People my age don't seem to like me

theoneandonlypencil

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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

Now, here's the thing; now that I'm 'out in the real world' so to speak, I'm...actually not awkward at all, surprisingly. I try to be well-mannered, I'm polite to everyone and very open/talkative. I also really like to joke around and am the type to act as if I've known you for years even if I've known you for a very tiny amount of time. No shy body language, always making eye contact and giving people my undivided attention when they speak. In short; I'm the kind of person to be in a room full of strangers, and am usually the first one to walk up and start a conversation(when it's appropriate, of course).

So I go to this Lutheran church I really love, and most of it happens to be older folk. All of them seem to REALLY really like me and are always saying stuff like 'you're such a blessing to the church' or 'she's so nice to everyone', etc. No problems there--from a young age, I got along extremely well with adults and found it easier to talk to them than other people my age. Problem is, the few young people that are there(and that I meet outside of church sometimes)just don't seem to have any interest in talking to me. Like, I'll try to start conversation and will ask them questions so they'll talk about themselves or talk about some stuff I like, and they're kind of...short with me? And don't seem to want to talk. This is how it is with almost everyone I meet that's around my age. I even asked for the social media info of a few girls close to my age, and none of them seem very interested in getting to know me sadly.

Another case that bothers me is my pastor's sons. I try to be really friendly towards them--one's 15 turning 16 soon and the other is 18--and I joke around with them often during our 'off' time in the teens' Sunday school class. I even have approached them before outside of Sunday school and both seem especially disinterested in talking to me? My parents said it might be because I come off as too dominant/extroverted, and maybe that's true I dunno. If it is, it's probably because I try to be more like 'one of the guys' around dudes because I'm a stern believer that you can only get so friendly with the opposite sex until it becomes a breeding ground for problems.

Anyways, I dunno. It just sucks because I've been trying very hard to make friends IRL and I thought it'd be easier than this. I did manage to get a potential coffee date with a female semi-friend at church who I talked to today. She's the only one who's expressed an interest in being friends with me so far, so hopefully, that goes well?

Any advice is appreciated.
 

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Are you going to college now? I think the big issue with homeschooled kids is exactly what you said. A lot of them are missing daily in-person interaction with other kids. It's important to learn how to interact with others besides your buddies and your family, just routine classmates.

Sounds like you're overdoing it with the pastor's sons. Just be friendly but don't try to make them feel like you're wanting to be their friend. Most 15 & 16 yr old boys are mainly interested in being friends with other boys their same age.
 
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rockytopva

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Me and my generation also seem to be on different pages. I was listening to two sisters talk in an Assembly of God church and they said they heard that in the last days the people were going to have to, "Cut their own paths." I believe it is good to prayerfully consider your direction, realizing these paths you may have to cut with God alone.
 
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timothyu

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If it is any consolation, the same thing is occurring at both ends of the stick. Older people are withdrawing also and a life of friendships and activities is quickly dwindling as people more withdraw into themselves and their 'homes'. Cordiality and a bond as 'old friends' is still there but nobody wants to play any more. :) Odd, considering the freedoms the old folks have, you'd think they would enjoy doing as they did when they were kids without having to be home by supper time.

I suppose it is especially difficult with youth. Far too many who have never experienced life and friendship outside of an electronic device. It is all too convenient to converse online than face to face. As a result humans withdraw into ourselves, little cliques are formed, and those who are still 'real' and outgoing are sadly often seen as in imposition into their 'space' and an inconvenience to a world they have built in their own image. So I don't really see the problem as being with you but more a case of the old ways no longer fitting into the new mold. But look at it this way. If the power ever goes out for an extended period of time you may be seen as a leader in a world they have forgotten or never known.
 
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Pedra

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You sound very friendly and outgoing. I'd say just relax and give it a chance, don't give up or feel bad , but maybe try to be a little less forward & give the people your age a chance to warm up to you in their terms. Sometimes eager outgoing people can seem overwhelming to those who are more introverted and it's not necessarily rejection--just maybe caution. Look to find common interests & just go slow. You probably spent more time with adults growing up & perhaps have less experience with your actual peer group. Older folks are more mature, more socially easy-going then your peer group. Be kind, friendly and interested and I'm sure they will come around eventually. Pray about it and ask God to help you to make new friendships.
 
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timothyu

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BTW.. I know a lot of home schooled people who have fitted better into the world and been more successful than those of the system that were forced to conform. Free thinkers often scare people. Also as stated earlier by Go Braves, a youth who has grown up around mature people can often be seen as the enemy elder by those who have not yet matured and have their own insecurities make them withdraw. It is they who will often mock that which makes them feel insecure.
 
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A Gerbil

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I think everybody's felt rejection at some point, and some people are spiteful, insecure or possibly just not looking to extend their social circle. Are you sure you're not being overly sensitive? Boys your age might perceive you to be flirting, or are just awkward in female company.

I would look for local clubs or activities that you're interested in. I think when you find people with a common interest you will have a lot to talk about - religious groups, boxing, chess, hiking, or whatever.

I have quite an obsessive nature and, though I have never been shy, I have possibly been too focused on one thing sometimes and I think I have been perceived as a bit eccentric. I'm sure you'll find a wee group of friends your own age - just relax and don't try too hard. God bless you.
 
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Sketcher

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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

Now, here's the thing; now that I'm 'out in the real world' so to speak, I'm...actually not awkward at all, surprisingly. I try to be well-mannered, I'm polite to everyone and very open/talkative. I also really like to joke around and am the type to act as if I've known you for years even if I've known you for a very tiny amount of time. No shy body language, always making eye contact and giving people my undivided attention when they speak. In short; I'm the kind of person to be in a room full of strangers, and am usually the first one to walk up and start a conversation(when it's appropriate, of course).

So I go to this Lutheran church I really love, and most of it happens to be older folk. All of them seem to REALLY really like me and are always saying stuff like 'you're such a blessing to the church' or 'she's so nice to everyone', etc. No problems there--from a young age, I got along extremely well with adults and found it easier to talk to them than other people my age. Problem is, the few young people that are there(and that I meet outside of church sometimes)just don't seem to have any interest in talking to me. Like, I'll try to start conversation and will ask them questions so they'll talk about themselves or talk about some stuff I like, and they're kind of...short with me? And don't seem to want to talk. This is how it is with almost everyone I meet that's around my age. I even asked for the social media info of a few girls close to my age, and none of them seem very interested in getting to know me sadly.

Another case that bothers me is my pastor's sons. I try to be really friendly towards them--one's 15 turning 16 soon and the other is 18--and I joke around with them often during our 'off' time in the teens' Sunday school class. I even have approached them before outside of Sunday school and both seem especially disinterested in talking to me? My parents said it might be because I come off as too dominant/extroverted, and maybe that's true I dunno. If it is, it's probably because I try to be more like 'one of the guys' around dudes because I'm a stern believer that you can only get so friendly with the opposite sex until it becomes a breeding ground for problems.

Anyways, I dunno. It just sucks because I've been trying very hard to make friends IRL and I thought it'd be easier than this. I did manage to get a potential coffee date with a female semi-friend at church who I talked to today. She's the only one who's expressed an interest in being friends with me so far, so hopefully, that goes well?

Any advice is appreciated.
Hard to judge since we can't see, hear, and meet you. I don't know if you're doing everything right and the younger folks are all in on something that they don't want you part of, or if you're doing something that actually is off-putting. There are lots of ways that even good people and attractive people can be off-putting.

Now, I'm not extroverted at all, I'm an introvert. I need my space, but I've also been left in the cold. What has helped me the most is striving to be the kind of person I'd like to meet, and be the kind of friend I'd like to have. Would I be annoyed or offended or shamed if someone talked to me the way I was talking to them? Would I feel as though the person isn't giving me my space? If I'm at work, is the person I'm talking to working and trying to get stuff done, or taking a break? And am I smelling gross, or spraying when I talk? As for the positive, am I demonstrating kindness to common needs, or needs they have directly or indirectly indicated?
 
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blackribbon

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Give them some time. Kids who go to school tend to more "clique"y because they have been let down by those around them so many times. It is a survival thing. They are more reserved and private in real life. They also aren't comfortable interacting with new people since they tend to have very small inner circles and do a lot of their social interactions online. They aren't any better at socializing. They just seem to be better at it. I even work with a 26 year old young woman who thinks dating via the computer is much better than dealing with guys in real life. I can't even imagine having that frame of mind.

Continue being friendly, don't go overboard, and don't take how they respond personally. Keep looking around for that place in the world where you do fit. It is something we all look for as adults and it can take some time but it exists somewhere.
 
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Reborn1977

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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

Now, here's the thing; now that I'm 'out in the real world' so to speak, I'm...actually not awkward at all, surprisingly. I try to be well-mannered, I'm polite to everyone and very open/talkative. I also really like to joke around and am the type to act as if I've known you for years even if I've known you for a very tiny amount of time. No shy body language, always making eye contact and giving people my undivided attention when they speak. In short; I'm the kind of person to be in a room full of strangers, and am usually the first one to walk up and start a conversation(when it's appropriate, of course).

So I go to this Lutheran church I really love, and most of it happens to be older folk. All of them seem to REALLY really like me and are always saying stuff like 'you're such a blessing to the church' or 'she's so nice to everyone', etc. No problems there--from a young age, I got along extremely well with adults and found it easier to talk to them than other people my age. Problem is, the few young people that are there(and that I meet outside of church sometimes)just don't seem to have any interest in talking to me. Like, I'll try to start conversation and will ask them questions so they'll talk about themselves or talk about some stuff I like, and they're kind of...short with me? And don't seem to want to talk. This is how it is with almost everyone I meet that's around my age. I even asked for the social media info of a few girls close to my age, and none of them seem very interested in getting to know me sadly.

Another case that bothers me is my pastor's sons. I try to be really friendly towards them--one's 15 turning 16 soon and the other is 18--and I joke around with them often during our 'off' time in the teens' Sunday school class. I even have approached them before outside of Sunday school and both seem especially disinterested in talking to me? My parents said it might be because I come off as too dominant/extroverted, and maybe that's true I dunno. If it is, it's probably because I try to be more like 'one of the guys' around dudes because I'm a stern believer that you can only get so friendly with the opposite sex until it becomes a breeding ground for problems.

Anyways, I dunno. It just sucks because I've been trying very hard to make friends IRL and I thought it'd be easier than this. I did manage to get a potential coffee date with a female semi-friend at church who I talked to today. She's the only one who's expressed an interest in being friends with me so far, so hopefully, that goes well?

Any advice is appreciated.
I believe that what you were experiencing is very typical of people your age. Most people your age grew up in a computer age where most of their interactions took place online or through a computer and most of them, as has been my experience, lack social skills.

I would encourage you to press on and be an example for people of your age. Don't let it discourage you.
 
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AlexDTX

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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

My experience with relationships always require me to die to those relationships before they bloom into friendships. In other words, when you you don't care about making friends, yet remain friendly, friends come to you. As with all living things, relationships take time to grow. So let Jesus be your best friend and allow the other friendships to grow in due season.
 
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timothyu

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Might be practical to include discernment into the mix. We wouldn't want the young lady to suddenly have a friend come along whose intentions are subtle but predatory taking advantage of a need rather than fulfilling an emptiness or establishing a common bond.

Also most of us have acquaintances. Real friends in life are often limited to less than the fingers of one hand.
 
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PaulCyp1

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One thing you didn't mention is how long you have been attending this church. In almost any group, it takes newcomers a while to gradually become known and accepted. It isn't that they are turned off by you, but simply that they haven't had time to get to know you yet.
 
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Hi :) This can be difficult for sure. Possibly the Lord has gifted you to be with older people. Perhaps you may find a good friend in an older person. I found that I got along better with those older and younger than me. Although it was hard not to fit in with my age group, and was not always treated well, I was blessed. Blessed to find out the younger children were nice, and it lead to a ministry with children. You may be one day helping elderly people.
Yes, you could find other places to be with people your age, or perhaps you can volunteer at an Old Folk's Home or with a younger Sunday School class and see if you like that.
These are just some things I thought I'd share. I pray that things improve for you, and that you learn to enjoy the gifts the Lord has given you. God bless.
 
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Give friendship time to develop and mature. It's like a seed. You plant it, and then you don't see the fruits right away. You have to nurture it and water it, and at times be the one to take initiative. It will take many interactions with the other people for them to know you, open up to you and for friendship to deepen. My advice is to do things you love, join clubs etc that you share something in common with the people. When both parties share a common interest, it's easier to talk and then develop the friendship.

Don't try to force a connection when there isn't one. Friendship is a two way street. I pray God will bring you many friends. I was a loner in highschool and now in my 30s, I have lots of friends. I just learned not to force anything, just be myself and the real you will attract the right friends who will get along with your personality.
 
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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

Now, here's the thing; now that I'm 'out in the real world' so to speak, I'm...actually not awkward at all, surprisingly. I try to be well-mannered, I'm polite to everyone and very open/talkative. I also really like to joke around and am the type to act as if I've known you for years even if I've known you for a very tiny amount of time. No shy body language, always making eye contact and giving people my undivided attention when they speak. In short; I'm the kind of person to be in a room full of strangers, and am usually the first one to walk up and start a conversation(when it's appropriate, of course).

So I go to this Lutheran church I really love, and most of it happens to be older folk. All of them seem to REALLY really like me and are always saying stuff like 'you're such a blessing to the church' or 'she's so nice to everyone', etc. No problems there--from a young age, I got along extremely well with adults and found it easier to talk to them than other people my age. Problem is, the few young people that are there(and that I meet outside of church sometimes)just don't seem to have any interest in talking to me. Like, I'll try to start conversation and will ask them questions so they'll talk about themselves or talk about some stuff I like, and they're kind of...short with me? And don't seem to want to talk. This is how it is with almost everyone I meet that's around my age. I even asked for the social media info of a few girls close to my age, and none of them seem very interested in getting to know me sadly.

Another case that bothers me is my pastor's sons. I try to be really friendly towards them--one's 15 turning 16 soon and the other is 18--and I joke around with them often during our 'off' time in the teens' Sunday school class. I even have approached them before outside of Sunday school and both seem especially disinterested in talking to me? My parents said it might be because I come off as too dominant/extroverted, and maybe that's true I dunno. If it is, it's probably because I try to be more like 'one of the guys' around dudes because I'm a stern believer that you can only get so friendly with the opposite sex until it becomes a breeding ground for problems.

Anyways, I dunno. It just sucks because I've been trying very hard to make friends IRL and I thought it'd be easier than this. I did manage to get a potential coffee date with a female semi-friend at church who I talked to today. She's the only one who's expressed an interest in being friends with me so far, so hopefully, that goes well?

Any advice is appreciated.


I'm not sure if I can give you any worthwhile advice, since i'm only a year younger than you. I just wanted to say that i can relate to you alot. I'm still in highschool and although I go to public school it's hard for me to find common ground with people my age or relate to them too, especially the people who are a grade below me. I mainly hang out with juniors (i'm a senior) because the people in my grade for some reason don't like me or they just think i'm weird because i dress like a homeless person cuz I'm poor. People are mean to me and I only really have one person i consider a friend (she graduated). Everyone else are just people i make conversation with. I guess people just have different maturity levels, and i'm sure that's the case with you. You are probably more mature than the people that are boring and talk nonsense. It's rare to find people to have a good conversation with that's actually worthwhile. I don't think there's anything wrong with you but what i think you can do to get people our age to open up more is by asking what some of their favorite things are, passions, what they believe in etc. I've noticed that if i ask someone that they will get excited especially if the interest is mutual. Their eyes will light up and BAM you got yourself a decent convo. The tricky part is finding someone willing to chat with you or be your friend...still haven't figured that one out. Anyway, i'm new here too so if you ever wanna message or something (if thats even a thing on here lol) feel free :)
 
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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

Now, here's the thing; now that I'm 'out in the real world' so to speak, I'm...actually not awkward at all, surprisingly. I try to be well-mannered, I'm polite to everyone and very open/talkative. I also really like to joke around and am the type to act as if I've known you for years even if I've known you for a very tiny amount of time. No shy body language, always making eye contact and giving people my undivided attention when they speak. In short; I'm the kind of person to be in a room full of strangers, and am usually the first one to walk up and start a conversation(when it's appropriate, of course).

So I go to this Lutheran church I really love, and most of it happens to be older folk. All of them seem to REALLY really like me and are always saying stuff like 'you're such a blessing to the church' or 'she's so nice to everyone', etc. No problems there--from a young age, I got along extremely well with adults and found it easier to talk to them than other people my age. Problem is, the few young people that are there(and that I meet outside of church sometimes)just don't seem to have any interest in talking to me. Like, I'll try to start conversation and will ask them questions so they'll talk about themselves or talk about some stuff I like, and they're kind of...short with me? And don't seem to want to talk. This is how it is with almost everyone I meet that's around my age. I even asked for the social media info of a few girls close to my age, and none of them seem very interested in getting to know me sadly.

Another case that bothers me is my pastor's sons. I try to be really friendly towards them--one's 15 turning 16 soon and the other is 18--and I joke around with them often during our 'off' time in the teens' Sunday school class. I even have approached them before outside of Sunday school and both seem especially disinterested in talking to me? My parents said it might be because I come off as too dominant/extroverted, and maybe that's true I dunno. If it is, it's probably because I try to be more like 'one of the guys' around dudes because I'm a stern believer that you can only get so friendly with the opposite sex until it becomes a breeding ground for problems.

Anyways, I dunno. It just sucks because I've been trying very hard to make friends IRL and I thought it'd be easier than this. I did manage to get a potential coffee date with a female semi-friend at church who I talked to today. She's the only one who's expressed an interest in being friends with me so far, so hopefully, that goes well?

Any advice is appreciated.
I totally understand you, and it's nice (for me, don't get me wrong I don't think it's nice for you) to see somebody else who is struggling with what I struggled with 29 years ago (and continue to struggle with).

I did my schooling through the NZ correspondence school through my teenage hood and then went to sea without proper social contact until I was about 21.

The rest of my life has been a constant struggle to connect with the people I would like to connect with while trying to avoid the awkward box that society would push me into.

Advice? Stay true to who you are and don't harden your heart. Your social style may have taken a hit as a result of home schooling but there is also a whole lot of depth and intelligence that you have gained as a result. Don't let the world drag you into feeling unconfident or unworthy and don't allow anybody to push you into the sort of box that they have so carefully built for themselves.
 
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redleghunter

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Okay, so I'm going to give a quick into to myself so y'all will know where I'm coming from.

For one, I'm 19 years old. Fresh out of high school since this June, I just started working at my first job at the deli in my local grocery store. I was homeschooled my entire life, and the majority of interactions I had with other kids was online(except for my cousin...but I got tired of being around her as a kid very quickly because she didn't like anything I liked, so we always just did whatever she wanted to do)

Now, here's the thing; now that I'm 'out in the real world' so to speak, I'm...actually not awkward at all, surprisingly. I try to be well-mannered, I'm polite to everyone and very open/talkative. I also really like to joke around and am the type to act as if I've known you for years even if I've known you for a very tiny amount of time. No shy body language, always making eye contact and giving people my undivided attention when they speak. In short; I'm the kind of person to be in a room full of strangers, and am usually the first one to walk up and start a conversation(when it's appropriate, of course).

So I go to this Lutheran church I really love, and most of it happens to be older folk. All of them seem to REALLY really like me and are always saying stuff like 'you're such a blessing to the church' or 'she's so nice to everyone', etc. No problems there--from a young age, I got along extremely well with adults and found it easier to talk to them than other people my age. Problem is, the few young people that are there(and that I meet outside of church sometimes)just don't seem to have any interest in talking to me. Like, I'll try to start conversation and will ask them questions so they'll talk about themselves or talk about some stuff I like, and they're kind of...short with me? And don't seem to want to talk. This is how it is with almost everyone I meet that's around my age. I even asked for the social media info of a few girls close to my age, and none of them seem very interested in getting to know me sadly.

Another case that bothers me is my pastor's sons. I try to be really friendly towards them--one's 15 turning 16 soon and the other is 18--and I joke around with them often during our 'off' time in the teens' Sunday school class. I even have approached them before outside of Sunday school and both seem especially disinterested in talking to me? My parents said it might be because I come off as too dominant/extroverted, and maybe that's true I dunno. If it is, it's probably because I try to be more like 'one of the guys' around dudes because I'm a stern believer that you can only get so friendly with the opposite sex until it becomes a breeding ground for problems.

Anyways, I dunno. It just sucks because I've been trying very hard to make friends IRL and I thought it'd be easier than this. I did manage to get a potential coffee date with a female semi-friend at church who I talked to today. She's the only one who's expressed an interest in being friends with me so far, so hopefully, that goes well?

Any advice is appreciated.
You are completely normal and reading your post a great communicator. Some may be put off with someone of your age actually having it together and not having ear buds in all the time and your face in a tablet.

Don’t change you are going to be successful. Are you going to college soon? If so you will meet people there. Hopefully you go to a college which still teaches.

I have a son about your age and he hit some social interaction slumps when he was treated for his leukemia from age 10-15. Put him back a bit socially. But when he was cured he made an effort to meet some of the people he met online. Of course we were cautious about this and met the parents etc to make sure he did not end up in some nut’s freezer.

Best advice continue to be you. Pray daily for the Lord to lead you into the work He has for you. I think at your age if you are not going to college right away is to see what missionaries your Lutheran Church supports and see if you can visit for a few weeks to get a feel if ministry work away from home is your calling. You will then meet other dedicated Christians and in that environment I think you would thrive given your gregarious personality.
 
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Swan7

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Honestly? It might have to do with God putting certain people in your life. Maybe.

For me, God weeded out the friends in my life and I had no friends at all. I didn't see what God was doing in my life to get my life ready for change - for the better. But I learned this after I fully surrendered to God and boy do I appreciate what He's done! He put certain people in my life as well which helped a great deal.

Why not ask God to give you friends? Meet Him at the well, so to speak :D :yellowheart:
 
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