Parent Landlord

[Hopeful Parent]

We rent to my 20 year old girls their childhood home now along with two roommates one which is a boy, with lease instructions to not go upstairs, and told if I thought hey we're more than friends he would not move in at the time of his need to have a place to live. I like him, we like that there is a male in the home to help as needed, however, now he has fallen for one of my daughters and she for him and they are playing house and sleeping together. I was naive I guess because I really thought he was the brother they always wanted, not to be the lover. Now as a Christian I feel disrespected because he broke our agreement on the lease to not sleep or go upstairs, and yet I am glad my daughter is not lying to me about other things they have done as in going on trips etc. I feel like if I make him move I will be the looser although it goes against what I stand for.

 

[WESTOZZIE]

Yesterday I heard Michael Jackson on the radio singing....."people always told me 'don't go around breaking young girl's hearts"....as a male I understand that...If you forced him to move out because he broke your lease agreement it may help them both in the long run. Relationships based upon illicit sex don't last and are not blessed.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Hopeful Parent]

Yesterday I heard Michael Jackson on the radio singing....."people always told me 'don't go around breaking young girl's hearts"....as a male I understand that...If you forced him to move out because he broke your lease agreement it may help them both in the long run. Relationships based upon illicit sex don't last and are not blessed.

Yesterday I heard Michael Jackson on the radio singing....."people always told me 'don't go around breaking young girl's hearts"....as a male I understand that...If you forced him to move out because he broke your lease agreement it may help them both in the long run. Relationships based upon illicit sex don't last and are not blessed.

Thanks for your input. I am praying for the strength and support from my husband to have him move.

 

[Hopeful Parent]

/nvm

Yeah, don't know whether to bend rules in my house. If I don't I know everyone will be upset. He is 21 and his history is only two relationships one three and one 4 year. He's a good kid, I like him, I just hate being in the position where it like I am just accepting the situation. I do not agree with sex before marriage, but more so even living together and they both know it and knew ahead of time! Where his space is is a bit seperate from the main house and the girls bedrooms are all upstairs and he agreed at onset that he would stay down stairs...since no reason to go up.i have now at least asked them to honor that agreement, even though I can't co troll what they do I asked them to have some boundary and respect for my beliefs and home space. I never wanted my kids to live with a man before marriage and now it is happening in my house!Found out Christmas and they are and al three raised Christian . He needed a place in a weeks time and I had space and they were all friends only....so I made a bad decision I regret to help him and us with money and help around house and kind of protect the girls.....

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Sparagmos]

We rent to my 20 year old girls their childhood home now along with two roommates one which is a boy, with lease instructions to not go upstairs, and told if I thought hey we're more than friends he would not move in at the time of his need to have a place to live. I like him, we like that there is a male in the home to help as needed, however, now he has fallen for one of my daughters and she for him and they are playing house and sleeping together. I was naive I guess because I really thought he was the brother they always wanted, not to be the lover. Now as a Christian I feel disrespected because he broke our agreement on the lease to not sleep or go upstairs, and yet I am glad my daughter is not lying to me about other things they have done as in going on trips etc. I feel like if I make him move I will be the looser although it goes against what I stand for.

Is it legal to include sexual morality rules in a lease?

Trying to control adult childrens’ behavior is a losing battle IMO. She needs to make her own decisions and learn from her own mistakes. The landlord/tenant relationship is a legal one, and conflating it with the parenting relationship, using it to try and control your childrens’ behavior, seems really coercive. Your daughter is likely to just move out and get an apartment with the man she is in love with. When forced to chose between a parent and a lover, the parent will always lose. If an adult is going to abstain from sex, it will be due to their own convictions and self-control, not because of some other entity forcing their morality on them.

Finally, the young man was following his heart and incredibly strong physical urges when he got involved with your daughter. I’m sure he did not do it out of disrespect to you. People fall in love, and will overcome all kinds of obstacles to be together.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Paidiske]

Did they sign a lease? As a landlord, you can't control who sleeps where or what they do (provided it's legal).

 

[JCFantasy23]

He probably was being honest at first - but a consequence of people spending all that time together and getting to know each other is sometimes they start falling for each other. I wouldn't feel betrayed if I were you, but try to see it from their point of view and see where you all can go from here.

 

[blackribbon]

If you make him move out, what will keep him from sleeping there anyway? It just won't be where he keeps his clothing. Your girls are twenty and not living at home anymore. You have to let them make their own decisions and mistakes. Pray for them. I suspect that this daughter already knows you don't approve and it hasn't changed her action. Kicking him out isn't likely to change her now.

 

[blackribbon]

I'd also sit down with that daughter and let her know that if they let him continue to rent from them, they will not be able to evict him just because the two of them breakup...even if they break up because of something he does. She will have to live with him even if she hates him.