Pastors' Wives

[JimB]

Well, the point that I was making was that when the Scripture talks of not being "unequally yoked," it might be speaking of ministry in the sense of, "Either you are both called to some sort of Christian ministry, or neither of you are." In other words, there are two grouping of callings being spoken of: ministerial or non-ministerial.

I don't say that this is the standard, I just present it as a possibility. I am merely championing the less accepted cause for the sake of argument. I don't really know what to think on this matter. I can see that what you are saying makes sense, Jim, and I can also see that it makes sense to have pastors and their wives serving together as teams.

Thanks, T. But how about this: Hosea was called to be a prophet, but he sure had a problem with Gomer, his wife, who BTW was hand picked to be his wife by God. She certainly did not share his ministry. Ministers and their spouses do not necessarily have to share the same calling. It’s better when they agree, of course, but it is not a biblical requirement (if Hosea and Gomer are any example).

\o/

 

[foursquareman]

But why limit this to pastors? Why not bookkeepers, auto mechanics, clerks, physicians, computer techs, etc.? Are these vocations required to have their spouse at their desk, in their truck, on the assembly line, in the shop? Aren’t they also equally yoked?

\o/

I think that "pastoralship" (is that how you spell it) is more a gifting than a vocation. And as I tried to explain (Badly) each pastor is called to different things. The wife does not share in her husbands place of calling, nor can the husband do his wife's calling. But I believe that if one has a pastoral gift, then both will, for them to both lead the church.

BTW, my denomination was started by a woman

 

[foursquareman]

Thanks, T. But how about this: Hosea was called to be a prophet, but he sure had a problem with Gomer, his wife, who BTW was hand picked to be his wife by God. She certainly did not share his ministry. Ministers and their spouses do not necessarily have to share the same calling. It’s better when they agree, of course, but it is not a biblical requirement (if Hosea and Gomer are any example).

\o/

Wasn't this more to make an illustration of how the Israelites were acting towards God? And that this situation was undesirable?

 

[New_Wineskin]

I may be wrong, but I think we use the passage that talks about not being unequally yolked. As in, those who are married should have equal callings, so that they complement and not contradict each others works.

That passage was not talking of marraige . It was discussing relationships between believers and unbelievers . I cannot see how any two believers could not be equal as the same Lord is working through both .

 

[JimB]

Wasn't this more to make an illustration of how the Israelites were acting towards God? And that this situation was undesirable?

Maybe. But the principle remains.

\o/

 

[foursquareman]

Maybe. But the principle remains.

\o/

So you think that there are some couples who are called to have troubled marriages?

This was a totally different time, before He made the Holy Spirit able to dwell in us personally, and convict us. I strongly doubt that there are some marriages God has setup to have problems. Though problems do occur, I believe they are not God's will.

 

[JimB]

So you think that there are some couples who are called to have troubled marriages?

This was a totally different time, before He made the Holy Spirit able to dwell in us personally, and convict us. I strongly doubt that there are some marriages God has setup to have problems. Though problems do occur, I believe they are not God's will.

Well, I know some ministers who honestly believe they are God-called but who have marriages that leave a lot to be desired, wives who do not share their enthusiasm for ministry. But they manage to serve people and God effectively, just not as happily.

It is unreasonable to expect every pastor to have a perfect marriage or a wife who shares his burden for ministry. If it was a requirement, it would sure thin the ranks of ministers considerably. Believe me.

\o/

 

[foursquareman]

It is unreasonable to expect every pastor to have a perfect marriage or a wife who shares his burden for ministry. If it was a requirement, it would sure thin the ranks of ministers considerably. Believe me.

\o/

Whether or not we should expect it, does not mean we should think that the state of their marriage is one desired by God. I believe that God desires that all marriages be perfect, or near it.

Like my marriage. It is not perfect, and there are times that we argue, and I do stupid things. But I don't believe for a second that that is God's will for my marriage, but my flesh taking over.

 

[sweetrevival]

I believe that the gift of marriage is to show that God can work in and through us no matter what personalities, problems, errors etc we bring to that relationship. I have studied the teaching of personalities through Dobson, Littauer, etc and the main message seems that, given we allow God to hand pick our partner, He is trying to form a new person in us, through Jesus, but keeping us unique to ourselves.

Therefore we might be a sanguine personality (full of fun and silliness) who is drawn to a choleric personality (where they are always right and the other is always wrong). does that mean one is right and the other wrong. No. It means that God is giving the sanguine an opportunity to gain an understanding that there are times for every emotion and every amount of fun balanced with a more serious outlike, while the choleric is given the opportunity to understand that none are more right than others. God would produce in us a balance between the personalities in order to produce a man of more Godly substance.

i believe that this applies in pastoral situations also, where a wife's female softness may be the perfect Godly counterbalance between the different emotions, stabilities and instabilites of a church.

God gave us a mother and a father, why then should the church of His Believing Children be treated any differently?

 

[JimB]

Whether or not we should expect it, does not mean we should think that the state of their marriage is one desired by God. I believe that God desires that all marriages be perfect, or near it.

Like my marriage. It is not perfect, and there are times that we argue, and I do stupid things. But I don't believe for a second that that is God's will for my marriage, but my flesh taking over.

I have no problem with this. IMO God is more of a realist than we are. We work with religious theories of what should be. God deals with us as we (and our marriages) are.

\o/

 

[ltcajh]

As a pastor, I would like your opinion on the subject of pastor’s wives. From my point of view, women married to pastors are often a beleaguered group. They are required, by the expectations of church members, to share a ministry that is their husbands. Attorney’s wives, and the wives of mechanics, accountants, truck drivers, computer techs, salesmen, hospital workers, are not required to share their husband’s calling nor held responsible for their husbands’ jobs. But a pastor’s wife is called upon to be a counselor, confidant on the same level as her husband. Church members, afraid to approach the pastor (for whatever reason), make her a liaison with the pastor, expect her to make decision, hear gripes, offer advice, etc. She is not paid to do these things but she is expected to do them as though she were a staff member. It is a burden the Lord has not required of them but is often placed on them by insensitive people.

I have met many burned-out pastor’s wives over the years, sometimes angry at the expectations placed on them. They carry unwanted and unwonted baggage. They are told they “share” their husband’s “calling” because they are “one flesh”, although she knows the same rule does not apply to the wives of attorneys, mechanics, accountants, truck drivers, computer techs, salesmen, hospital workers, et. al. She asks (albeit silently), Aren’t you one flesh, too? It is clearly a double-standard.

"Pastor’s wife" is not a title. It simply means that she is the wife of the pastor. Period. It is his job to tend the flock of God, not hers. She often cannot pursue her own special gifts and calling because she is required to pursue his.

I guess my point is, she is a member of the church, the Body, just like everyone else, no more and no less.

I could add to all this the children of pastors, but that is another thread.

What do you think? I really would love to hear your opinion.

\o/

 

[ltcajh]

I understand that the pastor's wife doesn't carry his position, nor should it, BUT.. I'm a retired Army officer. The wife does, in a sense, wear her husband's rank. Our former pastor and his wife are morbidly obese. She, in particular, has no compunction to do anything but bounce babies on her knee, and adopt other peoples' children as her grandchildren. She does nothing else, and doesn't want to attend women's functions at all. There's some middle-ground here that needs to be reached in the role of pastor's wife. I definitely oppose her being called, "Co-pastor".

As a pastor, I would like your opinion on the subject of pastor’s wives. From my point of view, women married to pastors are often a beleaguered group. They are required, by the expectations of church members, to share a ministry that is their husbands. Attorney’s wives, and the wives of mechanics, accountants, truck drivers, computer techs, salesmen, hospital workers, are not required to share their husband’s calling nor held responsible for their husbands’ jobs. But a pastor’s wife is called upon to be a counselor, confidant on the same level as her husband. Church members, afraid to approach the pastor (for whatever reason), make her a liaison with the pastor, expect her to make decision, hear gripes, offer advice, etc. She is not paid to do these things but she is expected to do them as though she were a staff member. It is a burden the Lord has not required of them but is often placed on them by insensitive people.

I have met many burned-out pastor’s wives over the years, sometimes angry at the expectations placed on them. They carry unwanted and unwonted baggage. They are told they “share” their husband’s “calling” because they are “one flesh”, although she knows the same rule does not apply to the wives of attorneys, mechanics, accountants, truck drivers, computer techs, salesmen, hospital workers, et. al. She asks (albeit silently), Aren’t you one flesh, too? It is clearly a double-standard.

"Pastor’s wife" is not a title. It simply means that she is the wife of the pastor. Period. It is his job to tend the flock of God, not hers. She often cannot pursue her own special gifts and calling because she is required to pursue his.

I guess my point is, she is a member of the church, the Body, just like everyone else, no more and no less.

I could add to all this the children of pastors, but that is another thread.

What do you think? I really would love to hear your opinion.

\o/

 

[Blade]

Aw..JimB... nice to see you. Did you tell your wife all this? Lol..just playing. I agree.. I think some put some title? On them because they are the wife. Some preachers do this with the kids. When the dad (preacher) leaves the kid takes over. Was that GOD that wanted this or man?

Anyway.. not sure you remember me.. I do you..very nice to see you my dear brother