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Please help me

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by alonely, Dec 2, 2005.

  1. alonely

    alonely New Member

    Six months ago my uncle (related by blood) had some drinks... he put his hands...

    It was bad.

    My aunt (his sister) told me later that he'd done the same thing to her several years ago.

    I'm so scared. He's got three children, the oldest just going through puberty (she's 12). I don't know if I should warn her.

    I went to see a psychologist shortly after this happened. She called Child Protective Services... convinced that he'd do it to one of his own children one day. But they blew it off since he's got no history of going after children.

    I need advice.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. ghs1994

    ghs1994 Senior Member

    I wish I knew what to tell ya, but I'm really not qualified for this.

    I would probably make the family very aware of what's going on. Maybe you need to go file a police report against him, it might bring out the others to do so as well. If he did it to you and his sister, you can bet it won't stop there.
  3. JEBoftheLovingAngryGod

    JEBoftheLovingAngryGod to the Lord Supporter

    United States
    Most of all, remember that your uncle is a very dangerous man. It may be better for his daughter to experience sexual assault than for both she and you to experience violence, possibly murderous violence. If you can warn his daughter safely, without danger to you, do it. But remember, the danger could come from your parents who might not be able to believe you, or from others, particularly if this uncle is active in church or local government. Probably the very best single thing you can do is to find a responsible adult you both can really trust. But you must be very careful. You must not trust easily in this kind of situation. Sexually abusive people who successfully hide their evil are extremely deceptive, extremely evil, extremely good at getting people to believe that they could not possibly do such things.
  4. winz

    winz Member


    we are praying for your uncle!
    Don't worry God is here!
    really God is good all the time!
  5. ephraimanesti

    ephraimanesti Senior Veteran

    Eastern Orthodox

    You have received some good advice above to which i can add little beyond urging you to put your situation in God's Loving Hands to resolve according to His Will in a manner which will ALWAYS be in the best interests of those who trust in Him.
    You reported that your psychiatrist notified Child Protective Services and they blew it off. i would suggest that both you AND your aunt go back to C.P.S. and fill out a joint report which may indicate a pattern to them and goad them into acting on behalf of the vulnerable children involved who are potentially the next victims.
    Secondly, should this not work, i would encourage you and your aunt to file a police report if there is any way you can prove your case legally--evidence, witnesses, etc. If it comes down to a case of your word against his, this might not be worth to risks which were mentioned in the posting above. But if there is a chance, i believe that acting to protect the children might be worth the risk to you and your aunt of filing the police report.
    You didn't mention your uncle's wife in your description of the situation. If she is in the home and cares at all for her children, i would think it would be helpful for you and your aunt to report the situation to her rather than going directly to the children and warning them. Perhaps the wife's vigilence, based on the information you and your aunt provide her (be sure you do it together!), will protect the children to some extent.
    You mention seeing a psychiatrist, but what have you done about dealing with the all-important Spiritual component of your trauma--things like shame, guilt, sense of powerlessness and violation, etc.--which always, in one form or another, accompany experiencing what you have been through. i hope your adopted name--"alonely"--is a creation and not a description. If it does bear some resemblance to where you are at in your life--do whatever is necessary to get connected! Find a Church, get involved in a Fellowship, cultivate supportive friends here at CF--THERE ARE A BUNCH OF MOST WONDERFUL AND LOVING PEOPLE HERE!--and, above all, cultivate a close relationship to our Lord Jesus Christ through the glorious Power of the Holy Spirit. Doing these things will heal you; doing these things will protect you; doing these things will bring your life to LIFE.
    MAY YOU BE BLESSED AND YOUR JOY COME TO BLOT OUT AND EXCEED YOUR PRESENT PAIN. May all who read your Post hold you in their prayers.:groupray:


    Glory to our God who hears and answers our prayers,
  6. hintonas

    hintonas New Member

    The bible say that we fight not against flesh and blood but against the darkness that rules this earth. You do have authority and are qualified to pray to reveal that lustful spirit and to rebuke the enemy from your uncles life. Faith as small as a mustard seed can acomplish this task. Don't be afraid of the enemy you were revealed to this situation for a reason exercise your authority as a God fearing Christians. The bible says that even the enemy has to obey, but you can't waiver and be fearful. You can do it no that God is with you. God Bless
  7. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    You have done what you can. You may be able to talk to his daughter at some stage.

    Child protection may have bailed out, but you can lay charges with the police if you think (quite resonably in my opinion) that he will do the same thing to others.

  8. alonely

    alonely New Member

    Thank you guys. It's been so hard. It's still lonely out here. He wasn't only my uncle... he was my boss. I had to get a new job and move to a different part of the country... And I can't tell anybody why. My new coworkers want to know why I left my old job... and I have to be deceitful.

    I've told my family. I called my mom the night it happened and my grandmother a week or two later. It spread from there. Everyone has been very supportive.

    His wife, on the other hand... she won't speak to me. I think she believes I'm to blame.

    I'e been to the police but that's gone nowhere. Since I wasn't scarred physically and since there was nobody around the trooper told me all I can hope for is that he'll confess.
  9. ephraimanesti

    ephraimanesti Senior Veteran

    Eastern Orthodox
  10. ShiningSonBeam

    ShiningSonBeam Well-Known Member

    "It may be better for his daughter to experience sexual assault than for both she and you to experience violence, possibly murderous violence."

    I disagree. I believe living in fear like this will only prolong these acts; and I do not believe this guy will attempt murder. To be blunt: I would rather die than experience sexual assault. You can and should protect his daughter(s), though I wouldn't be surprised if he has already done things.

    In my opinion, there is no question whether or not to warn the daughter... just how to warn her. You didn't mention the children's mother... is she around? That is who I would talk to also. This guy must be stopped. He's done things to his sister, he's done things to you, he WILL do it again. Please do everything you can to stop him. The fact that Child Protective Services just blew it off angers me, but they are bound by policies, etc. If you can't convince the mom and children to leave this man immediately, I would advise you to stay as far away from him/them as you can. The worst thing here is if no one takes a stand. And right now, that person is you.
  11. alonely

    alonely New Member

    Thank you, ephraimanesti, for your prayers and encouragement.

    At the time this happened, I had been away from the church for almost two years. I attended an informal bible study roughly once every three weeks... but that was mainly so that a Christian at work wouldn't constantly ask me about my spiritual life...

    I just wanted to live in the world for a while. (I wasn't living an overtly sinful life... I was just trying to live a "good" life without God.)

    Once this happened I had a realization... if I wanted to be a part of the world, this is what was waiting just under the glitter.

    I don't think I realized what "hungering for God" meant until then. I'm living in the body again. I'm involved in BSF International and have a small, but strong, network of Christian fellowship outside that.

    The lonliness is here, though... and it's powerful. None of the wonderful people in my day-to-day life (except my sister) knows about what happened... and... I can't explain why... but it just leaves me feeling isolated.
  12. aperson1234

    aperson1234 Guest

  13. ephraimanesti

    ephraimanesti Senior Veteran

    Eastern Orthodox

    It appears that God has used the terrible experience you went through to good purpose in that it appears to have given the lie to your idea that you can live a "good life" outside of God. Now you are back where you belong--"hungering for God" and "living in the Body."
    However, i am troubled somewhat by your statement that although you have "a strong network of Christian fellowship" that you are "lonely" and "isolated". This appears to me to be a serious contradiction. The purpose of Christian fellowship is the Love and Support of one another, and if this is not happening, something is seriously amiss somewhere!
    My suggestion to you is that the problem lies with your statement that "None of the wonderful people in my day-to-day life (except my sister) knows about what happened... and... I can't explain why... but it just leaves me feeling isolated." Secrets are killers in the Spiritual Life because they are one of the primary tools Satan uses to encourage us to build protective walls around ourselves which keep us from a loving oneness with our brothers and sisters in Christ. As long as we are separated from each other, Satan has the power to control us and squeeze the joy out of our lives by playing on our guilts and fears--an activity which is impossible to him if we are in FULL communion with our brothers and sisters in Christ and have their love and support to fall back on.
    What i would propose to you is - - - ELIMINATE THE SECRETS WHICH ARE CAUSING YOUR ISOLATION. Saint James exhorts us to "Confess your faults, one to another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed."(James 5:16) Please hear that i am NOT implying that you are anything but a victim in what happened to you; Saint James' point is that, as the saying goes, "THAT WHICH IS NOT REVEALED CANNOT BE HEALED." To eliminate your sense of isolation and loneliness you must be entirely OPEN to those with whom you are in Fellowship in the Lord. Only in this way can you be healed and set free to get on with your life, in complete freedom and peace. As a victim, you have nothing to confess BUT MUCH TO SHARE. i encourage you to do so. Until you do so, the past remains the present!
    Should you not feel comfortable for some reason other than embarrasment or shame (which you need to pray about and overcome), in being ENTIRELY honest and open in the context of the Fellowship you are presently a part of, find one in which you are comfortable--pray about it and the Lord will guide you in this regard. But do not continue in unhappy state you are in now, because, if nothing changes, Satan will continue to tyrannize and victimize you by keeping you from experiencing the happiness, peace, and joy in your life which is your birthright as a child of the Kingdom.
    i pray for you daily knowing that with God's help, YOU CAN DO THIS!

  14. bertie

    bertie Well-Known Member

    Other Religion
    God bless you.......We are with you in spirit..... and will remember you in prayer....your cousin needs support...(especially if her mother is in denial)people who do these things are very likely to have done them in the past.....and will very likely not stop.Still,You may have done more than you realize to make your family a little safer.
    However ,i must caution you,that this type of behavior is in many cases a repeat of what happened to the perpetrator or learned by the perp from some other...ie beware of family secrets...be aware that others may also have something to hide and could also turn on you ...to your dismay...please seek a councilor or psychologist who can help you in dealing with the fallout you may have inadvertently triggered.as well as the trauma you experienced.
    As one who has some experience with this thing ,i think it is good to be prepared for the possibility to discover other similar behavior back in the past family history.
    dont be alarmed if you do...There are great christian councilors out there too!
    i think you are doing admirably,but remember that healing takes time and love......:angel: