Found this on the internet and thought I'd share...remember it's supposed to make you chuckle, and quite frankly reminds me of our 8 year old:
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children actually understand what we are teaching?
Through the eyes of a child:
Judas Asparagus
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older
than that!
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,
but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't beeninvented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one badapple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
I am not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as longas he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people diedoff, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million years old or something like that!
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built alarge boat and put his family and some animals on it. He askedsome other people to join him, but they said they wouldhave to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob hisbirthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a sonnamed Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name wasCharlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egyptand away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues onPharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs,
mice, lice,bowels and no cable!
God fed the Israel Lights every daywith manicotti. Then hegave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance or covet yourneighbor's stuff.
Oh yeah, I just though of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was
the first Bible guy to use a spy. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol andthe fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who hadabout 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise,but that doesn't sound very wise to me!
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets..
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and thenbarfed up on the shore. There were also some minor leagueprophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New One. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It wouldbe nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners likethe Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that theynamed a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and evenpreached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus.
He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children actually understand what we are teaching?
Through the eyes of a child:
Judas Asparagus
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older
than that!
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,
but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't beeninvented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one badapple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
I am not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as longas he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people diedoff, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million years old or something like that!
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built alarge boat and put his family and some animals on it. He askedsome other people to join him, but they said they wouldhave to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob hisbirthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a sonnamed Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name wasCharlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egyptand away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues onPharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs,
mice, lice,bowels and no cable!
God fed the Israel Lights every daywith manicotti. Then hegave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance or covet yourneighbor's stuff.
Oh yeah, I just though of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was
the first Bible guy to use a spy. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol andthe fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who hadabout 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise,but that doesn't sound very wise to me!
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets..
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and thenbarfed up on the shore. There were also some minor leagueprophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New One. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It wouldbe nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners likethe Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that theynamed a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and evenpreached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus.
He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
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