Overcoming fear

Hockey_Fan

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Something I heard at church today really made me think. It was about dealing with fear in our lives.

Now, I have had some pretty yucky and horrible things happen through the years and I realize it's affected me more than I often want to admit. At times it seems like the whole world is against me. Was looking at a photo album last week and realized I was not always this way. I need to find a way to get over these (very real) fears and find courage.

It's one thing to say "fear not" or "be of good courage", but how the heck do you DO that? Anyone here have stories of tactics they have used to successfully overcome fears or things that once held them back?
 

Thunder Peel

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Like WD said, knowing what you're afraid of might be a good place to start.

I know it's going to sound cliche, but recognizing those fears and facing them will help tremendously. There have been times in my life when I was anxious about something and once I did it I felt not only better but more confident and I grew because of the experience. Sometimes just pushing yourself without thinking too much about the consequences can help; that's not to say that you should be reckless but sometimes it's easy to psyche yourself out if you dwell on it too long. Of course, prayer can help a lot too, so don't be shy about taking it up with God.:)
 
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SearchingWisdom

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My life has had some rough spots, so maybe I can help. Let us know what is going on in your life.

Also, fear will always be a part of your life. Fear helps people survive...we are scared of a lion that is hungry...time to run or fight (whichever will keep us alive). So, fear is worth having, but it is not good to be afraid all the time. We should not be afraid to be among sheep, because there is a chance one may be a wolf dressed as a sheep. We just need to be smart about it...we need to pay attention to the sheep. Does one howl?...That one is probably the wolf dressed as a sheep.

Make sense?
 
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Stravinsk

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Something I heard at church today really made me think. It was about dealing with fear in our lives.

Now, I have had some pretty yucky and horrible things happen through the years and I realize it's affected me more than I often want to admit. At times it seems like the whole world is against me. Was looking at a photo album last week and realized I was not always this way. I need to find a way to get over these (very real) fears and find courage.

It's one thing to say "fear not" or "be of good courage", but how the heck do you DO that? Anyone here have stories of tactics they have used to successfully overcome fears or things that once held them back?

The simple answer is that you need to recognize what the fear is and *act* in spite of it. If you have a fear of flying, then the only way to get over it is to get on a plane. If you fear social settings, then you need to put yourself in them. If you fear harmless spiders, then pick one up.
 
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a.d.ivNonasNovembres

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The simple answer is that you need to recognize what the fear is and *act* in spite of it. If you have a fear of flying, then the only way to get over it is to get on a plane. If you fear social settings, then you need to put yourself in them. If you fear harmless spiders, then pick one up.
What if the thing you fear happens to you all the time and for some reason that just makes it more scary not less? Even though you know full well you get out of it unscathed each time (but its just emotionally - not physically - uncomfortable).
 
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SearchingWisdom

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The simple answer is that you need to recognize what the fear is and *act* in spite of it. If you have a fear of flying, then the only way to get over it is to get on a plane. If you fear social settings, then you need to put yourself in them. If you fear harmless spiders, then pick one up.

Good answer! However...I don't have enough courage to pick up a spider...:) I think that may be a reason I should get married...someone to kill the spiders for me ;)
 
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Stravinsk

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What if the thing you fear happens to you all the time and for some reason that just makes it more scary not less? Even though you know full well you get out of it unscathed each time (but its just emotionally - not physically - uncomfortable).

Is it a fear you want to overcome? Some fears are healthy - such as a fear of highly poisonous creatures or driving a car without breaks.

If the fear is of getting hurt in a relationship (emotionally hurt) then you would have to weigh up whether it is justified with that particular person and if not, then you need to decide whether or not you want to take a risk. Without the risk, your always safe...but you never get a reward either.
 
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a.d.ivNonasNovembres

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Is it a fear you want to overcome? Some fears are healthy - such as a fear of highly poisonous creatures or driving a car without breaks.

If the fear is of getting hurt in a relationship (emotionally hurt) then you would have to weigh up whether it is justified with that particular person and if not, then you need to decide whether or not you want to take a risk. Without the risk, your always safe...but you never get a reward either.
What if it's a fear of humiliation? I know I ought not to care, but I just can't help it.
 
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a.d.ivNonasNovembres

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Well everything humiliates me. Which I guess must mean I am extremely proud. My own thoughts humiliate me than insults from other people though.

I say to myself "what do you expect, of course you make mistakes, why does it bother you" but every time I make a mistake I feel so stupid and wish the ground would swallow me up, and it makes me scared to do things because I might make a mistake and feel really humiliated of it. It is the feeling I fear, not the mistakes consequences which are never particularly bad.
 
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Hockey_Fan

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Thanks, everyone.

There are specific fears, and very real and legit ones. Fears of being abandoned, fears of being in a car crash, fears of being homeless with no resources, fears of being attacked, fears of being arrested, accused and tortured, fears of being taken advantage of, fears of becoming so ill that I cannot care for myself and on and on.

But, in general, fear that is just paralyzing. The overwhelming sensation that something bad is happening now or is about to happen and that I am powerless to prevent it. I just can't get this garbage out of my mind and psyche.
 
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Stravinsk

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Well everything humiliates me. Which I guess must mean I am extremely proud. My own thoughts humiliate me than insults from other people though.

I say to myself "what do you expect, of course you make mistakes, why does it bother you" but every time I make a mistake I feel so stupid and wish the ground would swallow me up, and it makes me scared to do things because I might make a mistake and feel really humiliated of it. It is the feeling I fear, not the mistakes consequences which are never particularly bad.

Often how we act towards others reflects in our own self image. For instance, if I am in a situation where people seem uncomfortable, I can make myself feel more comfortable simply by making them feel comfortable. Likewise, if someone makes a mistake, often I try to make light of it, reassure them it's no big deal, or even if it is, well there's always a next time.

Are you as forgiving and encouraging to other people who you see make mistakes? If you are not, it may be a large part of your issue with yourself. Just a thought. :)
 
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Jerimi

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When I was 16, I was in a bad part of town with a few friends playing pool in a dive bar. They would let us drink because they didn't care about legality. They were selling cocaine from behind the bar anyway. So I got my self into a hustle match and ended up winning. I was happy with myself until I was met in the parking lot by a few of them and we all got into a fight. My friends came away pretty much ok... I was stabbed. So this created a very real fear of knives and bladed weapons. So I started collecting swords, spears, axes and whatever I could get my hands on. I learned to sharpen the blade, how blades were made, different techniques for folding and strengthening steel, so on and so forth.

When I was 19, I dated a girl who ended up cheating on me with a drug dealer. I went to her place to pick up the things I had left there when he approached me and decided to try to start a fight. I did not fight him and so, while I was walking to my car, he shot me in the back. As you can imagine, this created a very real fear of guns. In order to over come this fear, I became a competition pistol marksman.

When I was 20, I was a semi professional aggressive rollerblader. While trying to do a trick I had never tried before, I ended up falling straight down on a metal pole and shattering a vertibrae. I was unable to walk for a very long time and was told I would likely never walk again. Three years later, I was walking fine without a cane and you could barely tell I had injured myself at all.... So I started skating again. Hurt myself again, took some time out and just started back up again.

Fear is helpful. It lets you know when a situation is dangerous. At the same time, you cannot let your fear control you. When fear rules over your thoughts, it makes you choose out of reluctance rather than what you know to be true. This is why I face my fears directly. I have to. It is a hard thing to do but in the end, you free yourself from the fears and you get to push your limits. This serves to break the hold of fear and teach you about yourself.
 
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a.d.ivNonasNovembres

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Are you as forgiving and encouraging to other people who you see make mistakes? If you are not, it may be a large part of your issue with yourself. Just a thought. :)
I honestly think I am too self-absorbed to even notice when someone else makes a mistake.
 
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memoriesbymichelle

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Fear is:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

So maybe you could try asking yourself when you are afraid, "Is this false evidence appearing real" or is there some real danger I need to be afraid of? I agree, that some fear is healthy to have, but not if it hinders our lives. And I also agree with others posts' that we need to face our fears in order to overcome them. Another thing you might try is, to reassure yourself based on other times when you were afraid, and you didn't need to be. Like you say to yourself "remember last time you were afraid of this same thing and after it was over everything worked out?" or something like that.
 
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Thunder Peel

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Thanks, everyone.

There are specific fears, and very real and legit ones. Fears of being abandoned, fears of being in a car crash, fears of being homeless with no resources, fears of being attacked, fears of being arrested, accused and tortured, fears of being taken advantage of, fears of becoming so ill that I cannot care for myself and on and on.

But, in general, fear that is just paralyzing. The overwhelming sensation that something bad is happening now or is about to happen and that I am powerless to prevent it. I just can't get this garbage out of my mind and psyche.

Those are legitimate fears and I think most sensible people would agree. However, you can't let it stop you from living your life and doing what God has called you to do.

Please keep in mind that dwelling on these things could eventually turn into a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you constantly think something bad will happen then it just might; I've found in my own life that if I constantly dwell on the negative and what bad things could happen then many times that's exactly the outcome I'll get. Pray about it and let God know how you're feeling and what you're afraid of; in due time He'll find a way to comfort you and help you overcome those obstacles.:)
 
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