Physical change boundaries, plastic surgery, and beauty

bèlla

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About the first part. I think you're right and it a great idea. Thanks.

Look into spiritual disciplines. You may enjoy the liturgy of hours too. Phyllis Tickle wrote several books on the subject or you can use the COE app.

If I meet a woman that wants to share a bottle of wine over dinner. I would be okay with that. There is something about sharing or drinking the same things that creates a bond. That is also why I never got along with people that liked to drink to the point where they puke wich was very popular when I was young and unfortunately still is, because I have never been in to that.

I'm not interested in inebriation or overindulgence. But a glass of wine with a meal or during a shared moment is fine. If he prefers something on the rocks that's okay too. I like good food, good wine and great company. I love being in the midst of others who feel the same. We eat well, drink well and love well too.

I probably should clarify that I like dancing if it's stylish or classy. Ballroom dancing for example and the dresses are beautiful too. Not that I have ever danced, but if I should dance it would be ballroom dancing. I agree with the twerking that's a no go.

I love ballroom dancing. It's elegant and timeless. I used to watch the competitions too. As for twerking, everything has its place. It shouldn't be on the dance floor. It's too suggestive. But in the right setting with the appropriate company (i.e. your spouse) it may be viewed differently.

I think it does help. You are nice even when people step a bit out of line, like myself. You're not hammering down on me but telling me kindly when things are messed up.

I'm nice but very little bothers me. All those little upsets (molehills) rob us of our joy and peace of mind. Some people are mean spirited, moody, and so on. But that doesn't mean I have to join them. Choosing to do otherwise is empowering. I ignore a lot.

I agree I don't know people, I don't know what made them the way they are. The people I am talking about are politicians that get away with rape, or comedians that blaspheme and think it's allright because it's a joke. The more serious matters.

That's bad. But transgressing His word in response is worse. You've gotta be smarter than that. If it pushes a nerve pray every time. That's how you strike back in the spirit realm. The enemy used to put songs in my head until I started praying for the artist. He cut that out pretty quickly. That's the last thing he wanted!

I keep my disdain to myself. I am not interested in making people uncomfortable.

Love is the counterbalance. The more you focus on love and pray scriptures along those lines and cast down wrong thoughts the less they'll occur.

I must admit, I do like homogenous people and societies. I don't like when things get too diverse.

I value a shared faith and ethos in my inner circle. We may go about it differently. But our common denominators are greater than the differences. I'm admittedly more discriminating about women for many reasons. I like a certain spirit and temperament in my presence. I'm not into combativeness, snark, or negativity. I like kindhearted women who are personable and elegant. And comfortable in their own skin. I'm not into competition or comparison.

But outside of those confines I'm fairly tolerant and adaptable. I'm not marrying them or bringing them home. The extent of their influence and behavior is minimal or situational. I give them the room to be themselves. I know who I'm meant to impact. When I encounter them the recognition is mutual.

I think this is a very wise. A thing I should be thinking about applying myself, so I don't come of as being judgemental.

Consider our connection. Most women would have lectured you or had lengthy discussions about your sin areas. But what's the point? You know its wrong. Instead of dwelling on that I told you the price of continuance and let you decide. You have to own the decision and change. No matter what I impart you'll go about it your own way. As you should. Then its truly yours. It has to make sense to you to become a habit.
 
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linux.poet

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You never know what you're missing if you've never had it.
This can be a double-edged sword. I spent a large portion of the last decade recovering what was missing from my life that I needed to fill my spiritual calling and everything else. I was thrown into spiritual battles that I was clueless to handle.

I don't know who this child is - how do I know what is best for them, other than what the Scripture teaches? I don't. As time goes on, the child will eventually need to decide for themselves what they want. As they grow older, the less influence you have. You must be willing to accept that they are a person of their own, and God has a plan for them that's not necessarily yours.

I believe in setting the tone for my children. I may engage other's services to augment what I'm doing or provide specialized instructions. But they'll never be in the drivers seat or undertake a course I'm unable to influence. They're too impressionable.
Some children, such as myself, fight for the driver's seat from a young age. I suppose I was trying to pursue knowledge. I spent a lot of time reading books and on the Internet. The more the screws of control tightened, the more I found the cracks and schemed to escape. Any child of mine will have 50% of my DNA, so they will need to know that they are loved. Otherwise they will rebel with everything they have. Such a child is less of a sculpture and more like a tree. You can prune the branches, but you can't stop the growth or where she is going. Only God can do that. She needs to see that actions have consequences, and a more hands-off approach.

There is two reasons parents keep children away from knowledge: the first is kindness and the second is fear. The kindness stems from the fear of the child and the brain development age the child is at. The second is fear that, if a child knows what is out in the world, they will be seduced by it and turn away from the Gospel. I believe the opposite is true, because spiritual warfare comes to everyone's door. Follow 1 Timothy and do not despise the youth of young believers. Let them see the battle lines, for they will have to live in the warzone.

When you're legacy minded you pursue life differently.
Seeing me leaving a legacy behind is very hard for me to see. I suppose when you spend a portion of your life just trying to survive and thinking that you are going to die before you can accomplish anything, your future starts to become this dark blur. Or, when you win the battle and the abuse clears, you're just happy to be alive. Neither state really contributes to thoughts of what you want to be remembered for.

One quote I read from Allison Bechdel's The Secret to Superhuman Strength: "The best revenge against your parents is to outlive them." I suppose whatever "legacy" portion of my brain exists is focused on that idea, and it's a problem that I need to fix.
 
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bèlla

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This can be a double-edged sword. I spent a large portion of the last decade recovering what was missing from my life that I needed to fill my spiritual calling and everything else. I was thrown into spiritual battles that I was clueless to handle.

Few have everything in the place when the Lord reveals their purpose. We all have things to learn and improve. When it comes to our respective callings we're wholly aligned as are our loved ones. No one is more fastidious about my mission's fulfillment than my family. They've been on board from the start and she has the same and then some.

I don't know who this child is - how do I know what is best for them, other than what the Scripture teaches? I don't. As time goes on, the child will eventually need to decide for themselves what they want. As they grow older, the less influence you have. You must be willing to accept that they are a person of their own, and God has a plan for them that's not necessarily yours.

I've already done it. I wasn't speaking hypothetically. ;-)

I'm more influential now than I've ever been. She's witnessed the results of my instructions and prohibitions. Especially in those who lacked the same. She's had a lifetime of wisdom, counsel and instruction. You see bits and pieces here but she has whole. I give her things I'll never teach others or share with them either. That's her blessing.

This is a great example of why I'm particular about who instructs my children. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel and believe. But it contradicts my own. You'll have opposing messages. I prefer a layered approach that reinforces the core because its ingrained.

Now that she's an adult we're fine tuning it in respect to today's culture and the challenges her children will face. She's not married but she's been prepared. She can be a stay-at-wife without financial encumbrance to her spouse. We've already addressed that. She wants to homeschool and we've covered that too. I did it with her and provided information on hiring a professional if her spouse doesn't want her to teach.

She drug her feet on cooking and I told her to go to culinary school. It'll benefit her business and home life. Now she's interested in patisserie and bread making too. She's learning self-sufficiency from me and how to monetize her life. And picking up sewing after learning about this.

We're one. You can't survive the world in fragments. You need your people close. The Lord called me to France. He didn't tell her she had to go. But she wouldn't dream of letting me go alone or coming back. If I'm putting down roots so is she.

When people are united you can accomplish a lot. Everyone does their part. They're not quitting or falling down on the job. They're equally invested. That's the mindset my grandparents had and I embody the same. Each generation should add something to the next so the whole is bettered.
 
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VCR-2000

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As a man, I could never force those things onto my wife. I love red hair on women, but I would never even ask her to dye her hair red if she was a blonde or whatever. I prefer natural hair, but don't mind if she dyes it either. It's not like I can only date/marry redheads because I find that attractive. Blondes, brunettes, and dark hair are all attractive to me.

I also need to accept her body as it is. Saying we need to get in better shape if we've put on a few pounds? That might be hurtful, but it's done out of care and love and it's a journey we would both take. Say she needs to get breast implants? That's totally superficial and has no fundamental basis in a Godly marriage where lust isn't the focus.
As a man, I would love if a girl had very, very blonde natural hair. I hope she keeps her body in decent shape and health too. I know we also age, but everyone more or less can stay healthy at any age.

I'm not saying that the personality wouldn't be important, but I do have a thing for this certain aesthetic. Maybe I should not seek out or pursue a woman at all unless she meets most of my standards (aesthetically and personality both). That's not about being rude or saying that I strictly only find a certain aesthetic attractive. I acknowledge a lot of other aesthetics as attractive, I just want to get the best deal on a wife if possible, and focus more.
 
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bèlla

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That's not about being rude or saying that I strictly only find a certain aesthetic attractive. I acknowledge a lot of other aesthetics as attractive, I just want to get the best deal on a wife if possible, and focus more.

It isn't rude to find something attractive. But if the interest is one-sided its unwise. Try approaching women with different looks you find appealing and see who responds most frequently.
 
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VCR-2000

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It isn't rude to find something attractive. But if the interest is one-sided its unwise. Try approaching women with different looks you find appealing and see who responds most frequently.

I subscribed to Match.com for two months and I didn't get any message replies back from girls that I tried to talk to.

What alternatives to online do you think I can go about if I don't drive on my own?
 
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bèlla

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What alternatives to online do you think I can go about if I don't drive on my own?

Since you mentioned physical fitness apps are a possibility. Something with a community element with local meetups and challenges like Fitbit. People converse on there all time. I connected with someone in past. They have a multi-age demographic and groups as well.
 
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