Oral sex, the thorn in my marriage.

[Johnnz]

You are correct .. fornication is not the right word in this case.. Try praying while performing.. seek Him in the union...

Just what do you believe? Does God not place much importance on the fact that he created us as humans, not some angelic being?

John
NZ

 

[Created2Write]

You are correct .. fornication is not the right word in this case.. Try praying while performing.. seek Him in the union...

Pray while performing? Are you saying while you have sex, pray? Now, obviously there are cases where prayer during any situation is required. But I'm kinda confused on what you mean, and how it applies here. Are you suggesting that, whilst performing oral sex, I should pray and ask God if I'm sinning? I'm sincerely curious...

 

[visionary]

Just what do you believe? Does God not place much importance on the fact that he created us as humans, not some angelic being?

John
NZ

I believe this is a question between you and the Lord. What is important is His opinion.. not ours.

 

[Created2Write]

I believe this is a question between you and the Lord. What is important is His opinion.. not ours.

I would agree...accept that earlier you made a very general statement that oral sex is wrong, because God told you so. Now, do you feel it's wrong for just your relationship, or do you believe EVERYONE should refrain from it?

 

[visionary]

Pray while performing? Are you saying while you have sex, pray? Now, obviously there are cases where prayer during any situation is required. But I'm kinda confused on what you mean, and how it applies here. Are you suggesting that, whilst performing oral sex, I should pray and ask God if I'm sinning? I'm sincerely curious...

Talk to the Lord for His blessing, sing praises unto His name, ask for His Presence in the room to witness your union.. any number of things.. that is between you and the Lord.. Let Him convict you one way or another... This is one of those.. let each be convicted in their own minds.. I can only give you my testimony on the issue, which resolved it in my own heart... and ultimately in my hubby's heart also..

 

[moonkitty]

.

 

[Johnnz]

I believe this is a question between you and the Lord. What is important is His opinion.. not ours.

Its really important that we understand what the biblical position is - that we were created as human beings, with bodies through which we live, work, procreate, worship and serve as fully alive, embodied humans, reflecting in our humanity the 'image of God'.

John
NZ

 

[bliz]

I understand your anger at him, not so much because of the sex but his name calling and obnoxious attitude when you say "No." You husband should be a safe place for you and be the one who will protect you, not attack you! I think you need to address this as a separate subject from OS and let there be some time while he regains your trust.

If you would like some down-to-earth suggestions on how this can be less offensive act for you, please PM me.

 

[Servant of Jesus]

I understand your anger at him, not so much because of the sex but his name calling and obnoxious attitude when you say "No." Your husband should be a safe place for you and be the one who will protect you, not attack you! I think you need to address this as a separate subject from OS and let there be some time while he regains your trust.

Amen! I completely agree. I just fired a little prayer over to help you with that S_N.

 

[Servant of Jesus]

Was directed at your husband too.

 

[sdmsanjose]

There is nothing in the scriptures that are against oral sex. However you “felt dirty” doing it so that does present a problem.

Looks like you have a few options

1 You can try and find a way to get rid of the “Felt dirty” situation
2 You can do it even though you do not like it
3 See if you can get your husband to enjoy other ways of having sex in place of oral sex. Tell him you are willing to do other things that he enjoys if he will be considerate of your issue with oral sex.
4 Ask your husband if he would giving up just the oral sex and you will give up something that he wants you to give up.


Just a few thoughts to combat the mistake of you possibly leaving him over oral sex.
With or without oral sex, breaking up a marriage is not worth the problems you are having with oral sex. There are many other ways to get sexual fulfillment other than oral sex.

Stan

Pressuring someone into a sexual act that someone does not want SUCKS!
No pun intended.

 

[Conservativation]

Talk to the Lord for His blessing, sing praises unto His name, ask for His Presence in the room to witness your union.. any number of things.. that is between you and the Lord.. Let Him convict you one way or another... This is one of those.. let each be convicted in their own minds.. I can only give you my testimony on the issue, which resolved it in my own heart... and ultimately in my hubby's heart also..

Sounds like you resolved it for your husband.

 

[c1ners]

It sort of goes both ways. If one spouse doesn't like it and it makes them feel dirty, the other spouse should understand that and be okay with it. However, sometimes it's nice to do something for someone else out of love. Your husband knows you don't like it, and it would probably mean the world to him in knowing that even though you don't enjoy it, you still do it once in awhile just to make him happy.

 

[Conservativation]

There is nothing in the scriptures that are against oral sex. However you “felt dirty” doing it so that does present a problem.

Looks like you have a few options

1 You can try and find a way to get rid of the “Felt dirty” situation
2 You can do it even though you do not like it
3 See if you can get your husband to enjoy other ways of having sex in place of oral sex. Tell him you are willing to do other things that he enjoys if he will be considerate of your issue with oral sex.
4 Ask your husband if he would giving up just the oral sex and you will give up something that he wants you to give up.


Just a few thoughts to combat the mistake of you possibly leaving him over oral sex.
With or without oral sex, breaking up a marriage is not worth the problems you are having with oral sex. There are many other ways to get sexual fulfillment other than oral sex.

Stan

Pressuring someone into a sexual act that someone does not want SUCKS!
No pun intended.

Good as usual stan

 

[Johnnz]

Are you really comfortable with your own body and nudity, and your husband's, or do you have some discomfort with nakedness itself? That's not uncommon and can contribute to not liking oral sex.

John
NZ

 

[Psalm63]

I have never been totally comfortable giving oral sex. To be honest, I have always felt dirty doing it. My husband loves it and asks this of me often. I have refused him, and it has caused arguments. He says I am sexually frigid and stuck up. Recently our arguments have gotten so bad that I threatened to leave him. I am so angry at him.

Are there certain sexual practices that causes problems in your marriage? Am I the only one? Anyone know how I feel?

He is failing in benevolence (kindness) which comes before the sex in the Biblical teaching of 1 Cor 7. If you feel dirty, he should not be demanding it period. That is extremely unkind of him.

I learned in counseling that the demand for certain forms of sex (BJ is one of them) is a common characteristic of men who view inappropriate content and is not about love and intimacy but control.

When I was delivered from flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, I drew the line in the sand and stopped doing certain acts which made me feel dirty and I have never looked back. My deliverance came instantly upon the realization that what happened to me in childhood was abuse. My husband's deliverance from inappropriate contentographic images and sexual addiction was a process. There was a spiritual stronghold involved.

Like visionary, I had supernatural experiences. For example, I prayed that I would be able to be the chaste wife spoken of by Peter in 1 Peter 3 and by Paul in Titus 2 . Sometimes, I could feel the lust coming off of him and I prayed that he would NOT be able to come at me with lust. For awhile it was like the Lord put a bubble around me. Whenever my husband came near me he was impotent. He could still jerk off to inappropriate content, but he was impotent with me.

The experience made me feel incredibly loved, cherished, and protected by God! It scared him because he used to preach with such zeal: "When your ____ causes you to sin, cut if off!". His ____ was causing him to sin and he was terribly afraid God had cut it off.

 

[moonkitty]

He is failing in benevolence (kindness) which comes before the sex in the Biblical teaching of 1 Cor 7. If you feel dirty, he should not be demanding it period. That is extremely unkind of him.

I learned in counseling that the demand for certain forms of sex (BJ is one of them) is a common characteristic of men who view inappropriate content and is not about love and intimacy but control.

When I was delivered from flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, I drew the line in the sand and stopped doing certain acts which made me feel dirty and I have never looked back. My deliverance came instantly upon the realization that what happened to me in childhood was abuse. My husband's deliverance from inappropriate contentographic images and sexual addiction was a process. There was a spiritual stronghold involved.

Like visionary, I had supernatural experiences. For example, I prayed that I would be able to be the chaste wife spoken of by Peter in 1 Peter 3 and by Paul in Titus 2 . Sometimes, I could feel the lust coming off of him and I prayed that he would NOT be able to come at me with lust. For awhile it was like the Lord put a bubble around me. Whenever my husband came near me he was impotent. He could still jerk off to inappropriate content, but he was impotent with me.

The experience made me feel incredibly loved, cherished, and protected by God! It scared him because he used to preach with such zeal: "When your ____ causes you to sin, cut if off!". His ____ was causing him to sin and he was terribly afraid God had cut it off.

Why would I ever want to be a chaste wife???? I rather like it when my hubby lust after me....scratch that--I REALLY, REALLY enjoy it when my hubby lust after me. Why would I want that to change? Why would I want to give up a fulfilling and exciting sex life for being a chaste wife?

If that is what a biblical marriage is, then count me out. I'll keep my sexy, happy marriage over that any day of the week.

 

[Johnnz]

I think she was referring to the unclean drive associated with inappropriate content that she did not want. Who would. That is not the same as good, healthy human sex drive though, which is fine.

John
NZ

 

[moonkitty]

I think she was referring to the unclean drive associated with inappropriate content that she did not want. Who would. That is not the same as good, healthy human sex drive though, which is fine.

John
NZ

She is also saying that her husband lusting after her is unclean and that BJs are unclean. If she wants her hubby not to lust after her, well that is her life and her marriage. I just find it rather boring and silly. But each to their own.

 

[Servant of Jesus]

He is failing in benevolence (kindness) which comes before the sex in the Biblical teaching of 1 Cor 7. If you feel dirty, he should not be demanding it period. That is extremely unkind of him.

I learned in counseling that the demand for certain forms of sex (BJ is one of them) is a common characteristic of men who view inappropriate content and is not about love and intimacy but control.

When I was delivered from flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, I drew the line in the sand and stopped doing certain acts which made me feel dirty and I have never looked back. My deliverance came instantly upon the realization that what happened to me in childhood was abuse. My husband's deliverance from inappropriate contentographic images and sexual addiction was a process. There was a spiritual stronghold involved.

Like visionary, I had supernatural experiences. For example, I prayed that I would be able to be the chaste wife spoken of by Peter in 1 Peter 3 and by Paul in Titus 2 . Sometimes, I could feel the lust coming off of him and I prayed that he would NOT be able to come at me with lust. For awhile it was like the Lord put a bubble around me. Whenever my husband came near me he was impotent. He could still jerk off to inappropriate content, but he was impotent with me.

The experience made me feel incredibly loved, cherished, and protected by God! It scared him because he used to preach with such zeal: "When your ____ causes you to sin, cut if off!". His ____ was causing him to sin and he was terribly afraid God had cut it off.

Spoken with true wisdom.

Reminds me of a quote that someone here has:

A women's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him to find her.