Please answer, Blasphemy worried

[Gkst]

Today I have worried that I might have said a word blasphemy, so I start to checking by saying "God is good" instead of "God is dev**"(the sentences I afraid I might say it). Just like saying in different tone and volume to test how familiar, something like that. And then my thought just coming like
(I don't sure between those 3)
1.let said it, so I not need to worried about commited in the future.
2.If god allow me to suffer so much,so he is a dev**.
3.I have doubt that maybe he is.
And then I said it (not loud).
Immediately, I a little bit feel shock.But I feel like I didn't have much fear and worried. I just likes I worried and concerned about this all the time, But not extremly worried likes the past.In the past, I have crying so hard when I feel like I might have done it.
///
I feel likes God forgive me, he can forgive everythings and it will be okay.So, I have less worried. But I didn't feel any happy, I just feel worried all the time.It just like I have no emotion.Everythings just feel numb.I fear that my heart will be hardened.In the past, I just feel like I might end my life if I sure that I committed it. I just don't know what to do, now.Now, I have stopped that thought, I feel we don't know really what sin is unforgivable.
Suicide might be unforgivable and I might not committed unforgivable sin in this blasphemy word I speak. So, I won't take a risk. Because only God can judge.But, now I just feel so numb and don't know if I really can feel joy again. I don't have extremely worried, but I worried all the time.

Encouragement, please.
[If you can ask god for some message for me, it will be so nice. Only one word from God will makes all my worried dissappear.]

 

[Tolworth John]

Encouragement, please.
[If you can ask god for some message for me, it will be so nice. Only one word from God will makes all my worried dissappear.]

Encouragement, the extent to which Jesus loves you can be seen in the lengths he went to save you.

Second encouragement as 1 John1:9 says
God is faithful and will forgive us our sis and purify us from all unrighteousness.

 

[paul1149]

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Jesus (Matt 11:28-30)​

 

[Gkst]

Encouragement, the extent to which Jesus loves you can be seen in the lengths he went to save you.

Second encouragement as 1 John1:9 says
God is faithful and will forgive us our sis and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I believe that too.But,I worried that I not worried much. I believe that god will forgive me.So that makes me feel less worried. But at the same times,I fear that my heart will be hardened. I means like I feel less worried for the same sin compares to the past.Maybe because I trust god more. But I just so confused.

 

[Gkst]

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Jesus (Matt 11:28-30)​

I trust in god that he will forgive me.But I just so worried that I have less worried. I fear that my heart will be hardened. Do you think if I trust god and didn’t worried about it and continued to pray,workship and read a bible,I means continue to have joy in god without worried about unpardonable sin? Are that means my heart might be hardened? When I didn’t worried about sin?

 

[Tolworth John]

I believe that too.But,I worried that I not worried much. I believe that god will forgive me.So that makes me feel less worried. But at the same times,I fear that my heart will be hardened. I means like I feel less worried for the same sin compares to the past.Maybe because I trust god more. But I just so confused.

Sometimes we have to trust in facts and ignore feelings.

 

[paul1149]

God does not want you in morbid fear. He wants you free in Christ. Jesus gave everything so we could escape bondage in this world and become free. It all comes through faith.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, - Rom 8:15-16 ESV

"If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." - Jhn 8:31-32 ESV
​

Paralyzing fear is a trick of the devil to ensnare us. And Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil. Dare to believe.