Ouch!!! Please pray for my family.

[Splayd]

I can't imagine wanting to be married again after such a hard expience.

No. It's the last thing on my mind really. I just find that people who believe in remarriage find it easier to accept the end of a marriage. I think part of that is because they can accept that their ex-partner is in a new marriage/relationship as well as accepting the hope that they might be in another loving relationship one day.

To my mind - my wife will always be my wife and any future relationships for her are simply adultery, whether or not we get divorces etc... It makes it harder to let go with that mindset. Don't get me wrong - I'm not holding my breathe waiting for a chance to take her back. It's just hard to accept that this is the only relationship I'll ever have.

 

[Splayd]

Well it's been a week now since I last heard from my wife and that's really been a blessing. In the silence, I've been able to sit and think and reflect and learn and experience God.

This last month or two has been incredrible really. I've lived through an awful lot in my life, but this has by far been the hardest. It's been like living in a pressure cooker and under that strain I've found that any and all character weaknesses and flaws I've got have readily been exposed to one and all. Every time I think I'd reached an all-time low and faced all the junk there could possibly be inside, a new geyser of filth erupts to the surface. I've been shocked at just how deep that well runs. It's been a humiliating experience really but as the dust settles, I'm learning to take those flaws and sins and surrender them to God. I hope I'm learning to trade that humiliation for humility. It's been hard but I know the time will come that I look back at this time as a period of profound growth. I just need to remain patient and continue to trust in Him. My tendency is to look to the end game, try to figure out the big picture and just sprint to the finish without enduring the journey. Now I'm learning that the journey is the important part. It's where the character is forged and the relationship with God truly develops.

Whatever God has in store for me when this is done I know I'll be a different person because of it all. I know I'll be all the richer for it in my walk with Him. Because of that I'm learning to let go of the things I can't or shouldn't control, to hold on to Christ and to keep my eyes focused on Him. I'm learning to face myself and my circumstances and God willing I'm learning to live one day at a time in His strength at His pace according to His will. I'm not there yet and perhaps I never truly will be, but I'm on that journey and one day at a time I'm growing in Him.

Please continue to pray for my kids. Apart from the 2 year old, my eldest daughter is the only one who is communicating with her mother. She feels torn. My other daughter feels rejected and doesn't want to talk to her at all because of the pain of it all. My son feels abandoned and wants her in his life, but is waiting for her to come to him. They're all doing it tough in their own way and I know we're going to have a whole heap of junk to deal with in their lives as a result of this period of their life. I'm sending them off on a church camp for teens this week. They're desperately looking forward to it. Pray that God will use that experience as a time out for them, a time of healing and equipping. Pray that God will continue to surround them with support and that he'll equip me with the wisdom to best meet their needs when they return.

Thanks

 

[Splayd]

Praise point!

The other guy has left my wife and returned to his. I'm not sure about her wisdom in taking him back so readily, but then again I'm not sure what's been going on in the meantime. I hope it's the right thing to do. Either way, that's between the two of them. They're going to try to work things through, though I imagine it will be hard. If my wife's account is to be believed he's explained that whether or not things at home can be resolved, there won't be any future relationship with my wife. Please pray for their family at this time. If they're able to work through this it will be a bit of a miracle... but hey - God still does miracles.

How does this affect things here? Well it's meant my kids have agreed to see their mum again. She's talking about taking them out for an hour or two once a week. As for me and my wife - it doesn't mean much. She swings between hinting that she'd like to come back to me... and implying that it's all my fault anyway and she'd never come back. I just reinforced what I'd said already - I'm not about to take her back anyway.

That's not to say I never would. If she turns to God, repents of her behaviour and seeks the necessary help I probably would down the track if it's apparent that things are really ok with her... but I'm really not even considering the future at the moment. Life's really just a day at a time thing for me and that feels about right anyway.

Peace.

 

[razzelflabben]

It seems to me that without an enabler, your wife has a chance to turn to God and heal.

Lord we thank you that you are a work, doing things that we don't understand in order that your will and purpose might me known at some point in the lives of these your children. It sounds like the innocent children here are beginning to find healing and we pray that they will find complete healing in you. A healing so complete that they will not repeat the sins of their parents.

May the Lord of Host continue to grant you strength as you explore the depth of your being and the hieghts and depths of His love. May you have grace to accept that which He has for you and patience to wait upon His perfect time for all things in this situation to be complete.

 

[Jeffwo]

Just hold onto Jesus. He will get you through this.

What the enemy meant for your destruction, God can turn into a blessing.

Where else would you go but to the Lord, for He has the words of life!

I have been through this senerio myself and Jesus brought me through it. Noone has to tell me about the power of God anymore, I know for myself. He is "ALL" you need!

 

[Bananna]

Praise point!

The other guy has left my wife and returned to his. I'm not sure about her wisdom in taking him back so readily, but then again I'm not sure what's been going on in the meantime. I hope it's the right thing to do. Either way, that's between the two of them. They're going to try to work things through, though I imagine it will be hard. If my wife's account is to be believed he's explained that whether or not things at home can be resolved, there won't be any future relationship with my wife. Please pray for their family at this time. If they're able to work through this it will be a bit of a miracle... but hey - God still does miracles.

How does this affect things here? Well it's meant my kids have agreed to see their mum again. She's talking about taking them out for an hour or two once a week. As for me and my wife - it doesn't mean much. She swings between hinting that she'd like to come back to me... and implying that it's all my fault anyway and she'd never come back. I just reinforced what I'd said already - I'm not about to take her back anyway.

That's not to say I never would. If she turns to God, repents of her behaviour and seeks the necessary help I probably would down the track if it's apparent that things are really ok with her... but I'm really not even considering the future at the moment. Life's really just a day at a time thing for me and that feels about right anyway.

Peace.

Praise God for one small miracle. I pray that family will be healed.

May you find strength and wisdom day by day Splayed.
Big cyber laying on of hands to you brother.

Bananna

 

[Splayd]

It's been 2 weeks since my last post in this thread and as things continue to settle down I suspect this thread will gradually fade off. Before it does I wanted to offer my sincere thanks for your prayers and words through this. You can't imagine how much of a blessing it's been in what's been a very hard time.

Just as an update. The kids and I are doing well. This week my 13 year old son asked me about getting baptised. He's a transformed kid lately. The camp was wondeful for him and the girls too. God's good!

For me - I've learnt so much about myself and God during it all. My circumstances aren't getting any better. She's still playing all sorts of games, but my strength is in God and I'm growing every day. To be honest, I can't remember a time when I've been closer to Him than I am now and that's everything.

Peace

 

[icedtea]

 

[constance]

i'm still praying for you, Splayd.

 

[Bananna]

May God continue to bless you and fill the gaps.
bananna

 

[Splayd]

Thanks. This is so timely. I've just sat down to the computer after an argument with my wife.

I've seen her every day for a week. It was my daughter's 16th last Thursday and there were lots of things around that that meant we spent a lot of time together. Every day she was reaching out more and more and then this morning she just messaged me and broke down saying she was stupid and hurting and cruel and that more than anything she just wanted to come over and tell me everything she was thinking and feeling but couldn't.

Well - that sucked me in. I assured her that I still cared about her and would hear her out. I made assumptions about what she wanted to talk about and made myself very vulnerable. As it turns out - it had nothing to do with me. She was devestated about her failed relationship with the other guy and wanted support. They met together yesterday so he could answer her questions. Frankly I think he's an idiot for meeting her and his wife's no smarter for letting him but that's their problem. During the meeting she explained that she still loved him and wanted it to work. He said God told him to let go of her and try to save his marriage. That's what hurt her. That's what she wanted to talk about.

I explained I couldn't be there for her in that; that it only hurts me more and that untill she's prepared to acknowledge that that relationship was wrong and apologise to me for it, I couldn't be a friend to her. It was hard, especially because I let my hopes rise and opened myself up. I guess I'll just have to stick to my guns and maintain my position.

Peace

 

[Bananna]

Keep telling her sin is sin. She needs to learn to talk to a woman about her problems.

I'm thinking no man should meet with such a woman alone. If she's not willing to meet with you and another couple then she is not willing to be honest and it would save you some trauma.

It is hard to believe any adult could be so self absorbed. May God heal her of it. May God give you wisdom and healing and steadfast Charity.

Saying another prayer brother
bananna

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Pete, I wrote up this massive response, and realised none of us can say anything you don't already know.

It's not my place to advise you, but all I know is you and your children deserve better than this. We first spoke about this in April, I think, and you all need some time of healing and restoration - away from the manipulation and the chaos.

I'm praying for you all very much

 

[IceQueen64]

Wow... looks like you have gone through a lot this year. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[SoulFly51]

Sorry, brother.

Still praying for you ...

 

[Splayd]

Can't say much right now. I'm not even sure exactly what to say anyway, but God continues to work miracles in my family.

For now - please pray especially for my teenage son and my wife. God's really at work with both of them.

Thanks.

 

[Orthosdoxa]

I tried to send you a short private note of support in your rep, but I hit enter too soon, so it probably made no sense.

Anyway, my prayers are with you, for what they're worth. I know you're hurting and your kids must be just devastated. Keep taking good care of them and let God take good care of you.

Hugs.

 

[SoulFly51]

Can't say much right now. I'm not even sure exactly what to say anyway, but God continues to work miracles in my family.

For now - please pray especially for my teenage son and my wife. God's really at work with both of them.

Thanks.

You got it

 

[hungrytiger]

Just now saw this.

My prayers for you and your family.

 

[Bananna]

Glad y ou are still hanging in there.

Still praying
bananna