So basically, I'm really , eh, I don't know if I have a word for it exactly.
Okay - so I am a freshmen in college, but I really really really want to transfer next fall to a Christian University. I completely think I would love it - and people around me tell me they can picture me there - and if I went there I could major in church music ministries, which would be pretty much the best thing ever!! But, the school I go to now is like in the top five in the state for music and my friends keep telling me I should change my major to music and just stay here. But, I am not a fan of this place - I was a totally different person when I chose this school last spring (I didn't have Christ in my life then)...it's not for me. And I know that God will lead me - and I believe He has lead me to this other university. But there's a huge mountain in my way - money!!! My parents make like barely 40000 a year together, and my dad keeps talking like he's going to cut me off (he says he's getting too old to be supporting me or something) and my mom wants to help, but she just simply can't. This year, she's managed to pay a monthly amount, but that's with my dad's and my help. Next year will be totally different...my mom is even scared that I won't be able to stay here next year, that I'll have to come home and either work or go to the University in the next city over and live at home. And my dad doesn't think I have a plan for the future, so he thinks it would be best if I take a year off. Sorry - I'm just really aggravated with my dad - he's rather discouraging. Anyway - I got the financial aid package from my dream school and if my mom would accept the Parent Loan, it could work - but she won't ...not even after I told her I would make the payments (and I know she turned that down partly because she would feel bad, but she also told me that she doesn't trust me to be able to do that). Everytime I talk to my mom, we end up arguing and I feel very discouraged and end up crying...and my dad will only talk to me about it through e-mail. He writes me all these discouraging letters and then calls me and is nice - I honestly just don't get it.
And my roommate (who is pretty amazing) and her boyfriend keep trying to convince me to stay here. It's rather frustrating - and I know it's not fair to them to even think that because my roommate and I have already talked about if I stay here, we are rooming together again. I just wish I could get it all figured out so I can let her know so she can figure out what to do about next year. At the same time, I feel really sad for her because she doesn't really hang out with anyone other than me and her boyfriend ( which could be partly her own doing - she's with her bf 24/7 ...but sorry - off topic) Everytime I talk about next year or read anything that the school has sent me, she gets really quiet, and she's even cried. One day her, her bf, and I were all talking and she was like . "If Mary leaves, what do I have to stay here for except you?" (talking to her bf). I feel so bad - but I can't stay here just because of one person, right?
I don't know if this even made sense...I'm just really confused and feeling a little lost right now. I'm trying to give it all up to God and just let Him lead me, but it's difficult, because I need to figure it all out ASAP ya know? Okay, I'm really stopping now. If you read all this, you are an angel - thank you....even if you don't have anything to respond, I really appreciate ya "listening".
God Bless,
~Mary
Okay - so I am a freshmen in college, but I really really really want to transfer next fall to a Christian University. I completely think I would love it - and people around me tell me they can picture me there - and if I went there I could major in church music ministries, which would be pretty much the best thing ever!! But, the school I go to now is like in the top five in the state for music and my friends keep telling me I should change my major to music and just stay here. But, I am not a fan of this place - I was a totally different person when I chose this school last spring (I didn't have Christ in my life then)...it's not for me. And I know that God will lead me - and I believe He has lead me to this other university. But there's a huge mountain in my way - money!!! My parents make like barely 40000 a year together, and my dad keeps talking like he's going to cut me off (he says he's getting too old to be supporting me or something) and my mom wants to help, but she just simply can't. This year, she's managed to pay a monthly amount, but that's with my dad's and my help. Next year will be totally different...my mom is even scared that I won't be able to stay here next year, that I'll have to come home and either work or go to the University in the next city over and live at home. And my dad doesn't think I have a plan for the future, so he thinks it would be best if I take a year off. Sorry - I'm just really aggravated with my dad - he's rather discouraging. Anyway - I got the financial aid package from my dream school and if my mom would accept the Parent Loan, it could work - but she won't ...not even after I told her I would make the payments (and I know she turned that down partly because she would feel bad, but she also told me that she doesn't trust me to be able to do that). Everytime I talk to my mom, we end up arguing and I feel very discouraged and end up crying...and my dad will only talk to me about it through e-mail. He writes me all these discouraging letters and then calls me and is nice - I honestly just don't get it.
And my roommate (who is pretty amazing) and her boyfriend keep trying to convince me to stay here. It's rather frustrating - and I know it's not fair to them to even think that because my roommate and I have already talked about if I stay here, we are rooming together again. I just wish I could get it all figured out so I can let her know so she can figure out what to do about next year. At the same time, I feel really sad for her because she doesn't really hang out with anyone other than me and her boyfriend ( which could be partly her own doing - she's with her bf 24/7 ...but sorry - off topic) Everytime I talk about next year or read anything that the school has sent me, she gets really quiet, and she's even cried. One day her, her bf, and I were all talking and she was like . "If Mary leaves, what do I have to stay here for except you?" (talking to her bf). I feel so bad - but I can't stay here just because of one person, right?
I don't know if this even made sense...I'm just really confused and feeling a little lost right now. I'm trying to give it all up to God and just let Him lead me, but it's difficult, because I need to figure it all out ASAP ya know? Okay, I'm really stopping now. If you read all this, you are an angel - thank you....even if you don't have anything to respond, I really appreciate ya "listening".
God Bless,
~Mary
