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parents with adopted children

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by mama2one, Oct 18, 2020.

  1. mama2one

    mama2one Well-Known Member

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    how did you help your preteen/teen deal with identity & all the unknowns that come with adoption?

    we started to watch a movie which had people in it from the country where preteen was born & the movie triggered lots of feelings


    asked preteen "would you like to talk with a counsellor" & got strong no

    any help/tips would be appreciated
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2020
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  2. Franki(ncense)

    Franki(ncense) You will never walk alone. In Him we are fruitful. Supporter

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    Just guessing!! If their biological parents are still alive, it will help them a great deal, if they can get to meet with them, because closure is needed. Finding and interacting with, any family member who new their parents and other relatives is also important too.
     
  3. mama2one

    mama2one Well-Known Member

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    thanks for your input @Franki(ncense)


    however, there is no info on birthparents/family
    no way to find out

    that is what preteen is struggling with mostly
    the blank slate- everything is unknown
     
  4. dqhall

    dqhall Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,506
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    My aunt was raped in her teens. She put her baby up for adoption. The baby girl grew up and contacted my dad wanting more information about the family. My aunt was divorced at the time, emotionally distressed, had two more children from her failed marriage and was unable to help.

    Many lonely people may need to search for Jesus to guide them. Adopted children should get guidance from their adopting parents, teachers and friends too. They should be taught the value of hard work and study.
     
  5. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I worked with a young man who told me he was adopted.
    His reaction to the question about his natural parents was simple.
    His parents were the ones who had brought him up. He had no interest in who had given birth to him and had given him up.

    All I can suggest is to be open and honest with questions.
    To stress your love for them.
     
  6. Franki(ncense)

    Franki(ncense) You will never walk alone. In Him we are fruitful. Supporter

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    Owh! Looks like we got a bit of a problem..
     
  7. mama2one

    mama2one Well-Known Member

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    our preteen does say she loves us & she knows we love her
    however, she said this week "it's not fair you both know your birthparents, grandparents, siblings"

    not knowing is difficult!
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2020
  8. mama2one

    mama2one Well-Known Member

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    any parents who've adopted who can give advice on adoption unknowns/identity?
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2020
  9. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,189
    United Kingdom
    Non-Denom
    Married
    All I can suggest is join with her in finding out, but also to talk about how will she feel if she learns her birth mother has other children living with her?
    Finding out about relatives may be exciting, and may result in an extended family in addition to the one she has now.
    It is you role to point out the pitfalls and take the sulks/screams etc
     
  10. mama2one

    mama2one Well-Known Member

    +7,615
    United States
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    no parents who have adopted on CF anymore?
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2020
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