I was having ocd compulsions before going to work. I ended up doing specific actions before going to work due to ocd.
I knew it was ocd but since the compulsion was easy I was doing it anyway.
One day, I was running late for work and the compulsion was not done. the compulsion was to do something specific like "watching 5 minutes of documentary on tv" before leaving for work. I did not have time for it. I knew it was just ocd, but because days passed and it became a habbit, it was difficult for me to stop doing the compulsion. I decided not to do the compulsion but I got some worries about it and randomly, some words popped up in my head without my will. it was about not to watch the documentary before leaving for work or before leaving the house. I cant remember. they were thoughts without my will. there is a chance the word "promise to God" popped up in my head about this but without my will. it happened automatically.
Days passed, and somehow I avoided watching a documentary not only before going to work, but even before leaving the house for whatever reason (market, or out with friends).
I knew they were thoughts without my will but since it was not a tiring compulsion I started doing it.
Today, I remember almost nothing about this case. probably, because they were random thoughts without my will that relieve me for not doing what ocd tells me to do. most of the cases, I remember them and I pray to God to tell Him that they were without my will due to stress. but I cant remember if I did that time. and I cant confirm if they were really without my will.
I was going out for a coffee but had some time before going, so I decided to open tv to watch some documentary. I started having worrying thoughts about it, so I closed it. I tried to ignore them cause I knew they were ocd but I closed the documentary.
Ocd: why you watch a documentary before going out? did you forget about a promise you made to God that you won't watch documentary before going out? you remember nothing about it. are you sure they were thoughts without your will? maybe for a second they were semi-intentional and you acted as if it is ocd. maybe you did it on purpose and you cant remember and you acted as if it is ocd.
I cant remember. and I cant remember for what exactly the thoughts were. were they about that specific day "not to watch documentary before going out of the house?" were they about "not to watch documentary before going specificly for work?"
were they about
"never watch documentary before going for work but forever?"
were they about
"never watch documentary before leaving the house for whatever reason?"
was it forever or for that specific day?
I canceled my exit and stayed home in order not to look like "watched some minutes of a documentary and then going out"
but some new questions came. were the thoughts probably without my will, about
"never watch a documentary before practically, leaving the house"
or
"never watch documentary while having in my mind plans to go out of the house as soon as the doc is finished?"
I cant remember if the thoughts were 100% without my will or semi-intentional.
I have told God to protect me from ocd and these thoughts and promises no matter what.
Sometimes, these thoughts relieve me because they counter ocd but trap me later.
I worry if there is a higher power or the universe that does not care about ocd and maybe makes valid the thoughts without my will.
I have many cases like this. I am getting [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed with myself for not ignoring these thoughts. When the thoughts without my will happened, I should have told God that they are thoughts without my will or at least ignore them, but instead they, somehow, affected me and relieved me. and I paid attention to them. I hope they did not become valid. I do not want them. I always wanted to be free from ocd. but no matter how much I worry, about these thoughts, I always end up having new worries and new worries. and I am getting angry with myself. why I do not ignore them and say "i am free" but instead I play the game of the ocd. I relieve myself thanks to the thoughts without my will, that's why I cant confirm if they are 100% without my will or semi-intentional. but the relief is temporary. it is like making a fast mistake. I do not know why I do the same mistake. I am supposed to say "they are thoughts without my will" but instead of that I randomly say to myself stuff like "oh. thoughts without my will happened, maybe I should do this because they are maybe valid even thought I know they are not, but they relieve me so I must do what they say". instead of that, it is better saying "i am free" and that they are without my will. but I do not always do that. maybe I do that and I do not remember it. I do not know.
I knew it was ocd but since the compulsion was easy I was doing it anyway.
One day, I was running late for work and the compulsion was not done. the compulsion was to do something specific like "watching 5 minutes of documentary on tv" before leaving for work. I did not have time for it. I knew it was just ocd, but because days passed and it became a habbit, it was difficult for me to stop doing the compulsion. I decided not to do the compulsion but I got some worries about it and randomly, some words popped up in my head without my will. it was about not to watch the documentary before leaving for work or before leaving the house. I cant remember. they were thoughts without my will. there is a chance the word "promise to God" popped up in my head about this but without my will. it happened automatically.
Days passed, and somehow I avoided watching a documentary not only before going to work, but even before leaving the house for whatever reason (market, or out with friends).
I knew they were thoughts without my will but since it was not a tiring compulsion I started doing it.
Today, I remember almost nothing about this case. probably, because they were random thoughts without my will that relieve me for not doing what ocd tells me to do. most of the cases, I remember them and I pray to God to tell Him that they were without my will due to stress. but I cant remember if I did that time. and I cant confirm if they were really without my will.
I was going out for a coffee but had some time before going, so I decided to open tv to watch some documentary. I started having worrying thoughts about it, so I closed it. I tried to ignore them cause I knew they were ocd but I closed the documentary.
Ocd: why you watch a documentary before going out? did you forget about a promise you made to God that you won't watch documentary before going out? you remember nothing about it. are you sure they were thoughts without your will? maybe for a second they were semi-intentional and you acted as if it is ocd. maybe you did it on purpose and you cant remember and you acted as if it is ocd.
I cant remember. and I cant remember for what exactly the thoughts were. were they about that specific day "not to watch documentary before going out of the house?" were they about "not to watch documentary before going specificly for work?"
were they about
"never watch documentary before going for work but forever?"
were they about
"never watch documentary before leaving the house for whatever reason?"
was it forever or for that specific day?
I canceled my exit and stayed home in order not to look like "watched some minutes of a documentary and then going out"
but some new questions came. were the thoughts probably without my will, about
"never watch a documentary before practically, leaving the house"
or
"never watch documentary while having in my mind plans to go out of the house as soon as the doc is finished?"
I cant remember if the thoughts were 100% without my will or semi-intentional.
I have told God to protect me from ocd and these thoughts and promises no matter what.
Sometimes, these thoughts relieve me because they counter ocd but trap me later.
I worry if there is a higher power or the universe that does not care about ocd and maybe makes valid the thoughts without my will.
I have many cases like this. I am getting [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed with myself for not ignoring these thoughts. When the thoughts without my will happened, I should have told God that they are thoughts without my will or at least ignore them, but instead they, somehow, affected me and relieved me. and I paid attention to them. I hope they did not become valid. I do not want them. I always wanted to be free from ocd. but no matter how much I worry, about these thoughts, I always end up having new worries and new worries. and I am getting angry with myself. why I do not ignore them and say "i am free" but instead I play the game of the ocd. I relieve myself thanks to the thoughts without my will, that's why I cant confirm if they are 100% without my will or semi-intentional. but the relief is temporary. it is like making a fast mistake. I do not know why I do the same mistake. I am supposed to say "they are thoughts without my will" but instead of that I randomly say to myself stuff like "oh. thoughts without my will happened, maybe I should do this because they are maybe valid even thought I know they are not, but they relieve me so I must do what they say". instead of that, it is better saying "i am free" and that they are without my will. but I do not always do that. maybe I do that and I do not remember it. I do not know.
