Parenting in unequally yoked marriage

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

I am finding my marriage and parenting life impossible! As a baby Christian not knowing of the command to be equally yoked, I feel like I married the wrong person. I am trying to follow Gods will and he is blocking his ears and hastily going after all the things of the world. God has miraculously kept us together against all odds. But I hate trying to be the spiritual leader of my home. I dont feel i was made for this! And my husband is absolutely head strong so we are butting heads all the time. i just wish we could pray together and be on the same page.
Our current problem is, I am not happy at the school where we are, because i am disappointed in parts of this denomination which appear to be walking further and further away from God and it breaks my heart. There are other Very good Christian schools locally we can go to but my husband is digging his heels in. I have asked also to homeschool for two terms so we can work out what to do, but he wont let me do that either. He is adamant it has to be school while I always wanted to home school. If we are withdrawing from where we are, he says then it has to be public. He wont go to another Christian school.The School where we are at was a compromise but I almost feel like public would be better than where we are because of what is occurring in parts of this denomination. i wonder why we are bothering to pay all this money when the parts of the church connected with the school seems to be more and more conforming to the world anyway.
Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JacksBratt]

*staff edit by OP Request

Well, the bible states that a woman who is married to a non believing husband should still behave like a biblical wife and treat him as the head of the house and the leader.

In this way she will win him over by her outward Godly values and behavior.

1 Peter 3:1-2New International Version (NIV)

3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

I know this will be tough but combine it with continual prayer and miracles can be done.

If you really need a pick up... check out the movie called "The War Room"

 

[ValleyGal]

Even if you pray together, it does not mean you'll be on the same page. You both have your preferences. But it sounds like the problem isn't about being on the same page for what school to attend. The problem seems more of a power imbalance in the marriage, and that could be a real problem because successful marriages include the spouses' mutual influence.

If you want to be able to resolve this issue, I would suggest reading Dr. John Gottman's "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". He has one chapter on solving your solvable problems, and provides a unique way of doing it, taking into account what is and is not negotiable for you both. I also suggest examining why the non-negotiables are non-negotiable, and if there is no "legitimate" reason for it to be non-negotiable, it should be reconsidered as negotiable.

Even still, this issue could be one of the several unsolvable issues in your marriage, which means you both simply need to navigate it year by year, to make the best of a lousy situation. Gottman can help with that, too.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

*staff edit by OP Request*

Well, there you go, you are in agreement on something... public school.
Like Daniel's friends in a pagan king's court...you can make it by abiding in the Lord and upholding the Word of God in your life each day.

Put it on daily: Acts 17:11 Bible Study: The Full Armor of God
Daniel 3:14-18
1 Timothy 4:16

 

[ToBeLoved]

*staff edit by OP Request

You got yourself into a pickle e the unequally yoked part, so now you will have to spiritually lead your family until you can convey your husband.

Pray together and read The Bible together. God's Word has power.

It may help you to come up with concrete teachings you are in support of your feelings and views from God's Word.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

Thankyou all for your words of wisdom, they are most helpful and I will focus on the scriptures suggested. It is an ongoing challenge to be more obedient and humble.

 

[Sketcher]

You've highlighted an issue with the denomination. What exactly is the problem with the school?

 

[seashale76]

You've highlighted an issue with the denomination. What exactly is the problem with the school?

Exactly my question too.

 

[ToBeLoved]

To the OP. Try to build a Bible centered group of friends as a support system for yourself.

 

[mkgal1]

I am finding my marriage and parenting life impossible! As a baby Christian not knowing of the command to be equally yoked, I feel like I married the wrong person. I am trying to follow Gods will and he is blocking his ears and hastily going after all the things of the world.

.
What do you mean that he's going after "all the things of this world"? Can you give some examples?

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

It sounds as if you're both okay with the public school.....right?

This video may be of interest to you:

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

Whats wrong with the school? The "Christian" part of the curriculum is not readily accessible to parents, I only just stumbled on it by accident recently. If It were plainly evident at the start, I never would have enrolled here. Anyway, As the curriculum covers several schools I am not sure how much ours is involved in these things, but the outcome statement for "Christian studies" is "world religions" for one, and some recommended activities are "interviewing buddha," "participating in smoking ceremonies," "visiting mosques or hindu temples and going on a learning journey, and Jesus is defined as a "significant historical character". So they encourage students to explore different historical religious figures that we can "learn from" such as Ghandi etc.. I dont know why they dont just call themselves a secular school. Public schools have less of this stuff even but thats not even an option now according to my husband.
How is my husband going after all the things of the world?... To give an example, when I tried to warn him about these things and that such spiritual practices can be dangerous, as I know from past experience, he tells me that I am the crazy one and just need to "accept" other people's religions and ways of life. I accept others have other religions and will love them all the same but I dont feel the need for me or my child to be actively involved in such. I told him I will not take our child back to this school. So he says he will report me to social services.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

As in,

Whats wrong with the school? The "Christian" part of the curriculum is not readily accessible to parents, I only just stumbled on it by accident recently. If It were plainly evident at the start, I never would have enrolled here. Anyway, As the curriculum covers several schools I am not sure how much ours is involved in these things, but the outcome statement for "Christian studies" is "world religions" for one, and some recommended activities are "interviewing buddha," "participating in smoking ceremonies," "visiting mosques or hindu temples and going on a learning journey, and Jesus is defined as a "significant historical character". So they encourage students to explore different historical religious figures that we can "learn from" such as Ghandi etc.. I dont know why they dont just call themselves a secular school. Public schools have less of this stuff even but thats not even an option now according to my husband.
How is my husband going after all the things of the world?... To give an example, when I tried to warn him about these things and that such spiritual practices can be dangerous, as I know from past experience, he tells me that I am the crazy one and just need to "accept" other people's religions and ways of life. I accept others have other religions and will love them all the same but I dont feel the need for me or my child to be actively involved in such. I told him I will not take our child back to this school. So he says he will report me to social services.

Whats wrong with the school? The "Christian" part of the curriculum is not readily accessible to parents, I only just stumbled on it by accident recently. If It were plainly evident at the start, I never would have enrolled here. Anyway, As the curriculum covers several schools I am not sure how much ours is involved in these things, but the outcome statement for "Christian studies" is "world religions" for one, and some recommended activities are "interviewing buddha," "participating in smoking ceremonies," "visiting mosques or hindu temples and going on a learning journey, and Jesus is defined as a "significant historical character". So they encourage students to explore different historical religious figures that we can "learn from" such as Ghandi etc.. I dont know why they dont just call themselves a secular school. Public schools have less of this stuff even but thats not even an option now according to my husband.
How is my husband going after all the things of the world?... To give an example, when I tried to warn him about these things and that such spiritual practices can be dangerous, as I know from past experience, he tells me that I am the crazy one and just need to "accept" other people's religions and ways of life. I accept others have other religions and will love them all the same but I dont feel the need for me or my child to be actively involved in such. I told him I will not take our child back to this school. So he says he will report me to social services.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

I see smoking ceremonies etc as very dangerous..

 

[Paidiske]

My reply might be partly coloured by where you are (as that will tell me more about the Anglican church locally to you - it is very different in different parts of the world - and also about the school system locally to you).

I went through an Anglican school, and one year we did focus on learning about other religions. Visited a couple of synagogues, watched videos about a range of faiths, that sort of thing. I seem to recall that I wrote an essay on Australian Indigenous beliefs. We didn't do any of the faith practices of those other religions, but it was felt that it was important for us to know something about what the major world religions believe. And I think, in a pluralist society where we need to be able to live and work alongside all kinds of people, that's a reasonable viewpoint; and - I might note - I still came out of that a devout Christian, as did many of my classmates.

I'd have issues with a smoking ceremony from a number of points of view (health not least amongst them!) and I think it would be reasonable for you to query that with the school, and even withhold permission for your daughter to participate (if they are actually getting children to participate). But I don't think that by itself is necessarily enough to remove her from the school, if it's otherwise a good educational environment for her.

But that doesn't really speak to your bigger issue, which is about your husband. I understand being the only practicing Christian in your household and being frustrated at not having others to share with and so forth, and I wonder whether there are big-picture values and goals you can agree on, and make those a focus of shared endeavour (to help reduce the frustration level, and the feeling like you're fighting him on everything)?

 

[jimmyjimmy]

But I hate trying to be the spiritual leader of my home.

Then stop it. You won't win this battle, save your marriage, or please God if you aren't a godly woman, wife and mother.

Christ freed us from sin, not by might, but by humility. Follow His example.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very naturea God,

did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing

by taking the very natureb of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

by becoming obedient to death—

even death on a cross!​

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

Thanks for your thoughts Paidiske. I agree its good to know about other religions but I really dont think Christians should be in spiritual practices like yoga which the kids did and which I was not aware of until afterwards.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

...

 

[JacksBratt]

Then stop it. You won't win this battle, save your marriage, or please God if you aren't a godly woman, wife and mother.

Yes, stop it.

Then continue to be the woman that God wants you to be. Do Godly things. Make Godly decisions. Act in a Christian manner....


You cannot change him, only Christ. So be the light that shines on what a christian is.

Then pray, pray, pray.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Whats wrong with the school? The "Christian" part of the curriculum is not readily accessible to parents, I only just stumbled on it by accident recently. If It were plainly evident at the start, I never would have enrolled here. Anyway, As the curriculum covers several schools I am not sure how much ours is involved in these things, but the outcome statement for "Christian studies" is "world religions" for one, and some recommended activities are "interviewing buddha," "participating in smoking ceremonies," "visiting mosques or hindu temples and going on a learning journey, and Jesus is defined as a "significant historical character". So they encourage students to explore different historical religious figures that we can "learn from" such as Ghandi etc.. I dont know why they dont just call themselves a secular school. Public schools have less of this stuff even but thats not even an option now according to my husband.
How is my husband going after all the things of the world?... To give an example, when I tried to warn him about these things and that such spiritual practices can be dangerous, as I know from past experience, he tells me that I am the crazy one and just need to "accept" other people's religions and ways of life. I accept others have other religions and will love them all the same but I dont feel the need for me or my child to be actively involved in such. I told him I will not take our child back to this school. So he says he will report me to social services.

Oh boy. That Christian studies program is participatory in nature. I would not be ok with that either.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

Yes very concerning tobeloved, I am glad someone undertstands because everyone around me is saying I am over reacting!