but I fear might be tiptoeing around or overlooking true needs out of fear or 'political correctness' or just lack of knowledge about the subject) but to others he speaks of avoidance of seeing gay PDA or avoiding having friendships with gay people and expresses negative or morbid jokes/opinions or just general disgust about it, his interest in girls has faded to misogyny and insecurity and refusal to date, and he lies CONSTANTLY. I suspect a struggle with same sex attraction/experimentation with homosexual behavior that has been both perpetuated and shamed by society's oppression on teenager's journey to identity development. I've talked to him about Biblical-centered/unbiased scientific truths about homosexuality multiple times before, but he puts up his 'straight guy' front and says he doesn't care and doesn't approve of homosexuality anyway, and thinks the world's guesses are more logical. I don't want to do too much, I've also given him some space, and we haven't talked in a while, but I worry still, have lost all but this one drop of hope. Please pray, any prayer would do. Thanks.
I will definitely pray for him and when it comes to fitting in just let him know that God's opinion is the only one that matters. I used to care what others thought of me too but then the good Lord showed me that his opinion is all that matters and I will pray that God leads him in the way everlasting.
 
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