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Oral sex, the thorn in my marriage.

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by starry_night, Apr 24, 2010.

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  1. starry_night

    starry_night Junior Member

    25
    +1
    Christian
    Married
    I have never been totally comfortable giving oral sex. To be honest, I have always felt dirty doing it. My husband loves it and asks this of me often. I have refused him, and it has caused arguments. He says I am sexually frigid and stuck up. Recently our arguments have gotten so bad that I threatened to leave him. I am so angry at him.

    Are there certain sexual practices that causes problems in your marriage? Am I the only one? Anyone know how I feel?
     
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  2. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    +891
    Christian
    Widowed
    Oral sex is OK, but it should not be forced on an unwilling partner. Sex is for mutual pleasure, not just one party's. However, that may require you to dig a bit and try and see why you don't like it. Why do you feel dirty? What is behind that feeling? You don't need to post your answer, as the question was to get you to think about the issue. There are women who see oral sex as part of their relationship and are fine with it.

    John
    NZ

    John
    NZ
     
  3. shinbits

    shinbits Well-Known Member

    +264
    Deist
    Married
    US-Others
    I'm on the fence about this one. On one hand, of course, no one should be forced to do oral sex. On the other, imagine if your husband didn't like foreplay, and only wanted to get right down to business. Imagine sacrificing foreplay, simply because you didn't want to "force" your husband to do it.

    I want you to understand me; I'm not trying to guilt trip you about it. I'm just trying to make you see how he might feel about it. If foreplay is important to you, oral sex might be equally as important to him. Just something to think about.
     
  4. Robin Shawn

    Robin Shawn Guest

    +0
    God made the mouth to speak and to eat. The function of the mouth is not sexual; it is not a sexual organ. You have a healthy conscience.
     
  5. Created2Write

    Created2Write His Pink Princess

    +247
    Pentecostal
    Married
    US-Republican
    There is nothing in scripture that says oral sex is wrong. My husband and I both practice it, and I love it; receiving AND giving. Your husband shouldn't pressure you into oral sex if you are uncomfortable with it.

    However, I think John posed a very good point. Also, many women use the "you shouldn't pressure me" as an excuse to deny their husbands. While he shouldn't pressure you if you aren't comfortable with it, you should also recognize that it is important to him. I think often times women feel that, because their husbands want sex a lot or like certain aspects of sex, that the wife may not be comfortable with, the wives suddenly think their husband is being insensitive. When it's not that at ALL.

    I would recommend you do the things John suggested, as well as TALK to your husband about this. Do NOT argue. It will be difficult, but men often feel rejected by their wives when they argue about sex. Sex is very important in marriage, and is meant to be enjoyed by BOTH partners. You and him. However, if he knew exactly how you felt, without him feeling like he was wrong for ANYTHING(because, seriously, he shouldn't feel like he's breaking the marriage over this. Threatening to leave him is wrong, imo.), it might make things better. Communication without condemnation is needed here.

    Again, should he pressure you? No. Should you threaten to leave him? No. I'm not saying you should just give him oral sex. My own experience, I wasn't too keen on it either. However, when I opened my mind and saw how much he enjoyed it, and how happy it made him, it made me exceedingly happy to know I could please him that much. And then, ya know what? He started doing the romantic things I'd been aching for. Sacrifices are rewarded. Just some food for thought.
     
  6. Servant of Jesus

    Servant of Jesus Guest

    +0
    If you love someone, then you should never pressure them into doing something that they feel uncomfortable about- and such a matter should never diminish the love and respect that you have for each other.

    Pray about this matter- ideally with your spouse- and ask the Holy Spirit to give both of you guidance as to how you can resolve this matter before it becomes a bigger issue.

    Remember, satan's goal is to break up marriages and wrest people away from God.
     
  7. citizenthom

    citizenthom I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'.

    +162
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Republican
    I won't give direct advice to a married person here, but I will strongly recommend the message boards at The Marriage Bed on this subject. They can give you much better and more detailed advice than you will get here because of the more general nature of this Board and the more specific nature of their's.

    The Marriage Bed • Index page
     
  8. For_Crying_Out_Loud

    For_Crying_Out_Loud Newbie

    63
    +3
    Christian
    Married
    True eh.

    I love it, both giving and receiving. My wife hates it.

    For me, it's got nothing to do with orgasms, etc. It just feels so intimate and close.

    So we traded off. We still have oral sex, but now its more about talking. And to make up for the physical side of things - she bakes for me!
     
  9. Luther073082

    Luther073082 κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

    +762
    Lutheran
    Married
    US-Others
    I agree, you two need to communicate about this without anger, bittnerness, or threats. Seek to make an effort to see this from eachother's point of view.
     
  10. Conservativation

    Conservativation Well-Known Member

    +389
    Non-Denom
    Married
    This is great, balanced and true to the point of controversial.

    Another thing to ask is about the idea of applying principles consistently. I agree its true that one shouldnt pressure someone into something....

    sooooo, for those who raised that....its a good idea to REALLY think if thats consistently applied in your marriage, OR, are you making the mistake of saying this about sex only....if so, its no longer a principle but a preference that one not pressure about sex, when the other may go quiet, cold shoulder, whatever because their spouse failed to meet some emotional need or desire.

    I truly believe the golden rule focuses things like a laser
     
  11. moonkitty

    moonkitty Senior Veteran

    +613
    Atheist
    Married
    God made breast to feed babies. The function of the breast is non-sexual. If you touch your wife's breast during sex you are being dirty.

    God made hands to work. They are for providing food for your family. They are for cooking and cleaning. I think we can all agree that hands are not sexual organs; therefore you should not be using your hands durning sex or you'll be dirty.
     
  12. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

    +7,540
    Messianic
    The Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart that it was not as God designed us so I totally understand the objection. It is selfish pleasure, pure and simple. Our mouth was never made to be on the receiving end of fornication.
     
  13. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

    +7,540
    Messianic
    Song of Solomon sings a different tune...
     
  14. Conservativation

    Conservativation Well-Known Member

    +389
    Non-Denom
    Married

    This ends the topic then doesnt it?

    OR, could it be the HS impressed such about YOU, and not about everyone else?

    Its a tough spot to put everyone in when anyone says "God told me......"
     
  15. Conservativation

    Conservativation Well-Known Member

    +389
    Non-Denom
    Married
    So, Song of Songs tells us this is OK (I agree it does) but, scripture is silent on the other, but the HS told YOU?
     
  16. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

    +7,540
    Messianic
    Get the Lord to impress upon you the truth... I look in scripture for the thus saith the Lord in a manner that it is so clear even your dog could read it... but alas, this is just a confirmed understanding... my hubby received a boil upon the tip of his member [immediately] for pushing the issue..so extremely painful that he went to ER and remained in hospital for three days of suffering.... just one of those plagues.. what can I say...
     
  17. Conservativation

    Conservativation Well-Known Member

    +389
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Well you could say that her got a boil.......period

    That you think "the plague" was visited on your husband over this is to me bizarre.

    My position here, by the way, has nothing to do with my take on OS, Ive not even shared that. Im just uncomfortable with the "God told ME"...therefore XYZ stuff in things that are not Biblically obvious.
     
  18. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

    +7,540
    Messianic
    It was an answer to prayer at the right moment. All I can say is what happened, when the issue was raging war at our home and in our marriage...
     
  19. Created2Write

    Created2Write His Pink Princess

    +247
    Pentecostal
    Married
    US-Republican
    So don't kiss every again.

    This is ridiculous. NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that oral sex is wrong. I side with Cons. Perhaps God was speaking that it wasn't for you in your situation? Because there are plenty of marriages, Christian marriages, that use oral sex and it brings great joy and happiness. Mine is one of them.

    And, btw, how can it be fornication if your married?
     
  20. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

    +7,540
    Messianic
    You are correct .. fornication is not the right word in this case.. Try praying while performing.. seek Him in the union...
     
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