Physical change boundaries, plastic surgery, and beauty

[linux.poet]

Is it okay for woman to have physical change boundaries? For example, I enjoy my natural hair color and it gets complements from others, so I would object strongly to marrying someone who wanted me to dye it.

Likewise, what if I married someone and he wanted me to get breast implants in 5 years when I’m done having children, would it be an Ephesians 5:22 violation to say no? Is this anxiety and skittishness just something I need to get over? I can understand normal things like dressing up to go to a party with him, improving muscle mass to carry the babies, and taking a shower, but where does it end? It’s my body, I have to live in here too. Help?

 

[d taylor]

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It would be the opposite for me, i would object to any doctor/surgeon alteration of my wife (if i was married). i am for maintaining a persons appearance by the practice of good health, not by knives and plastic. etc..

 

[bèlla]

Everyone has boundaries. You have to get someone who respects them or feels the same. Some people are more aesthetically driven than others. Plastic surgery is a popular talking point but it goes beyond that. If that’s on the table so are other things. She probably has a dress code, diet, etc. Which is fine if that’s your thing.

I have an aesthetic standard because of my work from the Lord and one from my partner. They’re nearly identical. Living with constraints isn’t bothersome. I’m used to it. I’d rather have someone tell me to reel it in than turn a blind eye to the alternative.

Some people couldn’t do it. They’d be offended if someone weighed in on their appearance or made suggestions. I don’t care. It isn’t a judgment against me. He’s sharing his preferences.

This comes up while getting acquainted. If that’s his bend he’ll raise the issue early to ascertain your mindset and boundaries. And even if he doesn’t aesthetic preferences always come out. They’re more attentive than the usual ‘you look nice.’

For example, some men like to dress their women. They’ll pick out her clothes, shoes, makeup, and all the rest. They weigh in on her hair, diet, fitness, etc. You see it often when a person has a high profile career, in the public eye, building a platform, entertains often or attends a lot of events.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes, definitely.

 

[DragonFox91]

Men shouldn't use Ephesians 5:22 as an end-all be-all They need to have conversations w/ the wife. A man shouldn't interpret that verse as 'I have total control of her & she should everything I say.' We know from the rest of the Bible good conversation is encouraged & love involves conversation.

 

[bèlla]

Men shouldn't use Ephesians 5:22 as an end-all be-all They need to have conversations w/ the wife. A man shouldn't interpret that verse as 'I have total control of her & she should everything I say.' We know from the rest of the Bible good conversation is encouraged & love involves conversation.

No they shouldn't. But discrimination goes both ways. Women ignore a lot. Most of the times they have warnings and overlook them. No one should be in a marriage with a man asking for plastic surgery and they're surprised. More than likely they had a clue while dating.

That's why I always ask about the mating period when people complain or seek advice. Because the signs were there. He did or didn't do something and they let it slide. And the chicken comes home to roost later on.

If you read the marriage forum you'll see it. You don't morph into a new person when you marry. You bring the real you in. And its our responsibility to see it before the covenant to determine if they're the one or not.

This is really a matter of due diligence. The more thorough you are the less your headaches.

 

[Miles]

Our bodies can be thought of as our human avatars. Like you said, we "have to live in here". It's important to set boundaries about what we're willing to do. In a healthy relationship, those boundaries are communicated and respected.

Wanting to please your spouse is a good thing, but it's also good to have limits. There's a world of difference between taking suggestions vs. being compelled to do something that you object to. Especially when dealing with plastic surgery, which is potentially dangerous. And even if we're talking about something less extreme like how you style your hair, you still have the final say.

Ideally, a husband and wife should look for common ground. Things that they find mutually acceptable. Better yet, things that they both like.

 

[Petros2015]

Is it okay for woman to have physical change boundaries?

Yes - I think it's fine for couples to give communicative feedback. In a good relationship, I generally find the other person looks better and better to me all the time (and they aren't really doing anything except having a good relationship with me that includes mutual respect and self respect)

 

[Saucy]

As a man, I could never force those things onto my wife. I love red hair on women, but I would never even ask her to dye her hair red if she was a blonde or whatever. I prefer natural hair, but don't mind if she dyes it either. It's not like I can only date/marry redheads because I find that attractive. Blondes, brunettes, and dark hair are all attractive to me.

I also need to accept her body as it is. Saying we need to get in better shape if we've put on a few pounds? That might be hurtful, but it's done out of care and love and it's a journey we would both take. Say she needs to get breast implants? That's totally superficial and has no fundamental basis in a Godly marriage where lust isn't the focus.

 

[linux.poet]

No one should be in a marriage with a man asking for plastic surgery and they're surprised. More than likely they had a clue while dating.

I guess I’ll just add questions about appearance and plastic surgery to my “Extremely Boring Marriage Questions” interrogation list computer file and stop panicking.

People do change after marriage, but hopefully the Holy Spirit doesn’t lead him in the direction of appearance alterations. My dark imagination runneth over. *laughs nervously*

 

[Sophrosyne]

I think all pickles should have vlassic surgery.

 

[angelsaroundme]

It doesn't seem very common for men to push women they are with into plastic surgery or changing their hair color. You should be okay on those fronts, especially if you get compliments on your hair as it is.

 

[bèlla]

I guess I’ll just add questions about appearance and plastic surgery to my “Extremely Boring Marriage Questions” interrogation list computer file and stop panicking.

People do change after marriage, but hopefully the Holy Spirit doesn’t lead him in the direction of appearance alterations. My dark imagination runneth over. *laughs nervously*

There was a post about this in the past on the forum. You never know. There's a lot of stuff in people's heads. You'd be surprised!

I bring up everything including sex. Many expectations and assumptions are never discussed. It doesn't hurt to ask.

 

[bèlla]

Say she needs to get breast implants? That's totally superficial and has no fundamental basis in a Godly marriage where lust isn't the focus.

I don't think implants automatically equals lust. Different things trip your switch. Just because your companion doesn't have it doesn't mean it goes away. I still like tall men. That's never going to change. But it isn't a focus for obvious reasons.

I'm not gonna suggest stretching! That's crazy.

 

[Lost4words]

I once went to see about having botox in my lips....

I was told if i did that, i would end up looking like a pug that had been in a traffic accident!!!

Woof!

 

[Saucy]

I don't think implants automatically equals lust. Different things trip your switch. Just because your companion doesn't have it doesn't mean it goes away. I still like tall men. That's never going to change. But it isn't a focus for obvious reasons.

I'm not gonna suggest stretching! That's crazy.

I can't think of any reason why a husband would demand his wife to get implants other than lustful reasons. A breast reduction can be a necessary medical procedure to reduce stress on the spine. But I don't know that larger breasts have any other function. If the lady wants them, I don't see a point other than to attract males who like larger breasts. But it's ultimately her choice.

 

[d taylor]

I still like tall men. That's never going to change. But it isn't a focus for obvious reasons.

I'm not gonna suggest stretching! That's crazy.

It was not so bad for Barney.

 

[bèlla]

I can't think of any reason why a husband would demand his wife to get implants other than lustful reasons. A breast reduction can be a necessary medical procedure to reduce stress on the spine. But I don't know that larger breasts have any other function. If the lady wants them, I don't see a point other than to attract males who like larger breasts. But it's ultimately her choice.

I wasn't referencing a demand. Acknowledging the attraction doesn't mean its lustful. Women get implants for many reasons beyond the opposite sex. Sometimes they feel insecure about their size or want to correct distortions.

 

[linux.poet]

Many expectations and assumptions are never discussed. It doesn't hurt to ask.

My younger self thought of over 50 questions! Many of them were about meals. You’d be surprised about how many times my parents fought over breakfast - when to eat it, what to eat, and how it should be cooked. I wanted to head off all potential food fights before they happened. Nothing worse than having to fight your life partner for a bite to eat. Eat first, fight later. Calories to the brain.

As for breasts, I did a reverse Katy Perry and prayed for a smaller endowment from my creator, and God answered that one to the affirmative. I don’t want bigger ones, they are quite nice for me as is. If he wants bigger ones, pregnancy should take care of that problem. Hmph.

 

[Saucy]

My younger self thought of over 50 questions! Many of them were about meals. You’d be surprised about how many times my parents fought over breakfast - when to eat it, what to eat, and how it should be cooked. I wanted to head off all potential food fights before they happened. Nothing worse than having to fight your life partner for a bite to eat. Eat first, fight later. Calories to the brain.

As for breasts, I did a reverse Katy Perry and prayed for a smaller endowment from my creator, and God answered that one to the affirmative. I don’t want bigger ones, they are quite nice for me as is. If he wants bigger ones, pregnancy should take care of that problem. Hmph.

My biggest pet peeve with any woman I've ever gone out to eat with, including my mom and sisters, is they can NEVER, EVER, EVER JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY WANT TO EAT It's always, "ooohh, I don't know what I want." I make a suggestion. "No." I make another suggestion, "Nah, not in the mood for that." And this goes on for an eternity before saying, "Just get what you want." So I say, "okay, let's get _______." "No."