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Pastor of church...is he acting appropriate?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Life2Christ, Jan 26, 2013.

  1. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    +0
    A pastor I know invites his parishoners to spend the weekend at his country home. He is divorced (not by choice). The woman (and her kid) who he often invites is married but having ongoing marital problems ( husband is unbeliever). Even if this situation is 100% innocent, this doesn't feel right to me. What do you say?
     
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  2. TheDag

    TheDag I don't like titles

    +201
    Christian
    Single
    I'm not sure I would call it inappropiate however it is always a good idea to be careful when in ministry. That alone to me would be enough to not invite this woman and child unless her husband goes as well or others are there. Just leaves you open to accusations and in this day and age of guilty even if proven innocent it just isn't wise.
    Years ago a minister offered to meet in my girlfriends home where it would only be the two of them. She suggested meeting at a cafe and told him it is safer for his ministry.
     
  3. tbogunro

    tbogunro Newbie

    569
    +20
    Christian
    Single
    It doesn't seem right but hey it's not our job to judge and who knows we might be wrong. Either way God ALWAYS exposes the truth :)
     
  4. vespasia

    vespasia Franciscan. Supporter

    +384
    Anglican
    Private
    Would not be recommended practice for pastoral care over in the UK.
    Leaves the pastor wide open to accusations and could cause too much temptation.

    Far better to meet in a neutral place and ask the older/mature woman to give practical support to her.
     
  5. Luna1991

    Luna1991 Newbie

    107
    +2
    Protestant
    Single
    AU-Labor
    Doesn't sound right to me either. None of our ministers at church will organise to see a woman anywhere but in public. If we need to chat, we will meet up for coffee at the local mall or something. And of course the same with any of the teens. I think it's just a wise boundary to have in place so that the minister is beyond reproach on the issue. So on that note, even if what's going on with your minister & this woman is totally innocent, they are putting themselves in a situation where they might be the subject of gossip and concern by the church community, which is not helpful for either person involved.
     
  6. Luna1991

    Luna1991 Newbie

    107
    +2
    Protestant
    Single
    AU-Labor
    Absolutely.
     
  7. Hospes

    Hospes Well-Known Member

    +116
    Calvinist
    Married
    Even if it is -though I have serious doubts - 100% innocent, it is 100% foolish. For a pastor to place himself in a position having great potential for the name of Jesus to be defamed shows a disregard for the glory of God. For any Christian to place himself in the position of falling into to sexual sin means he has way too high of trust in his own strength, or worse.
     
  8. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    +313
    Lutheran
    Married
    US-Constitution
    What I see is parishioners, plural. Unless he's only spending time with one person, I don't see anything wrong.
     
  9. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    +2,802
    Canada
    Baptist
    Married
    CA-Conservatives
    There is something profoundly wrong with the good sense of this pastor if he is doing what you describe. What's more, he doesn't meet the biblical standard established for pastors:

    1 Timothy 3:1-7
    1 This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work.
    2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach;
    3 not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;
    4 one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence
    5 (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);
    6 not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil.
    7 Moreover he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.


    Selah.
     
  10. bob8619

    bob8619 Junior Member

    94
    +0
    Christian
    In Relationship
    I don't mean to pick on you tbogunro but this is something that I do not understand. So if someone we know (or don't know) is robbing people in a parking garage we arent supposed to speak up? This requires judging their actions and saying hey thats wrong he needs to be stopped. From how I understand it we are not to judge by appearance, we are not to judge hypocritically, we are not to judge self righteously nor are we supposed to judge where someone stands with God.

    No " I am better than you because you sinned!". No " you look funny so I dislike you". No
    "You should stop smoking crack (while I secretly get drunk)".

    We cant go through life just letting everyone go down the wrong path and not speak up just because that requires "judging" them.. I am open to hear your thoughts if you wish to say more. Sorry to thread jack in a way
     
  11. COG2013

    COG2013 Newbie

    545
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    Non-Denom
    Married
    You are doing something which Christians love to do - Judging others based on assumption. Leave it to God!
     
  12. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    +0
    I am not judging. I am questioning moral behavior. If I was judging I'd outright say that the pastor should be hung and beaten with a stick. See the difference?
     
  13. bob8619

    bob8619 Junior Member

    94
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    Christian
    In Relationship
    Look back to page 1 where I posted and give me your thoughts on it. I'd like to hear your thoughts on it, not in any argumentative way just because I want to learn
     
  14. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    +313
    Lutheran
    Married
    US-Constitution
    Can you PLEASE clarify on whether he is inviting a GROUP of people to his home or just one woman?
     
  15. COG2013

    COG2013 Newbie

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    Non-Denom
    Married
    Yes you are judging his behavior to be possibly immoral, when it could be completely innocent.
     
  16. COG2013

    COG2013 Newbie

    545
    +10
    Non-Denom
    Married
    "We cant go through life just letting everyone go down the wrong path and not speak up just because that requires "judging" them.. I am open to hear your thoughts if you wish to say more. Sorry to thread jack in a way"

    This statement doesn't apply to this this situation because we don't know what is in his heart and it could be completely innocent. When a man stands at the fork in a path, he may go left or right, but we don't judge him for going left when he has not yet gone left.
     
  17. bob8619

    bob8619 Junior Member

    94
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    Christian
    In Relationship
    That post was in response to the person who said its not our place to judge. I went off topic and was talking about judging in general because all too often I see people say we cannot judge others actions in any way shape or form. Which is impossible to do.

    I agree that we shouldn't form judgements without knowing what is truly going on but I dont feel the OP has come to any conclusions as to what goes on in this house but she asked others thoughts on how appropriate it is. If she is genuine in her concerns that this could back fire on the pastor she hasnts crossed any bounds in my opinion. Saying " this person is playing with fire and it may blow up in his face" is not a bad thing.
     
  18. Avniel

    Avniel Doing my part each day by being the best me

    +365
    Pentecostal
    Married
    US-Democrat
    A married woman should not be spending alone time with a pastor that isn't judging anyone that is stating the obvious. It's not right no matter if he goes left or right, there are certain things that are inappropriate and this is one of them. A divorced pastor shouldn't be meeting with married women or single women. It is unwise and kinda makes him appear like a creep, that's not judging him that's talking about his actions.
     
  19. true2theword

    true2theword Newbie

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    since he's divorced he should not be a pastor, if he was unable to keep his own marriage together he has lost his biblical mandate for his position in the church, same would be true if a pastors children didn't serve God or were unbelievers, he would not be qualified to be a pastor

    of course this is biblical teaching, not many folks follow it anymore
     
  20. parsley

    parsley .

    +290
    Protestant
    Private
    Good clarification. I've been meaning to correct an old post of mine that people might have misunderstood.

    Is the pastor inviting her with a group, or one by one inviting parishioners to the house? And is he there while they are, or are they borrowing it to get away? Maybe the woman has a violent husband, and doesn't feel her son is safe when he's home.

    These days, many pastors keep their office door open when meeting with a person of the opposite gender.

    It's a generous gesture, but I also think it could offend people who don't have much money or are unemployed, to know their pastor has a vacation house. It also makes uninvited members feel they do not rate his approval of being in the church's inner circle. Or if he leads retreats there, people might wonder if cultishness is forming. Trouble one way or another.

    Be careful that gossip doesn't distort the pure truth. If he is trying to protect her from violence by letter her use the property, and people spread misinformation, the husband might hear the wrong information and overreact. Gossip could endanger multiple people. Also, the woman could turn on the pastor and accuse him of a crime. Or sue him for injuries on the property... tripping on the front doorstep.

    And all this brings us back to the fact that it is a risky gesture, that can easily be misinterpreted, lead to temptation, and lead to trouble.
     
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