Our Pro-Choice dilemma

[Ada Lovelace]

She's 19. This is my second oldest daughter.

Then she's all the more brave to be open to you. She's legally an adult and thus entitled to make all decisions for herself, yet still a teen presumably dependent upon you for both financial and emotional support. Despite being in a vulnerable position, she has let you in.

 

[brinny]

What makes me actually upset is my oldest athiest daugbter claimimg that me and my wife's opinion should not matter since our opinion is religiously biased. Unbelievable... Like this is some kind of political game.

...With her, I am extremely upset.

Praying for your older daughter too (((hug)))

 

[Landon Caeli]

Then she's all the more brave to be open to you. She's legally an adult and thus entitled to make all decisions for herself, yet still a teen presumably dependent upon you for both financial and emotional support. Despite being in a vulnerable position, she has let you in.

So true.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

Apparently there is some pill she can take up to 10 weeks that poisons. We are a Catholic family. I'm stressed.

I realize this won't be viewed as a silver lining, but if she decides to take the pills it's far better that she receive them from a licensed medical professional rather than the internet or on the black market where she'd be putting her life in grave jeopardy. Several theocratic countries in South and Central America where abortion is both illegal and grounds for excommunication actually have considerably higher rates of abortion than in the US (and Western Europe where the costs of abortion can be covered by healthcare has a lower rate than the US). Those countries also have higher rates of women dying or suffering from horrendous damage from the illegal abortions. In the US many teens and women also purchase the pills online (they are a fraction of the cost and more discreet) from international pharmacies, which may or may not be shams. If she decides to take the pills it will also be for the best that she has people who love and are attentive to her within proximity in case there are issues. Generally the side effects are mild but there are risks of severe cramps and bleeding, which would need prompt medical care. It's another reason why if she went that route, it's best to do it legally. You would not want her to refuse to go to the emergency room if she's in an emergency, out of fear she'd face legal problems for having an illegal abortion, and risk her dying.

I'm sorry you're all going through this; it would be so stressful.

 

[Landon Caeli]

Okay, she actually just asked me for my opinion...

I told her that life itself is a gift, and that the opportunity for life is always better than to not live.

Then she specifically opened up to me spiritually. And wondered about the future.

I told her that doing evil brings on more evil. I told her that I believe our family could have been better, and that because we miss Mass somewhat often, that we are plagued by the sin of sloth. I told her that because we are plagued by that sin, that other sins were allowed to creep in, thus resulting in the dilemma we now face... but I warned her.... That by entering further into evil, that we will become progressively more evil -Ultimately, if we allow it, to the point of total despair.

Was that a fair assessment?

 

[Serving Zion]

It's totally for convenience... My wife and I even said we would raise the child for her if need be. I just never understood the power of this 'choice' we're currently up against.

...I never imagined it would be like this.

Hi brother, would you like to share this video clip with her, that I made and published only days ago.. thank you. It could provide the required perspective for The Holy Spirit's purpose (Matthew 22:32, 1 John 4:7, 1 John 3:14b, Proverbs 28:17).

The consequences of abortion on a person's conscience are inescapable, most of all when it is for one's personal convenience (Matthew 16:26).

 

[Sarcoline]

Okay, she actually just asked me for my opinion...

I told her that life itself is a gift, and that the opportunity for life is always better than to not live.

Then she specifically opened up to me spiritually. And wondered about the future.

I told her that doing evil brings on more evil. I told her that I believe our family could have been better, and that because we miss Mass somewhat often, that we are plagued by the sin of sloth. I told her that because we are plagued by that sin, that other sins were allowed to creep in, thus resulting in the dilemma we now face... but I warned her.... That by entering further into evil, that we will become progressively more evil -Ultimately, if we allow it, to the point of total despair.

Was that a fair assessment?

I don't think you need to blame yourself for this or believe it is a consequence to not always having time to go to mass. However, it is understandable that you might feel you could be more spiritually prepared for this. We could always seek to be more spiritually prepared to give an answer (1 Peter 3:15).

I also think it is encouraging that she came to you and your wife first rather than her sister. My guess is that she is not finding out just now where you both disagree on this issue. I'm pretty sure she didn't need her sister to tell her that you were going to form a conclusion based on your religious position. It sounds like that was the opinion that she wanted to hear otherwise she would have gone to her sister to support her right to choose whether to have an abortion.

I would imagine it is possible that she could appear to be entertaining everyone opinion because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It might not be because she is persuaded of a different opinion. She has probably already decided what she wants to do, but she is too young to commit to it in the presence of what appears to be a stronger commitment towards a certain opinion.

I can sympathize with your realization about how bizarre the concept of choice is when you are in a situation like this as well. I think it is because the pro-choice movement hides the effects that still happen whether you have a baby or not. They would like you to believe there is no postpartum depression if you don't have the baby, but there still is.

It is just so very sad that so many people ignore how emotionally damaging abortion is to the mother on top of everything else. Someone already mentioned it, and I would also suggest that you could mention that she will still experience a postpartum state that could interrupt her summer plans and other plans she has if she decides to go through with the abortion. There is an organization called Silent No More that has a lot of testimonies and information about post abortive syndrome.

 

[Albion]

...So my daughter is literally going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, with everybody chipping in their two cents, confusing the life out of my daughters conscience. This 'choice' is stressing us all out to no end.

I think I understand your situation and also the confusion being experienced by your daughter, but really, what should she conclude after hearing from 1) the nation's leading abortion profiteers (PP), 2) a sister whose thinking is based upon the idea that to have a religious faith is to be biased against her, and 3) the suggestion from a friend that a baby would get in the way of vacation plans!?

She may be too young or besieged at the moment to appreciate it fully, but if that is what the pro-choice, i.e. pro-abortion, case amounts to, she owes it to herself to think twice before going with that advice. To say the least.

 

[paul1149]

Was that a fair assessment?

I think it is very fair, but whether she can digest it in practical terms may be the question.

There's a short book entitled Tilly, by Frank Peretti. Focus on the Family did a radio theater on it years ago that is extremely moving. If you can get a copy of that I think it would have impact. It's about a woman who for unknown reasons begins having emotional disturbances. Then she has a dream, and what she learns is life-changing, and ultimately affirming. It is a masterpiece.

 

[brinny]

Okay, she actually just asked me for my opinion...

I told her that life itself is a gift, and that the opportunity for life is always better than to not live.

Then she specifically opened up to me spiritually. And wondered about the future.

I told her that doing evil brings on more evil. I told her that I believe our family could have been better, and that because we miss Mass somewhat often, that we are plagued by the sin of sloth. I told her that because we are plagued by that sin, that other sins were allowed to creep in, thus resulting in the dilemma we now face... but I warned her.... That by entering further into evil, that we will become progressively more evil -Ultimately, if we allow it, to the point of total despair.

Was that a fair assessment?

It's precious that she came to you Landon. Continuing to pray that God's inexplicable grace intercedes in each heart, mind, and soul, in ways that we cannot (((hug)))

 

[JackRT]

It is her decision and her decision alone. as a student nurse I am sure she understands the medical ramifications. As an adult child I am sure that she has the moral and ethical background and understandings necessary to make that decision on her own. This is probably the most difficult decision she has had to face at this point in her life. She needs to make it on her own and outside influences will only make it more difficult to make the decision that is best for her.

 

[Landon Caeli]

I texted her this link... Whether she chooses to read it or not is her decision too.

 

[essentialsaltes]

My daughter is pregnant! And confused!

Life would be so much simpler without having to "choose".

I'm sorry this is stressful for her, and clearly you. But this is part of being human: difficult moral choices.

Note that making abortion illegal, even in the most authoritarian regime, does not make that difficult moral choice go away.

 

[gym_class_hero]

my son and his wife have been trying to have a baby for several years. They would leap at the chance to adopt.

 

[FireDragon76]

What makes me actually upset is my oldest athiest daugbter claimimg that me and my wife's opinion should not matter since our opinion is religiously biased. Unbelievable... Like this is some kind of political game.

...With her, I am extremely upset.

There are non-religious motivations to not be in favor of abortion, too, so I think that's a bit unfair on her part.

It's a difficult issue but I'll be praying for you and your family.

 

[Zoii]

Gee I dont know what to say because I have heard you speak before about abortion and know how passionate your beliefs are. If she keeps the child I want to say congratulations because you sound like you are going to love being a grandparent and supportive to your daughter.

If she doesnt then - I know how terrible you will feel and just hope the whole family can none the less unite and your daughter too doesn't suffer outside of a hard life lesson. I wish your family all the best

 

[HoneyBee]

This is such a sad situation, indeed. To think that a cousin would even suggest such a thing just to free up the summer? What times we happen to live in...

I wish there were more I could do to help your daughter choose life. I sincerely hope she chooses life and that, in the end, the baby is cared for in a loving and happy home (which I read is possible if she should choose life). My thoughts and prayers go out to your daughter and your family during this trying time.

Also, please do not listen to your eldest daughter. The fact that you are religious should have no bearing on whether your arguments are valid or not.

Wishing the best for everyone,
SFG

 

[jayem]

I'm not too sure honestly what medications are out there for that sort of thing.

As a Catholic family, even if your daughter has lapsed in her faith, that upbringing and exposure to certain beliefs and ideals won't have left her and I am sure they're playing a part in her contemplation.

Medical abortion is done with a 2 drug regimen. Mifespristone (AKA, RU-486) is taken first. It inhibits progesterone. Progesterone is necessary for the uterine lining to support the placenta. If it's blocked, the developing placenta will degenerate and slough off. Which terminates the pregnancy. Methotrexate, an anti-cancer and anti-rheumatoid arthritis drug, can also be used, but it must be injected. It stops the growth of rapidly dividing cells, such as embryonic and placental cells. (It's more often used for the non-surgical termination of an ectopic pregnancy.) The 2nd drug given is misoprostol (Cytotec. ) This is a prostaglandin analogue which stimulates uterine contraction and expels the uterine contents. That's when bleeding and cramping are likely.

But this is a sad and unfortunate situation for everyone.

 

[jayem]

My daughter currently works part time and is in college to be a nurse. She could easily take a break in her studies, and return later.

...This is not a life-ending scenario. Geez.

I don't mean to come down hard on your daughter, but isn't there a birth control issue here? A nursing student especially should know about contraceptives, and other responsible ways to prevent pregnancy.

 

[Ancient of Days]

Why doesn't she just give the baby up for adoption? There are many thousands of married couples who cannot conceive and would take the child in a heartbeat. Its a win win for everyone, especially the little guy.