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Overwhelming Anxiety

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by Bumble Bee, Mar 18, 2020.

  1. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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    My baby has been in the ICU twice. We almost lost him. I can’t cope. The anxiety is affecting my work and home. I feel a lot of “I can’t” statements. My biggest struggle is the separation anxiety. I am so scared to be away from him. When we are separated for too long I start shaking and have panic attacks.
     
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  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    You are dealing wrongly with your emotions my dear. You love your baby a lot, and that is good, but don't let fear rob you of sound reason for that will not benefit any one.

    Fear has no trust and offers us a tortured reality. Trust in God is what you need right now. As a parent myself i know you need to give your baby in the hands of your Heavenly Father and trust that He loves the child even more than you do. Acceptance of your inability to keep the child safe at all times keeps panic times away from us most of the times, and brings us sound reasoning to help keep our children safe. For even if the worst would happen and one of our children would pass away we know the child is safely in Father's hand and we will meet again, and so we can find peace with and in Him.

    So please place your trust in His care and do the best you can to care for your baby. Cultivate trust by exercising trust in God. Do try to do that a lot. Let God's loving truth take away your fears. Let His love cast it out. Grow in love and a fearless spirit for such will aid you for all eternity.

    You be of much better help to your child if you overcome your fears. Cultivate trust in God's love. Do this a lot, trusting in God when fear comes around, and see for yourself the difference it makes.


    Peace.

    Deuteronomy 31:6
    "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
     
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  3. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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  4. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    The soul will live for eternity. That's why focus on the spiritual side of things offers peace and patience. Focus on the immediate aspects of life brings frustration and panic.
     
  5. Mel333

    Mel333 Active Member

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    Oh look, what you are going through is incredibly difficult. I would feel the same way.

    Yes, trusting the Lord is good obviously, but I have also found hot baths, foot massages and camomile tea helps calm myself down in high stressful life threatening situations. See if there is a way that you could bring the anxiety response to the threat down... ie hot shower, massage head & feet, breathing deeply to try to relax. Hot towel on head maybe. The fear you are experiencing is the response to the unknown/uncertainty.

    Prayer is obviously good, but we also have to sometimes calm our body down as what you are going through is highly stressful.

    I really hope your baby will be okay. Just remember you are going through one of those really intense fiery trials. It is certainly not easy and not easy to trust the Lord but he is there with you in this.
     
  6. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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    Our couple devotion today was on being refined by fire.
    At this point I don’t know who I am anymore. I think before I can figure that out, I need to remember who God is.
     
  7. High Fidelity

    High Fidelity Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I'd highly recommend Stoic philosophy. A book in particular, the Dialogues and Essays of Seneca, offer a lot of practical advice that is as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago.

    I stopped my meds for anxiety recently thanks in part to that book amongst others.
     
  8. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Good on you! Please be of good courage. The more you bring your fears to Him the more He will quieten you with His loving truth.

    i have been able to overcome enormous anxiety because i choose the trust Jesus. i have to admit it has been my hardest battle ever but years of practise makes perfect i find. If you suffer from a mental illness then learning to trust in Jesus is even far more challenging but also more rewarding in the end.

    i love Jesus for inviting me to bring my fears to Him. He sweated blood from fear, so Jesus knows all about anxiety, but He also knew that trusting God, no matter what, would win the battle, even if all seems lost. Jesus can teach us to trust God like that, as long as we learn go to Him as we fear and then we will eat of His goodness in return.

    Be of good courage. God is good. He loves you and your family. Keep putting your trust in Him.

    :hug:
     
  9. Josheb

    Josheb Christian Supporter

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    If I may, Bumble Bee.... everyone here sympathizes with what you're going through. Having a child in distress is difficult and many of the parents among us have experienced the anxiety and dread that accompanies that experience. Few of us truly know what a real life-threatening experience is like, though. Please accept what solace we can offer.

    You are wise to notice the "I can't..." self-talk. The way we speak to ourselves is important (Pr. 27:3), especially in stressful circumstances so let me suggest you say, "I'm having difficulty with _________," or "I'm feeling __________, and having difficulty handling it." The "can't" doesn't leave you any options, whereas having difficulty gives you room to work through your thoughts and emotions.

    More importantly, start small and simple. Breathe. I'm serious; this is important. The escalated moments probably seem to come suddenly but you can learn to work through it. Respiration, pulse, muscle tension, racing thoughts and other processing challenges are tied together in circumstances like this. If you slow your breathing then your heart rate will follow. Count to five or six inhaling slowly and deeply, five or six hold holding that breath and five or six letting it out slowly paying attention to how your diaphragm rises and falls, your chest rises and falls, your shoulders rise and relax. Notice what your body is feeling while you do this. You'll notice muscle tension, maybe sweatiness, possibly even shaking in parts of your body. Sub-consciously your body is dreading itself. You don't like the way this feels. This fear of feeling takes away from the anxiety associated with your baby. You hate to feel bad and feeling bad physically and feeling bad emotionally is confusing.

    So slow down and breath.

    This is called somatic awareness and self-regulation.

    Next comes distress tolerance. You'll find your physiological arousal will pass in a few minutes if you make the effort to breath; the effort to slow your breathing slows your heart and that will help slow down your brain. It's difficult to trust ourselves in circumstances like this but you can do this. There are signs of that ability here in your posts. Trusting yourself in spite of the perceived lack of control and the disorientation of not-knowing is exactly what's needed. If you let flood of neurotransmitters metabolize the physiology will adjust itself.

    The problem is every word from a doctor or nurse is re-triggering so learning the somatic self-regulation and tolerating the sudden physiological arousal has to be maintained with each new trigger.

    Don't give up the first time. Or the second. This is a learned skill and while it seems like you don't have the time..... you do.

    These two steps are important because until the physiological aspects are learned the emotional content is going to be challenging. Once you've got your breathing and heart rate down then grab a pen and paper and write. Write down anything you're thinking ad feeling. Label the emotions. You could do this verbally, but writing will give your body something to do besides shake or tense up and it will engage different parts of your brain and get more of your faculties participating and working for you, not against you.

    My wife and I wish we were there to hold your hand and walk you through all this and provide words of comfort and encouragement and prayer so show this post to your husband and ask him to help you do this. Mr. Bee, a note to you as a fellow brother, man, husband, and father: You were made for this and while you no doubt feel your own distress you can "stand in the gap" and provide her comfort, encouragement and strength until she is able to return the nurturance for which she was made. I'm sure you've held her and prayed until you do not know what else to pray. So breathe.

    Bumble Bee, the next step is to identify the emotions, the flood of emotions because emotions don't come one at a time and we humans are prone to focus inordinately on the most potent of them. Focusing on the dread pushes out the hope. Giving too much of our soul to the helplessness masks the confidence. When you can say, "I'm worried about my baby even though I know he's made it through these situations before and I feel hopeful and hopeless at the same time and want to trust God and the doctors but dread the power of the illness. I hate feeling so tense and it's exhausting having to tolerate my own distress but I love God and my husband and my child...." and all the rest of what you're thinking and feeling you'll better understand the overwhelmedness. It's exhausting, I know. You can do this. Be encouraged.

    God has promised not to send you more than you can endure.

    Philippians 4 and 1 Peter 5 are good but they are not enough. Keep your Bible handy. Borrow one from the hospital chapel if necessary. When you are breathing read some of the "positive psalms." Psalms 18, 23, 27, 46, 121, 139 will supplement Philippians 4 very well.

    I will leave you with a last word of encouragement. I was born blue. I was born with a defective heart and the doctors told my mother I would not live for more than a few days. They then changed the prognosis to a few weeks and then again to a few months. At age 11 a doctor was reviewing my test results and told me I could die any day. It might be when I'm 42 or 22, but not to worry I'd be dead before I hit the sidewalk. I am now 61 years old and not only in fine health but strong in body, mind, will, and Spirit. I cannot say what will happen with your son but I do know God has a plan for you in this. He says so in His word. I'm genuinely sad for you and wish this was not yor strife to bear but you can do this, no matter what "this" is. You can yell at God later, but for now avail yourself of His help and continue praying for your son, yourself, and you husband. Maybe throw in a prayer or two for me, jeshu, sky, and mel if we cross your mind. We'll be praying for your son and his parents.

    Please let continue to let us know how he is doing. If you'd like to know more about managing the anxiety, fear and panic let me know ad I'll endeavor to do so in "bite-sized" increments.
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2020
  10. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

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    sorry you are going through this

    is there any possibility for you to leave work for a couple years? return later?
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2020
  11. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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    I have stepped down from my roles as director and kindergarten teacher. It was a hard decision. I am working on identifying the emotions when I begin to dissociate or have a panic attack. It feels like nothing is the way it should be. Life is out of control and I don’t know what to do with it.
     
  12. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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    Also, the baby has started sleeping through the night, which has left me terrified to go in his room each morning because I’m so scared that he isn’t ok.
     
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  13. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

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    .
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020
  14. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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    I am so depressed this weekend. I keep telling myself there is no reason for it and looking at all the good things but I can’t bring myself to smile. I’m even struggling with talking about it because I feel like I will ruin Easter. I already ruined the scalloped potatoes.
     
  15. Bumble Bee

    Bumble Bee Disciplemaker Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Staff on LOA

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    They ended up putting me on a second medication to boost what I am already on. They also diagnosed me with hypothyroidism, so I am being treated for that. I already feel a lot better. I’m not back to “normal” yet, but definitely better.
     
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