My heart goes out to you, this is not a comfortable place to be, but sometimes I think God allows this to take us to a deeper level of understanding. It is a time to talk to God, Prayer is a 2 way communication; you talk, He listens, He talks (sometimes in that still audible voice, sometimes thru His word the Bible and sometimes thru other people or circumstances. you listen.) I searched, tried, explored different religious practices, even tried an eclectic religious mix. I personally believe that each religious practice has a little of the truth. But Christianity is not a religion for me. It is my life. Knowing that God knew me in my Mother's womb, knowing that He had a plan for me, knowing that He cares and has been there all of my life for me and living a life that follows Jesus under the guidance of the Holy Spirit is for me. I look back and see how He worked things together for my good, even though it didn't seem so at the time and may have been really tough. I know how amazing it is to have joy and peace in the midst of troubling and difficult times in my life. (I also have seen that in other people and been amazed). I live today trying to walk in the footsteps of Jesus and fail but still know I am loved and my Father waits to talk with me in prayer, as the song says "Just a Little Talk With Jesus Makes It Right.". Looking toward my future-I do not know what is ahead, what tomorrow holds, but I do know Who holds tomorrow. It is my Lord and Savior, my God, my Father and I know that I will live forever/eternity in His presence when my time on earth is done. I am praying for you to find His peace, His joy, His love and His way. For me there is no other way, I am praying for you to find the answers God has planned for you.