Planning On Dying at Home in Case of Cancer or Such?

[Monksailor]

I have just experienced such for the first time from a distance although presently there. If one has another option, even if just in another distant relative's or friend's home, I think that would be much more of a gracious exit for your close relatives like spouse and children. After you have left them think about what they will be left behind remembering when they sit in that living room where that large hospital bed had to be put for Hospice/medical workers access. Think about all of the hours, days, or even weeks of gut wrenching anguish they will have impacted probably with PTSD or just from experiencing that traumatic event. You will have effectively changed the LIVING room into a DYING room. And people wonder why a spouse dies so many times after the death of their spouse. In the formerly described cases where the surviving spouse stays in the home where the dying occurred, I can see why.

May I suggest that if you must decide to slowly die in your home and leave a much more indelible imprint of your death in that home behind that you ensure that that home will be vacated by your loved ones IMMEDIATELY and permanently after you pass?

I am witnessing the wife of a dying man in so much daily anguish that for the first few days she could not even go into the living room to be by his side (denial/rejection) and now that she is able to muster up the strength to do so she is having to be given nitro glycerin for her heart at least once every day. That house is nothing but a dying chamber to her now. If he wanted to save thousands of dollars at the least, if no friends and such, he could have still rented a room at a motel for his dying; $2000+/day @ hospital as compared to less than 1/20th of that /day in a motel room, relatively VERY cheap and this gives the surviving spouse the liberty from those horrible memories being stimulated or triggered by the house in which they may be spending the rest of their life.

Additionally, may I also suggest that the care of your dissolving or liquefying from the inside and expiring body be handled by someone other than your spouse and children if any way possible? That urine in the urine bag which they will have to monitor and empty turns to blood and decaying organ sludge. How do you want them to remember you??? Even if you are on your death bed, Hospice (Lansing, MI) can only come in twice/wk; once/wk for a medical check by a nurse and the other by a cleaner who once/wk washes the body, changes linen, and looks for and treats, if needed, bed sores. If you need help or want to give meds left behind by Hospice you must call and leave a message and wait for a return call and instructions and permission to give any meds. Things get very intense and anxious (and even infuriating) as LOVED ONES witness terribly concerning symptoms, are the only ones there to administer care, and CAN'T and cannot get immediate, live help on the phone. Most of the time there are meds left there in a box which can treat the problem but they are ignorant of how and when and how much and cannot be trained (liability.) So they MUST call, leave a message, and wait while they observe their loved one in frantic distress, very possibly dying.

Just think about it, please. And if you get a chance to minister to such a situation like I just have, be observant of the overall situation and see if you do not agree with me. It is worth it to set that type of care up now with someone outside of your home and/or start a savings acct now to handle the costs of a motel room or rental, food, and such.

 

[Amittai]

Thank you for wisdom regarding consideration. Am single but it will be variations on the theme, once I have people to talk to!

 

[Hazelelponi]

200 years ago pretty much EVERYONE died at home, and our ancestors dealt with it just fine.

Dying, as much as modern humans don't like to face it is just a part of life.

As for Hospice they can come as often as a patient needs and stay as long as needed...

As for loved ones who deal with the unpleasantness of death, such as emptying urine bags etc. Again, it's part of life. I wouldn't trade anything for those last days I spent by my both my fathers and my daughters side, sleeping in the same room, giving comfort in their hour of deepest need...

Why on earth would anyone leave such things to strangers? Because they don't like death? Get over it... for real, and deal with the life before you who needs you, and whom you still need until the moment they pass from this life.

Stop being infantile; so unfeeling and uncaring as to throw their dying grandparent, parent, spouse or child at a stranger to be what you should be for them so you can pretend you'll live forever.

 

[GOD Shines Forth!]

I wouldn't trade anything for those last days I spent by my both my fathers and my daughters side, sleeping in the same room, giving comfort in their hour of deepest need...

Amen.

 

[NerdGirl]

I have just experienced such for the first time from a distance although presently there. If one has another option, even if just in another distant relative's or friend's home, I think that would be much more of a gracious exit for your close relatives like spouse and children. After you have left them think about what they will be left behind remembering when they sit in that living room where that large hospital bed had to be put for Hospice/medical workers access. Think about all of the hours, days, or even weeks of gut wrenching anguish they will have impacted probably with PTSD or just from experiencing that traumatic event. You will have effectively changed the LIVING room into a DYING room. And people wonder why a spouse dies so many times after the death of their spouse. In the formerly described cases where the surviving spouse stays in the home where the dying occurred, I can see why.

May I suggest that if you must decide to slowly die in your home and leave a much more indelible imprint of your death in that home behind that you ensure that that home will be vacated by your loved ones IMMEDIATELY and permanently after you pass?

I am witnessing the wife of a dying man in so much daily anguish that for the first few days she could not even go into the living room to be by his side (denial/rejection) and now that she is able to muster up the strength to do so she is having to be given nitro glycerin for her heart at least once every day. That house is nothing but a dying chamber to her now. If he wanted to save thousands of dollars at the least, if no friends and such, he could have still rented a room at a motel for his dying; $2000+/day @ hospital as compared to less than 1/20th of that /day in a motel room, relatively VERY cheap and this gives the surviving spouse the liberty from those horrible memories being stimulated or triggered by the house in which they may be spending the rest of their life.

Additionally, may I also suggest that the care of your dissolving or liquefying from the inside and expiring body be handled by someone other than your spouse and children if any way possible? That urine in the urine bag which they will have to monitor and empty turns to blood and decaying organ sludge. How do you want them to remember you??? Even if you are on your death bed, Hospice (Lansing, MI) can only come in twice/wk; once/wk for a medical check by a nurse and the other by a cleaner who once/wk washes the body, changes linen, and looks for and treats, if needed, bed sores. If you need help or want to give meds left behind by Hospice you must call and leave a message and wait for a return call and instructions and permission to give any meds. Things get very intense and anxious (and even infuriating) as LOVED ONES witness terribly concerning symptoms, are the only ones there to administer care, and CAN'T and cannot get immediate, live help on the phone. Most of the time there are meds left there in a box which can treat the problem but they are ignorant of how and when and how much and cannot be trained (liability.) So they MUST call, leave a message, and wait while they observe their loved one in frantic distress, very possibly dying.

Just think about it, please. And if you get a chance to minister to such a situation like I just have, be observant of the overall situation and see if you do not agree with me. It is worth it to set that type of care up now with someone outside of your home and/or start a savings acct now to handle the costs of a motel room or rental, food, and such.

My dad passed at home from Alzheimer's. Hospice placed a hospital bed in the living room, so he could be near the big, bay window. He always loved trees and birds, and we wanted him to be able to see the yard as much as he could.

The living room is not a "dying" room to us now. Over time, the memories of the months of suffering and illness have faded behind the YEARS of good memories of him in that room and in that house. I don't walk into that room and think "Oh, my dad died here" anymore. It was difficult for the first days and weeks, when the memories were fresh. But it has largely gone away now.

It's incredibly irrational to think that the whole family can or would WANT to simply 'vacate the home' after a death. Many cannot afford such a thing! The upheaval of a sudden move, immediately after the death of a loved one? That's just stress upon stress! My mother has never wanted to move out of that house. That house holds 30 years of memories for her.

If this woman is in so much anguish and distress, she needs to address that with the hospice workers. Whether she can get more professional help in the home, with visiting nurses, or whether it may be best for him to go into a hospice facility, is a very personal decision that must be made by the family, on a case by case basis.

My mother had no problem tending to my father's physical needs, including his bodily fluids or waste. Then again, she is an extraordinary woman. Biohazard bags were provided and she was taught how to properly use them, for the hospice staff to collect when they visited. She was shown how and when to administer medications to him as well, by trained hospice nurses. The hospice staff was on call 24/7 and their support was exactly what we needed.

This sounds more like a situation where the wife is not adequately suited to caring for her husband alone at home, and she needs more help, or she needs to consider placing him in a hospice facility. It also sounds like that particular hospice service may not be the best. It sounds like a sad and tragic situation, but it's hardly a reason to beg everyone to avoid using hospice services or allow people to die at home in comfort and dignity.

 

[dogs4thewin]

My dad died at home in March of 2015 after a long battle with colon cancer. He did die alone, but only after mother had spent hours in the room and could not take anymore. He had been given 12 to 24 hours to live and passed about 60 hours later.

 

[jacks]

Both my mother and father decided to die at home. Yes, it was hard for us to be part of, but it made the passing easier on them. (We had some help from hospice, they did a lot of the really unpleasant stuff.) I think it was for the best and the memories of that time, just blend with other memories I have of them, it doesn't replace the good memories. That said being a care giver is a very hard and stressful thing to do and I sympathize with those who just can't handle it.

 

[Monksailor]

I wouldn't trade anything for those last days I spent by my both my fathers and my daughters side, sleeping in the same room, giving comfort in their hour of deepest need...

I did not say that loved ones like spouses and children should not be there for their dying loved one. NOT AT ALL. Reread what I said, please. I assumed that you naturally understood that the loved ones go to the rented house or motel room, also. Thst they be there for the dying person just as if they were at home. It DOES require the dying one to be GRACIOUS, as I stated. That the dying one be considerate of their loved ones more than themselves. After all, if they are a Christian they will be with the Lord in glory soon, but those that they leave behind will have a very hard and maybe impossible period of painful and traumatic memories to get over and if the dying location is not the home they may be in for the rest of their lives there will be less triggers or reminders around. But maybe some people like to embrace such depressing memories???

The additional paragraph about help in attending to the dying personal needs was for many out here today who could not tolerate such care, w/o much unforgettable and traumatic memories clouding more pleasant ones.

The caring daughters informed me that all Hospice will provide for their father dying of Leukemia compounded w/diabetes and other stuff is just what I shared. Maybe Covid is interfering?

Hazelponi said, "Stop being infantile; so unfeeling and uncaring as to throw their dying grandparent, parent, spouse or child at a stranger to be what you should be for them so you can pretend you'll live forever."

Get off of my hindy, girl! You are so hostile and jumping to conclusions like a mad hatter. I shared that I observed this at a DISTANCE EVEN THOUGH I WAS THERE and that my visit was a ministry. I did not say that it was for a family member.

 

[NerdGirl]

I did not say that loved ones like spouses and children should not be there for their dying loved one. NOT AT ALL. Reread what I said, please. I assumed that you naturally understood that the loved ones go to the rented house or motel room, also. Thst they be there for the dying person just as if they were at home. It DOES require the dying one to be GRACIOUS, as I stated. That the dying one be considerate of their loved ones more than themselves. After all, if they are a Christian they will be with the Lord in glory soon, but those that they leave behind will have a very hard and maybe impossible period of painful and traumatic memories to get over and if the dying location is not the home they may be in for the rest of their lives there will be less triggers or reminders around. But maybe some people like to embrace such depressing memories???

Do you really believe that someone who's DYING will always have the mental capacity to be "gracious" and "considerate"?! You do realize that many, many people deteriorate mentally in their final days/weeks/months/years, and the decisions about how and where to care for them must be made by their living, healthy relatives? You're accusing dying people of being ungracious and inconsiderate. For heaven's sake, they are dying.

I honestly find this lopsided compassion of yours (completely with the loved ones left behind, and absolutely zero compassion for the poor soul who's dying) to be incredibly disturbing.

 

[Monksailor]

This sounds more like a situation where the wife is not adequately suited to caring for her husband alone at home, and she needs more help, or she needs to consider placing him in a hospice facility. It also sounds like that particular hospice service may not be the best. It sounds like a sad and tragic situation, but it's hardly a reason to beg everyone to avoid using hospice services or allow people to die at home in comfort and dignity.

Yes, it sounds like you and your mother have dealt with the passing of your father well. That is good. I am sure that there are many like you two. The mere contemplation I am trying to instigate here is for all to assess their preparedness for such. Some can handle it, some cannot or think that they will have no problem till it actually arrives, and BOOM; hence what I have shared of some of the details just to offer a picture. No one shared with me whether a Hospice room was available or not; again Covid spacing and extra health management protocols and expense???

Yes, the mother DOES have her three daughters and a few other relatives rotating. The mother is blind in one eye and mostly in the other. Her husband neither prepared/empowered her for this time in her life. He was deaf and she is blind and they provided to each their strengths leaning heavily upon each other. She NEEDED him to be independent. She cannot drive to get groceries or go to medical appts and so much more including personal care and hygiene. Hazelponi, you were so cruel to this poor lady..... For now after his death one daughter and husband from 200 miles away are going to stay with the wife/widow; the same daughter who has full power of attorney over everything and who is the primary care giver for the father at this time. Incidentally, this is the time of the year where that couple move south to FL.

I wasn't begging anyone not to use Hospice services. Where did I say that??? They could just as easily place that bed and give their care in a rented house or motel room. I wasn't begging anyone to avoid dying at home if it can be managed well by all, only to contemplate the situation. If we are in Christ our security lies solely in Him, NOT in worldly things. One who is mature in that realization and that our citizenry is already in heaven since we were saved and that we are aliens in this world, would have no problem dying in another location with their loved ones in order to spare them heartache.

And an answer to your questioning in post 9, the immed preceeding post, is that that is why I created this post. We should be prudent and contemplate such things BEFORE they happen. Post #2 also thinks it is wise.

 

[NerdGirl]

Yes, it sounds like you and your mother have dealt with the passing of your father well. That is good. I am sure that there are many like you two. The mere contemplation I am trying to instigate here is for all to assess their preparedness for such. Some can handle it, some cannot or think that they will have no problem till it actually arrives, and BOOM; hence what I have shared of some of the details just to offer a picture. No one shared with me whether a Hospice room was available or not; again Covid spacing and extra health management protocols and expense???

Yes, the mother DOES have her three daughters and a few other relatives rotating. The mother is blind in one eye and mostly in the other. Her husband neither prepared/empowered her for this time in her life. He was deaf and she is blind and they provided to each their strengths leaning heavily upon each other. She NEEDED him to be independent. She cannot drive to get groceries or go to medical appts and so much more including personal care and hygiene. Hazelponi, you were so cruel to this poor lady..... For now after his death one daughter and husband from 200 miles away are going to stay with the wife/widow; the same daughter who has full power of attorney over everything and who is the primary care giver for the father at this time. Incidentally, this is the time of the year where that couple move south to FL.

I wasn't begging anyone not to use Hospice services. Where did I say that??? They could just as easily place that bed and give their care in a rented house or motel room. I wasn't begging anyone to avoid dying at home if it can be managed well by all, only to contemplate the situation. If we are in Christ our security lies solely in Him, NOT in worldly things. One who is mature in that realization and that our citizenry is already in heaven since we were saved and that we are aliens in this world, would have no problem dying in another location with their loved ones in order to spare them heartache.

And an answer to your questioning in post 9, the immed preceeding post, is that that is why I created this post. We should be prudent and contemplate such things BEFORE they happen. Post #2 also thinks it is wise.

These decisions need to be made by the family and the afflicted person. Your opinion - no offense - has no place in another person's scenario.

Hospice is often offered for free. I know it is so for anyone who has Medicare, which is just about every single person over the age of 65 in the U.S.

You are begging people not to die at home :-/ Which is very odd since it's not an uncommon thing, and typically far better for the patient as well as the family. There is a tremendous amount of worry and guilt that often comes with placing an elderly, dying relative in a strange environment with strange people in their final days. A motel room?? I'm having trouble believing you're thoroughly thinking about what you're saying here. Your stance makes no sense. You're completely throwing out the well being and feelings of the person who is actually dying and also assuming that no family ever would want to take care of their loved one at home, which is just plain inaccurate.

Not everyone can or does "contemplate" death before it arrives. Most people consider things like a Living Will or a Do Not Resuscitate order, but most people don't expect a prolonged dying process that requires long-term hospice care. Many times, by the time it's realized between family and doctors that such a situation is imminent, the ill party is not in a position to make major decisions about their own care.

The wife's situation would not be any different in her husband passed away in a nursing home or hospital. She'd still be blind. She'd still need help getting groceries.

"One who is mature in that realization and that our citizenry is already in heaven since we were saved and that we are aliens in this world, would have no problem dying in another location with their loved ones in order to spare them heartache." This is an absolutely ridiculous and heartless comment.

How many of your own loved ones have you cared for at home while they were dying?

How about listening a bit more to those of us who have been through it? Maybe you'll learn something.

 

[Monksailor]

This scenario could be ours one day. Wise and prudent and proactive people understand this.

FYI: I have already faced death several times in my life. Once knowing that the serious heart surgery I was having, Chest sawed in half and pried apart to remove my aorta from the heart wall and farther out (legally dead, on full life support for 3 hrs) I could have not waken from, ending up in the emergency ward and hospitalized with the second of two successive CVI strokes, and other life-threatening incidents in military combat and while alone, supervising several inmates. I am not speaking as one with no empathy or one who has not faced death. Also, both of my parents are dead, my mother I found as a boy at 2a.m. in the middle of the night making a hard breathing noise (later learned called a death rattle) and sadly staring at the floor from her recliner but when I went over to rouse her she was cool and my older brother who was on the phone calling for help came over and pulled me away. My father was found a few days after he had died, rot juices on his pillow. Oh, yeah, when I was 15 my father had me give the dead, cold, bloody-faced corpse of our landlord mouth-to-mouth breathing (what it was called back then, well actually it was resuscitation, instead of breathing) for 45 minutes till the ambulance got there as he did not want to tell his already hysterical wife who'd been nursing his dead body for hours that he was dead and her husband had been a heavy, chain smoker. Every time I raised up to breathe in for both of us I was taking in that dead, stale, nicotine/tar-drenched exhalation from his dead corpse. I was SO SICK when they arrived. NEVER again! I remember in my young Army, pre-Christian years getting literally sick to my stomach if I even kissed a woman who smoked.

Again, we owe it to ourselves to be prudent and proactive concerning our life's matters, including the possible endings it could have. Hence this thread. I was only trying to be helpful and have been spit in the face. That is OK. Christ told us to expect it and it is nothing new. I will continue to try to be helpful to my fellow humans however I can. If one chooses to ignore such considerations because it is "hard" or refuses to recognize that what they had no problem handling may not be the case for their spouse or children who will never tell them, that is naturally their/your freedom to do so.

 

[Junia]

Yes, it sounds like you and your mother have dealt with the passing of your father well. That is good. I am sure that there are many like you two. The mere contemplation I am trying to instigate here is for all to assess their preparedness for such. Some can handle it, some cannot or think that they will have no problem till it actually arrives, and BOOM; hence what I have shared of some of the details just to offer a picture. No one shared with me whether a Hospice room was available or not; again Covid spacing and extra health management protocols and expense???

Yes, the mother DOES have her three daughters and a few other relatives rotating. The mother is blind in one eye and mostly in the other. Her husband neither prepared/empowered her for this time in her life. He was deaf and she is blind and they provided to each their strengths leaning heavily upon each other. She NEEDED him to be independent. She cannot drive to get groceries or go to medical appts and so much more including personal care and hygiene. Hazelponi, you were so cruel to this poor lady..... For now after his death one daughter and husband from 200 miles away are going to stay with the wife/widow; the same daughter who has full power of attorney over everything and who is the primary care giver for the father at this time. Incidentally, this is the time of the year where that couple move south to FL.

I wasn't begging anyone not to use Hospice services. Where did I say that??? They could just as easily place that bed and give their care in a rented house or motel room. I wasn't begging anyone to avoid dying at home if it can be managed well by all, only to contemplate the situation. If we are in Christ our security lies solely in Him, NOT in worldly things. One who is mature in that realization and that our citizenry is already in heaven since we were saved and that we are aliens in this world, would have no problem dying in another location with their loved ones in order to spare them heartache.

And an answer to your questioning in post 9, the immed preceeding post, is that that is why I created this post. We should be prudent and contemplate such things BEFORE they happen. Post #2 also thinks it is wise.

Sorry but I wAnt to die in familiar surroundings if possible. Not some hotel room

 

[Junia]

This scenario could be ours one day. Wise and prudent and proactive people understand this.

FYI: I have already faced death several times in my life. Once knowing that the serious heart surgery I was having, Chest sawed in half and pried apart to remove my aorta from the heart wall and farther out (legally dead, on full life support for 3 hrs) I could have not waken from, ending up in the emergency ward and hospitalized with the second of two successive CVI strokes, and other life-threatening incidents in military combat and while alone, supervising several inmates. I am not speaking as one with no empathy or one who has not faced death. Also, both of my parents are dead, my mother I found as a boy at 2a.m. in the middle of the night making a hard breathing noise (later learned called a death rattle) and sadly staring at the floor from her recliner but when I went over to rouse her she was cool and my older brother who was on the phone calling for help came over and pulled me away. My father was found a few days after he had died, rot juices on his pillow. Oh, yeah, when I was 15 my father had me give the dead, cold, bloody-faced corpse of our landlord mouth-to-mouth breathing (what it was called back then, well actually it was resuscitation, instead of breathing) for 45 minutes till the ambulance got there as he did not want to tell his already hysterical wife who'd been nursing his dead body for hours that he was dead and her husband had been a heavy, chain smoker. Every time I raised up to breathe in for both of us I was taking in that dead, stale, nicotine/tar-drenched exhalation from his dead corpse. I was SO SICK when they arrived. NEVER again! I remember in my young Army, pre-Christian years getting literally sick to my stomach if I even kissed a woman who smoked.

Again, we owe it to ourselves to be prudent and proactive concerning our life's matters, including the possible endings it could have. Hence this thread. I was only trying to be helpful and have been spit in the face. That is OK. Christ told us to expect it and it is nothing new. I will continue to try to be helpful to my fellow humans however I can. If one chooses to ignore such considerations because it is "hard" or refuses to recognize that what they had no problem handling may not be the case for their spouse or children who will never tell them, that is naturally their/your freedom to do so.

I

Am not spitting in your face but I refuse to fork out for some hotel room when I can die in comfort of my own home

 

[Heavenhome]

I looked after both my parents (we lived together) until the last days of their lives and they needed to be in hospital, my father (2009) in the last days of ten years of cancer and my mother (2016) who had multiple health issues, went into hospital after an episode but ended up staying in for the last week of her life.
I have a disability and would not have been able to physically give them the treatment they needed in those last days, but I would have loved to have had them pass at home.

However they had family with them 24 hours a day with beds set up in the room so they were never alone.
In hindsight though in my case I think it was best how it turned out and know without a doubt, that God was with every single step and circumstance along the way, down to the smallest detail.

All I can say is that there are options and not one thing will work for everyone.

When you love someone, nothing you have to do for them in the way of care is given a second thought, rather it is a true blessing.

For my parents, I know both of them would have worried about the person caring for them and in their position, they were given some dignity when dealing with the very personal care as the nurses did this ( I know that would have embarrassed them if I did it).
We were at our small country hospital where we all knew the staff well, due to previous visits over the years and it was a peaceful, calm family environment. I couldn't have asked for more.
I miss them both dearly but since they both passed into our dear Lords care, I know it won't be forever.
All of us can only do our best under "our" circumstances and lean upon the Lord for our strength, as in every part of our life.

 

[Monksailor]

For some, there may be a perceived need to be around the familiar things (home bldgs, nic nacs, trophies, awards, etc) of this world (loved ones are not things), or where their treasure or heart or security is in this world as they die. That is fine.

I am only saying that for us Christians (this is supposed to be a Christians only thread) our treasure and security and "familiar surroundings" (as found in the Spiritual realm of our being filled and intertwined with the Holy Spirit and in meditation upon God's Word and in prayer and from an ongoing consciousness of His presence) are NOT of this world (1 Jn 2:16.) God gives us an imperative command NOT to conform our lives to the patterns of this world and in view of His mercies toward us to offer our bodies to Him as living sacrifices in this world (Ro 12: 1-2}. We ARE assured by God that we are already citizens of heaven (Phil 3:20 and Col 3 expounds upon this as in: 12. The Priorities Of The Heavenly Citizen (Colossians 3:15-17) and Ephes 2:19), that we ARE aliens in this world (1 Pt 2: 11 NASB, KJV2000), that our Lord and Savior awaits our resurrection to be with Him (absent from the body, present with the Lord- 2 Corinthians 5:8, ESV: "Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:8, KJV: "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.") If we are truly a follower of Christ then as He assured us we will have many enemies in this world who will hate us as He, desiring to even kill us (Jn 15:18-16:4 and see it excellently expounded upon, along with "aliens," at: ,

.)When we face unavoidable death we should be yearning for it as it means we will finally be HOME with the Lord who has prepared a place for us. Our faith and experience of His protection and provision should grant us peace for consideration of those we leave behind.



One last note: I have observed that it is not a very good time for self-reflection or making amends. I suppose that in many cases as ones this man reflected upon, it is not physically or geographically possible and your frame of mind may very well not be cognitive or rational or memory accurate enough to do so. It is most likely too late at that time, even if possible, any penitence will be most likely received as a forced confession with the only motivation being to try to ensure heaven for themselves as if their salvation depended upon their works and not a voluntary one of true penitence or one from a incoherent or tweaked or mixed up unintentional or accidental mind. And for those hoping for that moment of penitence from someone who has offended you as they lay on their death bed; DO NOT count on it. I strongly suggest that one be proactive and address such now. I have had to counsel one from that situation I described because they were hoping all their life, even though they seemed to have miraculously forgiven him in their heart, for that moment of confession from their father, acknowledging his wickedness and evil of what he did to her. She did not get it and he went all of his life escaping accountability for his monstrous, inhuman behavior and my mission……... those few hours was to give him assurance of his salvation and destiny which I did. Anyway, do NOT plan that you will get penitence from a dying offender if you forgive them. You probably won't if you did it in your heart and not person-to- person as they will like to misinterpret your quiet forgiveness as acceptance which then they can easily delude themselves into thinking that it need not be addressed. And do not let your pride cause you to procrastinate confessing your sins to the ones you have offended, and not just to God. God tells us in His Word to do so, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." James 5:16 ESV and Matthew 5:22-25a ESV "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser…" And many people make their dying bed their "alter" unto the Lord as they reflect upon their lives but unfortunately, as I have explained, it is usually too late at that point to make things right with and cause healing for those one has not already confessed/admitted their sin and made restitution .



(I must make a disclaimer here that what I discuss here or anywhere is from a Protestant Non-Denominational perspective where mere humans cannot act as our Mediator between us and God, but we believe that that position is exclusively reserved for and filled by Jesus Christ with whom we have an ongoing personal relationship and for Whom all believers are empowered ambassadors. We also do not believe that one can be "bought" out of purgatory/hell and reserved for heaven. Protestants, believing God's Word, know that it is NOT one's works or goodness which gets them into heaven, but rather FAITH in the work(s) of Jesus, exclusively, as in the criminal on the cross beside Jesus. See Isa 64:6 and Luke 23:39-43 and Ephes 2:8-9 and Ro 10:9-10. We are saved to do good works but our salvation is already secured by Jesus' work and our faith in that fact. We Christians will have a judgment regarding what we did (didn't do) for Christ's glory in in our Christendom and there will be rewards and crowns awarded for such and tears flowing for the deficiencies but they will be wiped away (Rev 21:4) and we will enter heaven, some maybe as if through the flames (1 Cor 3:15 ESV) having all of their works determined falsely good (done with evil intentions or motives or toward one's OWN glory, for ex) and arriving with no crowns or rewards beside others who are adorned with His Glory.)

 

[Monksailor]

I

Am not spitting in your face but I refuse to fork out for some hotel room when I can die in comfort of my own home

I wasn't talking about you and I WAS talking about forgetting yourself and considering others. You are a Christian or you could not be here so you would be getting ready for glory beyond comprehension and finally being in our Lord's presence and no more in this world's cold and mean clutches or fighting to keep out of it. We should be throwing a party at that time, regardless of any fleshly pain and our friends and family, if they truly believe and love us, will be with us.

 

[Junia]

I wasn't talking about you and I WAS talking about forgetting yourself and considering others. You are a Christian or you could not be here so you would be getting ready for glory beyond comprehension and finally being in our Lord's presence and no more in this world's cold and mean clutches or fighting to keep out of it. We should be throwing a party at that time, regardless of any fleshly pain and our friends and family, if they truly believe and love us, will be with us.

Sure but I just would be happier to do that in my own home. My loved ones would be just wanting me to be happy

 

[Junia]

I wasn't talking about you and I WAS talking about forgetting yourself and considering others. You are a Christian or you could not be here so you would be getting ready for glory beyond comprehension and finally being in our Lord's presence and no more in this world's cold and mean clutches or fighting to keep out of it. We should be throwing a party at that time, regardless of any fleshly pain and our friends and family, if they truly believe and love us, will be with us.

I

my pets wouldn't be able to go to a hotel though and they are part of my family . My pets are my babies!

 

[Junia]

also motel beds aren't very comfortable. I want my last hours to be comfortable