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Pandemic is threatening my salvation.

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Tony Ramirez, Sep 11, 2020.

  1. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

    United States
    The first month of lock down was good. I watched exercise videos and watched educational videos.

    Then my first year anniversary attending my Church I got depressed because I could not attend Easter service in person and I got tired of Zoom. That weekend I "accidentally" found an adult British site based in the Netherlands with my exact fetish pleasures that turn me on. I ripped out my credit card so fast to subscribe. I was watching it all weekend and downloading some of the videos. I was up all night and purposely missed Easter virtual Church since I was not there.

    The following Monday I disputed my credit card which I though canceled the site instead just canceled auto renew but I will come back to that.

    Thinking the site was canceled I was still craving the types of fetish the site had. I ended up starting to watch lesbian sex on the free porn sites. No longer seeing a woman naked offended me.

    I had enough so I stopped for two weeks no longer looking at those videos and I deleted the videos from that paid adult site off my phone.

    But after two weeks I fell again into the porn sites. My medical doctor who is a Christian increased my medicine which did not help.

    Then the moron governor and stupid scientists decided everyone needs to wear a mask and then within weeks the flock listens and more people are wearing masks. Seeing them disturbs me as when I was four I nearly died so past traumatic memories of mask wearing hospital workers. I go back into porn. Every now and then going to that British site tempted to resubscribe.

    Then I decide let me try my old password to the British adult site based in the Netherlands and it still worked. It seemed that the three month subscription only did not auto renew I start to watch it again, pleasures and start to download the videos about five or six a day as they cut you off for 24 hours if you download too much. Within two weeks I download about 50 GB of videos that I back up on the cloud.

    I still talk to my friends virtually struggling with sin and things. I keep saying I failed God again. This goes on for weeks especially when I got home from walking seeing all the creepy, no emotions mask wearing people I indulge in those downloadable videos.

    Finally after downloading my last video I get an email saying the site is canceled. Not after downloading over 60 GB of videos.

    I then get maniacally depressed that this pandemic won't ever end. I start in August and September to meet in person even though they are all wearing masks which is disturbing. This carries on till now even getting turned on just looking at pictures of clothed pretty women.

    I am now at a tipping point. I am praying to God but things are getting worse. I snap at my family while they watch the news hassling and abusing people for not wearing a mask or staying apart. I yell that this political pandemic we are losing our freedoms.

    It has only been six months and I don't think I can last another month.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020
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  2. xaris

    xaris Active Member

    United States
    As a word of encouragement...

    For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
    (Rom 8:38-39)
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  3. LoveGodsWord

    LoveGodsWord Well-Known Member

    Hi Tony,

    Sin will eventually separate us from God if we continue in it after God gives us a knowledge of his truth and we reject it *ISAIAH 59:1-2; HEBREWS 10:26-31. It is not God's will that we sin but if any man sins we have an advocate with the father Jesus Christ the righteous *1 JOHN 2:1 and if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us from our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness *1 JOHN 1:9. A righteous man falls seven times *PROVERBS 24:16 but will get up again to seek God. JESUS did not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance but go learn what that means I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance *MATTHEW 9:12-13. God's promise to us is that "IF" we continue in his Word we will know the truth and the truth will set us free from our sins *JOHN 8:32-36. You will seek him and find him when you will search for him with all of your heart *JEREMIAH 29:13. Paul says that JESUS specialty is to save sinners of whom I am chief *1 TIMOTHY 1:15. Cast your cares on Him because he cares for you *1 PETER 5:7, and will with temptation give you a way of escape that you may be able to bare it *1 CORINTHIANS 10:13; 2 CORINTHIANS 10:5

    May God bless you as you seek him through his Word..
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020

    ICONO'CLAST Well-Known Member

    Biblical salvation saves you from your sins,not in your sins.
  5. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    Instead of despairing your salvation sinning why don't you praise God for grace? The quickest way to stop porn is to find true love in your heart. God is true love, what you are lacking watching porn, so plead Jesus to fill you up with His love thanking Him for grace

    Think about it! The Son of God died to pay for your sins, to pay for YOUR sins, if you never sin why would the son of God need to die for you? So fight the accuser accepting grace and go to Jesus in a faithfully loving heart.

    In my battle with my sexuality i struggled in vain when i tried to do it on demand from the accuser, my guilty conscience, but the truth is my sin didn't stop until i learned to love Jesus for His grace. The more i loved Jesus the easier it was to do what is right.

    So please go to the Son of God and tell him EVERYTHING about yourself, especially when you hang out for porn, that is the time to go to Jesus, not before or after the event but when you are in your porn loving self. Thank Jesus for grace and bare your heart to Him. Do tell Him everything and fight the accuser making you feel guilty and ashamed. Die to those feelings and grow in thankfulness that Jesus saved you from your sins.

    Do know sex is a big battle once in the hand of satan, as it is now with you. So the battle is not stopping porn but changing Masters. When you crown Jesus King over your porn loving self your fornication trips will stop soon enough. When you love to do right you know you have been changed by Christ from sinfully unfaithful to faithful. Honest only The Son of God can do this.

    So remember it is about faithful love, so don't blame the pandemic, or the government, or anyone else, but take responsibility for your own sin. Jesus loves you to get cleaned in this part of your life, and indeed in your whole walk of life.

    John 14:23 "Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them."

  6. FutureAndAHope

    FutureAndAHope Just me Supporter

    Praying that you get the courage to up behind you the sin, and continue to follow the LORD.
  7. lambofgod43985889

    lambofgod43985889 Well-Known Member Supporter

    i think is not the pandemic
  8. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic Supporter

    United States
    As a guess, I would say that it's the physical and psychological distancing (brought on by the pandemic) that is the real problem here.

    Viewing all the videos are your way of trying to return to what is a normal existence. That's probably why the exercise and travel videos didn't bother you, and they actually helped you to relate to people in a normal way.

    So try watching more pre-pandemic videos and shows on TV, or maybe try having friends over for dinner or movie nights (minus the masks). The more safe ways that you can find to interact with people in real life, the less you will need the videos.

    And don't worry, lots of us are in that same boat; missing the real time, person to person interaction that we are used to having.
  9. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic Supporter

    United States
    Everyone reacts to the pandemic in their own way.

    For people who are more used to being alone, or those who actually prefer a solitary life--for those people the pandemic is not a problem.

    But for others who are used to being around people, and who need the daily interaction that socialization provides, the effects of social distancing are very much like an unwanted disability that hinders their daily life, and which can send them into depression very easily.

    The daily socialization with other people actually affirms their own view of themselves as a person who is interesting, funny, humorous, loving, caring, and nice to be around. And that's a good thing.

    But with the Pandemic precautions in full force, just the opposite is happening. All of a sudden, NOBODY wants to be around them!

    So yes, of course, being deprived of human contact and human company has the unwanted effect of being purposely deprived of what they need psychologically to exist on a daily basis.
    They are enduring an unwanted fast from human contact that has been purposely inflicted upon them by society.

    So the key here is to find a way to re-establish actual live human contact (not virtual contact).
  10. lambofgod43985889

    lambofgod43985889 Well-Known Member Supporter

    but the pandemic is not a reason or a cause to sin as a consequence
  11. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    i agree.

    Sin dwelling in human hearts can come out into the open though when a misfortune strikes, sin we kept hidden otherwise.

    Yet it is the sin living within which needs to be dealt with, unfaithful love is the worst kind of sin for it is so very anti-Christ in nature and feeds on our pride and egocentricity. If we build our sexual fantasies on those videos we will always walk around with a love pining heart but never able to find satisfaction, even if we do end up with a partner. Porn kills faithful love inside our hearts.

    i hope the OP will repent of hoarding porn videos. Does he understand that the sex trade, e.g sex slaves are often utilised by porn movie makers. The high demand for virtual sex shows how perverted fallen hearts often are. It is from this that Jesus wants to set us free.
  12. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

    The pandemic is a circumstance ... which, for the most part, ... has afflicted all of our lives for the worse. I have had members of my household become deathly ill ... and have even endured the passing of a few acquaintances. I, myself, had lived through being ill with COVID, ... and I have gained weight.

    Oddly, you might think, ... the circumstance of the pandemic ... has also had the effect ... of lessening my indulgence in porn, ... in part, because more people are consistently here at the house.

    Yes ... I have had a struggle with porn ... for well-nigh 40 years now. It is pernicious ... and has been somewhat damaging, but the struggle continues.

    But, ... I have also made advances in curbing my relationship with porn.

    A first step may be, though it was not my first step, ... is in understanding WHY porn is such a draw for us.

    Porn ... is, quite simply, ... an easy path to intense physical pleasure. And who among us does not appreciate physical pleasure ? It's that simple ... when I desire to feel physical pleasure ... porn is a quick and easy solution.

    It wasn't until I was 20 years in to my struggle with porn that I realized this ... that porn draws ... because it makes me feel good physically. Even the thought of porn arouses some slight level of physical pleasure for me. I'm obviously wired that way.

    But, ... porn is like drugs, or drinking, or smoking. There is physical pleasure ... but there also can be wreckage of life and living. So ... our association with porn must be brought under control.

    My first step in positively curbing my porn usage ... came with the understanding that porn, as a human endeavor ... is displeasing to God. It is not the best use of my time or my money, ... and it is injurious to my fellowship with God and my fellowman.

    So, my first success in my struggle with porn, was to decide not to spend my God-given money for porn. That was pretty successful ... and I have hugely benefitted from taking such a stand.

    My next victory ... came when I made the decision to not store any porn. I got rid of magazines, and print-outs, and thousands of uploaded images and videos. I had a huge stash, ... and I lived in fear that someone would happen up on any small trace of my indulgence. There were a few close calls ... and some outright failures in discretion, for which I had to beg forgiveness ... but, eventually, I got rid of ALL of it.

    I should also say that God has been with me in the struggle, ... and has provided, at times, painful motivation to make these steps forward.

    Even so, it remains a struggle, and I slip every now and again. I try my best to practice discretion, ... as I don't wish any indulgence of mine to cause harm to anyone. I pray for God's help and forgiveness, and He continues to prove faithful, even when I am not.

    I think that my point is that, ... actually, porn is stronger, in its own way, than even a pandemic, ... but that God is stronger than both. Your struggles with porn will, likely, outlast the pandemic ... but bringing God into the struggle, in daily prayer and fellowship ... and in taking small steps forward when you can, will ultimately bring victory.

    May God bless you in your struggle, my brother ...
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2020