Orthodox Humor

[Khaleas]

Unfortunately the linquistical errors in Finnish do not translate into English. Well, once I was reading a Canon, and forgot the name of the saint of the day. The cantor whispered it to me: "Spyridon". I did not hear it properly and said the first thing that popped into my mind - "Our father Spiritus, pray for us". Half of the choir had to stop singing, and one woman darted out of the church not to burst into laughter inside.

Once a bishop was serving a liturgy. When coming out of the altar, he stumbled over his vestments and rolled the stairs down, with his mitre rolling merrily away to the feet of the people. When he rose to his feet, his staff caught a lady´s skirt and lifted it. At this point the clergy in the altar burst into laughter. The bishop muttered angrily toward them "We will talk about this later", but on the meal after the liturgy he just remarked that "After all, it went well, even with my little stumlings".

Tervetuloa!!!

Welcome to TAW, The whole Spiritus was rather appropriate for Finns !

 

[Kolya]

Tervetuloa!!!

Welcome to TAW, The whole Spiritus was rather appropriate for Finns !

Is that 'Spititus' as in Wodka?

 

[CFoxDWH]

From Fr Joseph's blog:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE SOUTHERN ORTHODOX WHEN:

10) At Pentecost, your church is decorated with Kudzu.

9) You spell "feast" with only three letters: B B Q.

8) You say "Father," "Barsonuphios," and "Monastery" without any pronouncing an "r."

7) You drive 3 hours to an Orthodox Church. But, could hop ... on one foot ... with your eyes closed ... (and a rock in your shoe) ... to the nearest Baptist Church.

6) All your services are all in English -- at least that's what YOU call it.

5) There's women in your church known as: Photini Beth, Thecla Beth, and Elizabeth Beth.

4) There's men going by: Athanasius Lee, Euphrosynos Lee, and Vasiliy Lee.

3) You got white folks, black folks -- even Democrats -- in your parish, but no Russians, Serbians, Arabs or Greeks.

2) You know someone who knows someone who knows someone with a velvet picture of Elvis celebrating the Last Supper.

AND ... the number one sign that you are an Orthodox Southerner:


1) You think grits are too good to be considered fasting!

 

[Khaleas]

Is that 'Spititus' as in Wodka?

I love you Kolya even if you can't spell... Spit-itus...

As is strong... so yes, I'd make close to vodka, if not stronger (medical alcohol).

 

[Kolya]

I love you Kolya even if you can't spell... Spit-itus...

As is strong... so yes, I'd make close to vodka, if not stronger (medical alcohol).

Thanks - and yes, sometimes I don't proof-read my posts when I'm in a hurry. That is a funny typo though.

 

[Michael G]

A Protestant, a Catholic and an Orthodox are discussing what Jesus would be upon his return to earth. The Protestant insists Jesus would be a Protestant, the Catholic insists he would be Catholic. The Orthodox looks puzzled and asks, “But why would he change?”

From here

 

[ExOrienteLux]

Courtesy of Fr. Joseph's blog:

You Might Be An Orthodox Fundamentalist IF ...

10) Your parish church school curriculum consists of: The Rudder.

9) You've not shaved in years, but are spending your child's inheritance on hair conditioner.

8) Your church services are longer than the Super Bowl, but shorter than "Roots."

7) You save toenail clippings in hopes of ... well ... you know ... glorification.

6) Your daughter can play with Barbies as long as they're wrapped in DuckTape, clothed in black, and referred to as "Barbara the Ballyhoo" (in Slavonic).

5) Your priest wears a cassock all the time. (Mainly because even the "Big & Tall" clothes no longer fit him.)

4) Birkenstock is the only proper name -- not ending in "us," "os," or "es"-- not subject to suspicion.

3) Your favorite theologian's name is: "Reader __________."

2) You believe hair brushes, combs, tweezers, and mirrors are for sissies.

And, the number one sign that you might be an "Orthodox Fundamentalist" is ...

1) There are no chairs in your home; you haven't sat in years!

And...

You Might Be an Orthodox Fundaminimalist if:


10) During the three day Ss Peter & Paul Fast (New Calendar), you did without meat (only).

9) Sunday's Divine Liturgy lasts longer than the Nightly News but is shorter than "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?".

8) When it comes to Confession, you believe: "All may, some should, none must."

7) You think Antidoron is for the birds (literally), not to mention the non-Orthodox.

6) You've seen your priest vested with cuffs around bare wrists because he's wearing a short sleeved shirt underneath his rasson.

5) You ask questions like, "What's a cassock?" And, "Why is she wearing one?"

4) Your bishop eats meat. On Friday. During fasting periods.

3) You've seen your priest swimming. In a crowded pool. In Speedos.

2) Your priest wears a Rolex. At the Altar. Over the cuffs.

And, the number one indication that you might be a fundaminimalist:

1) Your priest's wife goes by the title, "Reader ______ ."

 

[Khaleas]

Thanks - and yes, sometimes I don't proof-read my posts when I'm in a hurry. That is a funny typo though.

Neither do I, just couldn't let you slide on that one!

 

[dignitized]

I was once told on orthodox village that a gourp of seminarians slipped popcorn into the censure at someones first mass . . . I still crack up thinking about it . . .

 

[Khaleas]

I was once told on orthodox village that a gourp of seminarians slipped popcorn into the censure at someones first mass . . . I still crack up thinking about it . . .

For some reason I can picture that happening at our church...

 

[dignitized]

For some reason I can picture that happening at our church...

I can see it happening as well - to ME no less!!

 

[Photios]

There is a pretty funny story behind the Baptism of Peter's daughter. See if he might tell it.

 

[prodromos]

... a gourp of seminarians ...

I am unfamiliar with this term. Is it something along the lines of a "pride of lions", or a "gaggle of geese"?

 

[Vasya Davidovich]

From Fr Joseph's blog:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE SOUTHERN ORTHODOX WHEN:
[...]
5) There's women in your church known as: Photini Beth, Thecla Beth, and Elizabeth Beth.

4) There's men going by: Athanasius Lee, Euphrosynos Lee, and Vasiliy Lee.
[...]

I just about killed myself laughing over this.

I still hurt.

 

[CFoxDWH]

I just about killed myself laughing over this.

I still hurt.

Athanasius Lee has a certain ring to it.

You Know You're Southern Orthodox When:

11) You call your car the "His Beatitude, Metropolitan LEE."

 

[OrthodoxyUSA]

Bubba Maximos!

 

[Kolya]

You know you're Orthodox when...you discover a 3/4 tub of ice-cream in your freezer that's been there since before Great Lent, and it's after Dormition!
I just did.

 

[Khaleas]

You know you're Orthodox when...you discover a 3/4 tub of ice-cream in your freezer that's been there since before Great Lent, and it's after Dormition!
I just did.

Well good thing it's not Wed or Fri !

Or then the dog got really happy...

 

[dignitized]

I am unfamiliar with this term. Is it something along the lines of a "pride of lions", or a "gaggle of geese"?

I believe it was Christ who said:

Let he who is without TYPO cast the first stone.

PUT DOWN THE ROCKS VICKI!

 

[MariaRegina]

http://kedesh.christianitytoday.com/nlsubs/index.taf?_function=start&cc=laughs_01